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Proof that girls are evil...

Firstly we state that girls require Time and Money:

Girls = Time x Money

As we all know Time is Money:

Time = Money

Therefore:

Girls = Money x Money = (Money)²

And because Money is the root of all Evil:

Money = √Evil

Therefore:

Girls = (√Evil)²

Girls = Evil !

One Liners...

668: The Neighbor of the Beast...

Not tonight dear.... I have a modem...

To all you virgins... thanks for nothing...

Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
I am schizophrenic,
And so am I...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore...

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock...

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes...

People who think they're perfect are very annoying to those of us who really are...

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is your list of girls who were naughty...

Statistics are like bikinis; what they conceal is more important than what they reveal...

The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong...

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married,
and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked...

The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book,
your library card has expired...

"Push to test." <click> "Release to detonate."

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it...

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest,
but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone..

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."
 

Clinton & Saddam...

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for talks on sanctions.
When Bill sits down he notices Saddam's chair has 3 buttons on the armrest.
They begin talking but after 5 minutes Saddam presses a button and a
boxing glove pops out of Clinton's chair and bashes him in the face.
Clinton, barely believing it, carries on talking but after another few
minutes Saddam presses a second button and out comes a large boot and
kicks him up the arse.
Clinton is pissed off but still remains outwardly calm.
They resume the talks, but after 5 minutes Saddam presses the final
button and from under the table another boxing glove hits Clinton
right in the nuts. Clinton is really fed up by now and stands up to
leave. "We'll continue this talk next week in the White House" says
the President.
Saddam, choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands.

A week later, Clinton receives Saddam in the Oval Office, and as
Saddam sits down, he sees 3 buttons on the arm-rest of Clinton's
chair. As the meeting goes on, Saddam sees Clinton press the first
button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen. This
doesn't stop Clinton from laughing......really loudly. After this,
Clinton continues where he left off, until he presses another button.
Saddam reacts quickly, and jumps up.
Absolutely nothing happens and this time Clinton falls out of his
chair laughing.
Saddam doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he
hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further.
After a few minutes Clinton presses the final button. This time Saddam
stays sitting, but Clinton isn't, he's rolling on the floor, doubled up
from laughing.
Saddam is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his chair and
shouts:
"I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Baghdad".
(Through tears of laughter on the floor) - "Baghdad?.......what fucking Baghdad?"