Exit Strategy:  How I Spent My Summer Vacation (1/1)
By Jo March

DISCLAIMER:  You know, I fell asleep with this really witty disclaimer
in my head.  Honestly.  It was hysterical.  However, I can't remember 
it now.  I'm sure this sort of thing never happens to Aaron Sorkin, to
whom these characters belong.  Except for Adira Lyman, who is the 
exclusive property of the Jo & Ryo Collective.
SPOILERS:  Pretty much everything through "Two Cathedrals."
SUMMARY:  In the middle of a political scandal, you don't actually get
a summer vacation.  So this is what Donna did instead.  Sequel to 
"Exit Strategy:  After."
THANKS:  Must I spell it out yet again?  To Ryo and Morgan, who did not
ask me what I was smoking when I emailed them with this.  Also special
thanks to the one hundred 
members of Jo & Ryo Update list; consider this one a present, people.
Or a gag gift, for those of you with discriminating literary tastes.


How I Spent My Summer Vacation
by Donnatella Viridis Moss

1. Packed five t-shirts, seven pairs of boxers, two shirts, three pairs
of Levis, one suit jacket, an electric razor, a green toothbrush and a
battered copy of "The Elegant Universe"--all property of Joshua Mateusz
Lyman, Esquire--into a discreet workout bag.

2. Took workout bag to office.

3. Informed Bonnie and Ginger, who happened to see me come in, that I 
was joining a health club.

4. Spent lunch hour searching for an affordable health club.  Joined 
same.

5. Transferred contents of workout bag into Josh's backpack.

6. Endured three minutes of decidedly unfunny Mata Hari jokes from 
Joshua Mateusz Lyman, Esquire.

7. Went home alone.  Took bubblebath to relax.  Alone.  Cried.  Also 
alone.

8. Reviewed computer files of Josh's schedule for the last year.  
Deleted all references to individuals named Stanley.

9. Searched files for all paper copies of the schedules mentioned 
above.

10. Placed files in discreet workout bag.

11. Did not tell Josh.

12. Spent three minutes telling myself decidedly unfunny Boris and 
Natasha jokes to compensate for not telling Josh.

13. Went home.  Again alone.  Lit candles.  Drank a refreshing bottle 
of wine while burning all paper copies of Josh's schedule with 
references to Stanley and to Stanley.

14. Wondered why all Josh's therapists are named Stanley.

15. Worried about what would happen to Josh if he needed Stanley's (or 
Stanley's) help in the near future.

16. Cried some more.

17. Replaced the paper copies I destroyed with new paper copies of the 
revised, Stanley-free schedule.  Filed same.

18. Cleared time on Josh's schedule so he could spend the weekend in 
Connecticut explaining to his mother about the change in wedding plans.    

19. Went grocery shopping.  Bought Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice 
Cream.  Also Kleenex.  Spent forty minutes in checkout aisle.  Read 
cover story in the Star:  "Bartlet's Doctor Spills Details of Prez's 
Near-Fatal Health Scare."  Realized story consisted of out-of-context
quotes from doctors who treated the President after Rosslyn.  Counted
three references to Josh.

20. Went home.  Watched Dateline.  Listened to recitation of facts and 
innuendo about the "scandal-plagued Bartlet administration."

21. Received phone call from Josh in Connecticut.  Conversation mostly 
work-related except for the part where he said his mother told him to
say she loves me like a daughter.

22. Tried not to cry while on phone with Josh.

23. Failed miserably.

24. Went to bed early.  Pillowcase smells like Josh.

25. Got up early to do laundry.  Washed sheets and pillowcase.

26. Took online quiz:  "Are You Paranoid, Or Is Someone Really Out to 
Get You?"

27. Discovered that, according to the quiz, I am not paranoid.  Felt no
sense of relief.

28. Had first meeting with my new lawyer.  Answered all questions about
my level of knowledge regarding the President's health truthfully.  Was
also truthful when answering questions about my working relationship 
with Josh.  Was asked about my personal relationship with Josh.  
Remembered that I'm not paranoid.

29. Lied to my new lawyer.

30. Watched process server deliver Josh's subpoena five minutes after
Josh arrived back in the West Wing.

31. Told Josh I was taking an early lunch.

32. Went to Starbucks.

33. Brought back coffee.  Gave coffee to Josh.  Resumed work.

34. Went home.  Alone.  Spent evening concentrating on the way Josh's
hand rested on mine when he took the coffee.

35. Cried.

36. Ran into Jamie, who lives in the apartment below mine, during early 
morning aerobics class at my new health club.  Jamie hinted that her 
boyfriend's roommate wants to meet me.

37. Politely but firmly indicated my lack of interest.

38. Watched Josh return from meeting with his lawyer.  Noticed that 
Josh is paler than usual and that he may be losing weight.

39. Tried not to notice how Josh wouldn't look at me after talking to
his lawyer.  Worried about what that meant.

40. Went home.  Returned phone call from my mother.  Refused to quit my
job and move back to Madison before I drag the good name of Moss 
through the mud.

41. Resisted the urge to call Josh in order to hear him do the 
inevitable (and decidedly unfunny) jokes about muddy moss.

42. Went to Barnes and Noble during lunch.  Bought books on history of 
impeachment.  Decided history is much scarier than Stephen King.  
Especially if you're living it.

43. Researched background of newly appointed special prosecutor.

44. Agreed with results of online quiz:  No way am I being paranoid.

45. Researched details of political scandals from 1980s and 1990s.  
Came across name "Donna Rice."  Discovered pictures of Donna Rice.

46. Considered the wisdom of dying my hair brown.  Possibly cutting it.

47. Decided against changing my hair style because a) there are plenty
of pictures of blonde me anyway and b) Josh likes my hair the way it 
is.

48. Kicked myself for deciding against changing hair style primarily on
basis of "b) Josh likes my hair this way."

49. Went home to discover phone messages from the National Enquirer, 
Larry King Live and 60 Minutes II, all asking for interviews.

50. Panicked for five minutes.

51. Called CJ, who told me not to panic (and not to return the calls).
CJ says all the assistants are getting these calls; she'll handle it.

52. After careful consideration, called Josh to share news about the 
phone calls.  Endured three minutes of decidedly unfunny jokes about my
chances of getting a book contract if I'd spill "the really juicy 
stuff."

53. Told Mr. "I Was A Fulbright Scholar" that he's too stupid to be 
allowed to talk in public.

54. Hung up on Josh.

55. Prayed that my phone isn't tapped.

56. Reconsidered the "I'm not paranoid" thing.

57. Spent night pondering next step and ignoring repeated apologies 
from Josh on my answering machine.

58. Erased incriminating messages on my answering machine, even though 
leaving a message that says "Donna, I love you" is further proof that 
Mr. "I Went to Harvard and Yale" is an idiot.

59.  Woke up early with a clear plan regarding how to convince the 
world that I am not sexually involved with my boss.

60. Stopped by health club before work.  Told Jamie I'd like to meet 
her boyfriend's roommate sometime.

THE END
Jo and Ryo's West Wing Fanfiction can be found at
http://www.geocities.com/winemaxf/ww.html