Author: Jocelyn, Navaeh, and Sandy (jdog985@hotmail.com)

Feedback:  It hast been so long since we have heard thy good voices.   Send thy feedback, pronto!

Summary:  We follow our heroes backstage during the dress rehearsal  of "The Taming of the Shrew."

Rating:  PG (still more perversion of Shakespeare)

Disclaimer:  I don't own it, I don't sell it, I ain't makin' any  money off it.  Hear no Marvel, See no Marvel, Speak no Marvel…you get  the idea.  Don't sue me.

Author's Note:  Despite the title, this scene has nothing to do with  pop stars or obnoxious music.  Be not alarmed.

Scene I: The Backstage Boys…

"BOBBY!!!" Jubilee's shriek rattled the rafters of the converted  classroom, "STOP PLAYING WITH THE CURTAINS!!!"

"You call these curtains?"  Bobby demanded from the opposite side of  the second classroom, which was divided by a stretch of heavy cloth  to separate the boys' dressing room from the girls'.

"Bobby, they're hanging.  If you pull `em, they open.  They're  curtains," Kitty snapped.

Bobby poked his head around the side of the curtain, "Whatever you  say—whoa!"  He was greeted by shrieks from half-dressed girls.

In the first room, where the set had been arranged, Cyclops cringed,  "Bobby, don't make me have to come back there!"

"I didn't see anything, Mr. Summers!"

"You're right!  And you're not going to see anything ever again when  I'm through with you!" Jubilee shouted in response.

"Mr. Summers, is she allowed to kill me?"

"Save it for the cast party, Jube!"

"Okay, boss-man!"

Scott groaned and as if on command, a bottle of aspirin floated down next to him, "I thought you might need this," said a voice behind him.

He glanced over his shoulder at Jean, "Thanks, hon.  I'm beginning to  wonder if Bobby will make it to opening night without getting himself  a broken jaw."
 
"Peeking through the dressing room curtain again?"

"Yep."

Back in the "dressing rooms," Kitty and the other girls were  struggling into their multi-layered, Shakespearean costumes and make- up.    Rogue was resisting all of Jubilee's attempts to put stage  make-up on her, "That color's too bright!"

"It'll look good under the lights!"

"It makes me look orange!"

"Well, I guess it's a good thing your costume's blue—hold still!  If  you bump me while I'm putting on this eyeliner, you'll look like  Cleopatra instead of Bianca."

"Just be glad you're wearing gloves too!"

"Rogue, I gotta tell ya I LOVE those silk gloves.  They go perfectly  with your costume," Kitty commented, looking Rogue's outfit over with  an approving nod, "We did a good job."

"Not to mention the creative maneuvering we had to do to get rid of  the kiss between Lucentio and Bianca!" Rogue agreed.

They heard a snort on the other side of the curtain, "For what it's  worth, I was disappointed, too!" Remy LeBeau called.

"Keep those hormones of yours in check, Gumbo!" Jubilee ordered, "Are  you all in costume over there?"

"That's Lucentio to you, Jubilee!" Remy jeered, but added, "All  except John, we're having some problems stuffing him."

Logan and Storm had just walked into the stage room and they both  stopped and stared at the director, "What're they doing back there?   Feeding the boy to death?" Logan demanded.

Scott ignored him, "I told them we should have made that potbelly out  of paper mache.  We keep having to re-stuff him for every rehearsal."  He checked his watch, "Could we hurry this up a little?  You're going  to miss `curtain' again."

"We don't have a curtain!"  came the chorused reply.

"Jubilee?" he called.

"You got it, Cyclops!  Ten minutes, everyone, ten minu—OW!!!  What  was that for?"

"I'm NOT ready yet!"

"That's what I gave you ten minutes for, Kitty!  And you didn't need  to hit me with your shoe!"

Scott groaned and opened the bottle of aspirin.

Five minutes later…

"Five minutes!" Jubilee's voice rang out (again), "Kitty, you throw  that hairbrush, I swear you'll see fireworks!"

Logan laughed, "Will they make it for the last five minutes?"

"Guess you'll never find out," Scott replied.

"Why?"

"Because you're leaving.  Now."

"What?"

"Dress rehearsal's closed.  You can come on opening night.  The  audience is going to be small enough as it is, and I want everyone to  be surprised," Scott said firmly.  Logan shrugged and left the room  without an argument, for once.  *Weird!* Scott thought.  Aloud, he  added, "You too, Storm."

Storm grinned, "I don't mind being surprised," and headed for the  door.

"Well, that takes care of the peanut gallery," Jean observed.

"Actually, there's one more."

"Who?"

 "Sorry, Jean.  Closed rehearsal means cast and crew only." He  grinned  at her, "I want you to be surprised too.  They'll be disappointed if  you watch it tonight."

"Well, really!"  In mock-outrage, Jean stood up and flounced out the  door.

2. "God, this drama thing's infected everybody," Scott remarked.
4. Jean paused in the doorway and said, "I think I'll get you a  director's chair as an opening night present."
6. "I'm not directing a movie."
8. "Break a leg!"

"I'm not in the cast either!"

"Whatever!  Tell them I said to break a leg."

Scene II:  Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

"TWO MINUTES!!!"

Scott winced as Jubilee's voice shook the sets again and walked backstage, "How's everybody doin'?"

"I think we're all ready!"

"Right!  Here we go…cast onstage!" he called.  The cast filed out  onstage and stood looking at him expectantly.  He took a breath,  "Okay, now I know this is dress rehearsal but I want you to treat it  as if it were opening night.  Someone once said…don't ask, I don't  remember who…bad dress rehearsal, good opening night." He
paused  significantly, "That's no excuse." The cast snickered, "Now I know  you can do this, and I want to see everyone giving 110 percent.  If  we can do this right tonight, we can do it right when there's a full  house.  Right?"  Vigorous nods.  "Okay, places please!  Oh, and Jean  says to break a leg."

Kitty paused and smiled sweetly, putting a hand on Bobby's shoulder,  "Ya got a preference?"

Gulp!

"Okay, everyone, places and…curtain!" Scott took his place in the  audience to watch.  *Imaginary curtain,* he corrected himself  mentally.

The first few scenes went surprisingly smoothly.  Scott's experience  as leader of the X-men had taught him to be optimistic, even on  missions when he fully expected them all to be killed.  Tonight was  no exception; he had given a greatly encouraging pep talk when he  half-expected total chaos to erupt.  But the kids were doing great,  that is, until the scene when "Kate" tied  "Bianca's" hands and tried  to beat her.  John, the potbellied Baptista, entered the scene (from  the wrong side, but that was no big deal) and attempted to untie the  hands of his favorite child.  There didn't seem to be a noticeable  problem until, after a few moments of struggling with Bianca's
bonds,  Baptista uttered a loud, "Fragg!"

A dark head poked out from Baptista's door, and Jubilee called, "Now,  I knowww Shakespeare didn't write that!"

"Yeah," called Petruchio, who wasn't supposed to enter for another  two scenes, "It should at least have been `fraggest thou!'"

Scott fought the urge to bury his face in his hands and called,  "Bobby, get offstage.  Just keep going, everyone!"

"I can't get the friggin' ropes off!" Baptista exclaimed, and finally  resorted to yanking backward, which resulted in both the ropes and  Bianca's long blue gloves flying off, "Whoa!"

"Uh," Jubilee stuck her head out again, "That could cause a problem."

Scott agreed, "That we'll stop for.  Fix the gloves, Rogue!"

Muttering, "Dang, John, you gave me rope burn!" Bianca untangled her  gloves from the rope and slid them back on.

"Okay, everyone ready?" Scott asked.

"Ready here!" "Go for launch!" "Ready!"

"I'm ready, you ready?"

"We're ready, you ready?"  "We're all ready here, Cyke!"

"Let's  roll!"

"Good, continue from Hortensio and Gremio's entrance."

They managed to finish the rest of that scene, but then they got to  the courting scene, which had given them the most problems thus far.   "Kate" stormed out of Baptista's door to where Petruchio was  standing, waiting for her.  "`Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name  I hear!'"

"`Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing, they call me  Katherine that do speak of me!'"

"You lie, in faith, for you are called Plain Kate, and Bonny Kate,  and sometimes, Kate the Curst!" Bobby and Kitty swept through the  next few lines with great showmanship, until Bobby declared, "`Come,  sit on me!'" and sat down on one of the rocks with a flourish— promptly crashing to the floor as the paper mache gave way beneath  him.

*Oh God, kill me now,* Scott thought, since he knew what was coming.

"NOOOO!!!" a cry erupted from backstage and Jubilee came flying onto  the set.  She gestured wildly at the crushed rock, "You…you…sat down!"

Offstage, Remy intoned, "Mon dieu, aidez-nous.  Nous sommes dans  beaucoup de la merde."

"Well, I thought that was something Petruchio would do!" Bobby was  saying, pleading his case.

"That's what the BENCHES are for!" Jubilee shrieked, "There's a  reason we blocked this scene ahead of time!  You were supposed to sit  on the BENCH!  The BENCH would not COLLAPSE!!"

Bobby shrank back, looking absurd in his Petruchio costume, "I only  dented it a little—"

"—Dented it?  You call that DENTED?  YOU PULVERIZED IT!!!  Do you  have any idea how many times my hands got GLUED to that paper mache?   Do you realize that we open tomorrow night?  Do you realize that  I'm  going to KILL you?!"

Jubilee was now being restrained by Kitty, John, and Remy.  Scott  decided at last to intervene once he got over the insane urge to  burst out laughing, "Jubilee," He said loudly, keeping his voice as  calm and level as possible, "Come and sit down here."

"I'm going to—"

"Now."

"Okay." Jubilee muttered some choice epithets to herself as she sat  down next to Scott.

"All right, dump that rock, leave the others, and let's move on.   Bobby," Petruchio looked at the director sheepishly, "Sit on the  bench."

"Sorry."

Considering how the first act had gone, the rest of the dress  rehearsal was remarkably uneventful, discounting the fact that John  still managed to blow out two lights, causing Jubilee to yell, "Those  things are forty bucks a pop, buster!" each time he did it.  It was  all Scott could do not to kick her chair every time she opened her
mouth.  *When I made her assistant director, I didn't know I'd be  turning her into another Alfred Hitchcock.*

Then, there was the little matter of lines.  Act I had been plagued  by set mishaps, but Act II was dogged by more script foul-ups than  ever.  "`She is my horse, my ox, my ass, my…'" Bobby, swept up in  Petruchio's bravado, suddenly broke off and looked embarrassed,  "Line?"

"Anything!" Jubilee called, script in hand.  *She was fine when she  was just prompter,* Scott thought, suppressing a snort.

"Oookay, `she is my horse, my ox, my ass, my…boat!'" Bobby finished  triumphantly.

Scott buried his head in his hands and waited for the fireworks.  "The line is `my anything,' Popsicle!" Jubilee shrieked, waving the  script in the air like a flag.

Kitty looked disgusted, "Considering the number of times you've  giggled reading that line, I canNOT believe you forgot it!"

"Well, you yelled at me whenever I giggle—anyway, I didn't giggle, I  laughed—but you yelled at me not to laugh, so I didn't think about  it!" Bobby protested.

"Move on, Bobby!  Say the line again," Scott said, hoping he didn't  sound as exasperated as he felt.

Aside from line confusion, they had only one major mishap during Act  II, which involved a quick change between scenes for Kate.  Kitty had  exited quickly to change from her "wedding dress" to her "house  dress," and while the actors were continuing with the scene, a loud  shriek echoed from backstage.  Scott was pleasantly surprised when  Bobby faltered slightly but continued with his lines without breaking  character.

However, when Kitty re-entered the scene, the delivery ceased  abruptly.  Scott was normally pretty good at keeping a straight face,  but this time he had to clap both hands over his mouth to keep from  howling with laughter.  Jubilee just gaped.  Kitty's wedding dress,  a  lovely shade of pale blue, had apparently been caught in her hair
during the change (which explained the shriek.)  She had managed to  get her red house dress on, however, and when she strolled onstage in  full shrew character, the wedding gown was artfully draped about her  head like a veil.  She raised her chin as if daring anyone to speak.   Bobby blinked for a moment, then…turned and continued with the  scene.  "`Why, Kate, that hat is much too large, I say thee put it  off!'"

Sam, who was acting as Petruchio's servant, caught on and walked over  to roughly remove the dress from Kate's head, and took it backstage.   Whereas it had not been the right line for the scene, it fit  perfectly for the moment, and they were able to move on.  They got  back on track and delivered the rest of the lies flawlessly.  This
time, Scott had to restrain himself from applauding wildly, instead,  he leaned over to Jube and whispered, "That's the best thing that's  happened in this entire rehearsal."

"I'm with you there!"  They quietly clapped hands and watched as the  scene went on.

Although the rest of Act II went surprisingly smoothly, they still  had to stay an extra hour to repair a certain damaged paper mache  boulder.  When Scott finally exited the classroom covered in  newspaper and glue, as his luck would have it, he ran into Logan.   Wolverine looked him up and down and raised an eyebrow, "How was  rehearsal?"

Relishing the thought of smashing that damn rock over Logan's head,  Scott replied cheerfully, "Oh, just fine!  Everything went great!

We're all real excited about tomorrow!"

As he walked away, he could practically hear Logan's smirk as he  responded, "That bad, huh?"

~Fin~

*We would be happy to send our story on what happens on opening  night, and there's also the little matter of the cast party.  If  you'd care to hear more of the X-players' adventures in summer  theatre class, send us an email!  Every vote counts!*