When We Last Met
chapter four
 

"Hide me."

Giles looked up from his newspaper, and stared at
Xander for a moment.  He
was obviously torn between acting as though something
were seriously
Hellmouthily wrong, and telling Xander to sod off.

Xander stepped away from the front door of Giles'
apartment, locking it
before he did though he knew it wouldn't make any
difference.  "Come on,
G-Man, you gotta hide me."  He tried not to sound as
though Evil Things were
after him to suck his brains out and leave his corpse
on the flagpole.

"Er, why exactly?  What am I hiding you from?"  Giles
hadn't stood up from
the chair, though he had put down his newspaper.
Progress of a sort, Xander
reasoned.

"Buffy and Willow.  Possibly Riley."  They weren't
right on his trail --
else he'd have just said 'don't tell them I'm here'
and gone straight for a
closet to hide in.

Giles rolled his eyes.  "No.  I'm not getting sucked
into the mess which is
your life.  Get out."

"What?"

"I'm not getting in the middle of this.  It's bad
enough I have to listen to
those two girls plot out ways of getting you laid. I
don't want to--"

"They plot *here*?  In front of you? You *know*?"
Xander had to stop and
breathe, and try to kick his neurons back into working
order.  Giles knew?
The details?  And he hadn't *stopped* them?  Er, not
that he'd have been
able to stop Willow, when she was determined.  Xander
hadn't ever been able
to stop her in nineteen years.  Why should anyone else
be able to?

"Of course I know.  I try not to know these things,
but it's impossible.
Like trying to stop Spike from being annoying -- I'm
thinking of writing a
book, based on everything I've overheard about you
three, from you
three...only I'm afraid they'd publish it as
speculative fiction."

"Um, does that mean you're going to let me hide?"

"That means I'm going to send you on your way, so I
can have a nice, quiet
afternoon."  Giles was standing up, now, as if he was
really going to throw
Xander out.

"But they'll find me!"

"What makes you think they won't find you here?" Giles
asked, sounding
entirely too reasonable.

"Because I never hide here!  They'll look at my house,
the Bronze, school,
the Shell station, but they won't look here."

Giles was looking at him with a puzzled expression.
"Why would they look at
the Shell station?"

"Night shift cashier."

"Oh? I thought you were working the night shift at the
supermarket."

"Can we get back to places I can safely hide from my
friends?"

"Yes, well, you are correct in that they'll look for
you in all of those
places."  Before Xander could reaffirm his logic,
Giles continued, "However,
when they fail to find you, they'll come here and ask
me if I've seen you."

Xander brushed past that minor detail.  "And you'll
say I'm not here!"

"Because you won't be."

"No, because I'll be hiding!"

Giles was looking at him, now, like Xander was
insisting on being a pine
tree when he grew up.  Which he hadn't done since he
was four.  "You'll be
hiding?"

"Upstairs under the bed," Xander suggested.

"No."

"Out back, in the garden?"

"No."

"In the bathroom?"

"Occupied!"

Xander paused, and stared towards the bathroom, from
which Spike's yell had
come.  Then he looked at Giles, who stammered, "He's
chained up in the
bathtub."

"Oh, and that's *so* much better than what I was
thinking."

"Xander, look, wouldn't it be easier, in the long run,
to just give in and
let them have their way?"

"They want to drag me to a party."

"Yes, so I heard, last night."

"At Lowell House."  Maybe Giles hadn't heard *all* the
details.

"Yes, and Graham will be there.  Honestly, Xander, it
seems like a lovely
opportunity to get to know the young man better."

"Because he'll be there!!"  Xander shouted.

"Er, yes.  I gathered that was the whole point."

Xander wanted to bang his head against a wall.  Didn't
anyone understand?
"Giles, lemme walk you through this scenario:  Buffy
and Willow got Riley to
talk his House into throwing a party.  To which
several people have been
invited, including myself."

"With you so far."  Giles obviously had no idea why he
was explaining.

"Graham will be there."

"Yes."

"Buffy, Riley, Willow will all be there."

"Yes?"

"And I'll be there."

"You're not going to chicken out and hide during the
party?"

"Why do you think I'm here?  But that's not the point.
At least, not the
entire point.  It's part of the point, if you let me
hide here they won't be
able to drag me to the party and I won't be there.
But the real point is,
if I *am* there, so will everyone else."

Giles waited, then took off his glasses and rubbed his
temple.  "Xander, do
you *have* a point?"

"That *was* the point!  Giles, he'll *be* there! I'll
have to talk to him in
front of everybody!  Haven't you ever heard of
performance anxiety?"

"Ah."  Giles nodded.  "Since they'll all be watching,
and waiting for you
to..er..succeed in charming the young man."

"Or fall flat on my face, which is more likely.
Giles, maybe you could do a
magic spell and turn me into...a...a...a demon or
something, for the night?"

Giles grinned, briefly, then looked stern.  "No,
Xander.  I'm afraid you'll
have to figure a way out of this on your own."

"You sure I can't hide here?  I won't make any noise
-- you won't even know
I'm here.  Like Deadboy Junior - quiet as a mouse."

Giles jerked his head towards the bathroom.  "He's
only quiet because I put
the telly in there."

"I can watch telly -- er, television.  Quiet!
Promise?"  Xander wasn't
above begging, even if Giles held it over him for the
rest of his life.
There were some things that were more important -- and
making an idiot of
himself in front of Graham *and* his friends, was
currently top of the list.

But Giles was shaking his head.  "No.  Now, I'm going
to have to kick you
out, and let you take your chances.  If you run, you
might make it to the
park before Buffy decides to patrol there."

"I'll pay for the pizza."

Giles paused.  "I'm sorry?  What pizza?"

"While I'm here, hiding all night.  I'll pay for the
pizza."

"Good *bye*, Xander."

"I'm not going to invite you to my funeral!" Xander
told him, as Giles
pushed him towards the door.

"Just to the wedding?"  Giles said, as he opened the
door and nudged Xander
outside.  Xander stumbled out, and turned in time to
see the door closing.
Hadn't he locked it?  He jumped towards it and tried
the doorknob.  It
turned, but there was a chair barring the door.

"Giles!"

"Have fun at the party, Xander!" Giles called back.
 

end chapter four