{Jay Leno comes out from the back, and walks to the middle of the stage. Leno shakes hands with the fans, as the all slowly take their seats.}
Jay Leno: “Alright, alright how you doing Kevin, what a weekend, you know I have been following the news and can you believe Nicole Ritchie received 82 hours in jail, 82 hours! The judge came to this decision after throwing out the original sentence saying two days just wasn’t enough! Now Paris is being called a lifer, I also heard that Michael Vick was thinking of moving to LA now, after pleading guilty to dog fighting charges….Who didn’t see that one coming back to bite him in the butt! Oh and how about this, Dunkin’ Donuts has announced they are taking Trans fats out of the menu, now since when did Dunkin’ Donuts have a menu? And finally folks Tori Spelling has said that she is thinking of having a second child with her husband Dean McDermott, Britney Spears also announced that she was thinking of having a second child, until on of her assistance told her she already had one, to which she answered WHAT? Ladies and Gentlemen say help to Kevin Eubanks; we will be right back with Headlines.”
{Jay comes back from commercial sitting behind his.}
Jay Leno: “Well folks it’s time for this weeks headlines.”
Jay Leno: “Changing one word can change the whole meaning of a sentence. This is for breakfast with Santa.”
Jay Leno: “A photographer will be able to take the kids' and adults' pictures for a slight feel.”
Jay Leno: “Here you go… Here's a good deal… 'The Hog Wild Barbeque will be serving food, as well as local girl scouts.' Take two! They're small!”
Jay Leno: “You know, this is the stupidest product I've ever seen. It's the Toilet Paper Teaser. 'The fun doesn't stop at the bathroom door. Install this puzzle with your roll of toilet paper. Guests must figure out how to get it unlocked to use it.' No, I don't want to be teased while sitting on someone else's toilet, okay?!'”
Jay Leno: “These two cute girls thought this was so funny when they saw it on a plane flight…Apparently, white people are okay to get off the plane, but black people aren’t.”
Jay Leno: “Here's another one of these police blotters… It's a rather sad story, but… 'In Knoxville, Tenn., in September, Thomas Martin McGouey, 51, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self defense. McGouey's plan failed because Knox County Sheriff deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed with 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other.' Come on! The guy is wearing a bull's-eye on his shirt!!!”
Jay Leno: “And finally, here's a good idea… 'Emergency agencies to get unlisted phone numbers.' You know, we're so sick of people calling 911 that we just made it unlisted.’ When we come back ICWL’s X-Rated!”
{Leno goes to commercial, then returns, with Jay still sitting hind his desk.}
Jay Leno: “Our first guest tonight is from the World of Professional wrestling. He has been on this show more time then any other professional wrestler, please welcome from the ICWL, X-Rated!”
{X-Rated comes out from the back in black dress pants, a forest green dress shirt, and a sports coat. He meets Jay and shakes hands before taking a set to Jay’s right.}
Jay Leno: “It’s great to see you again, how have you been doing? I understand that have had a baby since the last time you were here.”
X-Rated: “I’ve been good, busy, but good, yeah, my wife and I welcomed our first child, a baby boy, on May 26.”
Jay Leno: “Congratulations on that how have you found parenthood so far?”
X-Rated: “To be honest with you Jay, I really wish I was home a bit more to enjoy it. I mean the ICWL is great, and the schedule isn’t all that overwhelming, but it still requires me to be on the road, and you know what they say, they grow so fast. Over all I enjoy being a father, it’s the most rewarding thing I have ever done.”
Jay Leno: “Now last time you were here you were with a different company, then the ICWL, so what made you go back?”
X-Rated: “It’s a long story, but the short version is that after I started in the PPW the creative team had no idea what to do with me. They wanted me to change everything about me and package me into something completely different. Now when I signed with that company, I reserved 100% creative control, so we basically separated due to creative differences. The ICWL and I parted ways cleanly when I left, so there was never a question of whither I would be welcomed back or not. So here I am, back in the ICWL.”
Jay Leno: “And I understand that you are in a match this Saturday against the World Champion.”
X-Rated “Yeah, I’m facing the current World Champion, Arsenic, that reminds me, I was watching you do the headlines segment and it reminded me of this article I read last week, this come from the Argus Leader, out of Sioux Falls, SD. Now this I only brought because this is about as close to truth in news as you can get. The editor of the paper, certainly used the words he could to get the truth out, here look at this.”
{X-Rated reaches back behind him and pulls out a piece of black bristle board.}
X-Rated: “Read the Headline of this one, Arsenic Siouxs Everything.”
Jay Leno: “Did you just say that Arsenic Sucks at Everything?”
X-Rated: “That basically what I thought when I read it! And if that’s what the editor was trying to say he nailed it on the head in my opinion, because Arsenic sucks at everything! Arsenic has been in the ICWL for a short time now, and he walks around the locker room with such a chip on his shoulder. His ego is the size of this studio, and it seems to grow bigger and bigger with each passing week. Jay it’s like this, Arsenic is what I made him. I was the one that made Arsenic the star he is today, not him, not the front office. He owes me a great deal, because if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be the World Champion.”
Jay Leno: “Hey, we have to take a commercial break, do you think you could stick around to talk a bit more in the next segment?”
X-Rated: “Sure I can!”
Jay Leno: “Alright, we will be back with more with X-Rated.”
{The show cuts to commercial, after a few commercials the show comes back to air}
Jay Leno: “Welcome back, we are here with X-Rated, a superstar in the world of professional wrestling. Now you said that this week you are facing Arsenic, but correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you tag team partners with that guy like two weeks ago?”
X-Rated: “Yeah I was, but that wasn’t by choice, I was forced into this match up with him, which I didn’t have a problem with until the Vice President put the World Tag Team Championships on the line, and I just couldn’t handle working with him week in and week out. I didn’t want to be World Tag Team Champion with the likes of Arsenic, Being the only True Talent on the roster, I have to be careful who I allow myself to be seen with. Arsenic isn’t at my level as a competitor, and frankly he’s going to learn that this weekend when I whip him from pillar to post, and prove to everyone in the crowd, tuning in on TV, and everyone at Sioux Falls, that what I have said is True, Arsenic is a fake, and a Sham, and his days a World Champion are number. Helping me him win the World Championship was the biggest miscalculation of my career.”
Jay Leno: “Wait, you helped him become World Champion?”
X-Rated: “Yeah, and what a mistake that turned out to be. It’s like this Jay, the Former World Champion, Bane Crow is perhaps the biggest joke of a champion since, well maybe ever, and I was tired of watching him compete against nobodies every week, I just couldn’t allow my record to be beaten like that, and by someone the caliber of Bane, so I came out, and I put an end to his record, and in the process I handed Arsenic the World Championship, and I have regretted it ever since. Jay, I’m going to be honest with you here, and speak right from the heart. When I first arrived in the ICWL, the World Championship actually meant something. The roster was chalk full of talented guys, but as of late, the Talent has become Sub-par and that’s putting it nicely. The days of Shane Jenkins, Deacon Frost, those days are long gone, and now we are in the days of putting the championship on people that can’t wrestle their way out of a wet paper bag, superstars like Arsenic, Bolt, Jason Black, these are not the stars of the Future, they are not even footnotes of what the ICWL could. I am the only True Talent that roster has left, and it’s time people like Arsenic realize that when the roster is full of Crap, being world Champion only means you are the number on turd. Arsenic has nothing to be proud of, he didn’t earn the World Championship, it was handed to him.”
Jay Leno: “Ok, this begs the question, if the ICWL is full of sub-par talent, when did you go back?”
X-Rated: “Simple Jay, to restore some credit to the organization. They are trying to attract top talent, they want to be able to compete on a large scale, and with the current crop of talent, they can’t do that. No one believes Arsenic is world Championship material, because Arsenic, the ICWL needs superstars, no candle flames. See, the term superstar was coined because you can see stars, millions of miles away and you burn for centuries. When you are a superstar, people see when you walk into a room., they know that for years to come, even after their gone, the true superstars will be remembered. And that’s me Jay, I’m a superstar, well Arsenic isn’t a superstar, he’s merely a candle flame, he’s great in the short term, but you know he is going to burn out sooner or later and once he does, you will move on to the next candle. Completely forgetting about the old one, almost as soon as it goes out.”
Jay Leno: “So you are basically saying that Arsenic is forgettable, and because of that, he’s not world Championship material.”
X-Rated: “Exactly Jay, Arsenic may make an acceptable World Champion in the short term, but when it’s all said and done, and fans look back in history, they wont think of him. When they see his name, they wont say ‘now that’s a real world champion’; however, when those same fans look back, and they see my name, they will say ‘X-Rated was the greatest World Champion in history, I wish I would have been able to see him wrestle’. And that Jay is the big difference between Arsenic and myself. He’s short term, and has no real longevity, well I will be remembered throughout Professional Wrestling history for being the Only True Talent in the ICWL, Past, Present or future, they don’t come any better then me!.”
Jay Leno: “Well, thanks for stopping by, it’s great to see you again, and say hello to the beautiful wife of yours. Ladies and Gentlemen X-Rated! Now when we come back Kevin Bacon will join us, as well as a performance by none other then Reba McEntire.”
-=X-Rated shakes hands with Jay as the show goes to a commercial break. =-