Title: I'm Already There

Author: Sillmarillion

Pairing: you'll see

Warnings: sap, teeny bit racy, not quite lime.

The kitchen light seeped into white tile, sighing back up, reflecting, and

pooling upon his cheeks and making shadows dance on his weary palms, upturned

and waiting for the answer to an unasked question: What do I do now?

< It all happened so fast. We knew this would happen. I told myself I didn't

care about tomorrow...but now it's today. And he's gone...left me for metal

and gunpowder...our contract. I'm supposed to pass the time. But...time is

passing me.>

He shakily brought up tan fingers to brush honey-shot bangs from his eyes,

and trace his cheekbone absently as he licked his dry lips. He hadn't moved

for so long that his joints made audible creaking noises through his

shoulders.

< I need to call him. It doesn't matter if he gets upset, I'd even love to

hear that! Maybe he'll yell a little bit and then say he misses me. Would he

miss me?...>

He rotated his left ankle, perched on his right thigh Indian style above an

oak kitchen chair before stretching the leg attached out in front of him and

placing it on the floor. He grabbed the chair-back with one hand and put his

right palm on the table for support. When he was standing, dizzy from the

rush of cut off blood back to his brain, he turned towards the door with

careful steps, and made his way to the very end of the hall.

< "I...care about you Duo." >

Duo sighed as he entered his room. < "I care about you too, Wufei. I...very

much." >

And that is all he could say.

All they did was touch. Touch and no more. Oh what he wouldn't have given to

have been blissfully naked with the beautiful boy, to feel himself so

close...so deep inside that the world was irrelevant, that time didn't

matter!...only the time he was given to spend there in ecstasy.

He looked into the full-length mirror on the far wall, reaching up to touch

his lips and trace his jaw, shivering involuntarily as he imagined careful

and aristocratic calloused fingertips, traveling his neck, his ear, his

spine. His own eyes seemed dim somehow to him as he stood there, and he

touched the loose skin beneath them that spoke of tears and little rest.

Oh, he'd eaten. He'd eaten and blubbered for the first twelve hours until he

felt positively bloated and his eyes burned whenever he tried to drop his

eyelids. Then he'd watched sad movies until even the humorous ones made him

miserable. Looking at a sunset wasn't as capturing, and no book could take

the place of reruns of that night...six nights ago, when he'd thrown

everything out the window and kissed the man he'd desperately wanted for so

long. He'd expected to be hit, shoved, cursed at in Chinese. But oh god...all

he felt were those responsive slender lips against his, and shaking hands

placing a death grip on his arms. And when he'd twisted them up to grab the

other boy's elbows, the oriental youth pulled away and looked at him with

eyes so confused and full of longing and rapture, that Duo couldn't have

stopped himself if he wanted to. Touching that skin was like a cool hand on a

whipped back. He felt himself losing all contact with the nerves in his legs,

and he was so hard he could barely breath.

Breath...smelling of spiced tea and something so sweet was on him, coming in

small gasps and bursts. When Wufei's eyes met his, he communicated as much

need and comfort through his gaze as he could...then pulled the other man to

him in the most passionate bruising kiss he had ever dared give. He was

frightened... His relationships before were sex-based. No emotion, only

physical need. The need was so strong it shook him from the belly out.

And...it was from somewhere deeper in him than his flesh. He was losing

control...and he didn't care.

< Why oh why didn't I ask? >

Duo shook his head at his reflection.

< Yea, whatever! "Wufei I know I've never mentioned my feelings to you

before I was too busy being an idiot and ignoring your emotions but guess

what I want you really bad so whadaya say we go someplace?" Right. Sure. >

He untied his hair roughly, taking time to run his fingers through the mass

twists at the nape of his neck to prevent further tangling, and began undoing

the buttons to his dirty dress shirt. Dirty oxford, dirty black boxers,

unmatching socks. One yellow. One brown. Tired eyes and weary limbs. But his

mind was still awake. It couldn't sleep without answers.

"I love you." He said suddenly, looking up at the mirror.

< No, that's all wrong! >

"I...love you, Wufei." He touched the glass.

< Wrong! Wrongwrongwrong! >

He sighed bitterly, and leaned his full weight against the glass, pressing

his forehead and palms as close as they could go on the cold surface, looking

into his own eyes.

"What have you done?" He asked himself. "You're an idiot."

He surprised himself by laughing. It was not a clean sound. < It doesn't

matter. I got what I wanted didn't I? Didn't I? >

"Jesus Duo, is this cause you didn't sleep with him?!"

< No no no! I wanted more than that! >

"What?! What do you want from him that you can't get anywhere else?!"

His brain had no answer.

He leaned back and looked into the mirror once again. "What if I called him?"

His reflection shook it's head.

"Well...I could. It wouldn’t kill me...it might help.?"

He turned, looking at the cordless beside the beaten laptop. < To hear that

voice... >

"I love you," he said to the phone. < DAMMIT. >

In a burst of some bravery he did not understand, he strode over to the desk

and picked up the phone. He knew the number of the tiny apartment by heart.

It rang once, twice, but it was not until he heard the voice at the other end

that he was afraid.

"Hello?"

< OH JESUS, maybe if I don't answer him I can just listen for a minute and

then hang up. >

"Hello?!"

< No, I have to do something or I never will! If I don't do it now, it won't

happen! >

He cleared his throat and pressed his tongue against the dryness on his

palate.

"This isn't funny!" said the haughty voice with the thick accent.

"I..."

A confused intake of air came across the line. "...Duo? Is...is that you?"

< Say something right now! > "Ah."

"Well what is it? Is anything wrong? What's happened?!"

"Wu-Wufei, I...called to..."

< Well what now, genius? >

"Yes? Duo, if something's happened I deserve to know."

"I know."

"O-kay...?"

Duo sighed audibly.

"Duo," Wufei said carefully. "This might not be the...the best time to..."

"Wufei, I can't sleep!" Duo gasped at his own outburst, and cursed himself

when he found he was shaking. He began to sob angrily away from the receiver.

To no avail.

"Duo..."

< Great, he's going to tell me to stop blubbering. To stop wasting his time.

Is that what I was afraid of...this whole time? >

"Me neither." It was said so softly he barely heard it.

"What?"

"I...I said I can't sleep either."

"Then it's my fault!" < My fault! I've hurt him! It was a mistake, a mistake!

>

"No...I. Duo, I just...I don't regret what happened." Duo heard him inhale

before continuing. "I can't just forget about it, and if you can't either and

we're on the same page..."

"Were you trying to forget about it?"

"Constantly. I thought you didn't mean it."

< Didn't mean it?! >

"Bull!" Duo couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice. After a moment, when

his angry sob breathing had subsided, he heard himself whisper "I meant it."

< I meant it. I meant every kiss! every touch! >

"I meant it," he said again, this time with more fervor.

"I miss you," the man said.

"Oh...oh god." Duo fought back another round of sobbing.

"Duo, don't make yourself sick over it. I should have said something before

leaving and...I'm sorry."

"Thank you," he whispered. "When will you be back?"

Duo heard him breathing over the line, becoming shallower and shallower until

it stopped, and his voice broke the silence.

"I'm already there."

<Wha..>

"Wu...no, you're far away. You're..."

"I'm already there," he said softly.

"Look around. I'm your own two hands and the light in your hair. I'm the wind

outside and the shadow on the ground..."

"Don't...don't."

Wufei sighed. "It took me so long, Duo. So long. I was running from life, and

when life became you I didn't stop running. Don't let me run away again."

"I won't." < Oh Wufe, never. I won't, I won't...>

His fingers clutched the phone to his temple in a white knuckled grip.

"Wufei," he said. Duo let his eyes flutter shut and touched his lips once

again. "I'm ...I'm kissing you."

He heard breath quicken and there was silence for a long moment.

"I'm holding you."

"Wufei...when will you be home?"

"Sleep for me, Duo. Go to sleep."

Duo walked towards the bed, holding the precious phone close to his cheek. He

lay down, tucking himself beneath cool sheets, and curled himself up, never

letting go.

"O...okay."

He fell asleep just like that, with Wufei's voice resounding in his ear. It

didn't matter where he was...he could've been on the kitchen floor. That was

all he needed.

He woke up in time the next night, to call him up again. And they talked for

a few minutes before Duo had to ask "Wufei, when will you be home?"

He heard a car making noises outside. Someone in the street? It passed.

No hesitation. "I'm already there."

"No! You're not! I can't stand it anymore because you're not here! I'm alone!

And I-I need you!" he sobbed, "I need you!"

"I'm already there." And he heard the click and then the tone.

"No! You can't go! Don't go!"

He'd hung up. Duo needed him, and he'd hung up! < Don't do this, please! I

can't...I can't stand it ANYMORE! >

Footsteps outside, coming up the stairs.

The doorknob rattling, the insertion of a key.

Duo's eyes were wide as he watched the door...swing open?

No breath, no air.

He couldn't move, he couldn't speak. For one tiny instant, he couldn't see

anything...but the face of the boy in the doorway. Onyx eyes bore into him,

and he tore.

"Wufei!" He threw himself at the man in front of him, burying himself in warm

silk, sucking in as much of his scent as he could stand until he was heady.

And strong arms wrapped around him so tight...

"Oh!" he gasped.

Hot words in his ear. "I'm here."

Duo felt that for the first time in his life he was sure of something. Beyond

a doubt. He had blown it before, not said what he wanted to say. Never told

Wufei what he wanted, what he felt.

"I want to...make love to you." So deep in charcoal eyes. "Now."

Wufei's eyes bore holes into him, so that they seemed to touch the deepest

part of him.

Then strong arms picked him up off the floor, forcing Duo to grab onto broad

shoulders.

And without breaking their gaze, Wufei's eyes radiated fierce love and need.

< He wants you, he wants you! > Duo's mind spun.

The Chinese man said one thing eagerly: "I'm already there."

:::::::END::::::::