My hands traced his face, afraid to do anything else. He stared at me; his ebony eyes wide, adoring, trusting. I swallowed audibly as my hands danced over the contours and curves of his face, loving the feel of his bronze-hued skin under my pale hands, savoring the feel of his silky-fine strands of hair slipping between my fingers and tickling the tender flesh of my underarm. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing in the warm scent of him, trying to understand.

::And we stare at each other

like victims in the grind

Probing all the weakness

And hurt still left behind and we cry

The tears of pearls

We do it. Oh we do it.::

I close my eyes, inclining my head slightly in his hands, enjoying the tender, hesitant touch of his slender hands. His fingers move down the sides of my face, his hands trembling as he traces the outline of my lips. He looks up into my eyes and we stare at each other, unsure of what to say. One finger trails across my lips; his eyes staring into mine, wide and un-blinking, trying to assure himself of me. His hands tremor and lie still as I gently press my lips to his fingers, his palms, his wrists as I take his hands into mine.

::Is love really the tragedy the way you

might describe?

Or would a thousand lovers

Still leave you cold inside?

Make you cry…

These tears of pearls::

A tremor oversweeps me, a shiver creeping down my spine as his lips dance across my wrists. I’m aching inside, wanting to tell him how I feel…but it hurts still. There’s still that terrible hurt that twist and gnaws, breaking my heart over and over again.

I open my mouth, but the words won’t come out. He understands what’s happening to me, because he lifts our interlocked hands and rests his forehead against them, cursing quietly. There are tears glistening in my eyes, but I can’t let them fall.

::All these mixed emotions

we keep locked away like

stolen pearls

Stolen pearl devotions

Keep locked away from all the world::

I’m cursing the one who made him like this. That bastard twisted my precious love, warping him so he’s afraid to love, to be loved. I want to love him so much, but the pain is still there, twisting and turning, gnawing away at his heart so he can’t let me in. Damn the one that made him like this. Damn him to hell.

::Your kisses are like pearls

so different and so rare

But anger stole the jewels away

And love has left you bare

Made you cry…

These tears of pearls::

I hate him for making me like this. I feel so alone and vulnerable, every loving action being made towards me frightens me and I want to flee. I’ve run so many times though…I’m so tired and the only thing I want is someone to hold me and love me.

The only thing I want is standing right in front of me, and I still can’t say what he needs to hear.

Damn the one who made me like this.

::Well I could be the tired joker

pour my heart to get you in

Sacrifice my happiness

Just so I could win

Maybe cry…

Those tears of pearls::

“Please, “ I beg, suddenly embracing him and clutching him to me tightly. He gasps with shock and stiffens automatically. I keep a firm hold on him, brushing the few tears that have fallen away with light kisses. “Please tell me you love me. I need to hear it.”

::All these mixed emotions

we keep locked away like

stolen pearls

Stolen pearl devotions

We keep locked away from all

The world::

I’m stiff in his arms, painfully aware of what is happening and what I should say. But I can’t say it. The words are screaming at me, but years of warding off everyone and protecting myself draw near and the barrier is up again. “I can’t!” I cry out, bowing my head. “I can’t say it!” My tears fall in a flood, soaking the front of his shirt.

::We twist and turn where angels burn

Like fallen soldiers we will learn

Love will be the death…

The death of you::

His tears soak through my shirt, wetting my chest. I try to step away, but I cant, he’s balled his hands into fists, bringing the fabric of my shirt with them. I shake my head, bitter tears of disappointment and rejection stinging in my eyes. ‘Why?” I plead. “Why can’t you love me? I love you!”

::All these mixed emotions

we keep locked away like

stolen pearls::

An unstoppable tremor sweeps over me and I freeze. He loves me. The words echo through my mind, beating themselves on the walls of my mind. He loves me!

We break apart, almost immediately, staring at each other. My breathing is ragged and my heart is pounding as if I’ve run a marathon. “Love…” I whisper, marveling at the beauty in the simple word.

The one who made me like this never once said he loved me. I was his pleasure, his sex toy. But not his love.

He loves me. The thought echoes again. I stare, my eyes unblinking. I feel frozen, time seems to stand still and the whole world seems to hold its breath as he awaits my response.

I step forward, gathering all my strength and courage. ‘I love-,” I begin, but my voice breaks. He looks at me intently and I whisper, my voice shaky, “I love you.”

Our lips meet and I’m afraid. I don’t know what love means. I don’t know if I want to find out.

But I love him.

I want to know.

Because I love him.

::Stolen pearl devotions

locked away from all the world::

::End::