Part Va:  The mansion, same time…

Aw, come on, girls, where's your sense of adventure?" Bobby Drake  demanded, "There's no way we'd get caught and the bartender doesn't  even check ID's!  It'd be cool!"

"Forget it!" Kitty Pryde snapped, shaking her head in unison with  Rogue and Jubilee, "Mr. Summers and the other teachers could be
back  anytime, and we're all dead meat if they catch us sneaking out!  I'm  not risking it just to chug a little beer."

"What could possibly happen?" John Allerdyce argued, "They never go  out at night unless they're on a mission, and they usually
don't come  back from missions until the next morning!  We'd be home long before  anyone missed us or Professor Xavier even woke up!"

"Maybe, but Kitty's right." Rogue said firmly, "They're probably  doing something important, and Lord knows they have enough to worry  about on their missions without us sneaking out to get drunk and  maybe get arrested for drinking underage!"

"Have it your way." John replied and he and Bobby left, "What a bunch  of party poopers.  There's no way anyone could find out!"
 
"Well, they are right about the X-men having enough to worry about."  Bobby said seriously.

John stared at him, then realized his friend was joking, "Yeah, so  we'd better make sure we don't get caught and add to their
troubles,  eh?" They both laughed and headed off down the road.

Lily Page's Tavern, just a few minutes later…

"Okay, now, you've got solids, Cyke.  You point your stick at the cue  ball…the other end!" Logan exclaimed, waving his hand
vigorously at  Scott to reverse his cue

"Oh." Scott blinked rapidly and tried to concentrate on pointing the  very blurry end of the stick at the equally fuzzy white ball.

"Now…hid it!" Logan tossed down his drink and went to get another.

Scott tried to hit the ball and missed completely, but he knocked the  eight ball right into the pocket.  Storm let out a whoop of laughter  and thumped Jean rather hard on the back, "I think tha's called an  itch."

"Scratch, Storm, it's a scratch!" Logan corrected, coming back with  yet another full glass, "Jeez, Cyke, as yer pal J.J. Sharpe would  say, `you suck!'"

"I'd like to see you shoot better, mishter, since you probably can'  see any straighter than me ride now!" Scott snapped, waving him
towards the table.

"Stand back an' let the Mashta show ya how it's done!" Logan took aim and neatly struck one of the balls into the pocket (they were all so  drunk that no one noticed that it was a solid and he was supposed to  hit stripes.)  "There ya go, brainiac, led's see ya top that shot!"

Storm looked thoughtfully at Jean as Scott furiously prepared to  shoot again, "Ya know, Logan reminds me of that song, `American
Badass!'"

As Jean began giggling again, Logan looked up and shook his cue at  her, "That's Canadian badass to you, schweetheart!"  He
reached down  and picked up the cue ball while Scott set the table up for another  game.

"More like Canadian dumbass," Scott retorted.

Logan spun wildly around and shook his cue at Scott, "Hey, bub, I may  not be able to shoot death rays from my eyes, but I've gotta
really  big stick!"

"And the balls to go with it!" Storm declared.

That sent all of them into howls of hysterical laughter, and Scott  tried again to hit the cue ball, but instead he sort of slid down
onto the edge of the pool table, "Oh, did I fall down?"

"No, ya just sorta ssslumped." Jean replied.

"Oh, thad's okay then."  Cyclops' alcohol-slurred answer set Storm guffawing and she fell onto the pool table, which set all the rest of them off again.

At that same moment, Bobby Drake and John Allerdyce were walking into  Lily Page's Tavern.  The place was fairly empty, except for an especially noisy group of drunks over at one of the pool tables, but that was to be expected.  Lily looked surprised to see them as they  headed up to the bar, "Evenin' boys?  What're you doing here?"

"We just want a couple of beers this time," Bobby said, grinning,  "We're not planning on passing out or throwing up tonight, I
promise."  John nodded eagerly.

Lily chuckled, "Well that's more than I can say about your  instructors over there.  If they were your age they'd all be dead!"

"Huh?" John said in confusion, "What instructors?"

Lily motioned to the pool table as the players exploded into loud,  hysterical laughter.  John looked at her blankly, but Bobby turned
around.  "Oh my…oh my…oh shit!"

John whirled around and followed his friend's petrified gaze.  There  around the pool table stood Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Ororo Monroe,  and Logan, all laughing crazily as Jean tried unsuccessfully to  strike a cue ball.  Having been students at Professor Xavier's school  for some time, the thought that they might be drunk never crossed  either boy's mind.  "Oh my God." John hissed, "Oh my God, we're dead,  we're screwed, oh shit, we've gotta get out of here."  He grabbed the  immobilized Bobby by the arm, "Come on, dammit!"

Bobby and John made a mad dash for the exit.  They were almost to the  front door when a voice from the pool table exclaimed, "HEY!!!  Hold  it right there!"

Both boys froze in their tracks.  Footsteps came up behind them, and  they slowly turned to see Scott Summers glaring down at them.  He  folded his arms, "Just what the hell are you two doing in here?"

"Uh…." they exchanged glances, thinking, how the hell do we get out  of this?  Oh shit, we're dead men!

Mr. Summers stood in front of them like a god of destruction, "You  came in here to drink?"

"Uh…we were just…" Bobby and John exchanged petrified glances,  "Experimenting!" John blurted out, and Bobby jabbed him in
the ribs.

Scott unfolded his arms and pointed at them, "Okay you two.  Let's  get something strraight here an' now.  You are underage." He
paused  and both boys nodded in terror, "You are waaay too young to be  drinking." He paused again and they nodded again, "You
canna' drink  `till yer twenty-one and I don' even hafta MENTION the fact tha' yer  underage!"  Bobby and John glanced at each other in confusion but  snapped to attention when Scott raised a finger to start speaking  again, "Finally, lemme make one thing  exterreeemelly clear…"  he  paused again, and his brow furrowed as though he was trying to  remember what he was about to say, "So let me make one thing very  very clear—"

Storm slammed an arm around Scott's shoulders and pointed at the boys  with a broad drunken grin, "He's sloshed and I'm
completely toasted!"

"Excuuuse me, I'm trying to make a ploint here!" Scott exclaimed,  shoving Storm's arm off his shoulders.  She fell backwards into
Logan's arms.  Bobby and John were staring at their teachers in utter  disbelief when Scott turned back to face them.  "Go home.  Go home  right now.  And don't ever come back in here again because you're  underage.  Now go home!"

"Y-yessir!" John blurted, and he and Bobby all but sprinted out the  entrance.

Bobby paused at the door in time to see Jean proudly patting her  fiancé on the shoulders, almost knocking off his sunglasses,
"Scott,  that was a show of author'ty if I ever saw one!  Ya still got it,  babe!  Even when you're as schnockered as we are!"

Storm started shrieking with laughter and fell back into Logan's arms  again, "I always knew ya'd fall for me eventually, schweetheart!   Trouble is I had to getcha derrunk first!"  he said, pulling her  upright.

"Come ON!!!" John squeaked, grabbing Bobby's arm and yanking him into  the parking lot, "Oh my God, we're so dead when they get to us tomorrow morning."

"If they remember!" Bobby murmured in astonishment.
 
 
 

Part 5b: Still at Lily's Tavern...

Ororo was still laughing but Scott reached past her to point his  finger in Logan's face, "Now look her, I don't wan' you taking
advantage of Storm while she's...like that."

Storm shoved herself out of Wolverine's arms and managed to stand up  reasonably straight, "Lllike wwhat?"

"Wha' you said, ssloshed and toasted!" Scott replied.

"Hey, isn't that a quote from a play?" Jean asked, stumbling over  with another beer for Scott.

"Uh, yeah, I think it's 'Tumors' by Neil Diamond." Scott said, taking a swig.

"That's 'Rumors' by Neil Simon, ssstupid." Logan corrected him.

"Whatever--hey! How the hell didja know that?"

"Id was on yer bookshelf!  With all yer other boooring books!"

Scott gripped the edge of his glasses threateningly, "Watch it, blub,  or I mide hafta take these things off!"

"Now, waid a minute, we don' wanna see that!" Storm exclaimed, mock- covering her eyes, "Save it for Jean!"

Scott sputtered for a moment while Logan burst out laughing again.   Then he said in a surprisingly stern voice for someone so completely  intoxicated, "Ya wanna know something, Storm?  Well, I'll tell ya  anyway.  Yer really, really sick when yer drunk."  He stumbled off  towards the bathroom.

"Huh?  Thanks."  Storm mumbled, plunking down onto one of the stools,  "Hey, Lily, gimme another beer!"

"You kids are runnin' up quite a bill tonight," Lily warned, handing  Storm another long neck, "By the way, who's planning on paying for  all these?"

Jean sat heavily on another stool, "Just pud it on my tab!"  she  said, banging her hand on the bar.  She stared at it, "Ow."

Lily blinked, "Honey...you don't have a tab!"

"I don't?  Well...all the more reason to pud it there!" She giggled  and then added, "Scott's payin'."  She and Storm were giggling like
preteens when Scott came back, "Guess what, Scott-clops, you're  payin' for us."

Scott leaned (or flopped) onto the bar and demanded, "And just hhhow  may I ashk, did I get blesshed with this  under...honder...honor!"  He  hopped onto a stool, missed the first time, but managed on his second  try.

"Just lucky I guess," Logan said.

"Yeah, we drew straws." Storm told him, then she paused thoughtfully  and explained, "But you weren'd here so you didn' draw too well."

"I guess that makes sense." Scott replied.  He fumbled for his  wallet, "Ya know, I think I've got one of the Proseffor's cwedit
cards in here somewhere."

"Cwedit?  Ya scwewy wabbit!"  Jean shrieked and all four of them fell  off their stools, laughing.

Lily handed Storm yet another beer, but asked gravely, "You planning  on calling it quits sometime along here?  Otherwise you'll still be  drunk tomorrow morning."

Storm managed with great effort to get the bottle open, "Tomorrow?   Hell, we'll still be drunk into next WEEK!"  She accidentally slammed  her bottle against the edge of the bar, shattering it in her hand,  "Oh my God, I'm bleedig!" She exclaimed, staring at the tiny cut on  the edge of her hand.

Scott stumbled over and stared at her hand, "Oh puh-leeze, you're not  gonna exsanguinate."

Logan looked disgusted, "Oh my God, you did NOT just use that word in  a sentence.  Somebody kill me now!"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Scott replied.

"Ya wanna start somethin', Bub?" Logan demanded.

Jean shoved between them and pushed the two combatants apart, "Hey,  you two--"

Storm stared at them, "You two need to kiss!" she declared loudly.

Scott, Logan, Jean, and Lily stared at her in astonishment, "Wha'?" Scott exclaimed.

Ororo motioned jerkily at Scott and Jean, "You two are engraged and I  have neber eber seen you kiss her.  You need to kiss her ride now!"

Logan stumbled over to the bar, "Gimme another!  My God, for a second  I thought she meant...I cannod even say it!"

Scott was pointing to Storm again, "You reeeally need to quit now,  Storm, you are sleriousy getting waaaay to intosicated--"

"Kiss her, you big wwwuss!"

"I am nod going to--"

"--Why the hell not?"  Jean grabbed Scott by the collar of his shirt  and yanked him towards her.  Unfortunately, neither of them had
enough balance to stay upright.  They collided forehead to forehead  and crashed to the ground in a tangled heap.

"Oow!  That musta hurt!  Are you two okay?" Storm stared at the  motionless (and blurry) figures lying on the barroom floor.  When
there was no response she slowly stumbled off her stool and bent over  them, "Hey!  You guys awake?"  She poked one of them (she was too  drunk to tell which) and stood up, blinking at Logan, "Are they  dead?" she slurred.

Logan brushed past her, almost knocking her over, and poked them both  solemnly.  He slowly straightened up.  "I believe, it is my opinion,  that those two are both...dead."

Storm gaped at him in dismay before exclaiming, "Oh thad's so sad!   Oh my God, what're we gonna tell the professor--"

"I meant dead drunk, 'Roro!"  Those two are as passed out  as...as...two passed out lovebirds can get!" He nodded and tossed
down another bourbon, "See there?" He exclaimed, jumping onto a stool  in delight, "I knnnnew I'd make it longer than Cyke!"

Storm tugged on his sleeve and scolded, "Ya know, tha's nod verry  fair!"  Then she giggled again, "But I wanted to beat 'em too so whad  the hell do I care?"

"Good way to look ad it!"  Logan agreed, "Now how the hell do we ged  'em outta here!"

"Gooood question," Storm thought for a moment.  "Cab.  And he can  pay." She added, pointing to Scott's inert form.
 
 
 

Part VI:  In the kitchen, the next morning…

Storm's head was hanging over the kitchen table, almost touching her  cereal bowl.  Jean had her head cradled in one hand and a huge cup of  coffee in the other.  Scott was distractedly trying to slice some  bread to make toast, but the knife didn't seem to be making much of a  dent.  A bulk bottle of aspirin was the centerpiece of the table.

The sound of cheerful whistling came floating down the hall.  "Oh  God, please no." Jean moaned, putting her head in both hands.

"Why, hel-lo, everybody!" A sinfully chipper Logan came bouncing  through the door, "Aren't we all just up and raring to go!"

Without turning around, Scott muttered, "I know I'm up and raring to  kill."  He then took a few more violent saws at the bread with no
success.  He didn't notice.

But Logan did, "Aw, Cyke, having a little trouble there?  Let me help  you with that."  With a loud SNIKT!, he extended his claws and
sliced  off several neat pieces of bread.  And took great delight in the way  Scott flinched.

"Don't want any." Scott growled when Logan offered him the bread.   Equally loudly, Logan retracted his claws, "Dammit, Logan,
don't do  that!" Cyclops snapped.

*My God, when he's really pissed he starts to sound like me!* Logan thought with delight, *Today's going to be even more fun than
last night!*  Aloud, he exclaimed, "My, my, a little surly are we?" As if  struck by a sudden thought, he gestured to the windows, "What you  need is some bright, shining sunlight on this fine morning."

He strolled over to the curtains, fully intending to throw them open and watch them all curl up like leeches under salt.  Storm's
voice, a  malevolent snarl, stopped him, "You touch those curtains, Logan, and  I swear to God, we'll find out how well that adamantium of yours  conducts electricity."

"Jeez, Storm, no lightning please." Scott groaned and put his head on  the table.

Logan decided not to test their patience too much and left the curtains closed.  But he strolled out the door singing, "Oh what
a beautiful mornin', oh what a beautiful day!"

Jean slammed the door shut without lifting a finger.  "God helpme, I'm going to twist that adamantium of his into a KNOT before the
day's over!"

"Amen." Scott agreed.

Chemistry class, later that morning…

"I swear it's true!" Bobby insisted frantically.

"Pfft!" Rogue snorted and turned away from him, "Yeah right!"

"I swear to God!" John put in, waving his hands up and down in  frustration.

Kitty slapped her desk, "Of all the ridiculous stories you guys've  come up with, that is undoubtedly the dumbest!  I can't believe
you  actually think we'd fall for that.  Mr. Summers drunk?  Yeah right!"  She and the other girls rolled their eyes at each other.

"What do I have to do to prove to you that he really was—"

"Oh PUH-leeze!  I'm so sick of this!  You guys should at least come  up with a remotely plausible story." Jubilee cut him off with a
wave  of her hand, "I'll believe it when I see Mr. Summers come stumbling  in here with a hang—"

"Lower your voice, Jubilee," came an extremely cross order from the  back of the room.

The students glanced up as Mr. Summers walked (slowly) to the front  of the class, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a bottle of  aspirin in the other.  He glanced at his desk, realized he'd  forgotten his books, and left the room again.  His usually immaculate
hair and clothes were rumpled, and there was an unmistakable scowl  under those sunglasses.  His students watched him leave with their  jaws on the floor.

The minute the door closed, Kitty murmured, "No.  It's impossible."

Jubilee started to speak, but the only sound that would come out of  her mouth was, "Uhhh…"

"You believe us now?!" John demanded, throwing up his hands again,  "I'm telling you, he's totally hung over!"

"I don't believe it." Rogue breathed, "It can't possibly—no.  No,  no." She shook her head, in full denial, "There must be some
other  reason!" She looked at the other girls, who began nodding in  desperate agreement.

"He's…he's brought coffee to class before!"  Kitty exclaimed.

"Yeah, but not black coffee!"  another boy blurted, staring at the  cup on Mr. Summers' desk.

"Aspirin?" John demanded.

"Maybe…maybe they really were on a mission—hey! Maybe he got hurt and  you guys are insulting them all by suggesting that they were out  drinking!" Jubilee said, more comforted by that explanation than the  alternative.

"He almost got dismembered during that one mission last year, but did  he come in here with a wrinkled shirt?!" Bobby asked, pointing a  challenging finger at the girls.

No one could find an answer to that one.

After lunch, Scott Summers' office…

Bobby and John were certain that the moment of their destruction was  at hand when Mr. Summers asked to see them in his office.  "Oh man,  he's hung over, he's mad, and we were underage!  He'll fry us!"

Mr. Summers had his coffee and his aspirin sitting on his desk when they came in.  "Have a seat, boys."  He said in that
pretending-to-be-nice-to-cover-the-fact-that-I'm-really-pissed-at-you tone.

Both boys sat.  Bobby's chair froze.  John winced.  "You know why  you're here." Mr. Summers said calmly.

      Bobby blurted, "Mr. Summers, please let us explain—"

"Bobby." He shut up and Scott continued, "Number one, lower your  voice.  Number two, I know exactly what you were about to do."
He  paused and went on, "It was the same thing I happened to be doing."   Before the boys could relax, "But that doesn't excuse the
fact that  what you were doing was illegal.  You are underage."

Possessed by inhuman courage, John blurted, "You told us last night."

Mr. Summers glared at him until he nearly set his chair on fire, then  replied, "Well, I was right, even if I was drunk." There was
a  grudging admission in his voice, "Yes, I was drunk…okay, I was  incredibly drunk, and yes, I'm paying the price today, just like
you  would have.  There are plenty of legal ways for you and your friends  to spend your money without—"  Scott froze.  The boys heard him  mutter something that sounded like "money…credit card…Oh my God!"  He  buried his face in his hands for a few seconds, and then got up and  walked quickly out the room with the iron control of someone who  really wanted to sprint out the door.  Outside, the boys heard him  yell, "Jean!  The professor's—" Their next few words were lost, but  then they clearly heard Jean hiss, "Oh shhit!" Then there was the  sound of feet running off down the hall.

The boys looked at each other and decided they REALLY didn't want to  know what that was about.  Oh well, whatever it was, at least it had  gotten them off the hook.  Suddenly the feet came running back, and  Mr. Summers poked his head back through the door, "Don't move, I'm  not done with you two yet."

"Damn!"

~Fin~