Title: The Great Escape
Summary: Graham and Riley loose something, and Willow?s not going to be too happy.
Rating: R
Spoilers: Major for dialogue in ?The Harsh Light of Day', 'Gingerbread', 'New Moon Rising', 'The Yoko Factor', 'Something Blue', slight for 'Go Fish', 'School Hard', 'The Zeppo
Disclaimer: They?re not mine
Archives: Anywhere that?s already archiving this series
Date: October 5, 2000
Email: Saone@yahoo.com

**********

When it comes to the inner workings of the Scooby Gang I may be a newbie, greener then even Riley or Tara, but one thing I have definitely learned is that when Giles says ?BLOODY HELL!? turn off the fan ?cause the shit?s heading that way.

Everything was going perfectly fine until a few minutes ago when the phone rang. Xander, Riley, Buffy and I have been here at Giles? about an hour researching a new prophecy that?s supposed to happen on the feast day of some demon saint guy. . .or something like that. The truth of the matter is I?m not exactly sure what we?re looking for. I?ve been kind of. . . distracted. I almost feel like I?m back in high school, stealing glances at my crush and hoping the teacher doesn?t notice. Except, well, Xander?s not my crush, he?s my lover. My lover. It still makes me grin to think of those two words together and used in reference with the man lounging beside me on the couch. My lover.

Anyway, I also don?t think Giles is in the right frame of mind to notice anything just about now. The others seem about as shocked as I am about the outburst. Whatever he heard on the other end of that phone line must have been a doozy. Wonder who-

?Willow!? Ah ?How the blazes did that. . . What?!? There?s a look of pure horror on Giles? face. For some reason I?m suddenly really glad I'm not wherever our two little witches are today. ?Just because a *cookbook* says you can substitute certain ingredients doesn?t mean it?ll work in magi. . . I?m not upset!? Giles whips off his glasses, and I?m fairly certain everyone in the room just winced. ?All right! I am upset! I?m upset! I?m upset! I?m upset! I?d expect this sort of thing from Xander-?

?Hey!?

I squeeze Xan?s knee and silently second his ?Hey?.

?-or Buffy-?

?Hey!? She pouts, and Riley kisses her cheek.

?-But, I had always thought that you, out of all of my charges, were responsible enough. . .? Giles? face falls a bit, and you can almost see the fury seep out of him. ?I didn?t mean. . . I?m not *really* upset. . .do stop crying. . . it?s going to be all right. I?ll be over in a few minutes, just. . . stop crying. Look, try to avoid any ceiling fans, and if you need to go outside, for goodness sakes, tether yourself to something first.? He hangs up the phone and lets out a sigh that for some reason brings to mind a weary parent being called into his child?s school.

?Try to avoid any ceiling fans?? Buffy raised an eyebrow.

Giles rubs at his temple. ?Willow and Tara have successfully performed an anti-gravity spell.?

?Cool!? Buffy withers a bit under Giles? glare. ?Uh. . . not cool??

?Their intended goal was to magically delouse their cat.?

Wow.

You know, Willow seems like an okay girl, but when she reaches the chapter on transmutating species I think I?m gonna pack up Xander and go on vacation for a few months. Not that I don?t enjoy her patented ?Whoops. My bad.? chocolate chip cookies, or that pound cake we got the time she made feathers sprout out of Riley?s ears, but. . . Hmm, wait a minute. That?s an idea. A vacation. Me, Xander, a nice, secluded bed and breakfast somewhere. I wonder where wine country is exactly.

?All right.? Giles picks up a few books from his desk. ?You four keep looking for the rites used to invoke D?Khast, and I?ll go sort things out with Willow and Tara. . . again.?

*Again*. Man, I?d hate to be under their pointy hats today. That sounded kind of ominous.

*****

?Guys, thanks again for doing this.? Willow adjusts her pack. The thing?s huge. I wouldn?t be surprised if she just started waving her arms and toppled over.

?No problem.? Riley smiles. ?So, has Giles told you anything about what?s gonna happen this weekend??

She grimaces. ?No.?

After Giles got back from. . . grounding the two girls, he made an announcement. In a nutshell, anyone in the group who wanted to do any spell casting would have to undergo some basic training with him. Sort of a witchy boot camp. Only Willow and Tara volunteered, so the three of them are going to spend the weekend practicing spell stuff. . . far, far, far away from here. . . for the entire weekend.

So, being the upstanding guys that we are, and basically, her last viable option, Ri, Xander and I agreed to take care of Willow?s pet while she?s away. If we play our cards right, Xan said we might be able to get cupcakes out of the deal.

Willow frowns and glances around the apartment. ?Where?s Xander? I want to tell him goodbye.?

I sigh. ?I think he called this crappy job number seventeen.?

?Not to be confused with crappy job number eighteen, which he?ll probably be starting tomorrow.? Funny, ha ha, Riley. Eat my death scowl. Oh, look, Willow has one of them too. That?s right, Farmboy. Look ashamed. Look *very* ashamed.

Willow finishes her Riley glowering and shakes her head. ?Sometimes I worry about Xander.? That makes two of us. She puts her hand on my forearm. ?But, I?ve noticed lately that I?ve been worrying less and less.? She grins at me. ?You don?t know how glad I am that he?s found someone that makes him happy. Really happy. However. . . Riley??

Ri clears his throat. ?If you hurt him she?ll beat you to death with a shovel.?

Uh. Okay?

Wills beams at Riley. ?Very good. And, now that that?s taken care of, I?m off.? She heads for the door. ?See you guys on Sunday.?

?See ya, Willow.? I follow her to the threshold and watch her teeter out to the waiting car. A goodbye wave to Tara and Giles, then I?m shutting the door and turning around to face Riley, eyebrows already raised. ?She?ll beat me to death with a shovel??

He shrugs. ?A vague disclaimer is no one?s friend.?

?Ah.?

Ri grins. ?We should probably get started, shouldn?t we??

Uh. I glance at the clock. It?s only around two. Xander doesn?t get off work until five thirty and Buffy isn?t supposed to get here until six, so. . . ?Yeah. It?s probably a good idea to start early.? So we can have plenty of time to clear the smoke out before either of our significant others arrive Why, oh, why did I every agree to this? ?Are you sure we can do this??

?Graham, we are intelligent, competent, modern men. We can cook.? He scratches his head. ?Besides, it was either us, or Buffy.?

I quickly nod. ?We can cook.?

?Hey!? Ri?s eyes narrow. ?Are you ragging on my girlfriend?s culinary skills??

?Were you ragging on my boyfriend?s occupational skills?? We both stare at each other for a few seconds. ?Neither one of us has a leg to stand on here, do we??

?Nope.?

?Let?s get to cooking.?

*****

?Stupid Riley Finn. Stupid recipe. Stupid people with thirteen items in their cart in the twelve item or less lane. . .? So I?m mumbling to myself. So what? You wanna make something out of it?

I have had a really crappy hour, okay. An hour. I can?t believe it?s taken me a whole freakin? hour to get a little tiny bottle of vanilla!

Stupid Riley. ?Oh, no, Graham. I got all the ingredients. Oops. Must have forgotten about that one. You just run on to the store and pick some up. ?Kay??

Forgot, my ass. He must have somehow known about the hell that is the spice aisle. Real, imitation, clear, whole bean. . . could nothing just simply say ?Vanilla??!

Okay, almost home. Try to avoid the pedestrians. I swear to God, if he?s burned down the apartment while I was gone, I?m gonna be so pissed.

Well, no obvious smoke damage. Next time Buffy wants a grown up dinner she can cook it herself. . . at *her* house!

I open our front door and-

?NO! Close the door! Close the-?

?Riley! What?s the-? Gah! Something dark shoots past my foot. Oh. . . no. Oh, no! That was. . . oh, no!

*****

?I can?t believe this happened.? Riley throws his hands up in the air.

?Just calm down, Ri.? He?s wound pretty tight about his whole thing. Not that I don?t feel bad, but. . . ?It was an accident.?

?I know it was an accident, Graham.? Riley sounds exasperated. ?But Willow trusted us with that.? And, boy am I glad Buffy?s mom agreed to at least keep Miss Kitty.

I shrug. ?She should have checked the lock before she left.?

He gapes at me. ?How can you just be so blase about all this??

?Look, this isn?t the end of the world, okay. We messed up. But, it?s not like it was her first born or something. We?ll just find out where she got that one from and get her another one.?

?Yeah. I guess.? Riley?s shoulders slump. ?Still feel bad about it, though.?

?I know. We blew it. But, I mean, come on.? I roll my eyes. ?It was just a rat. . . right??

**********


Part 2