March24 07
the old familiar feeling of alcohol rotting my guts.
begging for sustenance but refusing complacence.
a new brand of bruise, on my hip, on my back, on my shoulder,
sore around my legs from dives
three two one
down the stairs.
this is how I do when you arent here to do it to me.

March 23 07
well you should, I am the best thing for you,
the reason you can't figure it out on your own.
I'm selfish as selfish comes; I only wanted to hurt you
until it hurt me too. add to the tally of mistakes;
owe you nothing, third time is not the charm,
and I am not in pain, oh no,
but thank you, anyway

ps. theyre back in the box like when you first bought them.

March 20 07
pull the blind and sit in the orange filtered light
passing the bottle of blush back
we kiss, you say you hate me

March 12 07
god for-fucking-bid you have to suffer the consequences of your own fucking mistakes.

March 11 07
just incase you fucking missed it the first time.

"I waited for the daylight; your silhouette, buried in electric sheets... and we were sleeping in.

Don't say you're sorry or that you've been there before; I know it hurts now and you just can't take it anymore. We're here on the same page, but we're chapters apart. I can rewrite the paragraphs if it means you'll take it to heart...

we'll keep the beds apart for now.

We waited for 1:43am. By fireside, the falling snow is calling me out of reverie, you're keeping me up at night.

I wont say I'm sorry or that I've been there before. You know it hurts now and I just can't take it anymore. You can't let me closer but I can't pull away until we're trapped out of arms reach when you never meant to stay.

we'll keep the beds apart for now. Your second glance, you can't decide you don't know what you want from me, cause in the end you're losing what you never held on to

they're just letters you count on one hand

I won't say I'm sorry or that I've been here before. I bring out the worst in you and I just can't fake it anymore. this is your brand of love, this time that appears on a clock twice daily"

March 10 07
screaming I hate this city, your proximity
my toxicity repeatedly insisting that I
slam my head against the car window.
you never got to know me well enough to tell.
two sessions in the dark of the backroom, the shadows
of musicians dancing in sway to the beat.
I am looking away, I am going numb,
fluttering between "I hate you"s and
"please just come home"s. it wasnt love
you dont need to make it hurt

II.
thank you means this is the last time I will stand in your driveway.

March 9 07
and when we were done and looked at the clock it was 1:43 am and you said the numbers stood for the amount of letters in each of the three words in "I Love You" and to you thats what they are theyre just letters that can be counted on one hand that can be summed up by a time that appears on a clock twice daily and yet is somehow supposed to be deep rooted and passionate and meaningful, your love is created on a digital LED display clock that screams the same tone over and over to tell me that even though I've only been unconscious for five hours it is time to get up and start over, this is your brand of love, this endless EEER EEER EEER EER of the goddamn alarm clock, this is what you call love.

March 8 07
oh god oh fuck just
let me die, kill me or let me die
stop wasting my time and I'll stop wasting yours
I HATE YOU, fuck all of this

March 7 07
I bring out the worst in you.
hope a placebo. and youre in her bed
the last time
decay

March 6 07
fuck you, leave me the fuck alone.
you want to have your cake and eat it too,
what are you! grow the fuck up! i hate you!

March 5 07
oh who am I fucking kidding
I miss you, I love you just come home

March 2 07.
I dont know why I talk to you.
youre such a fucking asshole.

March 2 07.
nothing to say, really.
it's march.