The Guy Thing 18/18:  Phases

It went off like clockwork.

Xander calling Riley on the cell to let him know that
Spike was outside
spying on him.  Riley sneaking away and letting
Hostile 17 follow him, and
then disappearing into the demonic house of ill
repute, as Giles had
charmingly put it.

Xander did NOT want to know how Giles knew so much
about the house, nor why
the proprietress owed him a favour.

And sure enough, Spike was hightailing it back to
Buffy's gleefully
chuckling.  Xander waited in his hiding place in the
alley for phase two of
the plan.

Spike and a confused Buffy showing up.  And minutes
later, a very angry
Buffy running out into the alley.  Followed by Spike.

Xander met Riley by the side door.  "She was pretty
pissed off."  Riley
wasn't gleeful about hurting Buffy, but he brightened
when Xander tossed him
the keys to his apartment and mentioned that Graham
was there.

"You coming?"

"Nah," Xander grinned, "Thought I'd spend the night at
Anya's."

Riley looked at him carefully, "You don't mind?"

Xander hugged Riley tightly, "You crazy kids go have
your fun.  But don't
forget phase three of the plan."

He released Riley and slapped him on the ass.

Riley grinned, "Phase three:  the ultimatum.  Man,
Giles covers all the
bases.  She catches me with a vamp, and I give *her*
an ultimatum."  Riley
shook his head.  "She's gonna lose it with me so bad.
. . "

Xander nodded, "She may kick your ass a bit."

Riley smiled, "Graham's a whiz with first aid.  I'll
be OK."

"OK, time for you to pay Spike a visit.   Don't rough
him up too much."

Riley grinned.  "I've got just the thing for Spike."

"I so do not want to know!"  Xander chuckled.

==================================

Xander was waiting in the alley for Buffy.  Giles was
gonna be pissed off
big time at his vamp buddies, except that they were
all dust.  Giles had
made them promise not to harm Riley or the slayer.
But vamps being vamps,
they couldn't resist.  No self-respecting vamp could
miss the opportunity to
off a slayer.

But Buffy had taken them out.  All of them.

Xander was impressed.  And more than a little scared.
Buffy was definitely
angry Buffy.

Xander watched her carefully.  He checked his watch.
Thirty minutes till
the deadline.  Buffy suddenly got that dreamy look in
her eyes.  'Shit!'
thought Xander.  She's gonna go after Riley.  NO!

He had to delay her.  He stepped out of the shadows.
He thought for a
second and changed tactics.  Buffy never had a problem
blowing off
reasonable Xander.  But snarky Xander always got her
attention.

Crank up the snarkyness, and Buffy would forget about
everything else.

It worked like a charm.  Delayed her a good ten
minutes.

Xander watched her run off.  He pulled the cell out of
his pocket and called
Graham at the chopper.

"She's on her way, Big Guy."

"Understood, Top Gun."

Xander grinned at the commando guys and their code
names.

"Take good care of him, Big Guy."

"Will do.  And . . .  thanks."  Even over the phone,
Xander could hear that
Graham's gratitude was heart-felt.  Xander smiled into
the cell.

It was cruel, but necessary.  She had to see him
leave.  Giles and Xander
and the rest would be there to help her pick up the
pieces. She would get
over it if she had the closure of knowing he was gone.
If  Xander knew her,
she'd get over it pretty fast.

As Xander walked over to Anya's, he grinned.  Belize.
Sheesh.  In the end
they had decided on Belize, because Graham thought
that "Boinking your
Buddy's Butt in Belize" sounded better than "Coming on
a Commando's Cammies
in Cameroon".

==============================

Epilogue:  Anya's apartment

Anya leaned over and ran a hand over Xander's
forehead.  "That was a 9.5!"
she informed him cheerfully.

"Uh, thanks."

"You seem to be more energetic recently."  Anya said
matter-of-factly, as
she reached over and put a mark in red on her
calendar.

"Yeah."   With Graham and Riley gone, off boffing like
bunnies in 'Belize',
Xander was back to one bed partner, at least until the
two of them got some
leave, and a little reunion could be arranged.
Until then, life was
definitely simpler, if less . . .  interesting.

Anya brushed the hair out of his eyes.  "So, do you
miss having orgasms with
Riley and that good-looking Lt. Miller?"

Xander's head snapped back over and he stared at Anya,
eyes wide.

"You knew?"

Anya shrugged.  "You talk in your sleep, Xander."

Xander considered that bit of information.  "And you,
uh, didn't mind?"

Anya thought about that carefully.  "It was like you
told me, it was a guy
thing, you know, stuff you couldn't do with your
girlfriend."

Xander grinned at her, but still not sure he was out
of the woods.  "Yeah?"

Anya hugged him.  "So long as I'm your only
girlfriend, and you keep up the
orgasm tally, I won't get all jealous."

Xander grinned widely, "You're amazing, Anya!"

Anya smiled at him lovingly.  She kissed him and
snuggled up, head on his
chest.  Xander put an arm around her and closed his
eyes, thinking he had to
be one of the luckiest men in the universe.  He
started to drift off to a
deep satisfied sleep.

Anya whispered, clearly pleased that they had had this
little talk,
"Besides, it's only fair.  It's not like you ever get
jealous about all the
orgasms I have with Willow and Tara."
 

========================
FINIS