29.FEB.04
    RENEWAL

Today marks this year as a leap year. Today is the one extra day with an extra 24 hours. Today only happens once every four years. And yet, today felt like any other day. Now, this superfluous day has drawn to a close, and i let slip away into another aeon of four years...feeling just a little rueful...till we meet again O'fleeting day.


26.FEB.04
    HSC RAPED ME

The BEHEMOTH lunged froth and the earth shoke.

shit shit shit shit SHIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ...fuck i feel gross.


25.FEB.04
    NEVER AGAIN

I'm going to borrow Tennyson, Maud's quote from today forth.

"I...smile a hard-set smile, like a stoic and let the world have its way."


23.FEB.04
    IMPRESSION

Traits which impresses.
1. Confidence (but there is a fine line between that and excessive ego)
2. Intelligence (witty repartees are the constitution for chemistry)
3. Respect (if you lack this, then you lack empathy and thus lacking any emotional connection to anyone else)
4. Humor (need i explain...the benefits of laughter?)
5. Integrity (because its rare, its precious)

Despite the given guidelines, being yourself and not lurking behind an empty facade of deciet or false impressions, is a trait thats worthy of value.

P.S oh and the footnote will be...im sick again and feel like shit, so nothing is really going to impress me at the moment...except for maybe a good night's sleep...which i might add is too late for, considering its already past 12 as i write this long addition of jibberish. I think im delirious from the fever. Must make mental note to rest.


22.FEB.04
    VANITY FAIR

Feeding the ego...i crave


18.FEB.04
    CONFRONTATION

I must say, i am not an upfront person. Hitherto, i've always exerted myself to say what i want, and simply allowed my conscious to flow through. However, i've found this trait to be NOT of my genetic personality, and that it has been palpably enforced upon to the likings of being "heard". I say this because, i regret not possessing this confrontational nature, for it would have rescued me from acts of perversity and pure vileness. Being in a train body to body like canned tuna provides a perfect milieu for these filthy Deprivitees to thrive. I feel an ambivalence of self-loathe, nausea and patheticness. I wish i had shouted out abuse into the jam-packed train or at least caused physical damage to the Pig. But i contended to throwing him a measly dirty look and wild curses inside my head. I am so disgusted at my feebleness.

On a lighter note, i went to the fish markets today for lunch during my Free periods. It was rather pleasing both to my "leisure time" (or what left of it) and the stomach. Count down to mid-term break. I'll just conclude this unusually long blog with my-favourite-line-from-a-male-poet. Coleridge.

For he on honey-dew hath fed, And drunk the milk of Paradise


16.FEB.04
    FRAGMENT

Questions i often hear.
1. Why cant you be fat and happy?
2. What do you want to eat?
3. Want some of my mud slice?
4. Want to go and buy food?

There is a terrible fear within me that the great Behemoth will unleash itself...and i shall never re-gain control.


14.FEB.04
    VALENTINE

I am, once again, without a He to occupy my thoughts or to spill from my tongue. Time nor Fate permits it. There is, however, no remorse or abandonment in my words, for I am with the people I love most...my family.


11.FEB.04
    SURPRESSION

The cavity of my mind has caved in, i am surpressed by an omnibus of obligations. O Weekend, i summmon you!


09.FEB.04
    OVERWHELMED

I need a holiday.

Oh and money...lots of it.


06.FEB.04
    BOLD

I had the perfect view today. Of the top of a little man's polished bowling ball head. Considering the dull and lifeless trips of public transportation which i have to endure again since school's started, i was intrigued by his baldness. (He seemed a little too non-chalent however, despite the fact that i was literally breathing down his neck) Anyhow, his little tangerine sphere at first blinded me by its lustrous surface, which, incidently led me to inspect it closer. For, stupendously, it was not a hairless smooth round cranium as you would expect. It was quite the contrary of the latter.

The egg-like head was coated in a grapefruit pink scalp, which was bumpy and goosely...like chicken skin. Through-out this circular surface area were obsecure tiny little hair folicles. Similar to a glistening field of sprouting translucent grass...no longer than a centimetre each. Amongst this "jungle" of seemingly non-existent hair was the occassional longer course black ones that protruded rudely from the rest. Unfortunately, there wasnt enough to be noticed from afar. And right in the middle of this landscape, is a glossy scalp of landing strip which travels from the forehead all the way down to the neck, which remains hairless and varnished and reflective. I know little of the purpose this empty patch serves nor of the perculiar hair folicles that grow stunted and colourless around it. But it kept monotonous minutes at bay.


03.FEB.04
    RETURN

Like birds, we flock back onto solid ground after a deluge.


02.FEB.04
    EUPHORIA

Hitherto, ive been trying desperately to organise an outing to the beach with friends. However, the damn weather seems to oppose in every occassion. Despite the threatening clouds, I obstinately persisted on going to Manly with a not so coterie. Anyhow, since i was the adverse of stolid, i managed to squeeze this last day of the holidays to its full extent of Euphoria.

On a totally different note, i was returning home, and was confiscated in the many memories shared between me and Alcohol.

The first time I was drunk. The slippage was fantastic, seeing the lean of the world from the privilege of a happy state. It was always intense if not happy, a state of the most incredible heightening. This laxity, this dispensation, this letting go is why drunkenness is such a crime. It lets you do anything. There was no regard for safety or circumspection. To not have the regard. Anarchic. Amoral. Bliss.


01.FEB.04
    DULL

From hence forward, my year will be stultified.

Let us pray.