1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male is making sense of the rules, she will immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female says or does something that could be interpreted as wrong, it is because of fragrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of what the male did or said wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologise immediately for causing the misunderstandings.
8. The female can change her mind at any point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without written expressed consent from the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstance let the male know whether or now she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. The male who doesn’t abide by the rules obviously can’t take the heat, lacks a backbone and is a wimp.
15. It is the job of the female to regularly remind the male that he can’t take the heat, lacks a backbone and is a wimp.
16. Any attempt by the male to document the rules could result in bodily harm.
17. At no time can the male make any such comments as ‘insignificant’ and ‘is that all’ when the female is complaining.
18. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void.

Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . .Men-tal Breakdown.
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: Why does a doctor slap the baby's butt right after it's born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q: When does a woman enjoy a man’s company?
A: When she owns it.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilise one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Sex is like air, it's not important unless you're not getting any.

Comebacks... He says - She says style

He says: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
She says: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

He says: I think I could make you very happy
She says: Why? Are you leaving?

He says: Can I have your name?
She says: Why, don't you already have one?

He says: Shall we go and see a film?
She says: I've already seen it!!!

He says: Where have you been all my life?
She says: Hiding from you.

He says: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She says: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

He says: Hey baby, what's your sign?
She says: 'Do not enter'.

He says: Your body is like a temple.
She says: Sorry, there are no services today.

He says: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She says: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

He says: Where have you been all my life?
She says: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

He says: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out!
She says: Okay, get out!!!

In all fairness - here's something for the guys.

HEALTH UPDATE ... Sad news about beer.
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The experts recommended that men take a look at their beer consumption and consider adjusting their intake.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.