A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."
There were three mothers, talking about their teenage daughters. The brunette mother said that she found a beer bottle in her daughter's room, and she didn't know that she drank. The black haired mother said that she found rolling papers in her daughter's room, and she didn't know she did drugs. The blonde mother said she found condoms in her daughter's room, she didn't know she had a penis.
There was a blonde who tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came across a shephard herding his sheep across the road. She asks the shephard, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied," Sure."
Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one. He looks at her and says, "If I guess what colour your hair really is, can I have my dog back?!"
A brunette, who decided blondes really do have more fun, went to the salon to get a bleach job. When she got home, her husband admired her new blonde locks. "Thanks, honey," she said. "I hope you realize how much pain and suffering I had to go through to become a blonde." "Pain and suffering?" said her husband. "How much pain can there be in becoming a blonde?" "That was the easy part," said the new blonde. "What hurt was when they drilled the hole in my head and removed half my brain."
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies,"Shut up, you're next!"
Q: What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped."
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car."
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your pine air freshener swinging back and forth on your rearview mirror."
Q: What do blondes call brown hair dye?
A: Artificial intelligence.