Dolores, Glaswegian extraordinaire,  because there is a sort of an homage to
the Abbey Wood scene from 'Beautiful Thing' that just came to mind after our
e-conversation about BT. Bout time the lads just had a bit of a snog, innit?

Little Pinky!  Who sent me the nicest ever feedback, and then humoured me
when I asked for some Norwegian slashy Saga stuff (see language lesson).
Feed my language madness!

I forgot to acknowledge my bud Tim for beta-ing the Japanese stuff in the
part 15 language lesson.  Otso bows slightly and says respectfully:  Domo
arigato gozaimasu, Timmy-san.

Notes:
1.  Mostly written while listening to ska in Spanish and Catalan and English
and Swiss German (!?), and punk-ska (Less Than Jake rules!)  Cause it's the
funnest!  Ska makes the whole world happy!  You can't write the angsty parts
to ska:  I tried, and X & Gr kept losing all their angst, breaking out in
huge grins, and just wanting to get up and dance.
2. If you're serious about slash, ya gotta rent the brit-flick 'Beautiful
Thing'!  slashy-angst, slashy-fluff, slashy-smut (well, nicely implied), all
in these cool south London accents.  The first draft of this part had the
sentence: "So Xander just snogged the golly out of 'im."
 

Maybe He's Canadian, 16:  Nowhere Else.
(For R.  I still miss ya, buddy)
 

After coffee with Willow and Tara, Graham and Xander headed back to Lowell
House.   On the way there, the conversation had been light, mainly Xander
talking about his adventures being a non-jock in high school, and doing his
best to crack Graham up.

But the lighthearted atmosphere changed as soon as Graham shut the door to
his room.  He looked at Xander, who instead of being right there on top of
him, was sitting on the chair by the desk.  Xander raised his eyes to meet
Graham's questioning gaze briefly, biting his lip just a bit, before
lowering then to the floor again.  Graham took a seat on the bed, facing
him, trying to figure out what was up.

It hit Graham suddenly.  Fuck, he had been so wrapped up in himself and his
own nightmare that he had forgotten what Xander had said last night about
his first boyfriend. What was his name.?  Jesse!   How Jesse had gotten
vamped, and Xander said he had to stake him.  That had to mess with your
mind in a major way.
"Is this about your . about Jesse?"

A shadow briefly crossed Xander's face.  He slowly shook his head, managing
a smile, a bit forced, but still a smile, "No, that's ancient history."

"Ya sure?"

Xander nodded slowly, "Yeah."

Graham wasn't sure what was going on.  He must have freaked Xander out more
than he had let on with the story he told last night.  Maybe he shouldn't
have told him.  He looked down at the same patch of floor that was holding
Xander's attention.
"Look, Xand, if, y'know, after hearing about how I acted with the guerilla
guy, I'd totally understand if you didn't wanna, cause ya think I'm gonna
freak out on you again ."

Xander looked at him shocked,  "No! Jesus, Graham!  Nothing like that.  I'm
just afraid ."  His voice trailed off.

Graham smiled a little,  "That you're pushing me too hard?   Cause I'm
pretty tough."

"I'd noticed." An attempt at a joke that got nowhere.  A beat passed.  "No,
not exactly ."

Graham looked up at Xander, and saw the look of concern and . guilt in his
face.  Something clicked.  Graham's shoulders sagged.
"You don't think you're doin' to me what guerilla guy did to me, do you?"

Xander didn't respond.  His eyes met Graham's gaze, then he quickly looked
down, not wanting Graham to see how close to tears he was.   Graham reached
over and ran two fingers across Xander's cheek, slowly, gently.

Graham shook his head.  "Never.  Not even close.  I wasn't ready for what he
did to me .  Look, he basically raped me, Xander. It hurt like hell.  It
scared the shit outta me.  And the fact that part of me wanted him to do it
just made me feel like maybe I deserved being treated like that.  You're not
doin' that, not even close."

"Yeah, but the whole soldier boy thing."

Graham stood up and pulled  Xander to his feet and hugged him.  Holding
Xander's head against his shoulder, and resting his cheek against the top of
Xander's head, he whispered, "I don't know, Xand.  I don't know.  Maybe it's
because of guerilla guy, or maybe it's because I had the biggest crush on my
drill instructor in boot camp."

"What?"

Graham could hear Xander smile.  He ran his hand up and down Xander's back.
"Oh, yeah.  I used to fantasize all the time about him just ordering me to,
uh, do stuff."  Graham was glad Xander couldn't see how pink his face was
turning as he talked about the crush.

Xander chuckled.

Graham broke the hug and held Xander at arm's length and looked at him.
Then he made a fist and struck Xander very lightly on the chest.  "I love it
when we play soldier. It's fun, isn't it?"

Xander nodded energetically. "Yeah, it's fun."  He looked seriously at
Graham and said, "But, not tonight, OK?"

"Whatever you want," Graham whispered, and ran a hand along Xander's
shoulder and down his arm, then smiled,  "So long as we can play sometimes."

Xander smiled, only a little bit embarrassed and nodded, "You bet."  Then
Xander brightened.  "Whatever I want?"

Graham nodded, raising an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Come on."

"Where we going?"

"For a walk."

"A walk?"

"Yeah, we're gonna go get ice cream."

"Ice cream?"   Graham asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I suddenly got this image of you eating an ice cream cone and getting
this little bit of it on your nose, and I just have to lick it off."

Graham stared at him for a second as a smile just grew on his face.
"You keep doin' that and I'm gonna fall for you."

"That's the plan."  Xander gave him his best naughty smile.

They headed out and across campus, walking side by side, and wound up
getting into a fierce mock argument about which Patsy Cline song was her
best, and then which of the Back Street Boys Graham thought was cutest.

"Brian!"  exclaimed Xander with mock disgust, "Not sure I wanna be seen with
you."

Graham just grinned and shrugged and repeated firmly, "Brian.  He's a
hottie."

Both agreed that punk-ska was probably not the musical wave of the future.

Xander tried to teach him how to play 'anywhere but here'.  He explained the
game to him,
"You gotta say where you'd rather be right now, and who you'd want to be
there with you, like, uh, Amy Yip at the water park."

"Amy Yip?"  Graham looked at Xander askance with a mock scowl.

Xander grinned as he realized his mistake.
"OK, scratch Amy Yip:  Keanu Reeve at the water park. Your turn."

Graham grinned and shook his head.  He looked over at Xander and said
"Nowhere else."

After a moment of silence, Xander replied with mock pouting, "You're no fun,
I play your games but you never wanna play *my* games."

Graham looked at him as they walked down the busy main street of Sunnydale.
He gave Xander a friendly play punch to the shoulder instead of the hug he
really wanted to give him.  Xander flashed him a knowing grin that told him
that he understood.

In the fancy ice cream place, Graham just grinned as Xander insisted on
tasting six different flavours before ordering rocky road.  As Xander took
the first lick, Graham looked at him,
"I'm gonna bet you always sample as many as you can get away with and then
order the same thing."

Xander grinned, busted. He nodded.

Graham shook his head, and ordered "Single cone, vanilla, please."

"Vanilla? All these flavours and you go for vanilla?"

Graham shrugged his shoulders,  "I *like* vanilla."

"Couldn't prove it by me."

They walked back across campus, Graham letting Xander lead the way.  He led
them into a reasonably secluded grove of trees, where Graham leaned against
a tree and managed to get a bit of ice cream on his nose.  And Xander just
had to lick it off.

"Suddenly, I'm understanding the attraction of vanilla."

The ice cream cones fell to the ground, and lay there melting, as Xander
held his shoulders tightly as he pressed his mouth against Graham's, almost
pinning him to the tree.  Graham had to lean down slightly to accept the
kiss, to let Xander's tongue invade his mouth.  Graham's palms moved slowly
across his back, up and down his back, and eventually his right hand moved
down to Xander's ass, gently caressing it.

Graham was surprised a bit by how right this felt, how much he just wanted
Xander to want him, how much he loved just having his shoulders held.
Graham twisted his head slowly, turning it almost sideways as his tongue
counter-attacked, moving in, wrestling with Xander's, fighting for the high
ground, wanting desperately to get defeated.  He ran his tongue along his
teeth, as he felt his quickened hot breath against his cheek.

Graham moved his hands upwards until he was caressing Xander's upper back,
running his hands along his shoulders, feeling the tension in them as Xander
continued to hold him against the tree.  Graham knew he could break the hold
if he wanted to.  But he didn't want to, although he did need to come up for
air.  He moved his head slightly back.

As they broke the kiss, their eyes met, and their smiles simultaneously grew
into wide grins, each recognizing in the other's face the same almost
maniacal happiness.  Then Graham cupped his hand behind Xander's neck and
pulled his mouth back into his.

Graham tried to relay to him that he could do anything, that Graham just
wanted him, that his eagerness knew no bounds.  Xander seemed to be getting
the message.  Graham was having to really fight the urge just to kneel down
right then and there.  But he had promised himself that he was gonna let
Xander lead here.  One slight push on his shoulders and he would kneel.  But
Xander would have to push, and Xander seemed satisfied just to hold him and
kiss him.

And it was unbelievably sexy in a way Graham had never felt before.  This
kiss wasn't a mere prelude to the 'real stuff', it wasn't a pretense at
foreplay before the blowjob, or some pretend intimacy that somehow gave him
permission to have sex with a stranger.  The kiss was an end to itself.  And
Graham knew, for the first time in his life, he *knew* that he could be in
love with a guy.   Not just want sex with him, but really be in love with
him.

When they broke again, Graham just kind of stared at Xander, hand resting on
the back of Xander's neck, an almost goofy grin on his face. "Wow!"

"Wow?"  Xander asked, clearly pleased.  He had never gotten a 'wow' before.

With his hand still on the back of Xander's neck, Graham looked Xander
straight in the eye, and whispered earnestly, "That was a first for me."

"I thought you always got vanilla?"

Graham playfully tousled Xander's hair, "First time I ever just kissed
somebody, moron."

"We've kissed before.  A lot.  I've got the whisker burn to prove it."

"Yeah but we never *just* kissed."

Xander grinned and nodded that he had a point.
"You mean you really *never* just kissed somebody?"

"Well, do girls count?"

"Not for you."

Graham chuckled and shook his head  "Then, no."

"So, what'd ya think?"  asked Xander, hands in his pockets, shoulders
slightly hunched over, looking up at him.  Half way between really insecure
and fishing for a compliment.

"Wow!"  he repeated in a stage whisper, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm up for more."

But just then a posse of students came through on their way across campus.
The two guys nodded at each other and headed back.  Graham let his arm rest
on Xander's shoulder for just a second before letting it fall down, brushing
Xander's back on its way back to his side, back to the illusion of two
buddies just walking across campus.

Without a word they headed slowly back to Graham's place.   Both guys were
yawning, and both were slightly embarrassed by it, even though neither one
had gotten much sleep the night before.

When they got to Graham's room, they stripped to their boxers and got into
bed, laying side by side, and Xander moved in and kissed him again.

When they broke, Graham pulled back slightly, brushed the hair out of
Xander's eyes, and looked into slightly troubled eyes.
"Come on, tough guy."

"Huh?"

"Ya never talk about being with Jesse.  Was it nice?  Was it fun?"

"Yeah.  Yeah.   All that."

Xander wasn't smiling.  Not much of an expression at all.
"But . ?"

"I think it was just playing around for him."

"He ever say that?"

"No, never talked about it."

"He didn't or you didn't?"

"Neither of us."

"But you two hung around together at school?  Being buds?"

"Sure, best buds."

"Then it wasn't."  Graham said definitely.

"How ya mean?"

Graham shrugged.  "If you're just getting your rocks off, ya don't do it
with your best friend."

He ran his fingers along Xander's lips.
"Did ya ever kiss him?"

"No, not really."

"Too bad."

"Yeah."

Graham looked at him, and smiled wistfully.
"Damn!  I really wish I'd known someone in High School like Jesse ... or
like you."

"It's not like we ever really ."

"Yeah, but at least ya weren't goin' through it all alone."

"Yeah, I guess.  It still felt pretty alone most of the time."

"But not *all* the time?"

"No, not all the time,"  Xander admitted.

"Yeah, I envy you that."

Xander looked him in his eyes to see if he was kidding.  He wasn't.  Graham
looked back into those brown eyes.
"Ya miss him, don't ya?"

There was a silence, as Xander's eyes flickered, examining Graham's face
very carefully.  Then, a whisper,
"Yeah.  Is that OK?"

"Fuck, yeah.  I wish I'd known him."

A lingering silence fell over the room . Graham was really worried that he'd
just opened up an old wound.  The last thing he wanted to do was hurt
Xander, even slightly.

"Graham?"  softly, a touch of sadness in his voice.

"Yeah?" equally softly, ready to give him whatever he needed, anything he
wanted, anything.

"Hold me, OK?"

Graham felt a huge relief and said silently 'Oh, fuck yes!, thank you!'

And Graham held him.
 
 
 

<< Stay tuned for part 17, In which Xander is denied the blessing of
gods-given sleep; same Graham-Time! Same Graham-Channel!>>
 

How to write Viking Slash in Norwegian!

                 The Saga of Steel-Blade
               by Little Pinky  (and otsoko)

Stålbladet ble reist            Steel-Blade was raised up
ved Grahams hånd                by Graham's hand
og brakt ned                    and smote down
i demonens hjerte               into the demon's heart.

Xander iakttok krigern          Xander watched the warrior,
hans syn fiksert på             his look fixed upon
den andre og hans muskler,      the other and his muscles,
spente og sterke,               tensed and strong,
mens be beveget seg under huden as they moved under the skin.

Demonen falt om, død.           The demon fell over, dead,
og Graham vendte                and Graham turned
seg så mot Xander               towards Xander,
og et smil brøt ut              and a smile broke out
over hans åsyn                  over his face.

Overrasket merket Xander        Surprise marked Xander
seg at hans lem stivnet         as his 'limb' hardened
under den andres blikk          under the other man's gaze,
og hans skaft reiste seg stolt  and proudly his shaft stood,
spente seg mot hans klede       tensing against his clothing,
og ville ut.                    and wanted out.
Den andre merket                The other man noticed
det samme                       the same had befallen him,
skjønt han viste det ikke.      although he showed it not.

Istedet,                        Instead,
så Graham bare på ham,          Graham looked upon him
i ett lite sekund               only a short moment,
før han kastet fra              before he cast
seg sitt Stålblad               Steel-Blade dowm
og ga sin kamerat               and gave his comrade
en bjørneklem                   a bear-hug.

Xander kunne ikke               Xander could not
stoppe sin lyst                 hold back his lust,
og hvisket lavt                 and whispered low
in i krigers øre,               into the warrior's ear
'En helt fortjener             "A hero deserves
så mer enn en klem.'            more than a hug."