Title: Chemistry?s Correct
Summary: Xander and Graham?s first date runs into a Hellmouthy kind of problem
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They?re not mine
Archive: UCSL, Xanderslash, Graham Crackers
Date: June 28, 2000
E-mail: Saone@yahoo.com

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Part 1
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Well, as first dates go, this has been. . . marginally less painful then oral surgery?

It?s been awful. Just awful. A complete, and total disaster kind of awful.

Is it written somewhere that evil can?t take a break, not even for one measly little night? You know, I?m sure that demons could show a bit of respect for people?s private lives, and still remain very demony. And. . . Oh wonderful, the capper to the night, I?m starting to sound like Buffy.

I think she?s gonna be okay. She got knocked around pretty hard, but she?s had worse. She?ll be fine. We all will. . . though for a while there. . .

I wish I hadn?t worn my good shirt. Some of these stains will never come out.

Yep, hindsight being 20/20 and all, I should have went with my rattiest t-shirt. But no, I wanted to look nice. I wanted to look stylish. I wanted. . . ah hell, fine, I wanted to look hot! Is that so wrong? I think it worked, too. The first time Xander saw me tonight, at The Espresso Pump, he kinda ogled me. Yep, the whole full body glance over. Man, it?s amazing what a little leer can do for a guy?s self esteem.

In fact, I can honestly say that that look of appreciation was absolutely worth the hour it took me to decide exactly what to wear. It was even worth Riley?s snickers and snide comments during said hour. Mental note - either get a lock for my bedroom door, or get my own apartment. I?m not a vain person, but I refuse to take ribbing about my clothes from a guy that usually looks like he walked straight out of a cornfield!

Anyway, there I was, looking pretty damn good if I do say so myself, and Xander had just given me this look like he wanted to devour me whole. Yeah, it was that hungry. And, oh my, the possibilities that suddenly loomed before me.

I really hadn?t given much thought to sex. Correction, I hadn?t given much thought to the possibility of Xander and I actually having sex, like in someplace other then my dreams. I?m almost positive that he?s never been with a guy before, so the last thing I wanted to do was swoop in. I figured that if I came on too strong, I?d scare him away, but as I walked to his table, I?m fairly certain that fear was the last thing on his mind.

I have no idea what caused it. . . maybe it was because we were on a *date* date. No Scooby meeting in sight, no friends to make light of the situation. Sure, Giles was going to be performing that night, but I was fairly certain he was going to keep his distance. Nope, it was going to be just me, and Xander, along with every single expectation, and consequence usually associated with dating. Whatever was happening between me and him, it became. . . real.

Hey, that?s as good an answer as any to explain why it suddenly felt like we had both gone into heat.

Chemicals, pheromones, massive amounts of pent up lust, whatever, it was there. The air felt all heavy, and my throat was dry, and there was this tingle low in my belly, and I hadn?t even reached the table yet. Xander felt it too, I could tell. His eyes tracked me through the room, and for a split second I had the distinct impression of being his. . . the word that keeps popping up in my head is. . . prey? Of course, that makes no sense. I mean, why would I get an feeling like that from Xander?

Anyway, I made it to the table, sat down, managed to order, and all the while kept my eyes glued to Xander?s velvety brown ones. Hormones were flying hard and fierce. We probably would have pounced on each other then and there, if Giles? set hadn?t started. Xander took one look at the bespectacled parental figure, blushed heavily, and began to pick at his food. It was charming.

Yes, charming. I decided that I was using the word cute far too often in describing Xander?s various habits and mannerisms. I needed to branch out.

We listened to Giles for a while. The man really does have a good voice, although judging from his behavior I?m a bit surprised he didn?t break out into giggles. Every time he started in on a love song he?d glance at our table and the corners of his mouth would quirk up a little.

There was nothing malicious about it. I think he was just. . . pleased. When Giles got off stage he didn't say anything, didn?t even come near our table, he just looked at me, smiled, and gave me an almost imperceptible nod.

So, there we were. I was having a wonderful time, Xan was having a wonderful time, and the man that he regards as a father figure had just given me his blessing. The night couldn?t get any better.

Of course, when something can?t get any better there are usually two outcomes. Either it stays the same forever, or it gets worse. Sometimes, much, much worse. Guess what happened in this case?

Xander was on his second mocha, which Willow had already warned me was his caffeine cut off point, when I saw her and Tara hurry into the cafe. I admit, my first thoughts consisted of a stream of rather colorful language at the thought of any intrusions, but all of that disappeared when I got a good look at their faces.

They were terrified.

And, so ended the happy portion of the evening.

**********
Part 2
**********

As soon as Xan and I had seen the look on Willow and Tara?s faces we had promptly collected Giles and hauled ass back to his place,stopping only long enough to put in a call to Ri and Buffy. Finding Anya and Spike patiently waiting on Giles? doorstep had been a surprise, but they said they were bored, and monster fighters can?t really be *that* choosy.

So, once again we all found ourselves crowded around an ex-librarian's apartment, growing increasingly tired of Giles making Willow continuously repeat her story.

?Are you sure that's what you saw?? It was kinda unnerving, the way he kept asking that. . . or maybe it was the way he was polishing the lenses out of his glasses.

Willow let out an exasperated sigh. ?Yes, yes, and yes

?Giles!? Buffy sounded more annoyed then anything else. ?Willow, and Tara have told you what happened, like, ten times already. If you know what we?re up against spill, if not, help us figure out what?s going on.? Riley was fidgeting off some extra energy, Buffy?s hair was mussed. Evidently, this unforeseen bad guy hadn?t just ruined one evening.

Giles grumbled a little, but stopped his jerky movements. "Fine. If I've correctly interpreted what the girls saw, and mind you, there is always the chance for error, I believe we are dealing with a Golem."

Willow frowned. "A Golem? But, I thought they were supposed to be protectors?"

"Not necessarily.? Giles gave his glasses one last polish before setting them back on his nose. ?A Golem is a figure shaped out of clay and then animated to do it's master's will.?

"So, this Golem thing is basically a tool.? Riley spoke up. ?Someone has to be controlling it?"

"Exactly."

?And, if this person is a whacked out nut job.? Xander surmised. ?We?ve got ourselves a rampaging pile of super dirt.?

Giles glared at him. ?Not to make light of a potentially deadly situation, but, yes.?

For the first time that night Tara spoke up. "This is powerful magic. We need to find out who created it.?

"Agreed, but first, we have to stop the mudman.? Buffy looked hopefully at Giles. ?There is a way to stop it, right?"

"Yes, it?s quite simple, actually. There is a word on,the Golem's forehead, Amet. It's the final part of the spell that animates the clay. To de-animate it you must erase the first letter, turning the word into met... or death."

?Yeah, simple.? Buffy?s sarcastic tone was lost on no one.

?Well, compared to what Willow, Tara, Anya and I are going to be doing, yes, it is.? Giles replied, sounding sort of peeved.

?Uh,? Willow looked at him in concern. ?What *are* we going to be doing??

?Trying to find out exactly who is controlling the Golem. I have a few locator spells that might just do the trick. Tara, if you could please pass me that greenish book, and Anya, I believe there?s some Mugwort in the far right cabinet. . .?

While our witchy contingent was working out the exacts of the spells, I snagged Xander and led him down the hall. His eyebrows rose considerably as I ushered him into the bathroom.

I closed the door, then faced him. ?I didn?t want to say anything in front of the others, but. . . maybe you should stay here.?

His brows fell, and pushed together into a frown. ?What??

?Maybe you should stay here. You know, help with the spell, or something??

Looking back , it was like a window blind being closed. Yeah, that?s a pretty good analogy for how Xander?s face just kinda shut down. In a split second his happy openness was replaced with an expression so frigid, I wouldn?t have been surprised if Giles? pipes froze. In other words, Xander was pissed. . . and I had no clue as to why.

I tried to explain. ?It?s not that I don?t want you to come, it?s just. . . I don?t want you to get hurt.?

Boy, oh boy, was *that* the wrong thing to say.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. ?Just because I don?t have Buffy?s powers, or your commando skills, doesn?t mean that I?m a useless, helpless lump.? Then his expression became almost. . . disappointed. ?You know, I honestly didn?t expect this from *you*.

?I - I - I. . .? Had no idea what he was talking about, but couldn?t form a coherent thought to save my life.

?Just. . . forget it.? Xander stormed out of the room in a disgusted huff, leaving me standing there, confused, and more then a little worried.

*****

When I got back to the living room, Buffy was handing out orders. ?Since Wil, and Tara spotted this thing at the park, we?ll start there. Riley and I will take the north side. Graham and Xander can come up from the south. You guys got your phones??

Ri, and I nodded. We had decided to decree two cell phones necessary equipment for a patrol, especially after my attack in the cemetery. They were just a logical addition.

Buffy?s mouth set in a thin line of determenation. ?Okay then, lets. . .?

?Hey, what about me?? Spike looked at her, expectantly.

Buffy looked to Giles, who frowned at the vampire. ?W-what about. . . er, you??

?What do you want me to do? How can I help?? Spike rolled his eyes when no answers were immediately forthcoming. ?When will you wankers get it through your thick skulls? In the here and now, I?m on your side.? He straightened his duster. ?I mean, if *I* can?t wreak havoc on the general populace, then no one should be able to.?

Giles put a hand to the bridge of his nose. ?As always, I am temporarily floored by your unique reasoning. Very well, you can. . .?

?He can come with us.?

All heads swiveled towards Xander. Evidently, our date was going so well, he decided to invite a neutered, but still evil, vampire to join us.

Spike accepted Xander?s invitation, and somehow I resisted the urge to kick the crap out of him when the vamp smirked at me.

Regardless of what our friends might have been thinking, nothing more was said, and those of us who were going grabbed our weapons, and headed out the door.

We had just left the outer courtyard when a voice called out from behind us. ?Xander, other person. . . wait!?

Yep, a few weeks ago I was a soldier, then I was Xander?s date, now, I?m the ?other person.?

We turned back towards the voice and found Anya briskly walking towards us. She glared at Buffy, Riley, and Spike. ?I don?t believe I mentioned any of your names.? There were a few snorts and unintelligible mutters, but the three continued on their way.

?You coming with?? Xander asked.

I gotta say, at that instant I was getting a little mad. And now, allow me be crushed under the weight of that understatement. I mean, first he invited the evil dead, now he was extending the same thing to his ex! Geez, when Xander gets aggravated he certainly develops a spiteful streak.

Anya seemed truly puzzled. ?Go with you? Why would I want to see you get your asses kicked?? She shrugged. ?No, I just wanted to say something now before either of you gets killed or anything.?

Now it was Xander?s turn for puzzlement. ?Okay.?

?I wanted to say. . . that I?m happy for you both.? She smiled, obviously pleased with herself.

?You?re happy for us.? Xander repeated, slowly, as if spacing them out would cause them to make sense.

Anya nodded emphatically. ?Yes, Xander. I?m glad you found someone with the corresponding body parts you desired.? She then turned to me. ?And you, whatever your name is, I?m sure you?ll get a lot of enjoyment from Xander?s penis. . . or his mouth. . . or his. . . well, I?m not all that certain of the logistics involved, but I know you?ll derive pleasure from his body somehow. And. . . I really don't have anything else to say.? She gave us each a decisive nod, then headed back towards Giles? building.

Xander?s face was unreadable, though his cheeks had flushed to a bright pink. He watched Anya?s back for a moment then turned around and started walking. He never looked at me.

Things had gotten way too wrong, way too fast, and all I really knew was I had to put them right again. . . oh, and also try and help stop a giant mudpie gone bad.

At least my life isn?t boring.

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Parts 3 & 4