Get Your Car Rolling

WHEREVER GUYS and cars are together, you've got both love and hate. Mostly it's love--until something goes wrong. Here's how to"

* Bring a dead car to life. The most common problem--a car that won't start--is also one of the most easily fixed, says Art Nellen, founder of the Car Care Council in Paris, Tennessee. The problem, he says, may well be corroded battery connections. Take the cables off the battery terminal and scrape all corrosion off with a pocketknife. If you have a brush handy (try the one on your windshield scraper), give everything a good whisk. Reattach the cables and start the car. One caution: Take the ground connection (black cable) off last, and reattach it last, to prevent sparking.

* Cool a hot engine. When coolant levels are low and there's no water to be added, crank up the heat and put the fan on high. The heater core will draw off some of the excess heat, making the job of cooling the engine a bit easier.

* Cover a scratch. You can temporarily repair annoying dings picked up in parking lots by coloring the scratches with a wax crayon that matches your finish and buffing the spot with a soft cloth.

* Remove road tar. Spray on a film of WD-40 or silicone, which dissolves tar without harming the paint. Let it sit a few minutes, then wipe with a soft rag.

* Plug a leaky radiator. As a stopgap measure to get you to the service station, break an egg into the radiator opening, says Marty Padgett, associate editor at Car and Driver. Top off with water or coolant. Then reclose the radiator and start your engine. The egg will cook, and the particles will clog up the leak. Over time, the egg will break down, so it won't damage the cooling system, says Padgett. >>

Find the Missing Pieces

TRUE STORY: A guy wearing cowboy boots once got into the back seat of a 1973 Chevy two-door sedan. His friend got in front. The friend drove 160-odd miles nonstop, from Baltimore to New York City, while the guy in the boots slept in the backseat. When they got to Manhattan, one of the boots was missing. Nothing will convince you of the existence of a parallel universe faster than trying to find exactly what you need right where you left it when you used it last, only to find it gone. Here are the secrets you need to know to:

* Retrieve data lost in cyberspace. It was right there on your screen. Now it's gone. What to do? Even erased information is probably still hidden in some remote, inaccessible electronic canyon inside your computer. What you need is search-and-rescue software that can go down with ropes and pull it back out. One such program for Mac, MS- DOS and Windows is Norton Utilities, which features a function called Unerase as well as a range of disk-repair options. Follow the menu to get back what you lost. Cost: $179, but often less through mail- order vendors. Call (800) 441-72 34 or (503) 334-6054 to order.

* Make up rules. Need to measure something but can't find your ruler? Throw money at the problem: For small measures, use a penny, which is exactly three-quarters of an inch across. For bigger measures, use any U.S. currency, which is 6/8 inches long.

* Ungum postage stamps. Whose idea was it to wind sticky-backed stuff into rolls, anyway? To unjam your own personal postal mess, place gummy rolls in the freezer-right next to the popcorn, which you keep there because you know that dropping frozen popcorn into a hot pan produces a superior movie snack.

* Take a note with no pen. Some guy on the radio offers a collection of Johnny Cash's greatest hits for only $10.95 and gives you an 800 number to call to order. But you're doing 56 MPH on the Jersey Turnpike with 15 troopers in hot pursuit, plus you've got no pen. What do you do? You rub your finger on the side of your nose and write the number on the window. One wipe per number, please. You can read the number later by giving the window a blast of breath just before they cuff you and read you your rights.

* Sharpen a pencil without a sharpener. Hone the point by rubbing it across the friction pad of a matchbook or a concrete sidewalk.

* Accept all substitutes. In a pinch, they're all you've got:

If

Phillips

Needle

Putty

Toothpaste

Household

Sink

Sawhorse

Spruce Up Your Appearance

You do your best to, project a confident, professional air, but a minor flaw can take the edge off even the most elegantly groomed man. To keep yourself and your clothes looking good, here's how to:

* Cover up bloodstains on your collar. If you nick yourself shaving and accidentally soil the collar of a white shirt, cover up with a tiny dab of Wite-Out.

* Fix your eyeglasses. To ease a lens back into a plastic frame, hold the frame over a pot of boiling water. This both softens the plastic and enlarges the lens opening. (Be sure to wear a heat-resistant mitt, naturally. When the frame gets good and hot, carefully press the lens in place. The cooling frame will contract around it to keep things tight.

* Clear up bloodshot eyes. First, some self-diagnosis: If bloodshot eyes also itch, your problem is probably allergies. A cold washcloth held over the eyes will shrink inflamed blood vessels. If your eyes don't itch, the problem is fatigue or a head cold. A warm washcloth will help eyes relax.

* Jury-rig sunglasses. If you're on water or snow, you need shades to keep UV rays from burning the cornea, an injury that can make eyes sting for days, says Howard Backer, M.D., past president of the Wilderness Medical Society. If you've left your Ray-Bans behind or lost them in that gnarly ravine, it a piece of cardboard into a goggle and cut slits for eyes: The slits reduce ultraviolet light enough to protect your eyes, yet; allow you to see well enough to, say, ski/ride/crawl back down to the lodge. (If your lost shades were the prescription kind, poke pinholes in cardboard rather than slits. The holes can actually correct refraction errors, says Dr. Backer. Once you're safe, remember that approaching attractive people with sliced-up pieces of Wheaties boxes on your head can cause inadvertent rejection trauma. Solution: Offer them a piece of cardboard to wear while talking to you, but leave out the slits.

* Get lipstick off your collar. Even if it's completely innocent, no explanation will pass muster with a significant other. But there' s a happy solution that has nothing to do with lawyers: Spray the spot with hairspray or dab it with rubbing alcohol. Let it sit for a minute or two, then wipe carefully with a clean cloth.

Cope with the Wild

IT'S THE flannel in our DNA: Men are genetically, programmed to love the outdoors. But that doesn't mean we love everything that happens there. To keep your filial relationship with Mama Nature on good terms, it helps to know how to:

* Fix a flat tire on a bike. You've cycled miles from nowhere and you've got no tube, patch or pump. You'll have a long trip home, but you won't have to walk, says Don Cuerdon, senior editor at Mountain Bike magazine. Instead, stuff the space between the tire and the rim with leaves, vines, ferns, dirty socks, trash or anything else that will give the tire some semblance of shape, then ride back. Slowly.

* Patch a cut. You can treat minor lacerations like paper cuts or cracked hands with Super Glue. Pull the edges of the wound together and put the glue on top in a thin film, making sure it doesn't penetrate the wound. Hold the cut together for about 30 seconds until it dries. Because the glue is waterproof, there's no need to dress the cut further.

* Thawk frosted fingers. Warming frostbite slowly by the glow of a fire is bad medicine, says Dr. Backer. Instead, heat up fingers quickly to keep the damage from getting worse. Best method: Immerse hands in water heated to a Jacuzzi-like temperature. Avoid rubbing hands together, which can traumatize frozen skin.

* Relieve a string. Salve the pain of a bee attack by smoothing on a paste of water and baking soda.

* Treat poison ivy. Act fast. If you know you've touched the three- leafed stuff, you have up to 30 minutes to wash the area thoroughly before a skin reaction sets in. Soap and water work fine. So do those premoistened towelettes. Another trick: Look around for jewelweed, which counteracts poison ivy--and often grows nearby. It's got little orange-and-yellow flowers and fat seed pods that burst when you touch them. Crush the stems and leaves and rub them on your skin.

* Remove a splinter. Soak the area for up to 15 minutes in warm water. This makes the wood swell, which often causes the splinter to pop out on its own. If you need to pluck it out with tweezers and you have trouble even spotting the little nuisance, press a pen flashlight up close to the sore spot: Light can pass through the skin to highlight the angle and depth of the splinter.

Sail Through Travel Troubles

AS ANYONE who's seen Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train knows, there' s no telling what you'll run into while journeying from here to there. To handle screwups and smooth out your path (not to mention your suit coat), here's the best advice on how to:

* Press clothes without an iron. Problem: You need a hard object that gives off heat. Solution in a pinch: Very lightly moisten the cloth, then press wrinkles out with a warm (disconnected) light bulb. Be sure to protect your bare hand first.

* Retrieve left-behind valuables. If it's truly valuable, don't wait for it to fall into the abyss of lost and found. Immediately call the transportation company's head office and describe what you lost. Tell them exactly what train (or subway or bus) you were on, and find out where it went next. You or they may be able to call ahead for attendants or cleanup crews to retrieve your stuff and hold it for you before it gets shuttled to lost and found (or someone else' s pocket).

* Get a passport pronto. Normally, you should plan ahead if you need a passport. It takes at least four weeks to get a passport through your local post office or clerk of court. But in an emergency, you can get yours in as little as one day if you show up at one of 13 passport offices nationwide with a ticket or itinerary proving you' re booked to travel within two weeks. You'll also need proof of citizenship, an ID such as a valid driver's license, two passport photos of yourself, and $65. Get there early. To find the passport agency nearest you, send $.50 to the Consumer Information Center, Pueblo, CO 81009. Ask for "Passports: Applying for Them the Easy Way."

* Speed luggage retrieval. Buy matching luggage. If baggage handlers lose your suitcage, it'll be easier for them to find again if you can show them a matching carry-on bag, says Ed Perkins, editor of Consumer Reports Travel Letter.

Ease Social Anxieties

IF YOU'RE unerringly suave and debonair, you always know what's coming and problems never arise. But if you're like the rest of us, social doings can be a source of pitfalls and composure-wrecking surprises. To keep things from getting out of hand, here's how to:

* Put out a spice fire. Don't sit there gasping over that flaming fajita, order a dish of rich ice cream or dip into the sour cream that's already on the table. Capsaicin, the substance that gives hot peppers their sting, readily dissolves in fat, says Marianne Ginette, who evaluates spices and other foods at McCormick & Company, Inc. Another solution: a beer or a margarita, since capsaicin also dissolves in alcohol.

* Calm a case of heartburn. On your feet, says Ronald Bogdasarian, M.D., clinical assistant professor of otolaryngology at the University of Michigan. Reclining on a full stomach encourages stomach acids to back up into the esophagus, while being upright encourages gravity to keep acid below decks where it belongs. While you're up, drink a glass of water, which washes the acids back down your tubes. Don' t use milk. Though it gives a sense of quick relief, it actually promotes the formation of more stomach acid.

* Eliminate vidalia digits. Get the smell of raw onion off your fingers by rubbing your hands and fingers on a stainless-steel faucet. Just rub and the smell goes away.

* Quiet a cough in a theater. The trick isn't to stifle the cough but to let air explode out quietly, says Florence B. Blager, Ph.D., chief of speech pathology and audiology services at the National Jewish Center for Immunology and Respiratory Medicine in Denver. Her method: When you feel a cough coming on, blow air forcefully through tightly pursed lips, which gets rid of the air a cough would expel but short-circuits the vocal cords by preventing them from closing. You may have to do this a few times until the urge to cough subsides.

Take Back Misspoken Words

SPEECH IS what distinguishes men from the lower animals, except in Congress, where, to eliminate confusion, they ban livestock from the building. Here's how to:

* Unfluff a flub. Verbal trip-ups are especially painful in front of a group. "People are always afraid of saying something stupid, but even an unforgiving audience won't mind the occasional gaffe," says Karen Berg, chief executive officer of CommCore, a business- communication firm based in New York and Washington, D.C. The best approach: Bluntly say, "I'm sorry. What I meant to say was . . . " Then go on.

* Deal with rudeness. Maybe it was a dumb joke, an off-color remark or a put-down of someone. You knew it was stupid when you said it, and now you wish you hadn't. Whatever the case, if you've offended someone, address the problem promptly and simply by offering a straightforward apology. Don't elaborate and don't overexplain. But don't make light of it, either, says Berg. That'll just deepen the resentment. Just apologize and say you want to set things right. Most people, says Berg, "will appreciate that kind of directness and candor." Likewise, if someone offends you, level with him--just say you're offended. When you get an apology, accept it simply and drop the matter.

* Answer the boss when you don't have the answer. Honesty works best. Say, "I don't know, chief--but I'll look into it." Don't get flustered. After all, nobody knows everything. But smart guys know how to get a good answer when they don't have one handy. So if the boss blindsides you in your dumb spot, volunteer to provide him an accurate, up-to-date answer. Ask if he'll be in his office at a specific time later in the day, to give an advance sense of closure to the matter.

Ease the Discomforts of Home

A MAN'S HOME is his castle. The trouble is, castles are leaky, cold, drafty and full of vermin. To keep your kingdom under control here' s how to:

* Patch a low drain pipe. For an emergency fix, slit a piece of rubber hose (cannibalize from your garden hose if need be) and wrap it around the pipe. Cover the hose with a metal sleeve made from a tin can cut along its seam. Hold the patch in place with a C-clamp buffered on the sides by two blocks of wood.

* Unclog a sink. You don't need a plunger and you don't need harsh chemicals. Instead, bail out the sink. Pour lots of boiling water down the drain to loosen things up, then, when the water cools, cup your hand over the opening and plunge.

* Brighten a charred pan. As Mrs. Doubtfire made clear, guys occasionally have problems in the kitchen. If you've blackened a pan, don't waste elbow grease scouring. Put some powder dishwasher detergent, a drop or two of lemon juice and about an inch of water in the pan and heat it on the stove until it boils. Turn off the burner, let things cool, and wipe off the pan.

* Shine shoes without polish. For an emergency shine, rub leather shoes with the inside of a banana peel. Clean the surface and buff with a cloth or a paper napkin.

* Water plants on vacation. Maybe it's too late to ask a friend to take care of them (or maybe you don't have any friends you'd trust with the keys to your house--or with your plants, for that matter). No problem. Plants can drink water on their own. Group the plants in your sunniest window next to some buckets filled with water. (Make sure the rims of the buckets are taller than the rims of the pots.) Run a thick string from a bucket into each pot's soil: The string will absorb the water and deliver it slowly to plants.

* Stanch a suds flood. Washer overflowing? Sprinkle on some salt to dissolve the suds.

* Find a small object on the floor. Put a bare light at floor level, and turn off other lights to eliminate cross-shadows. The object will cast a long shadow, making it easier to find. This also works for locating mosquitoes on a dark wall.

* Build a better mousetrap. Bait traps with after-dinner mints: The scent is a strong lure. Wash mousetraps well between exterminations, because a mousetraps nose is sensitive enough to detect the odor of a departed cousin. This goes double for rats. Bait rat traps only while wearing rubber gloves, or the little guys will never go near the bait.

* Keep marauding raccoons at bay. Extinguish the "Eats" sign on your trash cans by sprinkling the outside of each garbage bag with ammonia.

* Open a wine bottle without a corkscrew. You're celebrating your move to your dream house, but your stuff's all packed. Drive a large screwhook into the cork, put a wooden dowel or stick through the eye of the hook and pull the cork out.

* Repair matter carpet. To give your rug a lift, leave an ice cube in the indentation before you go to bed. The next morning, blot up moisture and fluff the carpet.

* Keep an eraser smudge-free. When your eraser's too old or too graphite-coated to be much good, use the denim on your blue jeans or some fine sandpaper to rub the rubber down to a fresh surface.

* Keep dust off your TV screen. Wipe clean with a fabric-softener sheet. That cuts down on the static that attracts dust to the screen.

GADGET GOES ANYWHERE

Multipurpose gizmos to have on hand when life hands you a problem

1

ORIGINAL LEATHERMAN POCKET SURVIVAL TOOL, $50 This handy fold-up gadget had its trial by fire in Desert Storm, where soldiers used it to take apart Scud missiles, among other things. Comes with needle- nose and bolt pliers, wire cutters, a blade (of course) and more. From Leatherman Tool Group.

2

ROAD WHIZ ULTRA, $70 Punch in where you are and this handy direction- finder tells you how to get where you're going. From the Safety Zone catalog.

3

INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL MEDICAL KIT, $50 A miniature first-aid kit that includes bandages, burn dressings, diarrhea medicine, cold pills, tweezers and more. Available from Magellan's.

4

MULTIWORKER, $17 This kit contains just about everything you keep in your keep in your desk drawer, minus the leftover packets of duck sauce. Includes scissors, stapler, pencil sharpener and more. From Magellan's.

5

25-IN-1 SCISSORS, $30 It's scissors plus a fish scaler, fruit peeler, bottle opener, wire crimper, cable stripper, hammer, garden clipper and adjustable riveter. From Tactica International.

6

SURVIVAL TOOL, $10 The size of a credit card, this little stainless- steel workhorse can be used as a knife, screwdriver, wrench, saw, ruler, scraper, bottle opener, wire stripper, file and signal mirror. From Magellan's.

7

18-IN-1 TOOL, $17 A mini-survival kit that includes telescope, fork, fishing tackle, hook remover, fish scaler, ruler and whistle. Availabe at Best.

COPYRIGHT 1994 Rodale Press Inc.