[[People say Sick Puppy is riding on the verge of censorship. You know, that's pathetic. If he was any good...he'd be censored already...]]
[[The camera cuts into a studio set, where Nathanial is seated in a chair, on stage, and the audience erupts. They calm down, and a man walks out with a microphone...]]
Kent Pepperson: Hello folks! Welcome, once again....to CAN YOU TOP THIS?!?!?!?!!!!!
[[The audience erupts as the "CLAP" button is flashed...then stopped...]]
Kent Pepperson: Heh, you people are great. Alright, it's time to meet our contestant. He is the Fans Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, he hails from Ithaca, New York...and he has a drinking problem...please welcome, Nathanial Rezno Glore!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Hello Kent...but I don't have a drinking problem.
Kent Pepperson: Sure you don't. Isn't he great folks?
[[Crowd cheers...]]
Kent Pepperson: Now folks, onto the game. First, the rules. Nathanial...do you know the rules of the game?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: No Kent, I can say I don't.
Kent Pepperson: Heh heh..uh..Nathanial...you were informed of the rules backstage.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I'm sorry Kent, but I don't remember.
Kent Pepperson: Heh..what a kidder. Moving on, you know that the object of the game is to out gross your opponent, and that to win you need to disgust the audience.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I do?
Kent Pepperson: INDEED YOU DO! Isn't he a joker folks!?
[[The audience clap like trained seals...]]
Kent Pepperson: Now...your opponent, the man of the hour...Sick Puppy!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Wait, I have him this week in a match.
Kent Pepperson: I know, that's the angle!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: He's not here, is he? Cuz I could get in trouble.
Kent Pepperson: No...Sick Puppy isn't here, but we're going to compare his previous actions to your new ones.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Oh...alright. I think I understand.
Kent Pepperson: Then...on with the game!
[[The crowd cheers and claps, and Nathanial and Kent walk over to a platform...]]
Kent Pepperson: Alright Nathanial, your first task is to take these items provided here, and totally disgust our audience.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Alright Kent, I think I can do it.
Kent Pepperson: Good to hear Nathanial...now here are your items of perversion. First, a zuchinni. Second, a gerbil. Third, a spatula, and lastly, a purple thong.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Well Kent...I can do it.
Kent Pepperson: Judges, put five minutes on the clock. Alright Nathanial...are you ready?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Ready.
Kent Pepperson: On your mark...get set...go!
[[The clock starts...and Nathanial gets to work...]]
Kent Pepperson: Alright, well it looks like Nathanial is taking the spatula, and digging a hole in the zuchinni. Why he's doing this, I'm not quite sure. Next, oh...I got it! Nathanial is sticking the gerbil in the zuchinni...what a move! Now..Nathanial is sticking the gerbil filled zuchinni into the thong, and is putting it on! Nathanial is wearing the zuchinni! Now he's slapping his ass with the spatula....right before the buzzer sounds!
[[The crowd cheers and vomits as Nathanial pries the thong off his ass...]]
Kent Pepperson: Nathanial..tell me, how does that feel?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Disgusting. And I think the gerbil crawled up my ass.
Kent Pepperson: Bonus gross out points!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Yea...disgusting.
Kent Pepperson: Alright, while the judges tally up the scores, lets go to the crowd to get some reactions. Yes, you.
Audience #1: Yea... I wanted to say...YOU RULE NRG! THAT WAS AWESOME!
Kent Pepperson: Thanks. Alright...you?
Audience #2: Yea, I was wondering if he could do that at my bachelor party?
Kent Pepperson: Alright...enough about the fans...let's go to the judges.
[[Kent is handed a paper...and he looks at it...]]
Kent Pepperson: Alright...Judge number one gave you 3 buckets of vomit, Number two gave you four, and Number three gave you 3 and a half.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Is that good?
Kent Pepperson: The scale is on three buckets of vomit.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Excellent. So...what's next?
Kent Pepperson: Next? You want more?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Sure...why not. I know I can top Sick Puppy.
Kent Pepperson: Alright...let's move on to table number two!
[[The two walk over to another table with junk on it...]]
Kent Pepperson: Alright Nathanial...here is the second grouping of items. You have a fork, a picture frame, a club sandwich, an electric eel, and a dildo. You know, you have five minutes to make something utterly disgusting.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Alright, I can do it Kent.
Kent Pepperson: Good luck Nathanial....and go!
[[A buzzer sounds, and Nathanial jumps into action, looking over the items...]]
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Alright...it looks like Nathanial is stuffing that club sandwich down the throat of that electric eel, and shoves the dildo up it's ass. That has got to hurt. Now, oh...Nathanial is taking that fork and piercing the eel in the middle, holding it up. What's this? Nathanial is dropping his pants...and puts the eel between his legs, and then puts the frame over it! Disssgusting!
[[The buzzer sounds and Kent walks over to Nathanial...]]
Kent Pepperson: Another great showing there Nathanial, completely disgusting. Judges...your results.
[[The judges hand Kent the ballots...]]
Kent Pepperson: Nathanial...you scored a perfect five buckets of vomit! An excellent score!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: WHOOOOHOOO! What do I win?
Kent Pepperson: Well Nathanial...you get the right to come back tomorrow.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: But I don't want to come back tomorrow. This show sucks.
Kent Pepperson: Heh...Nathanial, you're always the joker.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: No...this show blows hard.
Kent Pepperson: Exnay on the ucking-kay.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Huh? Dude...it's like you're talking in a foreign language.
Kent Pepperson: Alright folks...we're going to have to cut to a commercial.
[[The audience begins to clap as Kent pulls off his wire and looks at Nathanial...]]
Kent Pepperson: What the hell are you doing?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: What do you mean?
Kent Pepperson: Trashing my show on the air.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I thought I was supposed to do that.
Kent Pepperson: Huh?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Yea...I thought I was supposed to disgust everyone, and by trashing your show...
Kent Pepperson: No, you don't trash my show. Capiche?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Uh....yea?
Kent Pepperson: Alright...we're back on the air...in 5..4..3...2...
[[Audience claps...]]
Kent Pepperson: Welcome back...here we are with our new champion, Nathanial Rezno Glore...let's get to know a little bit more about Nathanial, shall we?
[[Seals clapping...]]
Kent Pepperson: Now...Nathanial...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: God, you're ugly.
Kent Pepperson: Excuse me?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: You look like an elephant sat on a rat filled jelly doughnut.
Kent Pepperson: What the hell does that mean?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I don't think your mother could love you.
Kent Pepperson: Alright folks, before this gets ugly...
Nathanial Rezno Glore: As ugly as you are...
Kent Pepperson: As I was saying...we must cut to another commercial...
[[Seals clap somemore...]]
Kent Pepperson: What the hell are you doing?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: You said not to trash the show.
Kent Pepperson: Yea, but what's worse than trashing the show is trashing the host. You got that?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Not really....I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Kent Pepperson: Stand there, and be normal.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: But...I'm not normal.
Kent Pepperson: Damnit, it was funny when you were putting on that act on TV, but we're off the air, and you don't have to act like an idiot.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Act?
Kent Pepperson: Yea, you know...acting like one. Don't need to.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I didn't know I was.
Kent Pepperson: Well then, you mean you act like this on a normal basis?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Doesn't everyone?
Kent Pepperson: Man...I guess that Belvedere guy wasn't joking when he said you were a hassle to work with.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: That's my Belvedere.
Kent Pepperson: Alright, we're going to finish the show, be civil.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: I'll try.
Kent Pepperson: You better.
[[The audience begins to clap again...and Kent fakes a smile...]]
Kent Pepperson: HEY HEY! Welcome back....we're back with FWF Champion and "Can You Top This" Champion, Nathanial Rezno Glore!
Nathanial Rezno Glore: It. Is. An. Honor. To. Be. Here. Kent.
Kent Pepperson: Heh..whatta joker. Well Nathanial, will you be back tomorrow?
Nathanial Rezno Glore: Only. If. You'll. Have. Me. Back.
Kent Pepperson: Of course we'll have you back Mr. Roboto! For tonight...I'm Kent Pepperson, telling you all...to top that!
[[The audience claps as Nathanial and Kent walk off the set...]]
Kent Pepperson: You know Mr. Glore...you really are a twisted freak.
Nathanial Rezno Glore: You want twisted...wait until tomorrow...
[[Camera fades to black...]]
|
 
|