Title: Love That Binds 
Author: CJ
Pairing: Xander/Graham
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: If you don't, I'll cry.
Disclaimer: All the characters in the Buffyverse 
belong to Joss 
Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I gain no monetary value from 
any of this. 
Dammit.
Author's Note: Thanks to Sarah and Sajinn for the 
lookover---and 
thanks to everyone who told me not to give up on this 
HUGE story. 
Thanks you guys.


"Hide."

"Xander, this is crazy. It's just Willow."

"I know, now hide," Xander pushed Graham into the 
closet, pulling out 
a robe to cover himself. Running to the door, he 
pulled it open to 
see Willow leaning against the doorframe.

"Willow! What are you doing here?" Xander said, 
frowning slightly. 

Willow smiled shyly at Xander as she moved past him 
into the 
room. "Well, since you never answer your phone 
anymore, I decided to 
come over to let you know that Giles wants us all to 
meet him at his 
apartment tonight at 7 o'clock. Something is 
happening, and he wants 
to fill us in."

"Great, so, I'll see ya there then, ok?" Xander 
stammered, trying to 
move Willow back to the door.

Willow gave Xander an odd look. "What's up here? You 
don't answer the 
phone anymore, you take forever to get to the door, 
and you're 
rushing me out so fast I'm beginning to think I'll get 
whiplash."

Xander opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped by 
a loud noise 
from the back of the apartment. Looking nervously over 
his shoulder, 
he grabbed Willow's arm, ushering her towards the 
door. "Well, thanks 
for letting me know about the meeting. But I'll have 
to hurry if I 
want to shower and eat before leaving. See ya there, 
bye."

"Xander, what was that?" Willow jerked her head toward 
the bedroom, 
then turned back to look quizzically at Xander.

"What was what?" Xander looked everywhere but at 
Willow, willing her 
not to look too closely.

"That noise. What was it?" Willow asked again, 
confusion etching 
deeper on her face.

"Noise? I didn't hear any noise. You're just imagining 
things. Years 
spent fighting the nasties have you hearing them 
everywhere." Xander 
resumed his efforts to pull Willow out the door, 
wishing she would 
just leave.

Willow shrugged Xander's hand off her arm and headed 
down the 
hall. "No, there was a noise in your bedroom. Someone 
could be 
breaking in, Xander. We have to at least check it 
out."

"No! Willow, it was nothing. I promise." But it was 
too late. Willow 
had swung open the door and now she stood stunned, 
staring at a half 
naked Graham as he hopped around trying to pull on his 
boot. 

Spotting the red-haired witch, Graham looked up. "Um, 
hi Willow. Uh, 
I was just helping Xander, uh, with some work." 
Quickly pulling a 
shirt over his head, Graham turned away from Willow, 
kneeling on the 
floor, pretending to be doing something to the tv 
stand.

"Uh-huh. Xander, I'll see you later at Giles'." Willow 
turned on her 

heel and walked back to the front door, blushing. Her 
confusion gone, 
hurt and anger bloomed in her mind.

"Willow, wait." Xander pleaded, wanting to make it 
better, and not to 
see that look of anguish on Willow's face anymore.

Tears threatening to fall, Willow held up her hand, 
stopping Xander 
before he could start. Trying to gather her thoughts, 
she 
spoke, "Xander, I--I--I really don't wanna know. I'll 
just.....be 
leaving now, ok?" At a loss for anything else to say, 
Willow turned 
on her heels, preparing to leave. 

"No, let me explain. Graham's just here..." Blushing 
and angry with 
himself, Xander rushed to stop Willow,  pulling up 
short, barely 
keeping from running her over when she spun back 
around to face him.

"To change your light bulbs, yeah. I got that. Let's 
just pretend I 
didn't go down that hall, ok? We'll all be much 
happier." Willow half 
whispered, her own embarrassment growing by the 
moment.

"Willow, I wanted to tell you. I really did. I just 
didn't know how." 
Xander reached toward Willow, but let his hands fall 
back down to his 
sides in defeat. Sure that he'd just lost the first 
and best friend 
of his life, he dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Xander, it's okay. Really. I...I have to go." Tears 
welling in her 
eyes, Willow ran out of the apartment. Once out of 
sight, she 
stopped. She rested against the staircase guardrail 
and let the tears 
flow. She wedged her fisted hand into her mouth to 
hold back the sobs 
wrenching out of her.

Back in the apartment Graham walked up behind Xander, 
wrapping his 
arms around the taller man's waist. Leaning into his 
lover, Graham 
placed his chin upon Xander's shoulder, nuzzling into 
his neck with 
his lips. "Everything ok?"

"I don't know. She was acting really weird, even for 
Willow." Xander 
leaned back against Graham, soaking up the love and 
support he found 
in his arms. He closed his eyes and wearily layed his 
head against 
his lover's shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. What time did 
she say to be at 
the meeting?" Graham got the tiniest of wicked 
glimmers in his eye as 
he ran his hands over the form before him.

"At seven, why?" Xander released a breath, arousal 
taking the 
controls back from comfort as he felt his lover's 
hands running over 
his body.

"Well, that gives us about three hours. Where were 
we?" Graham caught 
Xander's earlobe between his teeth, then began working 
his way down 
the side of Xander's neck.

Xander turned in the circle of Graham's arms. "Oh, 
right about here." 
Leaning in, Xander brushed his lips lightly across his 
lover's, 
teasing him with tiny nips on the chin.

"No, you weren't wearing nearly as many clothes then."

Xander pulled back, gazing into Graham's eyes. "Then 
why don't you 
fix that?"

Graham laughed huskily as he reached down to untie the 
robe Xander 
was wearing. He licked up along Xander's exposed neck 
as the silk 
sliding down his body caused him to arch into Graham.

"Mmm, Graham. Now you." Xander's fingers trembled as 
he reached for 
the clasp of his lover's pants. Graham took mercy, 
pushing him into a 
chair.

"Let me." Graham backed away, kicking off his boots as 
he thumbed 
open the button on his pants. He teasingly slid the 
zipper down at an 
excruciating pace. He grew bolder with ever gasp from 
his entranced 
lover. Walking over to the stereo, he turned on some 
music and danced 
his way back to Xander. "You like this? Want me to 
dance for you?"

"I want you to do so many things for me, and to me, 
and with me."

Graham continued his slow dancing, stopping a few feet 
away from 
Xander. His zipper all the way down, he turned away 
and slowly pushed 
the jeans down. "Tell me."

Xander leaned back in the chair, spreading his legs 
wider. Grasping 
his hard shaft in one hand, the other roaming over the 
contours of 
his chest. "I want you to sit in a chair with me on 
you, riding you. 
I want you in me, fucking me until I can't breathe 
anymore." Xander 
gasped out the words, breathless with passion as he 
pictured his 
lover taking him. "I want you to call out my name as 
you cum in me. I 
want to lie in your arms when we sleep."

Graham's knees were so weak he couldn't stand anymore. 
He knelt down 
on the floor at his lover's feet, massaging muscled 
thighs with his 
hands. "Oh god, Xan. Baby, I love you so much."

Xander's eyes opened, a smile growing on his lips. He 
sat up, taking 
Graham's face in his hands. "You do?"

"Yeah, I do." 

"I love you, too. I never thought..."

"Baby, don't. You're the most beautiful man I've ever 
met, inside and 
out. How could I not love you?"

"I don't know. I just..."

Graham stood, pulling Xander to his feet with him. 
"How can you not 
know the things you do to me? You make me laugh; you 
make want to 
shout from the rooftops how much I love you. But most 
of all, you 
make me a better person, a complete person. I never 
had that until I 
met you."

Graham pulled Xander against him, bringing their lips 
together. 
Lightly, he traced the outline of Xander's mouth with 
his tongue 
before thrusting inside. The two met in the middle, 
sharing a kiss  
that should have been painful in its intensity. Both 
crushing 
together, as if afraid to part.

Pulling back, Graham took Xander's face in his hands, 
lifting the 
other man's chin up to look at him. When their eyes 
met, Graham could 
see the tears rolling down Xander's cheeks. "What's 
wrong baby?"

"It's just that, well, no one's ever said that to me 
before." Sobs 
escaped Xander's throat and he grabbed hold of Graham.

Graham half carried, half led Xander over to the sofa. 
Sitting with 
his back against the arm, he pulled Xander down to sit 
against him, 
positioning his lover back to chest. Slowly he rocked 
Xander while 
murmuring gentle words of comfort. "It's okay, baby. 
I'm here. Just 
let it all out. Shhh." Not knowing what else to say, 
Graham began 
quietly humming as he rocked his lover in his arms. 
Before long, both 
men were asleep, curled around each other, peaceful.

*****

Jolted awake, Xander rubbed at his eyes. He wondered 
why he was 
asleep on the couch, until he became aware of the arms 
around him. 
Leaning back, he allowed himself a brief time to just 
relax in his 
lover's arms. 

"Mmm, this is nice." Graham woke up in his favorite 
position, 
entwined with his partner. He lazily stretched his 
muscles before 
once again wrapping all his limbs around Xander, 
pulling the brunette 
closer.

"Yeah, but we have to get up. We have..." Xander 
cracked one eye open 
to glance at the clock. "About 30 minutes to get to 
Giles'."

"We? Xander, I'm not going with you." Graham laughed 
lightly, pushing 
Xander up so they could see each other. 

"You don't think I'm gonna let you out of my sight 
today, do ya? 
We'll go over, put in an appearance, hear what Giles 
has to say, and 
then we'll split. Be back here, in bed, in less than 
three hours." 
Xander stood, stretching, and stifled a yawn as he 
made his way to 
his closet to get dressed.

"Xander, I can't go with you, I have something I have 
to do." Graham 
began hunting around on the floor for his clothes. He 
began cursing 
himself mentally, knowing he should never have hinted 
at any of his 
plans.

"You have to. Besides, Riley will be there. And you 
were complaining 
just the other day about not getting to see him since 
the wedding." 
Xander stood at the hall entrance, shirt in one hand, 
socks in the 
other. He was wearing only his boxers and an 
expression of mixed 
horror and pleading.

"Okay, but I'll have to meet you there. I gotta stop 
to make. And no, 
you can't come with me." Graham couldn't refuse the 
look on Xander's 
face. He'd actually known before he turned that he'd 
already lost and 
would be attending the meeting, but he still put up 
token resistance. 
No need to let Xander know he was already completely 
wrapped around 
his little finger.

"Ooo, is it a surprise?" Xander's face went from 
begging to utter joy 
in less than a nanosecond. He began bouncing, and ran 
over to Graham.

"Yes." Graham tried really hard to keep a straight 
face. Not an easy 
task when Xander was looking at him like he was Santa 
Claus.

"For me?" More bouncing, complete with a few small 
kisses spread 
across his shoulders and neck. 

"Yes. And no, I'm not going to tell you what it is." 
Graham pulled 
back from Xander's reach, automatically averting his 
eyes from his 
lover's face. If he got caught by the puppy eyes now, 
he'd never be 
able to keep this a surprise.

Xander pretended to pout, batting his famous puppy dog 
eyes at 
Graham. "Please?"

Graham turned his back on Xander, pulling his shirt 
on. "Not fair, 
Xan. You know what those eyes do to me. You're just 
going to have to 
wait."

"No fair. Waiting is not my favorite thing to do." 
Xander continued 
to pout as he pulled his shirt over his head. When his 
head popped 
through the neck, he looked up to see Graham standing 
before him.

Graham smiled, blushing slightly, at his lover. "Oh, I 
know it's not 
your favorite thing."

Xander blushed, shyly looking away. "Gods, how am I 
going to get 
through tonight with you sitting there, looking so 
jumpable?"

"Easy. We'll just have to make use of Giles' 
bathroom." Graham 
laughed at the expression on Xander's face. A mixture 
of deer caught 
in the headlights and total lust.

"Oh my god, could you imagine?" Xander said in a 
whisper, a sure sign 
that he was already imagining many things.

Graham waggled his eyebrows at Xander, smile spreading 
into a wide, 
leering grin.

"Never mind. Forgot who I was talking to for a 
minute." Xander 
chuckled as he grabbed Graham's shirtfront, pressing a 
brief, 
crushing kiss on his lips.

Graham grabbed Xander by the shoulders, pulling him 
closer for a 
moment, before pushing him away. "We can't start that 
now. We'll 
never make the meeting."

"Meeting? What meeting?" Xander's dazed eyes drooped 
as he grinned at 
his lover.

Graham finished buttoning up his shirt, moving toward 
the door. Just 
before leaving the room, he looked back over his 
shoulder, eyes 
trailing up and down Xander's body. "Get a move on, 
Gorgeous. Don't 
wanna keep the family waiting."

Xander reached back into the closet, pulling out a 
lime green shirt 
to throw on over his orange tee. "Okay, but if you're 
going on this 
errand, how am I getting to the meeting?"

"Riley and Buffy have to drive right by here to get 
there, just call 
them up. They'll give you a lift. Now, I really have 
to go if I'm 
gonna make it back to Giles' before this Scooby thing 
is over." 
Coming up to Xander, Graham gave him a quick kiss 
before walking to 
the door. "Promise me you won't try to be the brave 
one and walk?"

"I promise." Xander watched him walk out the door, 
mumbling. "Like 
I've ever been brave in my life."

*****

Willow walked back into the kitchen, passing Giles as 
she made her 
way to the fridge. "That was Buffy calling on her 
cell, she and Riley 
are going to swing by and pick up Xander on the way. 
She said they 
should be here shortly."

"Very well, I suppose I can put the tea on hold for 
now."  Giles tone 
of voice and expression made it clear that he wasn't 
in favor of 
delaying the meeting. He really wanted to get this out 
of the way so 
that he could get back to his weekend of relaxation 
and reading.

"Okay. I'm going to go set up the books. We may need 
to cross-
reference with a couple of websites too. I'll check on 
that. Think we 
should go ahead and order the pizza, or wait for Buffy 
and Riley?" 
Willow fired the questions at him in full babble mode, 
her mind 
obviously occupied with many more things than just 
this short fact 
finding meeting.

"And Xander. Lord knows what he will have put on it 
tonight." Giles 
shuddered as he remember the previous few forays into 
adventure that 
were Xander's pizza orders.

"Yeah, sure...whatever." Willow left the kitchen, 
moving into the 
den. Grabbing armloads of books, she opened them to 
the marked pages 
and placed them in a specific order on the table. 
Giles stood at the 
window between the den and kitchen, watching her with 
a concerned 
look on his face.

"Willow, are you sure you're alright?" Trying to pose 
the question in 
a neutral voice, he failed. He'd noticed earlier that 
Willow wasn't 
behaving in her usual manner, but to casually 
disregard Xander was 
something he'd never thought the young witch would do.

Willow smiled back at him. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem rather put out with Xander. Did something 
happen?" Giles 
watched the girl carefully as he asked, noticing the 
wince as he said 
Xander's name.

"No. What could have happened? He's my best friend." 
Tight lips 
barely moved as she mumbled out the expected response, 
but her 
avoidance of Giles gaze said much more than her words. 
For the moment 
though, Giles thought it prudent to drop the matter.

"Well, if you say so. Oh, Willow, don't stack those 
books on top of 
one another. If the pages touch, there is no telling 
what kind of 
untold horror could be unleashed on the unsuspecting 
world. Really, 
Willow, you should try to be more careful."

"Oops, sorry." Willow quickly moved the book on top to 
the other side 
of the table, making sure it was safe to set it down. 
With the last 
of the books laid out, she pulled out her laptop, 
hooking it up to 
the phone line. Just as she got the computer up and 
running, Buffy, 
Riley, and Xander walked through the door.

"Hey boys and girls. Where's the pizza? Can't have a 
party without 
pizza." Xander smiled widely, clapping his hands 
together. He noticed 
Willow over at the table and wanted to go to her, but 
before he 
could, Giles' voice interrupted him.

"Good lord, Xander. You behave as if you had never 
eaten."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she gave Giles a tight hug. 
"Don't mind him, 
he's been eating chocolate ever since we picked him 
up. Speaking of 
which, sorry Giles, there's no dessert."

Giles scowled at Xander. "That's fine Buffy. It just 
so happens that 
I planned ahead for just such an occurrence. There's a 
cheesecake in 
the refrigerator, and everyone who didn't eat all of 
the chocolate 
may indulge themselves." Giles mimicked one of 
Xander's famous 
smirks, but it slipped as he noticed everyone heading 
for the 
kitchen. "After dinner!"

"Not nice to tease me with cheesecake, Giles. A hungry 
slayer is not 
your friend."

"Yes. Well, if Xander will just call Barney's, we will 
have our pizza 
shortly."

Everyone turned to Xander, expecting him to have the 
phone already in 
hand. Instead, he stood across the room, staring out 
the window.

"Xander?" Buffy called out, a quizzical expression on 
her face.

"Hmm?" Clearly distracted and not listening, Xander 
never took his 
eyes away from the window.

"Xander!" Raising her voice, Buffy tried again to get 
his attention.

"Yeah? Hey, Buffy, you need something?" Xander looked 
up, noticing 
that everyone was staring at him. He still kept one 
eye on the window 
as he listened to Buffy.

"Umm, yeah. You're pizza guy, remember? You order the 
pizza cause you 
get a discount? Ring a bell?" Buffy spoke slowly, as 
if to a child. 
But the smile on her face showed that she was only 
teasing.

"Oh yeah. We'll have to wait a bit on that." Wincing, 
Xander babbled 
the words out at a pace he hoped no one would be able 
to follow.

"And my next question would be, why?" Apparently Buffy 
had spent 
enough time around both he and Willow to become well 
versed in the 
language of babble.

"After Willow came over, I ran into Graham and asked 
if he wanted to 
join us tonight. That's okay, right?" A slight blush 
and nibbling of 
lips went largely unnoticed by the others but were 
sure signs of 
Xander being very nervous.

"Fine with me. But where did you see Graham?" Buffy 
raised an eyebrow 
at Xander, not having seen this level of babbling 
since he'd been 
dating Cordelia.

*Snort*

Xander swung his head around to see Willow walking 
into the kitchen, 
a strange look on her face. "'Scuse me for a minute, 
everybody." His 
voice bordered on anger as he made his way past a 
confused looking 
Buffy, following the redhead into the kitchen. 

"You wanna tell me what that was all about?" Xander 
demanded in a 
hushed voice.

"What what was all about?" Willow refused to meet his 
eyes as she 
continued pulling glasses down from the cabinet. 

"Oh no, don't pull that 'little miss innocent' act 
with me, I've 
known you too long to believe that anymore. Are you 
upset about what 
happened this afternoon?" Xander was determined to get 
this out, he 
hated there being anything between himself and Willow, 
but he also 
knew that he wasn't giving Graham up.

"Xander, I don't know what you're talking about. 
Nothing happened 
today. Well, that's not true, I did find out about my 
grades for the 
semester. I passed." Finishing with a smile, Willow 
glanced at 
Xander, then back at the tray on the counter.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. 
Congratulations, by the 
way." Xander crossed his arms over his chest, leaning 
against the 
doorframe.

"Oh! You mean walking in on my supposedly straight 
best friend while 
he was bangin' the boyfriend? And thanks." Willow 
clenched her hands 
on the countertop, trying not to let the anger take 
control.

"I was NOT 'banging' the boyfriend. Is that what has 
you so upset? 
You freaked because I'm gay, or is it because my 
boyfriend is 
Graham?" Xander's voiced raised with every breath, 
outraged that 
Willow could appear this hypocritical to him. 
Considering who her 
last lover was, she was the last one he'd expected to 
react in a 
negative way.

"I'm mad because you didn't tell me. You didn't trust 
me." Willow's 
voiced raised alongside his. From past experience, she 
knew that the 
only way to stop Xander from yelling was for her to 
yell back.

Xander moved over to Willow's side, wrapping an arm 
around her 
shoulder. Dropping a kiss on top of her head. He 
whispered what he 
hoped were comforting words. "Oh God, Willow. Don't 
feel that way. I 
never meant to hide it, or to hurt you. I just wanted 
to be greedy, 
keep it to myself for a while. Then after, you know, I 
didn't bring 
it up because I didn't know how to do it and not hurt 
you."

"I'm sorry Xander. I'm so sorry that I made you feel 
you had to hide. 
But, just answer me one question. Are you happy?" 
Willow began crying 
as she looked up at Xander. Guilt washed all the anger 
out of her as 
she saw in hindsight all the signs and hints that 
showed that Xander 
was begging someone to ask.

"Willow, you couldn't possibly believe how happy he 
makes me." The 
smile on Xander's face alone would have told a blind, 
deaf, mute just 
how true that was. But it was the words that hit 
Willow hardest. She 
let the pain pass through her, no longer burning as it 
once had. Now 
she welcomed the pain, because it meant that she would 
never forget.

Xander saw the wistful expression on her face, knew 
whom she was 
thinking of. "Maybe you do know, huh?"

Willow nodded, letting Xander wrap her in a comforting 
embrace. "Yeah, I know."

"Aww, that is soooo sweet." Buffy ran into the room, 
throwing her 
arms around them both, "So, you and Graham, huh? I 
want details. Does 
he still do all those crunches and things in the 
morning? Riley does. 
Oh, Xan, we have to get together and compare notes."

"Uh, let's not and say we did, 'k?" Xander was 
nervous, very nervous. 
If Buffy overheard his conversation with Willow, that 
meant everyone 
did. He was sooo not looking forward to seeing Riley 
anytime in the 
near future. "So, everyone heard?"

"Yeah. Between the open window and the open door, the 
room isn't 
exactly soundproof. Besides, you were yelling. Loud." 
Buffy stammered 
out, giving her own impression of Willow babble, as 
she wrung her 
hands together.

"What did they say? Is Riley mad? Oh God, Buffy, you 
hold him and 
I'll run. Does Giles have a backdoor?" Xander felt the 
fear catch up 
to him, he hunched down, hiding behind the two girls.

Buffy laughed lightly, hugging Xander again. "Don't 
worry about 
Riley, Graham is with him now. Trust me, he's fine 
with it. Everyone 
is."

"Graham's here? When did he come in?" Smile returning, 
Xander started 
out of the kitchen.

Buffy grabbed his elbow. "Hold on there, Loverboy. I 
said he was with 
Riley, let them talk. And he came in somewhere around 
'not banging 
the boyfriend'."

Xander's blush rushed over his face. "Oh God, I forgot 
about that." 

Willow heard the two former soldiers returning to the 
living room. 
She turned to Xander with a smile. "Why don't you go 
talk to your 
man." She kept smiling as Xander started past her, 
then grabbed his 
arm. "Xander...I just wanted you to know. No matter 
what's going on 
with me, I'll always be there for you. If you want to 
talk?"

Xander gave her a lopsided smile, covering the hand 
she had on his 
arm with his own. "Thanks, Will. I'll keep that in 
mind. So, we okay?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Xander? You in here?" Graham appeared in the door, 
his smile 
broadening to encompass his whole face. "Hey you."

"Hey." The smile on Xander's face matched the one on 
Graham's, 
lighting up the room. He moved into his lover's 
embrace, wrapping his 
own arms around Graham's waist, head on his shoulder. 
The two lovers 
stood like that, locked in an embrace, for a few 
moments before a 
chorus of `Aww' interrupted them. Looking up, seeing 
everyone
crowded 
into the window over the counter, they both blushed. 

"So, I hear you kinda let the cat out of the bag." 
Graham looked into 
Xander's eyes as he spoke, his smile belying his 
serious tone.

"Yeah, sorry about that. It was an accident. I've 
wanted to tell them 
for a long time, though. I was just gonna talk to you 
about it first, 
make sure you were okay with it."

"I'm great with it. In fact, I had planned on doing 
that tonight 
anyway. It kinda went with the surprise I got for 
you."

"Ooo, does that mean I get my surprise now?" Xander's 
eyes lit up as 
he started bouncing around like a kid on Christmas.

Graham chuckled deep in his chest. "I guess so, if you 
think everyone 
can wait on the pizza."

Buffy spoke up, smiling. "I think Riley can handle the 
ordering just 
this once. I don't mind paying the extra when Xander's 
this happy."

"Hey, why me?" Riley asked in a mock pout. 

Buffy walked out of the kitchen, but they could still 
hear her 
whispers to Riley. "Cause you're a guy. You can try 
and say you're 
Xander, and maybe we can still get that discount."

Willow laughed at Buffy's response, turned back to 
Xander and 
Graham. "I can leave you guys alone. I'll be right out 
here."

Graham grabbed her arm. "No, I'd like you to stay. If 
you don't 
mind?" 

The nervousness in his voice convinced Willow to stay. 
"Okay, but I'm 
gonna be over here, in the corner. Staying out of the 
way."

Xander couldn't be patient anymore. He grabbed 
Graham's shirt, 
pulling him back around. "Surprise. Now. Please?"

Graham laughed again. "Ok, ok. Hang on." Reaching into 
his pocket, 
Graham pulled out a small blue box, handing it over.

Xander stared at the box in his hand, his breath 
catching in his 
throat. Not many things came in boxes like this, so he 
had kind of an 
idea of what it was. But he was in no way prepared for 
the sight when 
he opened the box. Inside, on a bed of blue velvet, 
lay a small, 
golden band. A line of pure silver crisscrossed in a 
complicated 
latticework, circling the ring. 

"Oh, Graham. Oh my god. It's so beautiful." Xander 
threw himself at 
Graham, wrapping arms and legs around him.

Graham pulled Xander back enough for the brunette to 
set his feet on 
the floor, but they kept their arms wound around each 
other. The 
former soldier leaned in, kissing his lover. Both 
groaned as the kiss 
deepened, until a light cough from Willow caused 
Graham to remember 
where they were.

Breaking away from Xander, Graham grabbed his hand, 
pulling him into 
the living room and motioning for Willow to follow. 
Everyone turned, 
smiling as they entered. Riley started to speak, but 
Graham held up a 
hand, cutting him off.

"I'd like to say something, and there's no better 
place than here, 
surrounded by our best friends, to say it. As most of 
you heard 
earlier, Xander and I have been seeing each other. For 
quite a while, 
actually." Graham looked over at Willow. "I know some 
of you have 
some problems with that. I hope you can come to terms 
with them. I 
don't want to hurt anyone, or piss anyone off, but as 
long as Xander 
will put up with me, I have no intentions of going 
anywhere. Which 
brings me to my point." He turned to Xander, taking 
the ring box from 
him. He removed the ring from the box and dropped to 
one knee, 
smiling back up at his love through tears of 
happiness. "I love you, 
more than I can say. More than I can believe 
sometimes. And the 
miracle of it all is that you love me back. Xander 
Harris, will you 
marry me?"

Part 2

"Oh, Graham. Oh God, Graham. Yes!" Xander threw his 
arms around 
Graham's neck, causing them both to tumble to the 
floor.

Graham wrapped his arms around Xander's back, rolling 
them over to 
look down in to his eyes. "Really? Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." 
Lifting his head, 
Xander captured Graham's lips with his own, tracing 
the outline of 
his lover's lips with his tongue before thrusting into 
the warm 
interior. 

Graham deepened the kiss, twining his fingers in all 
that mahogany 
hair, pressing his groin into Xander's thigh.

"Ahem! You guys, uh, wanna be alone?" Riley stood over 
them, 
blushing, but smiling at the same time.

The sound of voices above them froze the two lovers. 
Graham pulled 
back, smiling down into dark chocolate eyes. Both 
stifling their 
laughter, Graham pulled them to their feet.

"No, that's okay. We've made you all wait long enough 
on dinner. 
Let's get the pizzas ordered so Xan here can eat."

Buffy walked up, linking hands with Riley. "Already 
done, should be 
here soon."

"Okay. We'll just go and, uh, wash up then." Xander 
grinned up at 
Graham, eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Ah, one at a time. There will be none of that in my 
bathroom." Giles 
spoke up, polishing his glasses. When he put them back 
on, he just 
barely caught the sheepish grins passing between the 
two couples. 
Turning to Willow, rolling his eyes, he saw the faint 
blush covering 
her cheeks. "Oh, good lord. Have you people no shame?"

They all laughed as he left the room, headed upstairs. 
"You all stay 
there, I have some papers upstairs that I need." He 
kept on up the 
stairs, rubbing at his temples. "Please God, let there 
be papers. 
Somewhere."

While Graham pulled Xander into the corner, hugging 
him close and 
whispering, Buffy walked over to Willow. "Hey, how ya 
doin'"

"I'm good. Look at them." Willow pointed at the 
lovers, laughing and 
talking together. "They're so happy. Gives me hope."

"For what?"

"For everything, love, life. You know, when I found 
out earlier 
today, I got so mad. Mostly for the reasons I told 
Xander. But also 
because I was just jealous. I thought about all the 
things I'd had, 
the things I may never have again. And in my mind, I 
turned it all 
into this huge thing. I couldn't see past it. But now, 
seeing them, 
how happy they are, how in love they are, it just 
gives me such a 
sense of peace. And hope."

Buffy reached over, pulling the silently crying woman 
to her, rocking 
her gently. "Everything's going to be okay, Will."

"I know. But first, there's something I have to do." 
She broke free 
of Buffy's embrace, walking slowly over to Graham and 
Xander. "Graham, can I speak with you for a minute?"

"Sure. " Graham gave her a short nod, then with a kiss 
to his lover, 
along with a questioning look, he followed her. 
Sitting beside the 
witch on the couch, Graham reminded himself of just 
who, and what, it 
was he was talking too. "What's up, Willow?"

"I feel I need to apologize to you. For this 
afternoon. I had some 
personal issues and I let them get in the way of 
seeing how happy you 
make Xander. I don't know how much he's told you about 
his past, nor 
is it my place to go into it, but it's very rare to 
see him really 
and truly happy. And I want to say thank you."

"Wow, Will. I don't know what to say, except that I 
feel that I'm the 
lucky one. I've never felt anything in my life like 
what I feel when 
I'm with him."

Willow reached over, pulling a surprised Graham into a 
friendly hug. 
She kissed him on both cheeks, and then looked into 
his eyes. "This 
is usually the point where I give the shovel talk, ya 
know."

"Yeah, Riley told me about that."

"Well, I think we both know that if you hurt Xander, I 
won't need a 
shovel." With that, she stood, walking back over to 
join Giles as he 
came back down the stairs. Leaving a stunned Graham 
staring after her.

*****
"No! Not him. Not Graham." Xander lay on the cavern 
floor, beaten and 
chained, as he watched his lover being gutted. Bloody 
tears burned 
tracks down his face. "Why?"  

"You meddled in things that were not your concern."

"But he had nothing to do with it. It was me and.. You 
should punish 
me. Leave him out of this."

"Oh, but I am punishing you, boy." Suddenly, the 
demon's face 
changed. Xander looked up into the eyes of his father 
"I told ya, 
boy. I warned you. Don't go poking your nose in. But 
you never did 
listen well, did ya? What kind of father would I be if 
I didn't 
punish you for disobeying me?"

Xander, eyes wide with fear, scooted back against the 
wall, shaking 
his head. "No. This isn't possible. You're dead. They 
told me you 
were dead."

"I was, boy. But I told you I'd always be back for 
what's mine. Told 
that bitch too. Nice as her momma was, you'd have 
thought she'd teach 
that little bitch of her's some manners. But I can't 
really blame her 
for all of it, can I? I mean, somebody had to go 
blabbing their 
mouth, else she'd have never known anything."

Xander, still curled into the corner, watched the man 
he'd once 
called Father as he walked back over to Graham. The 
former soldier 
lay upon a concrete slab, barely breathing. As his 
father stood over 
his lover, Xander could see the knife in his hand. And 
he screamed in 
Graham's place as the knife slid across his neck, 
slicing through the 
flesh.

*****

Screams woke Buffy from a light sleep. She sprang out 
of bed, Riley 
behind her as she pulled on a robe and ran for the 
bedroom door.

Meeting Willow at the top of the stairs, they made 
their way to the 
front door, Riley pulling it open. 

Graham ran into the house, carrying an unconscious but 
screaming 
Xander in his arms. "Help him. I can't make it stop. 
He's hurting and 
I can't stop it." He placed Xander on the couch, 
kneeling at his 
side. Hands that trembled in fear threaded through 
Xander's hair, 
trying to soothe away the fear. Graham turned wide, 
watery eyes on 
Willow. "Help him."

Willow went to Xander, sitting on the couch and taking 
his head in 
her lap. "My poor Xan, not again."

The other three looked at her. She turned teary eyes 
on Graham, 
shaking her head. "He hasn't done this in years. What 
would make this 
happen again now, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. We went home, we showered. He 
was tired, so we 
went to bed early; I woke up to his screams. Oh God, 
Willow. Can you 
stop it?" Graham was pacing back and forth in front of 
the couch, 
arms wrapped tightly around himself. "What did you 
mean, he hasn't 
done this in years? This has happened before?"

"It used to happen all the time. He would show up at 
my house in the 
middle of the night and crawl through my window. After 
I'd gotten him 
to go to sleep, the dream would start. It was always 
horrible. But 
that stopped. I don't understand this."

"When did it stop? What stopped it?"

"I did." Buffy spoke up, voice quivering with barely 
suppressed 
rage. "Graham, how much has Xander told you about his 
family, his 
past?"

"Not much. He told me he didn't have a happy 
childhood. But mostly we 
didn't really talk about it. He always said 'look to 
the future', and 
I never brought it up."

"Buffy, it's not our place to say." Willow looked at 
Buffy, begging.

"Somebody better damn well tell me something. What's 
hurting him? If 
you can stop it, do it."

"He dreams, Graham. He doesn't remember when he's 
awake, but his 
father was a very cruel man. He tortured Xander. He 
blamed him for 
not being the kind of son he wanted. Then when he 
found out that 
Xander wasn't really his son, it got even worse."

"Worse? How could it get worse?" Graham, no longer 
able to stand, 
collapsed to the floor.

"I can't tell you."

"Willow, he has a right to know." Buffy ran her hand 
across Xander's 
forehead, making shushing noises.

"I will not bring this back into his life. He doesn't 
remember it, 
and I don't want too."

"What do you mean? You knew?"

"Yes I knew. I knew it all. I saw it, in his dreams. 
It was like 
living through it myself."

"Oh, Willow. You never said anything." Buffy moved 
from her place at 
Xander's head to take Willow in her arms.

"It wasn't my place. He blocked out the abuse, and he 
never 
remembered the dreams."

Buffy caught Riley's eyes, motioning to Graham. Riley 
walked over to 
his friend, pulling him to his feet. "Come on Gray, 
let's get some 
coffee, let Willow help him." Riley and Buffy both 
supported Graham 
as they helped him out of the room.

Willow sat with Xander, his screams tearing her heart 
to pieces. She 
did the only thing she could think of. She ran her 
hands through his 
hair, singing. "Hush little baby, don't say a word. 
momma's gonna buy 
you a mockingbird." As she sang, her tears fell down 
her face. She 
sang until she had no voice, Xander's screams 
subsiding, little by 
little.

When Graham returned to take his place by Xander's 
side, his love was 
sleeping. Not a peaceful sleep, but his screams had 
stopped.

"What do I do? How do I stop this from happening 
again?" Graham's 
eyes sought out Willow's, begging for her help. 
"Please tell me."

"The last time he had this dream was the night Buffy 
killed his 
father. We were all supposed to go out to the Bronze, 
but Xander 
never showed up. Buffy and I decided to go by his 
house and see if he 
was sick or, knowing him, if he'd just forgotten. 
That's when we saw 
it. Xander was chained up in the basement, and his 
father was 
standing over him with his belt in his hand. God, 
Graham, he wouldn't 
stop hitting him. Xander begged for him to stop, but 
he wouldn't. His 
father kept screaming at him, calling him a stupid 
bastard. And that 
was the nicest of the names."

"What happened? Why was he...why would he..?"

"He never needed a reason. He enjoyed it. But this 
time Buffy was 
there. She stepped in between them, and stopped him 
from hitting 
Xander. She was so angry, so enraged, she didn't even 
think. When she 
hit him, it crushed his skull. She killed him to save 
Xander."

"Does he know? Is that why he still dreams about it?"

"No. He never knew what happened. After he got out of 
the hospital, 
he didn't even know why he was in there. We told him 
he was in a car 
accident with his dad and that he was the only one who 
survived. He 
doesn't remember any of it. Not that night, not any of 
the beatings. 
I'm not even really sure if he has all that many 
memories of his 
past."

"Let's let him sleep, if he can." Willow slid out from 
under Xander, 
Graham helping her to her feet. They both looked sadly 
at Xander's 
sleeping form before turning to leave the room.

Riley looked up when Willow and Graham came back into 
the kitchen, he 
handed them both a cup of coffee. "Here, I think 
you'll need this. 
It's gonna be a long night." Then, with a lift at one 
corner of his 
mouth, he looked at Graham. "And you might want to go 
upstairs and 
borrow some clothes."

Graham looked down at himself, seeing he was wearing 
nothing but his 
boxers. "Yeah, I guess so. I didn't think about it. I 
just wrapped 
him up in the sheet and ran over here."

Buffy looked over, brow furrowed with concern. "You 
walked all the 
way? Graham, that's very dangerous."

"I know, Buffy. But getting help for Xander was more 
important. And I 
said ran, not walked."

"Graham, I know you were just thinking of Xander, but 
you should have 
been more careful."

"The room's at the top of the stairs, third door on 
the left." Riley 
spoke softly, at the same time silently telling his 
wife to back off.

"Okay, I'll go on up, maybe grab a shower, or 
something." Graham sat 
his coffee down next to the sink, hands shaking. On 
his way to the 
stairs, he passed by the living room entrance. He 
stood staring at 
Xander for a few minutes, then quickly moved up the 
stairs. 

Finding an old pair of sweats in Riley's closet, 
Graham took them 
with him into the bathroom. He moved mechanically as 
he turned on the 
water, undressed, and climbed in. It wasn't until the 
heat of the 
water started loosening the muscles in his neck and 
shoulders that 
everything really hit him. And without sound, without 
thought, Graham 
crumbled, sinking to his knees, and let the tears he'd 
held back pour 
out.

*****

Xander woke to the soft sound of his lover's breath. 
He stretched, 
feeling Graham snuggled tightly to his back, and let 
out a sigh of 
contentment. *This is how life is supposed to be. 
Sleeping in on 
Saturdays with the man of your dreams, snuggles 
whenever you want 
them, and... shit!* Well, maybe it wasn't so perfect 
after all. His 
most perfect vision of heaven had turned that sharp 
corner into hell. 
He would have to leave his warm bubble of happiness. 
He had to pee.

Still half asleep, Xander lifted Graham's arm and 
gently stood, 
stretching again, then headed down the hall, yawning. 
Reaching the 
bathroom, he wondered for half a second why the door 
was closed, but 
figured either he or Graham must have closed it for 
some unknown 
reason. He turned the knob, pushing on the door, then 
kicked it when 
it wouldn't open. He pulled back, ready to shoulder it 
open, but it 
came easily toward him. *Okay, that's weird.* With a 
confused glance 
at the offending door, he shrugged and walked into 
the... *closet? 
When did we put a closet in the bathroom?*

"Graham?" Xander thought he'd screamed the name, but 
it came out as a 
whispered squeak. Running back down the hall, he took 
just enough 
time to recognize that Graham was sleeping on a couch 
before throwing 
himself on top of his lover. "Graham. Wake up. 
Something's happened."

Graham, who'd awakened as soon as the knee hit his 
stomach, looked up 
at Xander with worry, love, then fear. "What? What 
happened, baby?"

"Somebody broke in and moved everything." Xander clung 
to Graham, 
trembling. He was completely unprepared for the soft 
chuckling that 
came from his lover. He sat up, anger replacing the 
fear, and smacked 
Graham on the chest. "This is not funny."

"Xander, nobody came in and moved anything. We're at 
Buffy and 
Riley's house. And ow, by the way."

"Oh, like you really felt that through all those 
muscles." But he 
still leaned down to lay a kiss on the slightly 
reddened area where 
his hand had hit. Then, with his cheek pressed to 
Graham's chest, he 
looked up into his eyes. "Why are we at Buffy's? We 
were at home last 
night."

"There was a problem last night, I needed Willow's 
help. I didn't 
want to wake you, so I brought us over." Graham hoped 
the words came 
out convincingly, but he couldn't really concentrate 
right now.

Xander had been listening to Graham's breathing while 
he lay against 
him. Just as Graham had started speaking, Xander began 
running his 
tongue around his nipple. He loved the way Graham's 
breath would 
catch when he flicked across the little nub. 

"Problem?" Xander mumbled, moving lower, scooting his 
body down 
Graham's, taking the borrowed sweats with him. He 
traced the ridges 
of the six pack abs, played in and around the almost 
outie belly 
button, and created a connect-the-dots game with the 
freckles between 
the navel and where Graham's only body hair started. 

"Nothing...ahhh, Xander, nothing major...oh God, 
Xander. Do that 
again." Graham threw his head back against the arm of 
the couch, 
biting his lip, as Xander ran his tongue down the 
shaft of his cock 
and made circles around his balls.

Xander then made his way back up Graham's body, 
trailing his tongue 
in a single line all the way up. He reached Graham's 
Adam's apple, 
sucking gently, before moving up to his mouth. 
Trembling again, 
Xander whispered against those lips. "Graham, make 
love to me. 
Please?"

"Oh, baby." Graham took Xander's shoulders in his 
hands, flipping 
them over, and crushing his mouth against the dark 
haired man's. He 
moved around, grinding their crotches together, using 
the movement of 
his legs to work the sweats down his legs, then 
kicking them off his 
feet. Xander melted, squirming bonelessly underneath 
his, now naked, 
lover. His hands everywhere, he couldn't get enough of 
the feeling of 
Graham's body pressed into his. Xander raised his 
legs, wrapping them 
around Graham's waist. 

"Xander, wait. We can't do this. We don't have any 
lube, and I don't 
want to hurt you." Graham tried pulling away from 
Xander, but was 
having no luck. The other man's hands were everywhere, 
pulling and 
tugging and caressing.

Xander pulled one of his hands away from Graham's 
body, flailing it 
wildly above his head. He nearly knocked over the 
lamp, before his 
hand was caught and brought back down and between 
their bodies.

"What, Xan. What is it?" Graham looked at his lover, 
worried he might 
be hurting him. 

"Dr--draw---er. In the drawer." Xander gasped out the 
words, 
unwilling to take his mouth off Graham's body. 

Graham reached over to the end table, pulling the 
drawer open, and 
searching inside. He ran his hand along the bottom, 
until he came 
upon a small bag in the back. He grabbed it and 
brought it back to 
lay on the floor beside the couch. "Xander, this is a 
first aid kit. 
Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

Xander knew what was coming next and wrapped both arms 
and legs 
around his lover, pulling him back down. "No. You 
never hurt me, 
except when you go away. Look inside."

Graham gave him a puzzled look, but picked the bag up 
and looked 
inside. All he saw was band-aids, gauze, scissors, and 
Neosporin. He 
started to ask Xander what he was supposed to be 
looking for, when it 
hit him. He laughed as he pulled out the half empty 
tube of 
cream. "Naughty, naughty boy. Where did you learn 
this?"

"How do you think I kept myself sane on all those 
nights I couldn't 
be with you?" Xander blushed as he answered. "Graham, 
now. Please?"

Graham tried opening the tube but, distracted by 
scenes of Xander 
using the Neosporin, couldn't get the top off. 
Becoming impatient, he 
used one thumb to break off the tip, then quickly 
squeezed a little 
onto his fingers. With infinite care, he reached down 
between their 
bodies, tickling the ring around Xander's hole. He 
waited for his 
lover's signal before pressing a finger into him, 
feeling Xander's 
sigh of total surrender as his finger buried inside 
him. Back and 
forth, Graham teased the brunette beneath him, adding 
a little 
crooked twist as he nearly exited. When he thought 
Xander was ready, 
he added another finger, spreading the cream up inside 
the opening. 

"Oooh God, Graham. More." Xander begged, trying to 
thrust himself 
downward as the third finger was pushed into him, 
scissoring open and 
closed. But before he could pull them any further in, 
they were gone. 
His disappointed groan quickly turned into a growling 
moan as Graham 
pressed his cock to his entrance.

Heaven and hell merged in Xander's mind as Graham 
pressed against 
him. The slight pain went unnoticed as the pleasure of 
being 
possessed by this man encompassed Xander's entire 
being. Graham 
clasped his hips, pressing inward, gasping at the 
sensation 
surrounding him.

Graham held his control in check by sheer force of 
will.  He wanted 
to take it slow, show Xander just how much he loved 
him. But at the 
same time all he could think of was being inside him, 
body and soul. 
He had visions of Xander, laughing and excited, naked 
and tempting, 
all playing in his head, bringing him too close to the 
edge.

Bracing himself on his hands, Graham pushed himself 
up, looking down 
on his lover. "Xander, I'm not sure I can last. You 
are so damn 
beautiful."

"Fast is good. Now is even better. Don't hold back, 
Graham. I need 
you in me." Xander tried pushing down onto Graham with 
his hips, but 
couldn't get the leverage he needed. He slid his hands 
down Graham's 
back. Then, clutching at his ass, Xander pulled Graham 
into 
him. "Ahhhhh, yes. Oh God, yes."

Graham collapsed onto Xander, pressing his face into 
his 
neck. "Xander!!" He grunted out the name, thrusting in 
and out, speed 
increasing, then slowing, keeping Xander on the edge, 
but not letting 
him cross over.

Xander clenched his teeth together, squeezing his eyes 
shut, overcome 
by pleasure. He arched his back, pressing up against 
Graham, pulling 
him closer, trying to meld them together. His whole 
body shivered and 
purred as Graham continued his thrusts. "L-love 
y-you." He buried his 
face in his lover's neck, biting the salty flesh to 
keep his screams 
at bay as his orgasm ripped through him.

"Unh Xan, oh God. Oh my God, Baby." Graham gasped 
breathlessly, his 
own orgasm following closely behind his lover's. 
Collapsing down onto 
Xander, he panted, trying to catch his breath. "We're 
gonna have to 
get some more of that."

"Oh, yeah." Xander laughed, hugging Graham to him.

"Riley, where's my hairbrush?" Buffy's words came from 
upstairs. With 
evidence of others awake within the house, Xander slid 
out from 
underneath Graham, tossing him the sweats. 

"Here, put these on, I have some clothes in Willow's 
room. I'll be 
back." Xander left the room, clasping the sheet around 
him, as Graham 
lay there wondering if he had the strength to even 
lift himself from 
the couch.

"Buffy, your brush is where it is every morning, in 
the drawer by the 
sink." Riley called out the answer to his wife as he 
left the 
bedroom. Passing by Xander on the stairs, he gave the 
younger man a 
worried look over before continuing on into the living 
room. "Graham, 
good you're awake. Wanna join me for a run?"

"Sure. Just as soon as I can stand up." Graham laughed 
up at his best 
friend. Then accepted the hand up from the couch. 
"Don't suppose I 
could borrow a shirt?"

"Already gotcha covered." Riley tossed the shirt he'd 
brought down 
with him to Graham.

Catching the shirt and pulling it over his head, 
Graham walked over 
to the bottom of the stairs. "Xander. I'm going out 
with Riley. We'll 
be back in about 20 minutes."

"Gotcha whooped already, huh?" Riley joked with 
Graham, then turned 
beet red when he heard Buffy yelling from the 
bathroom.

"Riley Finn, where are you going? We have to be at 
Giles' for a 
breakfast meeting in two hours."

"Honey, we're just going out for a run, we'll be back 
in plenty of 
time for the meeting."

"You better be."

Riley turned back to head out the door, seeing Graham 
standing there, 
trying to smother his laughter. "Aww, shut up."