[[Can you believe it? Nathanial is going to be a father! A father! And wow, what a father he'd be...]]
[[Camera fades into a hotel in Little Rock, Arkansas. We see Nathanial coming out of the bedroom, stopping in front of the fridge...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Can you believe it?
Mr. Belvedere: No Nathanial, I can easily say I don't believe it.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: It's so exciting!
Mr. Belvedere: I suppose you could use those words...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Well, I'm off, I'll be back later.
Mr. Belvedere: Where are you going?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I'm going to go learn about caring for children.
Mr. Belvedere: You? Care for children?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Don't you think I can be a good father?
Mr. Belvedere: I think you could be a good deadbeat father.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Thanks! I love it when you put faith in me!
[[Nathanial walks out the door as Mr. Belvedere shrugs his head and takes a sip from his tea...]]
Mr. Belvedere: Someone needs to set him straight.
[[Camera fast forwards an hour or so, where we see Nathanial standing in front of a day care center, him pushing through the front door...]]
Attendent: Hello, may I help you?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Yea, you can...I called earlier about reading to the children.
Attendent: Ah yes, Mr. Glore, correct?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Yea, so...where are the little tykes?
Attendent: First, a few questions.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Shoot.
Attendent: Well, firstly, why did you call us?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: So I could read to the children.
Attendent: No no...let me rephrase that.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Alright...
Attendent: Why do you want to read to the children?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Oh...well that's simple. You see, my girlfriend, Dhite, she's pregnant.
Attendent: Congradulations.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Thanks. And the reason I wanted to read to the children was so I could get a feel for handling them, I want to be a good dad.
Attendent: Well, that's a very touching response. Come, I'll introduce you to the children.
[[The lady leads Nathanial into the toy room...and all the children stop playing and look over...]]
Attendent: Children, children, gather round.
Attendent: Alright, thank you boys and girls. Now, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Glore, he's going to read you a story.
Kid #1: You're big...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Thank you.
Attendent: Alright Nathanial, I'll leave you alone. Children, be good to Mr. Glore.
[[The lady leaves Nathanial and the children alone, and then all move closer in on him...]]
Kid #8: You smell like my dad....
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Yes, we both have the same love for alcohol.
Kid #8: He beats my mom...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Well that's not a good thing, is it?
Kid #8: One time he said he was going to ship me to Honduras to make me useful.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: At least he's looking into your future.
Kid #4: So, what story are you going to read us?
Kid #2: Hansel and Gretal?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: No...
Kid #9: Robin and the Seven Chins?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Nope.
Kid #12245 How Dexy met Kermy?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Better, I'm pulling out something from my own stash.
Children: Yeaaaa!!!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Now gather round children while I tell you your story.
[[The children huddle closer now around Nathanial as he pulls out a sheet of paper from his pocket...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: This story is called... "Susan DeLucci and the Miracle of Life."
Nathanial Rezno Glore: One morning around 5 am 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.
[[Nathanial looks up to see the little children's face turn colors not seen in a Crayola box...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Are you kids alright? You better be, cuz here comes the rest of the story.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened...
[[The faint sounds of vomiting from the children is heard in the background as Nathanial continues reading...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Ms. DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's cunt when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
[[Nathanial folds the piece of paper back up, and looks up to the children...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: The end. Now children, what did you think of the story?
Children: ...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Children?
[[A few children begin to cry profusely, and the lady comes in...]]
Attendent: What did you read to them?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Just a story from my own collection.
Attendent: Let me see it, now.
[[Nathanial hands the paper over to the lady, who begins to read, and the camera shows her face turning green...]]
Attendent: Dear god! What is this filth?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: A life lesson.
Attendent: What kind of lesson is this for five year olds?!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Never to masturbate with crustaceans.
Attendent: That's disgusting! Out! Get out of here now!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: So, when can I come back?
Attendent: AND NEVER COME BACK AGAIN!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: So...tomorrow?
Attendent: Never!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.
[[The lady shoves Nathanial out of the door, and returns to care to the children...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I think I did well.
[[Camera fades to black as Nathanial walks back to the hotel...]]
|
 
|