Title: Lost Souls, Part V: This Strange Effect
Author: Jamie
Email: madjm@mac.com

Category: AU Logan/Marie. Some angstin' going on.
Rating: PG-13, because Marie has a potty mouth.
Disclaimer: X-Men and its characters are owned by a bunch of people. Sadly, I'm not one of them, or I'd have money. But I don't, so please don't sue me. Title and lyrics come from Hooverphonic, off their "Blue Wonder Powder Milk" CD.
Summary: A great escape. Or something.

~~~~

you've got this strange effect on me
and i like it
you've got this strange effect on me
and i like it
you make my world seem right
you make my darkness bright
oh yes
you've got this strange effect on me
and i like it
and i like the way you kiss me
don't know if i should
but this feeling, it's love and i know it
that's why i feel good
~~ Hooverphonic

"You can't kill him," Marie mumbled into Logan's chest. Magneto and Toad had left them alone after securing Logan's promise to kill Charles Xavier. They probably went to fine-tune their Evil Plan.

"I don't know," Logan said.

"It wasn't a question. You can't kill the professor."

"I've killed before." He said it flatly, his voice cold, and Marie shivered. His arms tightened around her.

"Not ... not someone you liked. Respected." She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt. She knew Logan would never hurt her, but she had the strange feeling he would do just about anything to protect her. "And not for me. I won't let you."

Logan chuckled. "You won't let me?"

"Oops. Forgot I was dealing with a real, live superhero."

Logan had told her all about Professor Xavier and his X-Men. Logan had been captured two years before by some military types who thought they'd just return to testing on him like a lab rat. Logan made it clear that he would've escaped on his own, but before he could put his plan into action, these X-Men had shown up and busted him out of the testing facility. From time to time, he would stop by Xavier's mansion and stay for a while, going on missions if they needed him.

The X-Men did good things, Marie thought, and she wouldn't let Logan do anything to hurt them on her account. The world needed a superhero or two.

"I ain't a superhero," Logan said.

"You're just like Superman," she said. "Well, except the claws. And ... you can't fly or leap buildings in a single bound. And you're not--"

"Just like Superman. Right."

She tilted her head up and smiled at him. "Close enough."

Logan ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"You can't kill him," she repeated firmly. "We'll have to think of something else."

Logan sighed and stroked her hair some more.

"So," Marie said casually, staring at his shirt front. "Tell me about Jean."

"Jean?"

"Yeah. Jean Grey? Wasn't that her name?"

Logan shifted and cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. Dr. Jean Grey. She's telekinetic. And she has some telepathic powers, too. I told you that."

"And?"

"And what?" He was definitely getting agitated.

"Were you ... is she your girlfriend?"

"No!" Logan sat straight up, and Marie rolled onto her back, looking up at him. "No. Why would you ask that?"

"There was something in your voice ... when you talked about her."

"What?" he demanded.

"I don't know. Something."

"Well, she's not. My girlfriend."

"OK."

"If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't have ... you know, in Anchorage, I would never ..."

"OK," she repeated.

Logan settled back down on the bed. Marie wanted to cuddle into him again, but she wasn't sure what he was thinking. Maybe he was mad at her for asking. But there had been something in his voice.

"I had a thing for her at first," Logan said. "But she's engaged to some other guy. Cyclops."

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"What for?"

"It's hard ... to love somebody who doesn't love you back."

"I didn't say I loved her. I wanted her, and I like her a lot. But what I feel for her is nothing like --" He stopped abruptly and cleared his throat again. "It's nothing."

Logan pulled her close again, and Marie sighed. She wondered what he had been about to say.

"Logan?"

"Yes?"

"You could escape," she said.

"I'm not leaving you."

"But--"

"I'm not leaving you."

She was quiet for a few minutes, thinking. There had been many times, right after she'd lost her Momma and baby, that she'd wanted to die. She'd spent a lot of time thinking of the ways she could kill herself, finish the job God left undone that day. But when it came right down to it, she was too much of a coward to commit suicide. And now, with death looking more likely by the second, she was finding that she didn't want to die that much, after all. The will to live was a strong thing.

"Logan?"

"What, Marie?" he sighed, obviously afraid of what she was going to ask.

"That metal inside you," she grabbed his hand and rubbed a thumb over his knuckles. "It's, like, indestructible, right?"

"That's what they say."

"Couldn't you, you know, cut the collar off? Then we could make a run for it."

He considered. "Well, I'm not sure I could get it off without cutting you. And they probably have someone guarding us. It'd be risky."

"But better than sittin' here waiting for them to come kill us," she said.

Logan frowned and traced a line across her throat, gently sliding his pinkie finger under the collar. "Roll over," he said. "If I cut you, it'll be better if it's in back."

Marie took a deep breath and rolled onto her stomach. OK, so he was going to be cutting near her neck with really big, really sharp claws. No problemo. She winced when she heard his claws come out, relieved that he couldn't see her face. She didn't want her nerves to make him nervous. One little slip ...

"You smell nervous," he muttered. "Settle down."

"I smell nervous? What's that about?"

"You know. Your scent. It's nervous."

"Oooookay. I'll try to work on that."

"Stretch your neck out as much as you can," he said.

Marie imagined she was an ostrich. Yeah, that was good. Ostriches had that whole thing about burying their heads in the sand. Right. If you can't see the metal blades on your neck, they're not really there ... and whose stupid idea was this, anyway?

"Don't be nervous," Logan said.

Oh, right. Don't be nervous, my ass. Marie wondered if he could smell her sarcastic thoughts and bit back a nervous -- yes, damn it, nervous -- giggle.

"Don't move."

OK, no moving. No breathing. Marie imagined she was a statue. A statue of an ostrich with its head firmly planted in the sand.

She felt the warm metal slide beneath the collar, resting against her skin. She'd expected it to be cold, but she supposed it was warm from being inside his body all the time. She heard Logan take a deep breath, then she gagged as the collar yanked against the front of her throat.

She felt Logan's hand pull the collar off completely, rubbing her neck a little bit at the same time. She rolled back over to face him. "It's off," she said, grinning. "And you didn't cut me."

"Hey, I'm good," he said lightly, but she noticed he was a little pale, and sweat was pouring down his face. Ha! He had the nerve to tell her not to be nervous.

"Let's get outta here," she said. She hopped up from the bed and stood, swaying slightly. In all the "we're escaping" excitement, she'd managed to forget that her poor, abused head was in such bad shape. The room spun around her for a moment, gray walls blending into the gray floor and ceiling. "Oh, boy."

Logan was beside her in an instant, steadying her.

"OK," she sighed. "I'm OK. We don't have much time." She pulled away from him and walked to the door. The walls were no longer moving; that was a definite improvement.

Logan looked the door over before shrugging and swiping at the doorknob with his claws. He shoved the door open. "Wait here," he ordered before vanishing out the door. A second later, she heard a yelp from the hall. She wanted to go help, but she was almost positive it was Toad's voice she heard. Toad, who hurt Fred. Bastard deserved whatever Logan was giving him.

Suddenly, there was a rumble from above them, and the entire building shook. Marie fell down, banging her hip on the floor. "Shit! Ow ow ow ow!"

Logan rushed in and yanked her off the floor. "Let's go. Now."

"What was that?" she gasped as he dragged her down the hall. She saw Toad, lying still in the hall, blood all around him. He was probably dead. She couldn't seem to be sorry about it.

"I don't know," Logan answered. "But I don't like it."

They found an elevator and stairs at the end of the hall.

"Stairs," they said together. Logan grinned at her, and she managed a smile back. She didn't want him to know how much of an effort it was to stay upright.

He went into the stairwell first, looking up and around. She saw he was sniffing the air, and she gathered he relied on his sense of smell more than she'd realized. "Clear," he said, grabbing her hand again.

"Logan," she said after the third time she tripped. "Quit draggin' me. I'm gonna fall."

"Sorry," he said. "We've got to hurry."

There had been no more explosions, but that didn't mean there weren't more on the way. The whole building could be on fire. Marie ordered herself not to pass out and ran up the stairs behind Logan. A Mississippi girl wasn't built to keep up with a superhero, but she did her best.

There was a door at the top of the flight of stairs. Logan looked at Marie, and she shrugged. It looked like the only way out. He twisted the knob and leaned slightly out the door. There was nobody around, as far as Marie could see. It looked like a plain old warehouse, and she figured it made a good cover for Magneto's little jail.

Looking both ways, Logan stepped into the room. He motioned for Marie to follow him. Before she could move, he spun around, claws at the ready.

"Put those away," a man said.

Logan growled but allowed the claws to slide back in. "What're you doing here?"

Marie peeked around the doorframe. A few paces away from Logan stood a tall man with dark air and some kind of visor over his eyes. Cyclops. Logan had neglected to mention he was a hottie, and he looked mighty nice in that black leather uniform, too. She hoped she'd get a chance to see Logan in one of those.

"We were in the neighborhood," Cyclops said.

Marie stepped away from the door. Cyclops turned toward her, hand flying to the side of his visor.

"Hey! Don't shoot her," Logan said, and Marie trembled a little. There were only so many near-death experiences a girl could take in one day. "She's with me."

The other man frowned but lowered his hand. She couldn't see his eyes, but she could feel him staring at her, anyway. "I'm Scott Summers," he said politely.

"Um, Marie Gordon."

"This ain't a tea party, people; let's get out of here," Logan said.

Scott sighed. "The building's secure. Storm and Jean are checking out the south side, but I think Magneto's gone."

Scott led them outside. Marie breathed in fresh air and smiled at the sight of the sun. It was cold, but she almost welcomed the feeling. She didn't even mind much when her head started to spin again.

"The Blackbird's this way," Scott said, leading them over. Marie stumbled a little, and Logan put his arm around her. "Miss Gordon, are you all right?"

"My head," she said. "It hurts."

"We'll have Jean look at it," Scott said as Logan sat her down, keeping his arms around her. "Jean!"

Marie leaned against Logan. Now that they were out, she allowed herself to feel the weakness in her body. Her head throbbed in time with her heartbeat. She saw two beautiful women -- of course they would be beautiful, weren't all superheroes? -- approaching. One, a redhead, kneeled in front of her with a smile. It had to be the famous Jean.

"What hurts?" Jean asked.

"My head. I hit it ... a couple of times, I think. And the collar ..." she trailed off. Continuing the sentence seemed like too much work.

Jean gently examined her head and neck. "You're going to be OK," she said. "Let's get her back to the mansion."

Marie didn't remember much of the trip back to Xavier's. It was all a blur of people talking to her, or about her, but she never really felt like answering. All the time, she could feel Logan's arms around her, and that was all that mattered. Then there was a lab or something. A medical facility, and Jean was doing something to her head. It probably should have hurt, but she felt nothing except a floaty kind of feeling. Logan was growling, and she wanted to laugh. She fell asleep instead.

***

She woke up in a strange room again. After a moment of panic, she glanced around the room and laughed weakly. She thought it doubtful that any Big Evil Guys would have posters of half-naked movie hunks on their walls or a bright purple stuffed pig on their bed. And the room's bright, sunny yellow didn't seem like a real bad guy shade.

"Hi! Are you OK? I know you were out for a long time, but you look a lot better now. And Jean said you'd be better when you woke up."

Marie turned her head, surprised that it actually did feel better. There was a girl, probably about her age, sitting on a black beanbag chair nearby. She had short, dark hair, vaguely Asian features, and a huge smile. "I ... I'm better," Marie said.

"Great! Um, I mean, not that I'm dying to have my room back. I'm just, you know, glad you're feeling better, 'cause you didn't look so good when they brought you in here, babe. Are you thirsty?"

"Uh ... yeah."

The girl bounded out of the beanbag chair and rushed into the bathroom, returning with a glass of water. Marie smiled gratefully and sipped, trying to figure out where she was.

"So, what's the deal with you and Wolverine, anyway?" the girl chattered on. "He was all, like, 'grrrrr, get away from my woman' when Jean was trying to help you. And he totally never growls at Jean like that. I'm thinking the Wolviemeister has a thing for you."

Marie wondered if she was actually required to answer of if the girl would just continue to carry on the conversation without her. "Who are you?" she finally asked.

"Oh! Shit! I'm sorry. I'm just babbling on and on, but it's just been crazy around here lately, when the prof said Logan was in trouble, and then the team went out to get him and they wouldn't take us -- some of us are training to be ..." She grinned. "Sorry. Did it again. I'm Jubilation Lee. Everyone calls me Jubilee or Jubes."

"Nice to meet you," Marie said, smiling. "Where's Logan?"

"He's gone," Jubilee said, rushing to continue when she saw Marie's face. "He's coming back. He said to tell you he was going to get Fred."

"Fred's alive?" Marie had tried not to think about her poor dog, afraid of what had happened to him.

"I don't know. Who's Fred? He didn't say. Mr. Summers took him in the Blackbird, so they won't be gone long."

"Fred's my dog," Marie said, looking around the room again. "Why am I in your room?"

"Oh, well, Wolvie didn't want you to wake up in the med bay. He doesn't like it down there. I thought that was so totally sweet of him. Of course, when I told him that, he was all 'I'm the Wolverine. I'm not sweet,' but I thought it was. Don't you think so? And he didn't know if you'd want to stay in his room, but if you do, we can move you in there."

Marie stared at Jubilee in awe. She was pretty sure the girl hadn't even taken a breath during her little monologue. She managed to nod. "I'd like that," she said.

Jubilee showed her where Logan's room was, talking all the time. Marie found herself liking the girl and figured when she was better she'd like to have an actual conversation with her. If she was still here.

She didn't know what she was going to do. She knew deep down she wanted to be wherever Logan was. But not knowing his feelings kind of put a damper on planning for the future. When he came back, they were going to have to talk.

The trip to Logan's room wore her out, though her head didn't start its spinning again, so she figured she must be better. She assured Jubilee she would be fine on her own and dropped onto the bed. A little sleep would be nice until Logan came home.

A knock on the door woke her.

"Logan?" she asked sleepily.

"Uh, no." The door opened, and the overhead light flipped on. Marie buried her head in her pillow. "But I come bearing food."

Marie sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Johnny?" She hadn't seen him since she left Chicago, and she'd had no idea what happened to him. It figured that he'd end up someplace like this. He grinned and brought in the tray.

"Hey, Marie." He sat down next to her and put the tray between them. "Long time, eh?"

"Very long," she said, reaching over on impulse and hugging him. "So, you're a superhero now, too?"

"A superhero?" He laughed and pushed the tray closer to her.

"You know, an X-Man." Marie inhaled the scent of friend chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. She grabbed a fork and started eating.

"Oh, that. Well, I'm working on it," he said. "Training."

"Tell me how you are," she prompted between bites.

They talked for hours, and still Logan didn't come back. St. John assured her Logan would be back soon, then he left and let her get more sleep. After tossing and turning and worrying for an hour, she finally fell asleep.

***

Fred was licking her face.

"Ugh, Fred. Doggy breath. Yuck," she mumbled, rolling onto her side. She felt something sharp bite into her cheek and sat up, fully awake. Fred was on the bed, wagging his tail and slobbering all over her.

"Fred!" She laughed and hugged him tight, not even minding the dog slobber for once. "You're alive! Logan --"

She looked around the room, then flipped on the bedside lamp. Nobody else was in the room. She started to get up and look around outside when she saw it.

Logan's dogtag sat on the pillow next to her head.

She'd look around, but she already knew he was gone. He'd brought Fred back to her and left. Well, that answered her question about his feelings.

Still ... he'd left her the dogtag. His only tie to the past. His only important possession.

Marie slid the tag around her neck and hugged Fred again.

"He'll be back," she said, refusing to let herself cry. "And then, I'll kick his ass."

Epilogue