SEXUALITY AND STRAIGHT EDGE
(or, I was a teenage punk rock slut)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DON'T! DRINK! DON'T! SMOKE! DON'T! FUCK! AT LEAST I CAN FUCKING THINK!!!!!!!!
No guesses for who that is. Oh wait, Dase would probably class that as elitism. It is Minor Threat. 6 simple words that became something of a mantra for adolescent hardcore kids everywhere. But that's enough, I don't want to explain the history of straight edge. If you care, look it up. But the 'history' doesn't matter. Straight edge should be a personal thing. Dase says it often enough here and I totally agree with him. you take those things as far as you feel are right for you. I don't do drugs, but I will take medication if I'm sick. I don't drink alcohol or many caffeine products - definitely no coffee. I don't smoke cigarettes. I'm very vegan. But these are my personal interpretations, and as for the 'fuck' thing, well......................
It's interesting that some people can interpret that as total celibacy. I always took it as 'harmful casual sex'. That's the big word to remember there, harmful. Because I think there is such a thing as easy, painless, guilt free sex. At the moment western society is going through another sexual revolution. Bisexuality, at least for females, is becoming a bit of a fashion statement among dance music cultures. Bondage and fetish wear is having its impact on fashion. It's acceptable for a woman to take a dominant sexual role, have a few partners. Of course, the woman has to conform to stereotypes - she has to be like a character off 'sex and the city'. If a high school girl was like that she'd still be called a slut. But its advancement of sorts.
I have said before that being labelled a slut is a term of pride for me. I am a VERY sexual person, very forthright with my sexuality. Hey, guys are, why can't I be? Being called a slut gives me a little thrill because I've offended someone's conservative notions of a teenage girl's sexuality.
I don't subscribe to the western establishment's church derived notions of sex being more a natural focus of reproduction than anything else. The argument goes that 'they' made it fun so we would do it more, have more kids. That's why the pope still don't wear a condom and you get some huge catholic families. Okay, well and good that might've worked when we were still in danger of being eaten by woolly mamoths or something. But I'm living proof of either the flaw in this logic, or evidence that a creator has a dark and ironic sense of humor. Some radio sex therapist would say I have a 'high sex drive'. Put simply in Bikini Kill's words, I like fucking. Yet I'm physically incapable of conceiving children. What point does my love of getting off serve there?
I genuinely believe celibacy to be dangerous. Repressing sexual urges is like repressing anger - it'd going to come out in some way and you probably won't be able to control it when it does. Why do you think we are constantly hearing about priests abusing children? Enforced celibacy means extremely repressed sexuality, priests have traditionally maintained a position of trust within a society, therefore there is an avenue for those repressed sexual urges to escape unhindered. we only hear about it now because people took a long time to get over the puritan 50's. Like the saying goes, better out than in. I defy anyone who has experienced an absolutely mind blowing orgasm to look me in the eye and tell me truthfully that such an ecstatic feeling of release, combined with the relaxed, snuggle up and doze afterglow, is unhealthy.
And this is how I interpret 'don't fuck'. To me, there are two types of sex. Making love and Fucking. Making love is like movie sex, an expression of love between two people who genuinely care for each other. Fucking is more like porno sex, just for the fun of it. and the two can combine somewhat. I love my boyfriend so much, but when we do it we're not just doing it because we love each other, we're doing it because it feels so damn good, and we like it. It's fun. But then, we like making each other feel good, because we love each other. so you see how it can become intertwined. I haven't done crazy shit like go down on him on a train or fuck in the ocean just because I love him. I fucking enjoyed it too!
(Now you're either thinking, 'damn she IS a slut', or 'Euuw, I didn't want to know that'. Ha, too bad, keep reading now, you know you want to).
But let's examine this idea and you think about your responses. I'm bi. I'm well aware of that because I've had sex with other girls before. My boyfriend doesn't mind because they've been threesomes. Now, WAIT! think about your first reaction. Now from my experience of the teenage male, if a guy scored with two bi chicks, he'd be a total hero in the locker room or something. Now, I bet your reaction and opinion of me was something totally different, hey? That's the point I'm making over and over, there is a big double standard for girls and guys, especially among teenagers, where sex is concerned.
He's a hero, she's a slut.
Well how does this fit in with straight edge you ask? It comes back to what is a definition of 'harmful' casual sex. I was checking out some straight edge bbs a while ago and a woman posed the question 'can I have sex with my husband'. Uh, okay. If you can't bone your husband who can you bone?
Now in my previous piece I explained that I thought of hardcore as highly indivualistic, while at the same time producing a contradictory 'community' environment. The celebration of the 'loser' individual in a society where that identity is most definitely portrayed as undesireable. Defiance is the keyword here. Well, what is more defiant than upsetting conventional notions of sexuality? It hit's right to the core because that's a real weak spot in society, thanks to years of shame conditioned by the various churches.
But of course, you have to balance it out with what is 'harmful'. Hippies tried what I'm alluding to above with free love and the indirect - but none the less unfortunate - results included unwanted kids and profligation of STD's like AIDS. So we come back to notions of harmful.
To me 'harmful' casual sex can include a few factors -
a) Not being careful and using adequate protection - big big big no no. b) Where not everyone involved is aware and agreed on exactly what they're getting out of it - one person might just be looking for a quickie with no further commitment, the other might want something more indepth.
c) Where not all parties are consenting - this can mean rape; a situation where one person feels pressured into it; or the level of intensity that you're getting into. By this I mean someone performing an act that they don't want to do.
d) Where the other party(s) are viewed as objects, not other humans - this can loosely include domination and sado masochism (the full on serious shit, I mean be honest, who hasn't tried handcuffs?). People I've spoken to who're into it say its a lot of fun, WHEN there is mutual respect. So long as that's tehre, as far as I'm concerend it's cool. SO LONG AS IT'S THERE.
So I wouldn't consider having a threesome with my boyfriend and a good friend of mine as harmful, so long as she's only in it for the fun of having sex as well. I mean why not? It's unconventional, yes, but that doesn't mean it's not a hell of a lot of fun.
I'm sure this attitude probably upsets a lot of straight edge kids up there on the high moral ground, because it doesn't fit with their idea of being so superior to everyone else. But can anyone honestly say I'm hurting anyone? Personally, I think celibacy is dangerous, but I'll leave you to enjoy it if you leave me alone. It's my body.
Thanks for your time once again, if you want to argue with me my email will be below. Big hugs, kisses, and complex oral sex acts involving ice cubes to dase for his help and for publishing this.
A very big fuck you to the two people who have called my boyfriend a 'sexual deviant' becuase he's with a girl who loves him more than anything else, but this girl just happens to be bisexual.
- Ally.
