basic

november 22nd, 2007 - 12:34 am.
life is funny. somewhat of a cliche way to begin a journal, let alone a new journal, but it's true. i've thought myself to be one of the least complex people that i know, yet now i'm realizing that i'm actually quite complicated & i wouldn't deal with me if i weren't already me. follow? i'm a person of phases; i've experienced a variety of phases. i still don't know who i want to be when it comes down to it all. i look at myself in the past five or six years & see this:

phases:
surfer/beach bum
athletic
girly girl
rich girl
rocker
goody two-shoes
preppy
hippie

i've been from one extreme to the next & i don't understand why i feel the need to switch from one type of person to the other. why can't i just be a mix of all? even as i'm writing this, i know i'm not going to change how i am. its stressful, trying to be all these things. i think it mainly comes down to clothing. honestly, it sucks but it does. i can never make up my mind with my style, but i have a lot of fun mixing things up & making people say "wow". i love to experiment with style, ah i really do. but then, for example if i'm dressed down with an "i don't care" attitude, & i see a girl who is in a cute juicy jacket & such, i get so bothered. i want to be everything. i confuse myself, gah...its too much for me. how about a little piece of life evaluating & goals?

operation x revolution:

1. tyler - current interest & destination of mine / sought after & admired by females / volleyball player & actually plays / friends approve of me / liked me at beginning of year when i payed him no attention? now not so much? / hooked up a few times / seems un-interested at moment / makes first move now when intoxicated or high / only responds to ignoring & doesn't want relationship. more notes to absolutely follow.
i'm going to get this boy.

from college, i'm not grasping what i thought i would. first of all, i thought i'd be a homesick fool from day one, but i'm not. i thought i had it planned what i was going to do with my life, & i was certain because i had reasons that made me feel secure in my not so secure choice (psychology). instead of hoards of knowledge & a double-security of my life-plan, college has brought me absolute confusion. don't mistake me though, the confusion i am facing is completely welcome. it's a great place in my mind. i'm beginning to see that i can do whatever i please & make my own bad or good choices. i don't have a set future & that is what intrigues me so much. i'm experimenting & experiencing things, events, feelings, & people that i never realized i would. for me, college has become a time to branch out & grow, not a time to succeed & become certain. my only true goal is to take advantage of whatever i please.

night. </body> </html>