Lies That Limit Life #3

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Text: Matthew 5:31,32

We want to once again welcome all those who have gathered with us this day in remembering our Saviour Jesus the Christ and honouring the heavenly Father. It is always a great privilege to look into God's word together and listen to the voice of God (Matthew 4:4). At the same time it is an important responsibility as well (John 6:63).

As we have been looking at the portion of Christ's sermon on the mount where he exposed the myths that the religious leaders had been declaring as God's truth, we take note that what Jesus actually authorizes as true, are indeed the words of life!
Yet, for some reason or another, some men and women today would prefer to follow these lies that so limit our living than to be free and enjoy the abundant life of Christ Jesus!

The first two lessons we dealt with the lie that allows one to be angry with his brother and then the lie that says it is okay to lust after someone other than one's own spouse.

This week, we want to look at what Jesus said in Matthew 5:31,32 and we must remember that these words are the teachings of the Master Teacher and therefore profitable for us to live by them.
Read with me these verses and let's notice lie #3 that limits peoples lives:
the marriage commitment is no big deal.

The issue of divorce and subsequent marriages is a very challenging subject today. Our world is no longer a stranger to divorce. People have entered into this covenant agreement with their spouse and with God and then turned around and for one reason or another, turned their backs on their vows towards both!
I would like to share with you some insights into the problem we face:
"Presently today, 40 percent of first marriages in the United States of America end in divorce. 60 percent of second marriages and 75 percent of third marriages end the same way. Apparently the prospect of a happier marriage the second and third time around is not substantial."1

Add to this the research that shows that couples who cohabit before marriage are much more likely to end in divorce shows there is an increasing problem today with regards to the importance of the marriage commitment.

It has gotten to the point that "'Marriage', said the humourist, 'is like a besieged city. All those outside want to get in - and all those inside want to get out.'"2
Or another quoted "In the 1970's, divorce became the natural outcome of marriage."3

So, Jesus is addressing this problem in his Sermon on the Mount.
He wants to once again show us what is really involved in the marriage commitment.

Again, as we have been doing we notice what was being taught:
Whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce!
This teaching is taken from Moses' instructions in Deuteronomy 24:1.
Now, the problem was how do you interpret this order?
Jesus explains it this way:
the only reason one should divorce and marry another is for the cause of sexual immorality!
The notion of finding someone better or irreconcilable differences is not part of the abundant lifestyle for a disciple of Jesus!
What we need to understand is a very important truth, and this is where many people today are falling for a terrible, terrible lie that is so hurtful:
Jesus reminds us that if you are married, you are not to look for an easy way to get out of it! Hollywood marriages not withstanding, divorce should not be the intention of marriage!

As one man wrote, "To summarize, Jesus told people who were pre-occupied with finding excuses for divorce that their emphasis was all wrong. The real issue in the eyes of God then and today is the permanence of marriage and our honouring of this in personal experience."4

We might ask in today's marriage climate, where many people look at the marriage certificate as only a piece of paper and nothing close to being a vow sealed by the finger of God, what is so wrong with seeking an easy way out of one marriage and looking for a better one?
The problem is this:
without the proper foundation in place, you won't find a better one!
If you have the proper foundation, then the one you are in will work out more than wonderful!

It might be good to look at what God has to say about the marriage covenant in the first place, after all, it is God's creation not man's!
"Neither the Bible in general nor Jesus in particular treats marriage and divorce from the historian's point of view or from the view of the sociologist, but solely from that of the teacher of religion and morals."5

What you will find in the Bible is a teaching about marriage that comes not from what society's view is, but from what heaven's plan for man is!
To understand God's plan for marriage you have to go back to the creation story of Genesis 1 & 2.
In regards to animals and men, God made them all from the dust of the earth. However, there was one creature not made out of the dust of the earth and that was the woman! (Genesis 2:18-23)
What you have then is this:
God created man and gave him woman!
Since it is God who engineered this, those of us who believe in Him have to believe that God alone knows what is most needful for us! We also want to note that introduced into the world, the marriage institution was the first!
It pre-dated parenthood and the church as far as introduction into the world is concerned. This is mankind's oldest institution!

Since God made both man and woman and then instituted the marriage covenant, what does He declare about this?
  1. Marriage is physical!
    1 Corinthians 7:2-5. The place provided by God for the union of two bodies is in the form of marriage. What we need to understand is this:
    the sexual act in marriage is holy, right and good!
  2. Marriage is biological!
    Genesis 1:28. This is not to say that children cannot be born outside of marriage for they can, but it is in marriage that God's perfect will is found in this regard.
  3. Marriage is spiritual!
    1 Peter 3:7. It is a oneness that goes beyond the physical act, but truly the two shall become one! (Take a close look at the implications of 1 Corinthians 6:15-20)
  4. Marriage is to be permanent!
    Malachi 2:14-16. God hates divorce!
Having established that in the mind of God, marriage was to be an honoured institution and divorce was not to occur, we note that there must be sin in every divorce!6
Now, it is not necessarily so that all involved in a divorce are guilty of sin for in some case there is a sinned against partner! We want to make it clear that there are some divorces no matter how hard the one spouse tried, just are unavoidable. We are talking about the looking for a way out that is less than what God said!

Let's go back then to the days of Jesus and see what we can take from it today! Remember the lie that limits people's lives today is the lie that getting out of a marriage bond is no big deal. That it's better to be "happy" than married! Jesus says, it's actually the opposite.
Let's look at it a little more clearly in Matthew 19:1-9.
Notice vs.3- is it lawful to get a divorce for any reason?
Here it is again, if you are in a marriage looking for a divorce, your heart is in the wrong place!
There were three trains of thought in Jesus' day with regards to this:
  1. Shammai - they basically taught that the law meant unchastity!
  2. Hillel - they took it that even if the wife spoiled a dish, he was permitted by God to divorce her.
  3. Akiba - if a man found another woman who was more favourable, God allowed him to divorce his current wife and marry another.7
What would Jesus say?
Vs.4-6- go back to the original intention of God-
the two shall become one flesh and what God has joined together, no man should separate!
Where did divorce come from?
Vs.8- the hardness of man's heart!
How then are our lives limited by this lie?
  1. We miss out on the true intimacy of the wholeness of marriage.
  2. Our children become adversely affected by a divided home.
  3. The satisfaction of growing and developing into a greater and stronger love will never be yours.
  4. The lack of proper relationship with your spouse indicates a lack of proper relationship with your God!
  5. We miss out on the great future.
What can we do to enrich our marriages and counter this lie?
  1. Recognize that your spouse is a sinner!
    (Christ loves the church, but the church has been less than perfect through the years)
  2. Recognize that you are two individuals but not individualistic!
    You don't just have to live "your own life" but each others!
  3. Accentuate the positive.
    Brecheen & Faulkner state "A marriage that is 85 percent positive and only 15 percent negative will appear 90 percent bad if the couple spends 90 percent of its time arguing over the 15 percent problem areas." Never spend more time on a problem area than what it deserves, nor allow minor differences to dominate too much time.
    Maximize the positive -- minimize the negative.
    One writer said, "Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and ignore it.""8
  4. Cherish one another.
    Move from infatuation to cherishing - Ephesians 5:28,29.
    Remember, Marriage is God's intended will for every couple, not divorce!
In closing, let us not lose sight that marriage is God's way and in fact the better way, for those who look for easy ways to get out of this divine bond, don't limit your life for this terrible lie.
"Marriage is neither a delirious passionate madness nor jogging along in a stagnant habit, but the living co-operation of two people who are going the same way."9

Hebrews 13:4


1. Taken from Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages (Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing, 1992,1995) p.35
2. David Field, Taking Sides (London: Inter-Varsity Press, 1975) p.63
3. Ed Wheat & Gloria Okes Perkins, Love Life for Every Married Couple (New York, NY: Harper Paperbacks, 1980) p.14
4. Let it be said, I do not believe a woman or man is forced into staying with an abusive mate. However the issue of full divorce and remarriage still becomes a hard issue based on Jesus' teaching of Matthew 19
5. Wheat & Perkins, p.34
6. Andrew M. Connally, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage, The Sermon on the Mount - 7th Annual Spiritual Sword Lectureship (Jonesboro, Ark: National Christian Press, Inc. 1982) p.121
7. Adapted from James O. Baird, And I Say Unto You… (Oklahoma City, OK: B&B Bookhouse, 1981) p.11 &12
8. Carl Brecheen & Paul Faulkner, What Every Family Needs (Nashville, TN: Gospel Advocate Publishers. 1994) p.94
9. The Family, A collection of monthly letters (Montreal, PQ: The Royal Bank of Canada, 1973) p.69


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