Rejected Pictures For Commemorative New York Subway Fare Cards

Spike, 1970s

Don't know what happened here, do you? You can't feel it, taste it, hear metal meeting flesh or the sharp crack of a snapped neck.

God, it was beautiful.

Chased her through the dank alleys of this festering city, along pathways littered with drunks and stray cats. Onto this train car.

Later, I took her jacket, dumped out the pockets, pulled it on. A farecard fluttered to the floor.

I smeared a tiny bloody stake on the card, then tucked the ticket into her shirt.

No use to be riding the subway without a pass.

Even as a dead Slayer.

Cause and Effect Rules for Sidewalk Travel

Xander

1. When walking with women, allow five (5) feet of clearance on all sides or be prepared to deal with messy aftermath.

2. When averting apocalypses, avoid sidewalks as they are likely to disappear into gaping chasms.

3. When taking Anya out, apply rule #1 or risk the outcome of rule #2.

4. Do not approach (a) humans with abnormal pets, (b) humanish creatures with abnormal body characteristics, (c) anything that is out in Sunnydale in the middle of the night, or (d) blonde vampires. Close proximity to above generally results in pain, unconsciousness, or eye-rolling.

4. When possible, drive.

Early Drafts of Surprise Endings

Buffy, Post-Chosen

There are a lot of things that should have gone differently. But we were supposed to have time to talk about stuff, to figure it out.

Angel was supposed to be around, to be the supporty guy in my life. Mom was supposed to be. Tara was supposed to live and grow old and be Dawn's child's favorite Aunt.

I was supposed to stay dead.

I wasn't supposed to love a vampire who had come into town trying to kill me. Especially not after....

And even though I have the suckiest timing ever, dammit, he was supposed to believe me.

Nine Words Probably Not Ever Found in Personal Ads

Xander, Post-Chosen

Okay, personals? I'll admit it – they're pretty shameless. They go into all sorts of "I can't find a girl to save my life" territory, which is just about the biggest turnoff for other girls that I could find.

So yeah, Xander's pathetic. And the worst part is, I can't even think of what to write on the damn thing. "SWM looking for outspoken woman with whom to share good times?" Or maybe a simple "SWM looking for…"

Looking for what?

God, Anya, I miss you.

I know what I can't say:

I should have married you. Will you forgive me?

Probable Locations of Trans-dimensional Portals

Dawn, Post-Chosen

In England, she's just another girl, the strange American one with the long hair who doesn't know any of inoffensive slang for this part of the country but has picked up enough from undisclosed sources to make her classmates blush at her indiscretion.

Sometimes it was neat living with a vampire.

Sometimes not, but yeah.

Sometimes it was neat.

She thinks that she's maybe the one with the clearest memories of his genuine smile, because he turned it on for her so many times.

She wonders what he would think if he saw her now.

She hopes he'd be proud.

Not Very Scary Movies

Willow, Post-Chosen

Once you've seen a few apocalypses, suddenly humans just aren't that scary. Sure, one could always jump out at you from the shadows and try to hit you with a baseball bat, but seriously? That mugger has nothing on even a medium-sized practically invincible demon.

Still, sometimes I wish I could go see a horror movie without thinking about the real (and much scarier) horror I've actually seen. The horror I've made.

Sometimes I wish I could go back for a minute, make a few different choices, kiss Tara one last time.

But I keep my silence. Wishes are dangerous.

Items Discovered in Boxes of My Grandmother's Things – Part One

Buffy's Granddaughter, Far Future

Mom brought Grandma's things down from the attic today. It's been three weeks since the funeral, and it's time to sort. We start with the easy little things – some clothes she never really wore, a book of Browning poetry that looks unopened.

About halfway through, we come across some old photos, all post-Sunnydale. She's not smiling in the earliest ones, and her eyes are haunted.

And then, in the ones dated 2008, she's suddenly happy again. Sometimes at the fringes of these photos I think I see someone else, but when I turn the picture in my hands, he disappears.

Items Discovered in Boxes of My Grandmother's Things – Part Two

Buffy's Granddaughter, Far Future

On the second day, Mom and I make our way through the next few years' worth of photo albums. Grandma's smiling in all of these, and often wearing a black leather coat. The person who took the photos had eyes for nothing but Grandma – no matter the location, the background is never featured.

Most of the pictures were taken at night, anyway.

And then suddenly Grandma's frowning again, the little crease back between her eyebrows. In one picture, her eyes are red-rimmed with grief, and she clutches the weathered black coat around her like a shield.

No one comforts her.

Items Discovered in Boxes of My Grandmother's Things – Part Three

Buffy's Granddaughter, Far Future

In the last box, we find relics of Grandma's time as Slayer, comma, The. There's an old dry splintery stake, a partially rusted knife, a mysteriously stained shirt.

At the bottom, carefully folded, is a long leather coat.

It smells like Grandma, but another scent lingers – that of smoke, alcohol, and perhaps a trace of bleach.

In the pocket of the jacket is a picture of a man who smiles tentatively, as if unsure of himself in front of the camera. His shocking white hair contrasts the black he's wearing, and his eyes shine in an unspoken I love you.

Some Reasons I've been Fired

Faith/Spike, No particular season

"You have a very...strong personality," my boss tells me right before he shows me the door.

No shit I have a strong personality. Too strong for the last boss who saw me slaying and handed me my week's pay and a get out of town warning the next day.

Too strong for the gym owner who made me pay for breaking his punching bag and then dumped me.

~

He's waiting outside like always, fingers shoved into the pockets of his coat, that fucking smirk on his face.

He wags one thumb in the direction of his motorcycle. "Fancy a ride?"

Things My Friend Fabio Said Recently

Buffy, Post-Chosen

Fabio sells produce from a tiny stand down the street from my apartment. I go to him for the freshest lettuce, the ripest olives, and the sweetest grapes in Rome.

"Buongiorno, signora," he says when I arrive each morning. "Come va?"

"How does it go?" he asks. Not "How are you?" but "How does it go?"

I shrug. "It goes."

"He still has not come?"

I pretend not to know what he's talking about.

"He must have been a wonderful man for you."

I don't bother correcting him. "But he didn't believe me."

Fabio smiles softly. "I'm sure he did."

Popular Pickup Lines Used by Serial Killers

Season Seven (minor AU)

They lie still afterward, breathing deeply, gathering up their scattered pieces. She half-turns toward him and opens her mouth, but the words remain unspoken as she sees he is already asleep, his usual tension dissipated, a peaceful almost-smile on his lips.

At times like these, she can almost forget what he's done. What he's done to her.

What she's done to him.

Drowsily, she peers at the glowing clock next to her bed. It's past midnight, which makes it what? Saturday?

What happens on Saturday?

I kill you.

Smiling, she curls into him and falls asleep against his unmoving chest.

Places I've Walked Into with a Confident Swagger Despite Public Warning

Buffy, Post-Season Four

The Slayer part of me isn't scared of anything. She goes out, gets the crap beat out of her, kicks some demon ass, and is home before the girl part of me has a chance to figure out what happened.

But then the girl has to deal with the bruises in hard-to-explain places, the odd cuts, and the wanting to sleep all day.

Slayer doesn't need anything. She's smart, quick, deadly. She works alone.

And sometimes I wonder: is she really part of me? Am I really part of her?

I didn't choose this life. Why did it choose me?

What I Actually Mean When I Say I Love You/

What I Actually Mean When I Tell You to Shut Up:

Thirty Scenarios

Buffy & Spike, Season Seven

Listen to me	I can't listen
I missed you for so long	Why did you leave?
I want you	I want you
I'm sorry	I'm sorry
God, I'm so sorry	God, we're messed up
I hate myself	I hate hating
I don't deserve you	I don't want this
You make me feel alive	Make me feel alive
You're so beautiful	You're so beautiful
Please kiss me	Don't stop kissing me
I trust you	I trust you
I believe in you	I believe in you
I see you	I see you
I know you	I know you
Let them weep	Set me free
Dance with me?	Hold me?
Dance with me?	Will you just hold me?
Don't stay	Don't leave
Don't leave	Don't ever leave
It'll be all right	Tell me it'll work
You're one helluva woman	You are a spark
I'm drowning in you	I'm falling with you
Let me in	Look at me
Let me out	Touch my soul
Go get 'em, Slayer	I need you here
Make me proud	Make me proud
I love you	I love you
I love you	I love you
I love you	I love you
Do you love me?	Can you hear me?

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