**********

You know, if there was one skill in this world that I never thought I would
become proficient at, it would have to be the fine art of doing laundry. I?ve
been washing my own clothes for a while now, but before it was always like, jam
as much stuff into a machine as I could, add a little detergent, close the lid,
turn it on, and pray for the best. Now? Well, now I know successful
pre-treatments for nine different types of blood, and five varieties of mucus.

Check me out. I?m all domestic.

See, this shirt?s saved, and so?s this one, and... Huh, I guess even club soda can?t
do anything about claw marks. Oh, well, one for the rag pile, but this one?s... Oh
Shit!

Okay, don?t make eye contact. Turn around. Blend into the appliances. I?m not
here. I?m not here. But if I am here, I?m invisible. I wonder how much of a blow
my manhood would take if I tried to crawl out the door? Maybe she won?t see
me. Please, don?t let her see me. Not here. Not here. Not-

?Hello, Xander?s boyfriend.?

Damn it! ?Um... hi, Anya.?

She looks perky. Too damn perky. Probably been torturing Spike again. Not
that there?s anything wrong with *that* per say...

She smiles at me. ?So, how have you been??

?Uh... why??

She frowns. ?Isn?t that an appropriate greeting for acquaintances??

?Usually, yes, but we?re not really...? How can I put this in a way that won?t end
with me being covered in scales and/or fur? ?Anya...? You?re a shrewish bitch
and Xander must have been the most desperate man on the planet to... No, that
probably wouldn't be a good idea. ?The last time we met you threatened to hang
me off a balcony by my small intestine...?

?Oh, piffle.? She dismissively waves her hand. ?There?s no way I?d *actually* do
something like that. Do you know how messy disembowlings get??

?Not off hand, no.?

?I just was feeling upset towards Spike and I projected it onto any good for
nothing male I could find.? She pats my arm ?It was nothing personal.?

Oh. Her plotting a gruesome death for me wasn't personal. Good to know.
?Okay.?

?So...? She stares at me, eyes wide, bright, slightly manic looking.

I give her a small smile and slight nod. The universal signs for ?It?s been nice to
see you. Go away now.? Why isn?t she going away now? And, why is she jut
staring at me. You know, with all I?ve gone through, and seen, it takes a lot to
get under my skin. But, surprise, surprise, being the center of an eleven
hundred year old ex-vengeance demon?s attention has managed to do that quite
nicely.

?So...? She says again. ?You and Xander have been together for several months
now. I assume you both have proceeded on to the physical aspect of a romantic
relationship.? She punches me on the arm. ?Good for you. You canine.?

?Thanks?? What the hell is this about? Wait. Oh my... She?s not... Is she?
Trying to... bond with... over Xander?! I finish pulling the clothes from the
washing machine. ?I have to go now.? Where the hell?s the nearest exit?

?You can?t go yet.? Anya looks at me like I?m the insane one. That?s irony, right?
?Your clothes are still all wet. Aren?t you going to use a dryer??

?Um. No.?

?Why not??

Why not? ?Um...? I?m sure there are plenty of logical reasons why a person
wouldn?t want to use a clothes dryer. ?I?m morally opposed to it.? However, I
doubt that was one of them. It?s amazing the ways Xander?s rubbed off on me.
Not only do I talk more, I also have less control over what spontaneously comes
out of my mouth.

?Oh.? Tiny lines appeared on Anya?s forehead as she thought this over. ?Why??

She couldn't jut accept it, could she? No one grills Willow, or Xander, or Buffy
when they do strange things. What, ex-Marines can?t be randomly eclectic? I
mean, Riley and I *aren?t* randomly eclectic, but if we were it would be nice
for it not to be questioned. ?It, uh, wastes energy.? Wow. That half way makes
sense.

?Ah. Then why do you have dryer sheets in your laundry basket? And, why is
your eye twitching all of a sudden??

I can?t do this. I?m just not covert-y. Why can?t someone tell me to shoot
something. I?m good at shooting things. ?I... lied.?

She blinks a few times. ?You're strange.? She begins fiddling with the washer in
front of her, leaving me to quietly gather up my soggy clothes and skulk over to
the wall of dryers.

And I do. Skulk, that is. I am *no* good at lying. I just feel so rotten
afterwards. Damn moral upbringing. My parents couldn?t teach me the
important things in life. Oh, no, they had to instill values. Still, my pitiful
attempt at duplicity did manage to scare Anya away.

?Would you like a ?Nilla Wafer, Xander?s boyfriend??

Or not. Damn. ?Graham.?

She glanced down at the yellow box in her hands. ?No, I don?t have any of those.
Though, I?ve tried the cinnamon variety and found them quite pleasurable.?

Sigh. ?My name is Graham. Not Xander?s boyfriend.?

Those tiny lines were back again. ?Why did your parents name you after a
cracker??

Explaining that I was named after my great grandfather would take too much
time and energy, wouldn't it? ?They really liked snacks.?

She seems to accept that. What is it with Xander and dating complete wackos?
And, since I?m dating him now, what does that say about me? Okay, stopping
that train of thought.

Anya smiles at me. Damn, but that?s unnerving. ?Back to you and Xander. How?s
the sex??

Did she just ask me what I think she... ?Excuse me??

?You know,? She gives me a conspiring wink. ?The ole daily grind??

?That?s bump and... nevermind.? I?m not... This isn?t... I don?t like this laundromat.
 

?I?m still not actually certain about some of the logistics, but lately I?ve found
myself becoming more and more interested.? Her eyes light up. And I thought I
knew fear. ?You don?t think I might be able to observe the two of you one night,
do you??

Observe? Oh yeah, and she can just bring a video camera for slo mo instant
replays and post game critiques. Okay. I just thought about Anya video taping
me and Xander having sex. Yes, that train of thought needs to come to an end
also. ?No. I don?t think that would be a good idea.?

She actually looks disappointed. ?That?s a shame. I was looking forward to
comparing techniques he uses with you to ones he and I perfected when we were
together.? She sighs. ?I have to admit, sometimes I do find myself missing my
little Viking.?

Viking?! Uh...

?Why, I remember this one time when I took him shopping at the sex store-?

This isn't? happening. I?m, I?m not listening. That?s right. La la la. La la la la.

?-And then I actually had to explain to him what the cock ring was for-?

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

God, I know it?s been a while since I?ve spoken to you on any kind of a regular
basis, but if you see fit to get me out of this situation, I promise I?ll-

?-Oh, but the thing I enjoyed the most was the spanking. Are you enjoying the
spanking??

The... ?What??

*****

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

I could always *not* use this little piece of information. And, Anya wasn?t
really forthcoming with more details. Of course, that may be because I
grabbed my still soggy clothes and hauled ass outta there while she added
fabric softener to her machine. So, now, I?m sitting on the couch in the
apartment, waiting for Xander to finish his after work shower, and wondering
what the hell I should do about this new piece of information... or, if I should
even do anything at all.

But, I can?t just ignore this, can I? If there was one thing Xander and Anya had
going for them, it was completely amazing sex. I want Xander and me to have
completely amazing sex. ?Course, personally, I already think we?ve reached that
point. But what if he doesn?t? What if he?s really frustrated and just itching to
explode in some kind of display of erotic tinged violence?

Then again, I might over thinking this. But, this idea is just so new to me. I?ve
always thought of myself as being a pretty liberal, open-minded kind of person.
Yeah, yeah, I know, this coming from a former ?Sir, yes, SIR?-boy, but all of
that was in my professional life, when I got on leave, I generally raised a little
hell. Yet, no matter how much boys will be boys crap I indulged in in bars or
poolhalls, any time I ended up in an apartment or hotel room I was strictly
vanilla. It?s almost embarrassing how many kinks I *don?t* have.

Bed, lube, condom. . . Thank you very much.

Stuff like... like... *that* never even crossed my mind. But now it?s not only
crossed my mind, it?s decided to take up permanent residence. God, I?m not even
sure I can broach the subject, let alone participate. And how exactly would we
do it? I mean, would Xander be the spankee, or the spanker? And, if he?s the
spanker, could I actually let him...

?Graham??

?What?!? Jesus! Make some noise when you?re sneaking up behind people, would
ya?

Xander cocks his head to the side and gives me this strange look, like he?s trying
to figure out what?s going on inside my head. Oh, no. I wasn?t just thinking about
you spanking me. Nope.

?Uh,? He flashes me a worried look. ?I was gonna ask if you felt okay, but I?m
betting that?s pretty much a no. What?s wrong??

?Nothing?s wrong.? Good. Try and lie, Graham. ?Cause, you do that so well.

?Oh, something is wrong. You look tense. You never look tense.? He sits down
beside me. ?Does this have anything to do with school starting up again soon?
Going back to the campus??

?No.? Surprisingly enough, I?m actually kind of looking forward to returning to
academia.

?Then, if it?s not school, what is it?? He looks at me. I look back. He sighs.
?You?re not gonna tell me, are you?? He looks at me. I look back. He sighs again.
Then, his mouth twists into a smirk. ?Well, the least I can do is try to help
relieve some of that stress. And, with no Riley, no Buffy, and forty seven
minutes ?til Farscape, I can think of just the thing.?

He slides off the couch onto his knees, his fingers going for the button on my
jeans.

I cover his hands with mine, stilling them. He looks up at me, licks his lips...
unnn... No! Be strong!

I can?t believe I?m going through with this. I clear my throat. ?Is there
anything... you know, else that you?d rather be doing now??

Xan?s eyes flicker towards the T.V. ?In forty five minutes, yes, but I?m good til
then.?

?No. I mean, is there anything else that you?d rather be doing now, here... with
me.?

?Oh! Sure.? He grins and gets up. ?That we should probably do in the bedroom,
though. And, remember, forty four minutes.?

I place a hand on his arm. ?No. I didn?t mean *that*, I meant... something else.?

Xander frowns and sits down beside me on the couch. ?Um, I know I?m still kind
of new at this whole gay sex thing, but I thought we pretty much covered what
could go where, so, I gotta ask... What the hell are you talking about??

Okay. Just... Get it out. ?IhadatalkwithAnyatoday.? There. That was easy.

?You had a...? Xander?s eyes widen. ?Oh Graham, are you okay??

?Um. Yeah, I?m fine.?

?No extra toes, or horns, or anything?? He ruffles my hair, probably looking
for protrusions.

?No, no. She didn?t seem to be in a vengeful kind of mood.?

?Well, good? He strokes my cheek. ??Cause if she ever does anything to you...?
He blinks a few times. ?Wait. What exactly did you two talk about??

?Uh...?

?I mean, Anya only really talks about two things, and if it wasn?t vengeance,
then... Oh God!?

Uh oh. ?Now, Xander-?

?You Talked About *SEX* With *ANYA*!? There?s no point in hoping the
neighbors didn?t here that, is there? ?Why did you talk about SEX with
ANYA?!?

?*I* didn?t... Anya talked to me about sex. She cornered me at the laundromat.
I still had to use the dryers, I was trapped.?

?Well what exactly did she say that?s managed to carry itself over into our sex
life??

Oh, yeah. That?s his pissed voice. ?Truthfully, I managed to tune most of it out,
but one thing slipped through.?

?About??

Oh, just *say* it! ?Spanking.?

The look on Xander?s face is about as close to abject horror as I?ve ever seen.
He puts one of his hands to his head in what I?m sure is an unconscious, yet
eerily Giles-like movement. ?This isn?t happening.?

?See, that?s what I kept thinking.? I move closer to him. ?Look, the reason I
brought up an event that will probably fuel many nightmares, is because I love
you. I want to do things that make you happy, and if-?

He looks at me and raises an eyebrow. ?So, basically, what you?re saying is, if I
told you to drop your pants and bend over my lap, so I could smack your ass ?til
it turned this really nice shade of pink, you?d let me??

Ulp.

?Yeah, I would.? What did I just say? Wait, *what* did I just say?

?Really??

E-evidently. ?Yes,? I say, with a hell of a lot more conviction then I feel. ?I
mean, I?m at least willing to try it, and I do trust you.?

?You do??

Why does he keep looking at me like that? ?Yeah, Xan, I do.?

?Wow. That?s like... frightening.?

Tell me about it.

He smiles shyly, a blush spreading over his cheeks. Wait, *now* he?s starting to
blush? ?Not that the idea of you...? He makes a vague motion with his hand.
?Isn?t almost enough to forgo the Sci-Fi channel, but I kinda like being the one
who...? He makes another vague gesture.

The one who? Oh! The one who! Oh. So, that would make me...

?It?s not like I ever planned to like it. Didn?t even plan on trying it. I just,? His
cheeks flush even more. ?I was trying to get Anya out of one of her ?Poor me, I
can?t smite men anymore? moods, and I kind of made an offhanded remark about
how she could... ?punish? me anytime.? Xan shakes his head. ?I was joking, but she
really liked the idea, and when Anya latches onto something... Anyway, we tried
it, and...?

?And??

?And, I did like it.? He smiles. ?This is freaking you out, isn?t it.?

?It?s not freaking me out.? No, the fact that it?s not freaking me out is freaking
me out. ?But, if you like it so much, then... I mean, we?ve been together for
almost three months now. Why didn?t you ever say anything??

He shrugs. ?I don?t know. No, I do know. You?re just so straightlaced about so
many things. I guess I didn?t want to scare you off.?

?Xan, the first time we kissed I ended up being thrown across a crypt by
something that looked like it came straight out of a Predator movie, not to
mention all the other assorted demons, vampires, and ex-girlfriends of yours
I?ve run into-?

?You know, Faith was never really my *girlfriend*-?

?She was scary enough to be. Anyway, the point is, if there was any chance an
aspect of this relationship would have scared me off, I?d have been screaming
and running for the hills a long time ago.?

?Is that a compliment??

?I?m not sure. But, it?s the truth. I?m in this with you for the duration, deviant
behavior and all.? I grin at him.

?Good to know.? He grins back. ?And, speaking of deviant behavior... You?re
really okay with all this??

?Think so. Though, you might have to talk me through it the first time.? I bet he
thinks I?m kidding.

?Uh. You smack my ass. That?s basically it.?

?Ah. Yeah, I think I can do that.? Actually, the more I do think about it, the
more... ?So, after Farscape good for you??

Xan?s face just lights up. ?See, that?s why you are the bestest boyfriend ever.?

**********

the end