jan 31 07.
filling out the application, the pen marks
creasing into the wrinkles at the top of the booklet.
inhale - what is it?
raspberry vodka.
that'll get me accepted

jan 30 07.
the space imposed, free.
tear them out tear them out tear them

jan 29 07.
paper cranes around a dirty sinkhole.
i didn't keep them either

jan 25 07.
you are suddenly so fucking volatile.
i'm leaving, give it up.

jan 24 07.
too much time and never enough!
panicking, scratching at my skin.
need, need nothing.
feel, feel nothing.
nothing worse than
the numbers being lost in you

jan 23 07.
desperation defined by
the absolute lack of one, thereof.
silhouette of solitude and contemtment like
an aura. begging the question,
on a scale of one to ten.
are you feeling it too?

jan 20 07.
fingers fingers hands eyes.
half an hour is a half day.
shh quiet and stop being sorry.
t'es tout ce que j'ai voulu

jan 17 07.
so strong that it is fucking DEVASTATING
stealing every last degree of strength.
what i want and need.

the moment! the
second hand ticking dangerously slow. about to
fall off of its axis and stop.
hands in mid hair!
i am writing letters and lists to pass the time.
i am adding and subtracting to a value of worth.
fingers teeth hair
the fire, the snow, the wind. this weather
wont hold it back.
and i am waiting for the hand to hesitate, the motion to fall
the moment
is all I've ever wanted...

jan 16 07.
you came back
so perfect

jan 15 07.
no need to breathe!
ahgjalkhga
empty pint on the mcdonalds floor.
eyes eyes they say
when you lace your fingers like that, it means more.
snow. snow. the poses you strike.
in and out of consciousness.
numbers to measure the fast, the wake, the
limit, the duration.
the absence of freckles.
the fireplace, and snow drifting.
ajghaslgha oh mann

jan 11 07.
sting mission,
you are entrapment at its fucking finest

jan 10 07.
i'm not giving up on you.
holding, the note ringing, the comical expression
you flail, connect,
apologize oh god we are stumbling and touching
really, i swear i wont
i'm not giving up

jan 7 07.
have to remind myself that i dreamt of you.
so all the extra details, might have been imagined or
extrapolated.
but i still know,
that look is gorgeous anyway

jan 6 07.
i would even like a metaphor.
the most complex, difficult, complicated one
that your cynical mind can fathom.
give me days, give me weeks, to mull it over,
produce a pearl.
situation normal: all fucked up.
ache. ache. twitch beat blink glance
fuck fuck fuck
terror nervous
fuck. you make me want to drop everything,
quit everything.
please, please
any metaphor will do

jan 5 07.
you're cropping me out of your pictures,
i am hiding mine, in the hopes of losing them
(the motion)
clothesline, clips, i want to leave them in my window
and blind them in the light
when the colors fade
the motion might too.
; we play to win
yeah ok ok alright i'm

jan 2 07.
so basically thats it. is that it?
half a mind to finish the half a bottle
and tell you everything i meant to tell you in november.

jan 1 07.
new year in the old town.
before me is a blank slate; i have
no motivation to fill it.
you come back, i leave.
there is no such thing as closure, I've said this from day one,
but there are conclusions, and this is one of them.
its not up to me to write an epilogue, or a sequel.
at this point, I'm only writing out the copyright laws on the final page.
it'll be easier this time
i've had enough