The word pleasant doesn't begin to describe Donna's dreams. Erotic would be more accurate. But when she awakes the real world crashes down on her with all the fury of a killer tornado. As promised, she calls Josh only to find him already awake and awaiting her call. She's not surprised to discover that he's been sitting by the phone. He's completely lost it, she thinks. Donna spends the next few hours packing her suitcase for her trip to Tahoe and making a list of the things she still needs to buy. The sensual images of her dreams play through her head over and over; she wishes they would stop. It's not as if she's never had erotic dreams of Josh before, but she's always been able to hide them away in the back of her mind and get on with the business of life. But these dreams were so vivid. She can still smell him; taste him on her lips. She can still remember the feel of his naked skin against hers. She casts a glance to the wishing angel sitting on her bedside table. Her eyes see nothing magical about it. Instead, to her, it seems just like any other Christmas ornament. Picking it up, she turns it over studying its glittery façade and tiny angelic face. How could such a thing make wishes come true? Without a second thought, Donna tosses the wishing angel into her purse, just as there's a knock on the door. She checks the watch on her wrist. 10:30 For once in his life, Josh is on time. Incontrovertible proof that he's not himself. The mall is monument to the commercialization of all things Christmas, every corner glowing with shiny tinsel of red, green, and gold. Children and parents wait in line for a last minute moment with a minimum wage Santa. Piped in carols echo through every store, and the causeways are packed with eleventh hour shoppers looking for the perfect gift, or at the very least, the perfect bargain. She's here for a reason, but she can't help but scope out the future sales potential. The private condo waiting for her in Lake Tahoe promises an equally private hot tub. So, of course, she needs a new bathing suit. And, as everyone knows, there's no better time than winter to buy a new bathing suit. "It's the dead of winter," Josh reminds her as she flips through the suit rack. "There's a hot tub." Josh stifles a groan brought on by the vivid and abrupt images of Donna in a hot tub. More specifically, the things he can do with Donna in a hot tub. She rifles through the sales rack, weighing the virtues of bikini versus one piece. "I like this one." Josh pulls a hanger from the rack. She's not surprised to find him holding up a red thong bikini. "How festive," she smirks. His eyebrows dance mischievously and she can't help but laugh. "I had the same thought." His smile mirrors hers. "I'm sure that's exactly what you were thinking." "Can I help it if I think you're a beautiful woman?" "Don't you find your sudden discovery of my incredible, and might I add heretofore unhidden beauty, to be the slightest bit suspect?" She narrows her eyes, awaiting his response. She's flummoxed by Josh's obvious surrender to the magic of the wish. Josh Lyman – the most strong willed man she's ever known. "It's not sudden," he shrugs. "I thought you were beautiful the first time I saw you." God! It's worse than she originally calculated. The puppy dog look in his eyes speaks of spell binding and willing slavery. Which, of course, leads her to the most vindictive scheme she's ever plotted in her life. A plan so dastardly it ranks with those of classic literary villains. Josh loves her, wholly and completely, for the next 24 hours, and until she leaves for her vacation, she plans to take advantage of this fact. He owes her, after all. For all those late nights he's made her work – for all the dates she's canceled to keep him from falling apart. Also, for the days and nights she spent taking care of him during his recovery. She deserves this, she thinks, even if it is a fantasy -- a wish with a shelf life. She deserves his smiles and the adoring light in his eyes. And she'll be damned if she gives all that up a single moment before she's forced to. Her gaze travels to his smiling lips and she recalls his kisses from the night before, and the dreams that plague her still. She can't remember a time when she didn't want his kiss, or yearn for the feel of his hands on her naked skin. That's what scares her the most, she realizes. If she allows herself to sink completely into this fantasy, what will become of her? How will she survive once the real world invades again? She's loved him forever. Well, maybe not forever, but a good long time, at any rate. She thinks of making love to him; the catch in her breath and the blush that warms her cheeks, takes her by surprise. "What is it?" he asks, smiling as he notes the reddening of her fair skin. "Nothing," she fibs, shaking off the images, and his question. "So… red?" "'Tis the season," he leers. Donna checks the price tag, her eyebrows rising at the exorbitant "sale" price. Josh, deducing her dilemma, snatches the hanger from her hand. "This one's on me," he announces. Donna opens her mouth to object, and then thinks better of it. He seems determined to splurge his money on the red bikini. She recalls a pair of shoes he promised her for coming in on a Saturday morning. Shoes that never made it to the bottom of her closet – or out of the store for that matter. Because Joey Lucas stormed into their lives and Josh forgot all about his meager promises to her and proceeded to throw himself into that twisted romantic farce. Which ended up being not at all romantic, much to her well-hidden relief. The man really doesn't know how to flirt. Shoes? Bikini? What's the difference, really? He can buy her the bathing suit and she'll call it even. He owes her this. Damn straight. "Will I get to see you in this?" Josh asks. His voice drops to a whisper as he leans down to her ear. The electric shock that shoots through her floods her mind with images of last night. Josh, catching the sensitive flesh of her lobe between his teeth. Josh – whispering that he wanted to make love to her. Donna closes her eyes to fight off the warmth gathering in her center. She also decides to reconsider her earlier declaration regarding Josh and his inability to flirt because from where she's standing, he's doing just fine. But this isn't Josh, she tells herself. This is Josh on crack; this is Josh hopped up on Christmas magic. By tomorrow he'll be back to his insensitive, wisecracking self. He'll be the Josh she fell in love with, even if she won't be here to see it. "Can we shop at Victoria's Secret next?" he inquires. The hopeful look in his eyes belies the punch line in his voice. "I don't know," she retorts. "Do they even sell long underwear? I don't think I'll need sexy underwear on the slopes. Not unless Lars pans out." "Now you're just being cruel. I won't succumb to jealousy," he announces bravely. He hands over his credit card to the salesgirl and leans against the counter, his ravenous gaze devouring Donna from head to toe. Despite his decree, he can't deny that there's a rather large green monster munching away on the inner lining of his stomach. Just yesterday, he would've sworn there was something between them. A chemistry. He awakes each morning looking forward to what every day with Donna would bring. He likes the way she verbally and wittily manhandles him. He likes that she knows he prefers his burgers extra well done. He was positive they had a thing, but now he's not so sure. She holds herself back from him, as though she's afraid to take that step forward. Josh ponders this line of thought as the day continues. At one point during their shopping excursion, he slips away to buy her something special for Christmas. On the way back to their pre-appointed meeting place, he spies her in the window of Victoria's Secret. He smiles and thinks maybe she's buying a Christmas present for him. By the time he sits across from her at an elegantly appointed dinner table, he's pretty sure he's got her all figured out. The bulk of her experiences with men have been less than fulfilling. A relationship that went bad followed by meaningless date after meaningless date -- a long line of men who couldn't appreciate the beauty of Donnatella Moss. So, it only follows that she's afraid of starting something – especially when you throw in the fact that he's her boss, and her friend. Donna won't let him speak of his emotions. Emotions he's only recently unearthed. So, his only option is to show her how he feels. He vows to prove to her, in every way he can, that he loves her. He'll do whatever it takes, but first he has to clear the air. "I'm not like the others, Donna," he tells her over a well-done steak and a baked potato. "I'm not going to hurt you." She studies him for a moment and he cringes when the sadness, the sense of inevitability, fills her eyes. "I don't think you can help it, Josh." His knife and fork make a clinking sound when he sets them on the plate. Brown eyes drill into crystal blue as he attempts to ascertain the meaning behind her words. "I didn't realize you thought so little of me." "It's not that, Josh," she defends, unable to look him in the eye. "Then, please, explain it to me." "I'm not…." She begins. "You're not feeling what you think you're feeling. "I'm just…convenient." "Donnatella," he laughs. "You are the least convenient woman I have ever known." "What is that supposed to mean?" She leans back against the chair, her body language demanding an explanation. "It means that if I wanted just an affair, you would be the last woman I would choose." Somewhere, buried in his clarification, were words she'd always dreamed of hearing. For the first time since last night, Donna's tempted to give into the magic Christmas offers. After dessert, he pays the check and asks her if she'd like to take a walk. The air is wet and cold; snowflakes float down only to melt into the slick sidewalk. He takes her hand as they walk, and she lets him. Her shoes hit an icy patch, but he pulls her against his chest, saving her from an embarrassing and possibly painful fall. The surge of adrenaline from her near accident sends her heart racing and her lungs working overtime. Puffs of condensation fill the air around them as the sounds of heavy breathing overwhelm all others. Alone, in this silent pocket of space and time, the couple hears nothing but the sounds of their breath and sees nothing but one another. Her cheeks are pink from the cold and the golden glow from the street lamps sets her hair ablaze. Her gloved hands grip his muscular shoulders, though there is no longer the danger of falling. Not to the ground, anyway. Donna watches as his gaze shifts to her lips. She knows he's going to kiss her long before he actually does. It's probably mere seconds, but it seems like an eternity to her. When his slow motion lips meet hers, her body relaxes, melting into his. She can feel him smile against her mouth. Calculated for just the right moment, his arms tighten around her waist, just as his tongue slips past her lips to taste the warmth of her mouth. She tastes of tiramisu and a rich red wine. Donna groans as his tongue strokes hers, and all he can think about is getting her home. He tears his mouth reluctantly away from hers. "My place is just a few blocks away," he suggests. "We can get the car and be there in two minutes." "Josh," she evades. "Just…come back to my place. For a little while? I want to give you your Christmas present." "I think I know what you want to give me." "No, you don't," he insists, his grin widening like the cat that ate the canary. "I got you something special this year." She relents, allowing him to tug her down the street back to his parked car. He grins boyishly as he opens the door for her and jogs around the front to the other side. She wonders if she's walking into a cleverly planned trap. When they reach his place, the snow is falling down harder and when they stumble inside they're covered in white flakes. He brushes the snow from the shoulders of her coat before taking it from her and hanging it on the rack. "Are you warm enough?" he asks. "And if I said I wasn't?" "I'd offer to warm you up." "I'm fine," she replies. "I can turn the heat up," he offers. She's jumpy and when he reaches to touch her she steps away, making a beeline for the sofa. She's forced to move papers out of the way before she can sit. She removes her faux leather gloves and tosses them on the coffee table before rubbing her hands together to generate the warmth she lied about feeling. He bounces on the balls of his feet, wondering what to do with her now that he got her here. He wants to take her in his arms and kiss away her doubts, but she's withdrawn from him again, and he knows it will take more than putting the moves on her to bring her back. "I promised you your present," he decides. "Yes, a Christmas present. What will it be this year? A gift certificate for ten Blockbuster rentals? A Chia Pet in the shape of a mountain goat? Perhaps it's a—" He holds small box wrapped in festive paper before her, interrupting her sarcastic guessing game. "None of the above," he urges her to take it. She narrows her eyes suspiciously as she takes the box from his outstretched hand. She's afraid to open it; afraid to find what's packed inside, but she finds herself unraveling the package anyway, as though overcome with unquenchable curiosity. It's a jewelry box. She notices that right away – it would be impossible not to. The black velvet cover creaks loudly as she eases it open. Nestled inside is diamond-encrusted tennis bracelet. Her breath catches in her throat as the diamonds wink back her. Mocking her. No one knows better than she that she's fostered the whole notion that diamonds are a girl's best friends. She's never felt guilty about that until now. Of course, she's never really had a reason to. "I can't accept this," she croaks, quietly closing the box. "What?" The disbelief in his eyes is impossible to miss. "Josh, it's a beautiful bracelet, but it isn't meant for me." "Funny" he replies, "it screamed your name when I saw it in the jewelry store." "It's too much." Her throat tightens painfully. "You should take it back. Maybe you can get a refund." "I don't want a refund, Donna." "Look." She stands from the sofa. If she puts some distance between them, resisting him will be easier, she tells herself. With the bracelet, she realizes, he's gone too far. The wish has taken him beyond the acceptable realm. And the only conclusion she can draw is that it's time to come clean. "Last night, you came to my place and blurted out that you're in love with me." "I remember. I was there." "Right," she says. "You and I both know that's not like you, Josh. You're not yourself. Can't you see it? Where's the lack of respect? Where's the passive-aggression?" "So…let me get this straight. You won't accept my gift because I'm not an asshole?" "You're not Josh," she clarifies. "Then, tell me. Who am I?" "You're not you. You're…under a spell." She throws her arms up in frustration and sinks back down into the sofa, dropping her head into her hands. "That's just ridiculous." "It's not," she insists. "I made a wish." "A wish," he parrots. "You made a wish." "It was wrong. I know that now," she blames herself. "There was…. Here, I'll show you." Donna rummages through her purse, emerging with the wishing angel. "I found this," she explains. "It's a wishing angel, and I made a wish on it. I thought it was crazy, too… except that the wish came true." "What was the wish?" he inquires, humoring her folly. She takes a deep breath, summoning her courage. "I wished that you would love me." Josh shuffles his feet, moving from one side to another as he considers her admission. He's relieved to know that the feelings he had suspected she had for him had not been merely optimistic thinking on his part. He turns around to her, prepared to debate the issue. "You're saying that my feelings for you are…manufactured? The product of a wish you made." "Yes," she whispers, shamefully. "I'm so sorry, Josh. This isn't what I wanted." "What did you want?" "Something real," she confesses. "Something lasting. But I wanted it with you…the real you." "And I'm not the real me." "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Josh. You're under a spell. You're not thinking clearly. But by tomorrow you'll have forgotten all about this. "Tomorrow? What happens tomorrow?" "The magic of the angel is limited," she explains. "It only lasts for 24 hours. In the morning you'll wake up and you won't remember any of this." "Do you have any idea how crazy you sound?" He laughs, and she's surprised to hear relief in his voice, rather than the censure she expected. "Yes," she sighs. "I know. But it doesn't change the truth. That's why I can't take the bracelet, Josh. "You might as well take it," he waves her off. "I can't get my money back, and no one deserves diamonds more than you." "See, there you go again. You're doing it." "Doing what?" "Saying things my Josh wouldn't say." His mouth turns up, crinkling dimples on the side of face. He loves the sound of Donna referring to him as `my Josh'. "I still don't see why you can't take the bracelet. It's a gift, Donna. Don't you like it?" "I love it," she confesses. "It's beautiful, but I don't want it under false pretenses. Tomorrow you'll snap out of it and wonder where all your money went." "Fine," he agrees, taking the jewelry box from her. "I'll just put it away in my sock drawer, and give it to you tomorrow. Will you accept it then?" "Yes," she tells him, because it's easier than arguing with him about the fate of tomorrow. "You don't believe me." "No," he replies. "I mean…I believe that you think you're telling me the truth. I can see that all over your face. But I don't believe in magic, and more importantly, I don't believe that magic can make me feel something I don't." "It was just a wish," she shrugs. "A stupid wish." "Then why did you make it?" "Because it's Christmas and I was lonely." "Because you love me?" he ventures, unaware that he's holding his own breath. She looks away, unable to speak the words or confirm his suspicions, afraid of giving up that much of herself. She'll keep the words inside, because speaking them aloud would destroy her. "Donna," he whispers. His fingers brush her cheek, as he leans in to claim her lips with his. Their bodies are drawn together like magnets to true north, while their hands grasp and clutch at their clothing. Wishes and magic are funny things, she realizes, because they can be interpreted in a number of ways. Broad or literal, she's not sure what she truly wanted when she held the wishing angel to her heart and spoke the words. And she's even less sure of how those words were taken. She does know, however, that at least part of her wish included this. Even if she couldn't admit it until his arms were around her. She's lost, and she knows it. No matter how deep she digs, she'll never be able to summon the strength to turn him away. Right now, the knowledge that the morning will bring only harsh reality isn't enough to overcome her need to ease the aching hurt inside of her, both physical and metaphysical. "How much time?" he questions, his lips feasting on hers. "Just a few hours," she answers, clutching more tightly at him. "We'll have to make the best with what we've got." He drags her into the bedroom, kicking open the door, while simultaneously lifting her sweater over her head. There's a turtleneck beneath it, and Josh curses the necessity for winter clothing. **** She had expended quite a bit of energy and thought working out the logistics of removing herself from his embrace without waking him. A waste of effort, she realizes, because he's dead to the world, exhausted by his vigorous lovemaking. Or maybe it's some sort of enchanted sleep, like the people of Brigadoon, overtaking him as the magic wears off. Donna curls up against the headboard at the outermost corner of the best. She draws her knees to her naked chest, setting her chin atop them to observe his slumber. He's so peaceful, she thinks – and so still. A direct contradiction to his waking self. It must, she assumes, be part of the wish. She watches him for hours, it seems. Long past the time she should leave, long after the time when the magic is due to expire. With every breath he takes, she prays he doesn't wake to find her there. She can't bear to leave him yet, not after the way he loved her, and not after the things he whispered in her ear. In this second, as she watches him sleep, Donna fears everything. She's afraid Josh will wake up and ask what she's doing here, and why they're naked. She's afraid of the weirdness and embarrassment that will surely ensue. She's afraid of the approaching sunrise. But, as she notes the smile of contentment on his face, she's more afraid that she'll never feel this way about anyone else ever again. Donna climbs quietly from the bed, careful in the shifting of her weight. In the hours after making love with him, she's arrived at the grudging acceptance that this beautiful, excruciating day has come to an end. "You're right, Mom,' she whispers as she gazes down upon Josh. "You have to be careful what you wish for." With a breaking heart, she gathers her clothes and dresses quietly in the living room. From her cell phone, she speed dials #20, a 24-hour taxi service she uses on a regular basis. She informs the dispatcher the address for pick up and that there's no need to honk – she'll be watching. As the rising sun begins to brighten the morning sky, Donna stands at the door of Josh's bedroom. His face is turned away from her, the white sheet strategically covering his body. He'll wake with the sun and a chill in the sheets. She's tempted to cover him so that he can sleep a while longer. She takes a step forward before her practical mind bludgeons her instinct to take care of him. A voice inside her heads tells her to get out while she still can. Donna steps back to the doorway, grasping the knob to close the door behind her. With a hand on the door, she leans her head against the cold painted surface. "Merry Christmas, Josh," she whispers in a broken voice, before turning to go. The taxi is waiting on the street as promised, and she loads her shopping bag into the back seat before sliding in and informing the driver her address. Checking her watch, Donna calculates that she has four hours to return home, finish her packing, and get to the airport before her flight leaves for Reno. She goes through the motions, feeling like a rag doll made of cotton rather than flesh and blood. She packs her things without her usual attention to detail before setting her suitcase by the door. Under a scalding stream of water in the shower, she washes his scent from her body, but she knows she'll never be able to forget the aroma that permeated the room after they made love -- a scent unique to its participants. It stays with her, will stay forever – imprinted in the deepest recesses of her memory. Scrubbed raw and clean, she dons clothes for her journey, with a mind towards comfort rather than fashion. At the airport, she sits listlessly in a hard plastic chair as she awaits the boarding call for the first leg of her journey. Her mind, filled only with thoughts of Josh, dreams up romantic scenarios of airport encounters where he races down the concourse and begs her to stay. She believes she would agree this time. A simple wish, she thinks, made from her heart, has killed the very organ that originated it. She doesn't believe the poison is immediate, since her heart hurts enough to convince her it's not yet in its final death throes, but that it seems a rather slow acting venom – eating away at her piece by piece, until eventually she'll be nothing but dried up inside. She's thankful for this chance to go away, to take the opportunity to retreat and lick her wounds. What she needs now is a quiet place where she can heal. Some place where she can beat away the dreams she made and the nightmares she's sure will come, and emerge a stronger woman. She needs this time to figure out how she can ever face Josh again, or the best way to explain it to him if she can't. The two-hour layover in the Atlanta airport stretches into seven, thanks to the crush of the holiday pace, but Donna hardly notices. She boards the plane for Reno, a subdued presence amid a crowd of cheerful holiday travelers. Or maybe they just seem cheerful in comparison. Instantly she recognizes her bitterness in the face of their Christmas joviality. She stares out the plane's window, unsuccessfully attempting to block out both the sounds of laughing travelers and crying babies alike. "You don't look like you're in much of a Christmas spirit," interrupts a voice from the seat beside her. "I guess I'm not," she replies. Her voice feels as though it's a thousand miles away. "I'm Spencer." The man holds out his hand as introduction. He's handsome and Donna stamps down the involuntary comparison to Josh. But, of course, his fashionable clothing and noticeably British accent allows her to set it easily aside. "Donna," she nods. "You look like you've just lost your best friend," he notes. Donna's eyes water. "I may have." "I'm sorry," Spencer apologizes. Reaching into a pocket he retrieves a handkerchief. "That was badly done of me." Donna accepts the linen gratefully, using it to sop up the tears spilling down her cheeks. "I made a wish." The words spill from her lips as uncontrollably as the tears from her eyes. "It was just a stupid wish. And then…." She heaves a breath. "Then it came true." "I'm afraid I'm not following." He thinks her emotional frenzy might be comic if she weren't so sincere. "Be careful what you wish for, Spencer. That's what my mother always said. Well…not the `Spencer' part, but you know what I mean. I didn't believe her. I should've believed her." "The wish wasn't what you wanted?" "It was everything I wanted," she contradicts. "It was even things I didn't know I wanted. It was diamonds, and wine, and kisses and… other things." "It ended badly?" Spencer thinks he may finally be piecing together this woman's scattered explanations. "It ended beautifully." "Ah," he intones. "Avoiding the inevitable bad ending." "Exactly." "Donna," Spencer sighs, "may I speak plainly?" "I don't see why not." "You're behaving like an imbecile." "Okay, maybe not that plainly." "Do you love him?" "More than anything," she squeaks, taking another swipe at tears on her cheeks. "Then why didn't you stay and fight for him?" "Because I..." Donna attempts to defend her actions, but she finds her usual excuses lacking somehow. Things like `he's my boss' or `it could cause a scandal' just don't hold the weight they once did. All she knows is that her heart aches, and that it's a weight she's not sure she can carry. "Because you allowed your fear to decide you destiny," he fills in the blanks. Donna recalls the caveat Mrs. K made about the magic of the wishing angel. She's said the magic would last 24 hours, and after that it would be up to her. "Yes, I did," whispers Donna. "The question is, my dear mysterious Donna, what are you going to do about it now?" "I wish I knew." ****
Text file Source (historic): geocities.com/wwwhores/thecookiejar
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