Title: Declarations
Summery: The Golem thing is resolved, Xander and Graham talk about living situations, and Graham meets someone new. . . kind of
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They?re not mine
Archive: UCSL, Graham Crackers, anywhere else just ask
Date: August 27, 2000
E-mail: Saone@yahoo.com

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I think tonight was the first time I ever felt cheap when helping to stop evil.

After Riley?s concussion, Buffy went totally gung ho about finding the creator guy. Magic wasn?t helping us any, so we turned to science. Actually, Willow turned to science, the rest of us just supplied the appropriate ohs and ahs. She ?borrowed? the use of one of the University?s chem labs and did a few tests on a sample from our mud man that Ri had been kind enough to provide. Meaning, it was some that had gotten stuck in his hair. Willow then compared her findings with a geological survey she ?borrowed? from someplace else, and she gave us three possible locations for where these things were being made.

Buffy and Riley went to place A, Xander and I went to place B, and Spike and Anya went to place C. Yep, Spike and Anya. *So* not gonna try and analyze that one.

Anyway, half an hour into stomping around place B the cell phone rings. It?s Riley, who says that they found the sculptor. Turns out, it was some little guy that the core Scoobs knew from back in high school. I think Xander called him J-something. . . Jackson? He looked really familiar. Probably saw him around campus.

Buffy launched into this lecture that cumulated in her seriously denting a lamppost and then comparing it to what she would do to the guy?s spine if he continued with his unique form of claymation. Needless to say, J-something swore up and down that his evil magic days were over.

Lesson learned, boys and girls? Hell hath no fury like a Slayer who?s nookie time keeps getting interrupted.

I guess things are officially back to normal. . . well, what passes for it around here at any rate.

It was pretty late after we got the Golem mess sorted out, so I offered to walk Xander home, explaining to him how I wasn?t being condescending, I was just being practical since I was carrying a crossbow.

He smiled, told me he knew I wasn?t being condescending because it wasn?t cloudy, and accepted my offer.

Condescending. Condensation. Cloudy. A guy makes one vocabulary mistake and he gets marked for life.

Anyway, I have realized that my whole walking Xander home thing, may not have been the best idea. You know, there are very few things that are worse then being in Sunnydale, in the middle of the night, keeping an eye out for evil monsters. One of those things is being in Sunnydale, in the middle of the night, keeping an eye out for evil monsters, with your extremely beautiful, extremely kissable, and extremely horny boyfriend beside you.

?Come on.?

?No.?

?Please??

?Xander, I said no.?

?But, you?re walking me home, shouldn?t you at least try to take advantage of me??

I shake my head, not even trying to stop the smile that pops up on my face. Ever since our relationship got a little more physical, Xander?s been, well, wanting to get even more physical. Not that I?m complaining. No way. I?m just not quite up for getting attacked in the middle of it.

?Graham,? Xan?s voice is teetering dangerously close whining territory, but since he?s trying to cajole me to make out with him, I guess I?ll let that slide. ?Buffy and Riley fool around on patrol all the time.?

?That?s different.? I shift the crossbow to my other arm. ?Buffy?s a slayer. She isn?t quite as vulnerable if she?s caught with her. . . her pants down.? Oh, that was just. . . wrong of me.

Evidently Xan feels the same. ?Gee, thanks for *that* visual.?

?Sorry.?

He lets out this huge sigh, and sorta deflates. ?It?s just hard, ya know, being around you, but not being able to act on all the things I want to do to you.?

?Oh, I wouldn?t know *anything* about that.? I give him this ?You should really know better then to complain to me about there not being enough touchy feely stuff in our relationship? smirk. At least, that?s the smirk I hope I gave him.

He rolled his eyes, but smiles, and puts his arm around me. This is. . . nice. Xan?s not comfortable being this close to me around other people, except for our friends. To tell the truth, I?ve never really been Mr. PDA guy, myself. There?s no one but us out on the street now, though, so I lean into his embrace. And, yeah, this is nice.

I had thought we had reached Xander?s neighborhood, but I wasn?t really sure until I felt his body stiffen and pull away from mine. ?Um, this is good. I can make it the rest of the way.?

?Are you sure?? I ask, even though I already know the answer.

He flashes me a smile that doesn?t quite reach his eyes. They never do when we?re this close to his house. ?Oh, yeah. No problem.?

For once, I don?t return his smile. I need to say something to Xan. I glance around the deserted street. There?s no one around, but this is something that you just shouldn?t say in the middle of a sidewalk. I grab his hand and drag him behind this big tree at the edge of someone?s yard. With a huge bush to one side of us, and out of the light of the street, it?s fairly secluded.

Xander looks confused and hesitant. I drop the crossbow, put my hands on his shoulders, and press him back against the trunk of the tree. Now he just looks lustful, and I do have to smile at that. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me to him. Our bodies touch, and it feels like all the blood in my veins has been replace by this electric current. I wonder if that?s what he feels too. I press harder against him, loving the way his eyes darken, the way his cheeks flush and his mouth opens just the tiniest bit, like he can?t wait for me to slip my tongue in.

Heaven forbid I disappoint the boy. I move my hands to his head, letting my fingers tangle in that soft hair, holding him still. I lean in and lick across his lips before pressing my mouth against his. Soft. . . full and supple. . . just, so right. . .

It?s perfect. It always is. It's so perfect it has to stop. Now. I can?t. . . I need to tell him something. It?s not going to be easy. I stop the kiss, pulling back, holding his head so he can?t follow. He looks a little frazzled, and a lot like he wants to eat me alive. Oh man, I love that look.

His hands find the hem of my shirt and start stroking lazily over the skin at the small of my back. Talk about electric current in the veins. . . No, no, need to say this. Need to make him understand.

?Xan. . .? Just say it. "I. . ." Oh, for God?s sake, don?t be such a wuss, Miller. ?I love you.? His eyes widen, his mouth drops open a bit, but he?s not trying to push me away, so, that?s. . . that?s good. Now, for the rest. ?I want to make you happy, and keep you safe. I want. . . I want to protect you from. . .? My eyes flicker in the direction of his house. ?from everything.? Please, make him understand.

Okay, I think he does understand. I also think he?s gonna punch me, or, maybe. . . he blinks a few times. Oh, Xan, please don?t cry. That?s not what I wanted. Dammit, this is why I should just not talk!

He?s moving. No, I can?t let him get away from me, not like this. But, he?s not trying to get away. He puts his head on my shoulder, nuzzling into my neck, and all I can do is hold him. It?s all I ever wanted anyway.

?Graham,? His voice is so soft, so quiet, I can hardly hear him. ?You do make me happy, and you always make me feel safe.? He stops, and I can feel him take a deep breath, shuddering, making me automatically squeeze him. ?But, there are some things you can?t protect me from.?

Like hell! ?Bullshit!? Gee, didn?t mean to say it quite *that* loud, but it gets a chuckle out of the man in my arms. He lifts his head, his eyes glistening, but a smile on his face.

?You can?t stay in that house, Xan.?

The smile dissipates. ?And, where am I supposed to stay??

?With me.?

?Uh, Graham, I-I don?t, um, think I?m, uh, ready for. . .? Oh, great. First I upset him, and now, I?ve scared the crap out of him.

?No, I don?t mean with *me*, I mean, with me. No, wait. . . I mean, with me and Riley, but not *with* me and Riley.? Good. If all else fails, get him confused. ?At our apartment. On the couch.? Think he got all that?

?Ah.? His eyes are twinkling as he snickers. ?You know, I think I?ve been a bad influence on you, babble wise.? He sobers, then gives me this slightly amazed look. ?You really mean it, don?t you??

?I?ve meant everything I said to you, Xander.? Not going to use the l-word again, but I think he gets what I mean anyway.

?But, what about Riley?? He asks, frowning. ?Would he be okay with it??

?Of course.? If he knows what?s good for him.

?I need to think about it.?

I nod. ?I know.?

?I?d better. . .?

I let him go. ?I know.?

He brushes his lips against mine. ?You know everything, huh??

?Pretty much, yeah.?

?Do you know that I. . . I. . .?

?Yeah, I do.? He doesn?t have to say it. Right now, it?s just enough that he feels it.

A shy smile appears on his face. He kisses me again, a light, soft touch. Then, he?s gone.

*****

It?s never a good idea to be deep in thought when walking through Sunnydale at night, but I just can't help myself. I?m still about a mile from home, and all I can think about is. . . okay, okay, that kiss is getting some air time, but mostly, I keep seeing Xander?s face. I can?t help thinking about his expression when I said I loved him and when he realized I was serious about him staying with me. I just. . . You know, not all abuse is physical, but the kind I want to heap on Xander?s father sure would be.

Hmm. What a nice image, working out all my frustrations on his face. I always knew all that hand to hand combat training would somehow come in handy in real life. I mean, of course, besides fighting vampires.

Vampires.

Shit! Vampires!

Three of them, going after this girl!

Nice, quiet evening on the Hellmouth.

I lift the crossbow, aim, and. . . Yes!

Two vamps going after this girl. No, one vamp going after this girl, the other one coming after me.

Great.

No time to reload, throw the crossbow to the side. That?s it, come on. Come right to the guy that?s been trained to kill you.

He looks like your average vamp - deadly, but stupid as hell. Nothing but an animal at this stage. He rushes me, knocking us both to the ground, pushing himself against me. . . and the stake I have in my hand.

They always look so shocked right before they disintegrate. Yep, that?s right, bye bye, idiot.

Dammit, this means I need to do laundry again.

Better check on the girl.

Huh, the other vamp?s gone. Guess he ran off, or. . . there?s a piece of wood in her hand. Did she get him?

I approach her slowly. She looks more then a bit out of it. Her brown hair is wild, and she?s got a cut above her right eye. I gently touch her arm. ?Miss, are you all right??

She jumps about a mile, eyes wide, dazed. ?What?!? She glances at the piles of ash scattered around us, and for the first time I notice just how many there are, how many she must have dusted before I got here. ?Yeah.? She suddenly grins. ?Five by five.?

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