Rain
by K. Wyse
The rain that fell with the lashing winds, stung with bullet precision.
The overcast skies threw dark grey light into the gloomy tension that
hung between them. Blinking rapidly, Zoisite stared after Ami's
retreating back. Fighting to keep water from both entering and leaving
his jade green eyes, he called out after her. He blinked away the rain
and his tears, and ran towards her. He reached for her arm with a
shaking hand, hoping fervently that she would not shrug off his grip.
Feeling the warmth of his hand upon her frozen self, Ami stopped walking
and wondered why she had stopped. After all, he meant nothing to her
now, right? She did not turn around to face him. She was afraid to face
him. She was afraid that if she saw his face, saw his eyes, she would
lose all her resolve. She would lose her will to walk away. So, she just
stood her ground in the pouring rain, not looking at him.
Though they stood like that for mere seconds, the silence between them
stretched many millenia. It was Zoisite who broke the stalemate. "Don't
leave." The two words fell from his lips like a flutter of cherry
blossom petals. Loaded with all the emotions he felt, they wafted to her
ears with a breath of Spring hope. His hope.
"No." It was so soft that Zoisite was not sure if he had heard it
correctly. He hoped that it was just his imagination, and waited for her
to speak. "Why shouldn't I go? There's nothing here for me anymore. The
only thing that could keep me here ... you threw away." With each word
she uttered, Zoisite felt like he was dying a little death so poignant,
that he wondered if he was still alive.
"I gave you my heart, Zoisite. And you threw it away. You never gave me
your heart, so I am now without one. A human being cannot survive
without a heart; *I* cannot survive without a heart." Ami took a deep
breath and still she kept her eyes on anything other than the man who
had won her heart but then threw it away. "My heart's gone. I have to go
find it. I have to leave." Yet, she made no move to step away.
Another silence stretched between them. Ami stood stiffly, fighting the
urge to shiver in her drenched light cotton shirt. Her head bowed, she
stared down at her feet and concentrated on the strong tattoo that the
rain was drumming across the bare of her neck where her short thick hair
did not cover. Without meaning to, her bright blue eyes peeked out and
saw that Zoisite now stood in front of her rather than to one side of
her. She caught a glimpse of Zoisite's chest due to the rain causing his
white shirt to become transparent. She blushed and her eyes darted back
to their intent stare upon the ground.
Zoisite felt the most amazing agony. It was an astounding pain that
neither diminished nor seemed to originate from any specific region of
his anatomy. And if he loosened his hold on Ami's arm, the pain would
double. If he even leaned away from her, the pain would increase five
fold. So that was how he found himself, slowly inching towards her. In
almost no time at all, his arms were enveloped around her, his taller
frame sheltering her from the peltering rain.
Ami shivered. It was a slow and sensuous shiver born of both cold and
lust. It felt so heavenly to be pressed against him once more. She just
hoped that she had the strength to pull away when the time came to
leave. She could hardly think of walking away when his warm breath
tickled the side of her neck, when his large hands pressed into the
small of her back, and when his lips began to nibble the edge of one
ear. Afraid of losing her resolve, she struggled to be free of his
embrace.
Zoisite would not fight her. No matter how much it hurt to let her step
away from him. However, when the pain began to splinter into his head,
shattering any coherent thought, he grabbed her face and brought it
closer so that their foreheads pressed against each other and their
noses just touched. Breathing harshly, he stared desperately into her
eyes, trying to convey the pain that created havoc within him whenever
she tried to go.
"Zoisite. You're hurting me, let go." Her warm breath misted the air
around, and framed their faces.
"See. You're still alive. You're still breathing. You do have a heart.
You have mine beating for you. And I know this because I am feeling the
most incredible pain. My heart is leaving me for you. And I am willing
to give you my heart, only you'll be leaving with it, and I'll miss it
ever so much. I don't think I can bear to let two of the three most
important things in my life leave me on today of all days."
Ami wanted to cry. It was so like him to say something like this to sway
her mind. Damn him. Damn him and his golden curls. Damn him and his
words. Damn him. "What's the third thing? And why not today?"
"I can't let you go today because it's raining. The skies are crying.
They don't want you to leave me. And the third most important thing is
your heart. I never threw it away. I kept it safe in the place where my
soul rests. You only thought I had thrown it away when I didn't give you
mine. Now, I'm giving you my heart. Won't you please stay?" His hands
had stopped their crushing pressure upon her face and now sat fastened
around her petite waist.
She shook her head, tears flung side to side. She pushed against him
with her hands, walking backwards. "Stop it! Stop saying those things!"
Her hands clenched into fists and she began to hit him, pounding his
chest in an attempt to rid herself of the emotional turmoil that gripped
her. "Why do you do this? Why do you say all these things, and then hold
me, and then make me fall in love with you again? Why? Why dammit? Why
do I keep on falling in love with you? Deeper and deeper, like a
bottomless pit. Why? Why is there so much confusion, and hurt, and rain,
...
"And I'm so scared of believing your words because, what if they're
false? What if you don't mean them? Why do you say things that you don't
mean? Why do you say these things?" Her tirade ended with the last
sentence being screamed. Exhausted, she sank into his arms, and sobbed.
Zoisite calmly stroked her head, holding it against his chest, and made
soothing noises. He answered her questions when he felt her sobs
subside.
"For someone so brilliant, I'm surprised you don't know the answer to
such a simple question." She punched him lightly, not in the mood for
jokes. "Well, the reason why I say all these things, is because I want
you to know how I feel. Everything I say, it's all true -- down to the
last word. I love you, Ami. Ever since that first time we stood in the
rain."
Ami's head shot up, and she stared, her mouth agape. "Say that last part
again."
"Ever since the first-"
"No, the part before that." She interrupted.
"Every word I say is the truth-"
"Zoi!"
"Ami, I love you." Her eyes misted over. And she stood on tip-toes so
their eyes were level with each other. In a faint whisper, "You've never
said that before."
"I was frightened, Ami. I was too frightened to admit that I was in love
with you. I thought I'd be safe from getting hurt if you didn't know. I
didn't realise that it didn't matter if you knew or not, love would hurt
me anyway.
"I was so delirious with happiness when you first told me you loved me.
But I was selfish. I wanted to take your love and keep the love I felt
for you. I wanted to be the one to possess all the love between us. I'm
sorry Ami."
They both shared tears of happiness, glad to be together again. The salt
water mingled with the rain that washed away their troubles and they
continued to stand beneath the crying skies. He began to rectify his
mistakes, beginning with tiny butterfly kisses all over her face, each
kiss punctuated with a declaration of love.
"I love you, Ami. I love you, I love you, I love you-"
"I love you too, Zoi. Now kiss me properly." He was only too happy to
oblige.
~fin
Lingering kisses in the falling rain
Soft caresses promise pleasure and pain
Passionate desire flow hot through my veins
So much love, I think I'll go insane
A.N. This story was pretty plotless and pointless, but it sure was fun
to write! I hope you enjoyed it but if you didn't, I hope you'll let me
know what was so bad.
Storyline and poem (c) K. Wyse, October 2002
(
geocities.com/wyse_k)