A Teaspoon of Advice: “Life is hard and sometimes you gotta make hard choices.”
Lou just watched the two men flailing on the ground, unable to say a word to stop them.
Kid planted his fist in Jimmy’s jaw as soon as they hit the ground. “She’s my wife, you son of a bitch.”
Jimmy bucked his body, knocking Kid off to the side. Jumping to his feet, rubbing his jaw, Jimmy looked down at Kid. “You’re the one that left her.”
Kid was on his feet in an instant. “So while I’m off fighting a war, you decided she was available?” Kid yelled, enraged and on the attack again.
Jimmy ducked Kid’s next punch and Kid turned around, glaring at Lou. “You couldn’t
wait on me? I thought you’d be faithful,” Kid accused.
Lou made a soft sound as she cried out. Jimmy lost his temper in a flash.
“She’s the most faithful woman you’ll ever meet,” yelled Jimmy as he jerked Kid back to face him.
Jimmy punched him before letting go of Kid’s shirt.
“Ya’ll stop it, please,” sobbed Lou, hating the fighting as much as she hated the turmoil apparent in her tears.
Kid knocked Jimmy to the ground again and they rolled nearer Lou. She watched, dazed, her face flooding with more tears as the only two men she’d ever loved beat each other bloody and bruised. She heard them exchange barbs and accusations between punches as their fists flew back and forth.
“But Kid, I got your death notice,” Lou voiced softly, trying to make sense of it all.
Abruptly, the two men stopped as Kid turned toward his wife. “What did you say?”
Lou hiccuped back a sob. “I got your death notice, four years ago in January,” Lou repeated.
Kid stared, eyes wide, looking between his best friend and wife. “How could you have gotten my death notice?” he asked with bewilderment.
“She received an official notice, saying you were dead,” Jimmy repeated, brushing off his clothes.
Kid was speechless yet again. “But what about my letters?”
Lou watched him carefully, her tears now dry. “I never got any letters from you.”
“That can’t be,” Kid shook his head. “I wrote you, off and on the whole time I was in Virginia.”
“I didn’t get a single letter Kid,” Lou sighed. “Never.”
“Is that oldest child mine?” Kid asked, the thought nagging him from the moment he saw the dark child on the stick horse.
“Ye…,” began Lou.
Jimmy interrupted. “Her name is Hickok,” he stated bluntly.
Kid’s face hardened again as he looked at Jimmy. “How long ‘til you moved in to take my place?”
Jimmy drew back, about to hit Kid again when Lou jumped between them. “Stop it, both of you. Fighting isn’t going to solve nothin’,” Lou warned.
“Lou, I left you here, my bride and come home after fighting a war to find you married to my best friend. Fighting sure makes me feel a helluva lot better,” Kid exploded.
“Don’t talk to her like that,” warned Jimmy.
“She’s my wife, I can talk to her any way I want to,” spat Kid.
Lou swallowed hard. “Kid, listen to me. I thought you were dead.”
“And now she’s my wife,” reiterated Jimmy. He had no intention of losing Lou now.
“Both of you stop it right now,” demanded Lou. “We got to figure out what to do.”
“What do you mean what to do?” exclaimed Jimmy.
“Solution seems simple to me,” offered Kid. “You were married to me first.”
“Now wait a second,” began Jimmy.
“Ya’ll care to hear what I want?” asked Lou, exasperated. Her hands were planted on her hips. Jimmy knew that was a bad sign.
Both men looked at her, waiting to hear her decision.
“What I want is both of you to leave, this instant. Get a room in town while I try to think this out,” announced Lou.
“What?!” yelled Jimmy. “You’re kicking me out?”
“I can’t think with the two of you fighting and bickering. My head hurts so bad right now, I don’t even want to think. What I want is time – time to figure out what I want and what we should do.”
Both men began to grumble at once, but Lou held her hand up to shush them. “There are two little girls in that house that I have to think about before I think about you two. Ya’ll are fighting like two ornery bulls and that ain’t going to fix this mess.”
Teaspoon, standing at the window listening, silently applauded Lou. She had a tough choice ahead of her and didn’t need any rash influence. Jimmy and Kid were acting like a pair of hotheads.
The two men, both Lou’s husband, glared at each other – both taking separate routes away from the homestead.
***
Kid walked into Sweetwater’s only saloon and headed straight for the bar. No one there knew him and no one thought it strange when he ordered a whiskey, double.
Whispers were still going on about Jimmy Hickok nursing a bottle over in the corner. He was not a usual patron of the saloon, instead staying home with his family, but tonight he was drinking as if making up for lost time. The bar girls were wagering who would get a chance at him after a few more drinks.
Kid glanced across the room, spotting Jimmy. He’d already downed the double and ordered another.
“I’d like to make a toast,” he called out to the room.
The raucous laughter quieted slightly as Kid raised his glass. “A toast to my best friend,” he called, gesturing at Jimmy. “The man that married my wife.”
With that, Kid downed another double, ordered a bottle and headed for Jimmy.
Jimmy looked up at him, eyes glazed. “I don’t want to fight with you right now,” Jimmy slurred.
“Good,” nodded Kid, “I don’t want to fight either.”
Jimmy nodded and indicated the open seat. Kid sat, poured them each a glass and they drank, eyeing each other over the tops of their shot glasses.
Kid relished the numbness that began to move over him; he was tired of hurting.
“Why don’t you tell me about the last four years?” Kid suggested, companionably.
“What do you want to know?” drawled Jimmy.
“Everything,” sighed Kid. “How long you two been ‘married?,’ Kid spat the last word.
Jimmy raised an eyebrow and started to speak. “’Bout three years.”
“So ya’ll didn’t marry right away.” Kid’s question more a statement.
“Nope,” sighed Jimmy. They both took a drink.
“I came for a visit the Christmas after you left. Lou was expecting Emma and going through a bad time missing you,” Jimmy looked into Kid’s eyes. “She really grieved when she got your death notice in January.”
Tears glistened in Kid’s eyes as he poured another shot in his mouth. “My daughter’s name is Emma. Keep going,” Kid urged.
“I stayed, helping Teaspoon with the horses. Hell, I didn’t have anywhere to go anyway. Turned out I was the only one there when she started having Emma.” Jimmy took a deep breath before he continued. “We married that Christmas.”
Expecting Kid to rage, Jimmy was surprised when he just took another drink instead.
“You keep drinking like that, you’ll be in my shape in no time,” slurred Jimmy.
“I’m counting on it,” agreed Kid. “Now keep talking.”
Jimmy recounted events from the last four years, lingering on Annabelle’s arrival while both men continued drinking themselves into a stupor. Before long, the two men were nearly about crying in their beer together. Both in love with the same woman, both married to the same woman and both turned away by the same woman.
About this time, Teaspoon walked in. Spotting his boys in the corner, he tucked his fingers in his suspenders and headed toward their table.
“Well boys, I see your dipping into something a bit stronger than a sasperilla,” he commented.
Glazed, weary eyes turned to the voice of their mentor. Teaspoon shook his head, rubbing his chin. “Well now, ya’ll are worse off than I thought.”
“What are we gonna do Tea – spoon,” stuttered Jimmy.
“We both love her,” moaned Kid.
“You ain’t going to figure it this away,” Teaspoon sighed. “Where you two staying at anyways?”
“The hotel,” the two men slurred in unison.
“Let’s get you back there then,” Teaspoon said, taking one man under each arm, pulling them up.
Kid and Jimmy both leaned heavily on the older man. Teaspoon grunted as he moved them toward the door. Nodding at the bartender, he took them outside and dropped them in a nearby horse trough. ‘That should be enough to revive ‘em,’ he thought, ‘ at least long enough to get to their rooms.’
When the two former riders clamored up out of the water, Teaspoon marched them to the motel. He planted them in the same bed in the same room. ‘They’d do well to remember they were now drinking buddies in the morning,’ Teaspoon decided before leaning back in a chair to sleep. Expecting them to both have raging hangovers in the morning, Teaspoon planned to be there to help. Afterall, they were two of his boys.
Chapter 10
A Teaspoon of Advice: “When you ain’t sure of something, let your gut guide you.”
Lou had fretted and fussed around the house an entire day. The girls were asking for their daddy and she wasn’t any more certain of what she should do than she had been when Kid and Jimmy rode away.
Rachel was surprisingly quiet on the subject. Instead, her heart went out to the young mother. Lou was facing a difficult decision and Rachel didn’t know the correct answer or advice.
Shortly after breakfast the second morning, the two women silently cleaned up the kitchen. Shuffling on the porch brought four pairs of eyes to the kitchen door. The door opened slowly and Jimmy looked around it.
“Daddy!” screamed the two girls, running to his long legs, hugging them.
Jimmy smiled, ruffling their hair, but his eyes quickly turned to Lou. He’d ached for the sight of her, and Jimmy wondered if this would be one of the last times he got to look on her face. If she chose Kid, Jimmy had decided there was no way he could stay in this town, watching them together. Feeling his daughter’s warm response to seeing him though, Jimmy didn’t know how he could leave either. He sighed.
“Can we talk Lou?”
Lou dried her hands quickly on a dish rag, nodding her head. She didn’t know what she was going to say to this man, her second husband. Lou was just as confused as ever. She wanted to do what was right, but sadly, Lou didn’t know what right was anymore.
The couple moved into the front room sitting area while Rachel herded the girls onto the back porch to play. Rachel then made herself scarce by finding a task outside to busy herself.
Jimmy sat, hat in his hands while Lou took a seat across from him in a nearby chair. The clock ticked loudly during their silence. They regarded one another wordlessly.
“I haven’t made a decision,” Lou blurted out.
Jimmy nodded. “Didn’t figure you did.”
Tears welled up in Lou’s eyes at the hurt in Jimmy’s voice. He looked so alone, his long body making the couch appear small, and the hurt in his eyes making Lou feel even smaller.
“I love you both,” she murmured softly.
“I know you do honey,” Jimmy’s voice cracked just a little at his words.
Lou covered her face as a sob escaped her throat. Immediately, Jimmy was in front of her, on his knees at her chair.
Jimmy buried his face in her lap as he wrapped his arms around her. Lou began stroking his hair as she cried. His strong arms felt secure as they offered her comfort. Jimmy looked up into her eyes, seeing the eyelashes glisten with tears.
“Legally, Kid’s my husband,” Lou began, her raspy voice sounding tortured.
Jimmy swallowed hard at the words. The words, though true, reached into his heart like a knife and twisted. Pain gripped him and he didn’t want to hear any more of what she was about to say.
He raised up, taking her mouth in a deep, passionate kiss. He kissed her hard, but not harshly, as all of his feelings poured from his lips into hers. His hands wound into her hair, touching its silky feel while he inhaled her scent deeply.
“Stop,” cried Lou, as she pushed him back. “Quit trying to sway me with that.”
“With what?” breathed Jimmy, still dumbfounded by the kiss.
Lou turned her head away, trying not to look at his lips, wet from her own mouth. Taking a deep breath, she started to speak, but Jimmy reached up to kiss her again.
This time, Lou shoved him away. Jimmy looked sheepish, but it was too late. Lou was angry.
“What do you think you’re doing? I said stop it!” yelled Lou. “I’m trying my best to figure out what to do, and all you can do is think of ‘that,’” she accused.
Jimmy sighed with a heavy breath. “It’s ‘cause I can’t help but worry -- worry it’ll be my last chance to ever kiss you.”
His quiet, solemn words boomed in the room. Lou bit her lip, the pain in his voice clear to her ears and her anger dissipated. She stared into the eyes of her husband, the man who delivered Emma and Annabelle, the man who stood by her during grief and joy. Unable to bear it, Lou ran from the room, up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.
Jimmy walked onto the back porch, mounted his horse and rode back into town. He had no idea what his fate would be, only that he loved Lou enough to want her happy – no matter what.
***
Kid rode into the yard of the homestead later that day. Like Jimmy, he wanted to talk to Lou. The suspense was killing him, but more than that, he wanted to see his wife. Far too many years had passed when he could only imagine her face. Now he longed to look into her soulful brown eyes any chance he could get.
“She’s not here,” called Rachel from the porch. The two girls were playing with crude marbles at the end of the porch and Rachel sat in a chair, a bowl of peas to shell on her lap.
“I guess my coming back gave ya’ll a shock,” Kid offered, almost in apology.
“We weren’t as shocked as Lou,” smiled Rachel warmly. “She the one with a husband on each hand.”
Nodding ruefully, Kid dismounted, but instead of walking toward Rachel, he headed to the end of the porch.
“Hello girls,” he smiled.
Emma and Annabelle looked up at him. Annabelle offered a little smile and looked back to the game. Emma studied the dark man with brash and boldness.
Kid inhaled sharply at how much the blonde child’s smile looked like Lou. He then grinned; Emma’s very daring and almost defiant look belonged to Lou as well.
Rachel watched them, enthralled at Kid’s first interaction with the two girls. It was at once heartbreaking and fascinating.
“Can we help you mister?” asked Emma.
“ I came here to see your Mama,” Kid explained, “but I’d like to see you two as well.”
Earlier that morning, Lou had fretted to Rachel that Kid might not accept both children, only Emma. Rachel could see that was certainly not a problem, but she wasn’t sure how much help that would be to Lou in making her choice.
“She ain’t here,” stated Emma, who then turned her attention back to her sister and their marble game.
Kid looked up at Rachel, who shrugged her shoulders. “They don’t take to strangers,” she said softly.
The words hit Kid like a horse falling on him. That’s all he was to Lou’s daughters, a stranger. Even Emma, so obviously his own child, didn’t know him from any other drifter riding up to the house.
Walking back over to Rachel, Kid sunk his hands into his pants pockets. “Can you tell me where she is?”
“She went for a walk, to think some more. Jimmy was here this mornin’,” Rachel explained.
Kid’s face hardened a moment, but quickly relaxed as he leaned a hand on the porch post. He couldn’t fault Jimmy for coming here. Until a couple of days ago, this had been Jimmy’s home. Unfortunately, it was once Kid’s home as well.
“I’m going to try to find her,” said Kid, not really speaking to anyone, even Rachel.
Nodding, Rachel leaned over and touched his hand. He had a faraway look in his eyes and she hurt for him.
“Ya’ll should talk,” Rachel agreed. “She missed you so much when you left, and when she got that notice…”
Kid cleared his throat. “Jimmy told me how much it upset her.”
Rachel could only agree as Kid mounted his horse. He looked over at the girls, tenderness washing over him. They were dear and well-cared for – that was obvious. He had missed out on so much.
Kid turned his horse for the oak tree, intending to check for Lou where he first found her. Disappointed that she was not there, he rode aimlessly in his search.
Finally, an hour later, he found her. Lou was next to the creek, fishing pole in hand staring sightlessly into the water. She looked frail and even pale. This was weighing heavy on her, that much was apparent.
Thinking she was unaware, Kid was surprised to hear her voice call out. “You looking for me Kid?” She didn’t even turn around.
“How did you know it was me?”
“A person can’t very well survive working the Pony Express if you aren’t aware of someone coming up behind you,” explained Lou.
Kid laughed at her comment as he relished her vibrant personality, even under this time of stress. Lou was a strong woman; he’d always admired her strength, even while trying to shelter her. “I was looking for you,” he answered her first question.
Lou stood abruptly, putting her pole on the bank. “Let’s walk that way,” she said, pointing to the woods. “We can’t talk here.”
Kid ignored that cryptic remark and fell in step beside her.
“I really did write you,” Kid commented when Lou didn’t begin speaking immediately.
“I believe you did,” Lou sighed.
“I missed you and thought of you all the time,” Kid added.
“I can believe that too,” agreed Lou.
“I regretted leaving you,” Kid declared, emotion filling his voice.
Lou stopped and turned toward him. “You didn’t rush back.” Her words were frank, but not accusing.
“I was serving as a guard to President Davis. I respected him far to much to dissert my post.”
“And you didn’t love me enough to come home in four years.” This time, accusation tinged Lou’s words as she looked away.
Kid placed a hand on her shoulder, the other hand cupping her chin, tilting her face to look at his. “I never stopped loving you or longing to be back here with you.”
Kid leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her lips. When she didn’t jerk away, he deepened his kiss. His mouth explored hers for the first time in years, tasting, touching, delving into the warmth he had missed so much. His tongue touched hers, the velvet feel of hers filling him with pleasure.
Lou felt a remembered spark. She kissed him back, curiosity and a mixture of nostalgia drawing her deeper into the kiss. His kiss was familiar – she knew his mouth well. After a few moments, a thought nagging at her mind, she pulled back away from him. He didn’t try to hold her.
She could see the passion in his eyes as she stared at him, her face taut. She was struck at his eyes, the depth of their blue color, so like Emma’s. She remembered those eyes, Kid’s eyes, very well, and all the times they shared together on the Pony Express; she recalled their wedding night. This man was her first real lover, her first husband, the ‘true’ father of her first child. Lou was surprised to realize that all these facts, as well as his kiss, suffocated her.
“Say something,” Kid breathed, holding his passion in check.
“Jimmy kissed me this morning,” Lou stated.
Kid swallowed, waiting on her to finish. Taking a deep breath, Lou tried to put her feelings into words. “I still love you.”
Kid watched her, gauging what thoughts lie behind those words. “But,” he added.
Lou nodded, “But, when Jimmy kissed me, I felt no guilt at all. When you kissed me, I felt like I was betraying Jimmy. I love him too.”
The former soldier could only nod. He knew, instinctively, what she was saying.
“Kid, Jimmy is the husband of my heart.” Lou touched her chest for emphasis. “No matter what you and me shared in the past, our past is very distant. Jimmy is the man I spent the last four years with and he’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Lou was shocked at her own resolve, the quickness that her choice had been settled in her mind.
Kid sank to the ground, sitting with his knees pulled up in front of him. He draped his arms across his knees and hung his head.
Lou squatted next to him, touching his shoulders as they began to shake silently. Kid was unashamed as he cried. Somehow, intuitively, Kid realized as soon as Jimmy announced that Lou was now his wife that he had lost her.
Lou tried to explain further. “When I got notice you were dead, it took a while, but I moved on. Now you are alive, but I can’t resurrect the parts of me that died with you.”
Kid, still crying, could only nod.
“Emma and Annabelle ‘both,’” Lou stressed that word, “love Jimmy. How do I explain to a four year old that Jimmy isn’t ‘really’ her daddy anymore, much less Annabelle?” Lou entreated Kid to understand.
Swallowing convulsively, Kid looked at Lou. “Don’t do it for the girls, do it for you. Choose who ‘you’ want,” Kid stressed, knowing her mind was made.
“I have made my choice Kid. I love Jimmy in a way that we can no longer have,” Lou’s voice was solid at the declaration.
Kid looked at her, memorizing her features. “I love you Lou and I want you to be happy. You warned me, before I left, that being apart would change us. I’d give anything to never have left you, but I can no more change that choice than you can change yours now.”
Lou was relieved at his amicable reaction. “I guess we need to do some talking -- with Jimmy. Especially about the girls,” Lou sighed.
Lou walked back to the homestead, to her home, as Kid rode into town to find Jimmy.
