Nov. 27
shit my job is bomb.
(at times.)
i had the good life CD in my purse, so I cranked it.
danced around all night.
i give you an inch, you want a house with a yard!

Nov. 25
pulling all the low cal ressources.
want to push you down the stairs.
you knew i was worried and you let it happen.
how ycouldnyiou fucking DO THAT TMO EMEM

Nov. 24
finally done recording! it took a total of ten hours.
i also broke my dads mic stand.
i taped it back together, he doesnt know yet.
currently, we're working on doing the cd sleeves.
The Bathroom EP release date: dec 5 06.

Nov. 22
hasn't gone away.
are you still thinking?
trying. replacing.
gaining.
so tired of being tired

i hate you please dont ever come home

Nov. 21
when I think about you, I still get so mad that I shake a little.

Nov. 19
we are a cliffhanger, every time.
the heavy bass is tickling the legs of my pants,
contributing to this nervous pulse telling me to
fall
(this is murder.)
the moment came and went...
twice!
(or mutual?)
and every second is another chance to turn it all around.
tell me to give up and go home, or
just stop talking.
(this is)
breathe out.
(love)
close eyes.
(make it hurt.)
lean in...

Nov. 18
gotohell

Nov. 16
the numbers are prevailing.
as long as they are strong ones,
i will let them win.
95 average and no plans, knowing that it was
true i am a waste of time.
it is winning, my submission is not a weakness,
is not a determination.
there is only passion here, in the omission,
in the action in the lie.
it doesnt get better, it only wins or looses.
and i got through this day

Nov. 15
it could have worked, it could have fucking happened.
you said you didn't deserve me, your stupid voice is
still echoing in my ears.
the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard.
all you wanted was the cheapest easiest fucking way out.
COWARD.

Nov. 10
"I'm laying low. It's a long weekend... you never know who's in town."
"how did it happen anyway?"
"it doesnt really matter. its better this way. who wants to be tied down in twelfth grade, anyway?"
the door sound chimes, it is my cue.
it is a boy. he is not gorgeous but I have seen way worse.
i flirt, just because i can. i am not interested.
i am merely evaluating myself based on your reactions.
you read my nametag and throw my name into conversation twice asking
when i get off work. you tell me about your day, where youre from,
what your job is like. we are smiling and silly and warm like
old acquaintances caught in a moment.
i am asking for your phone number for club points, you are
laughing to yourself, thinking i am trying to hook up with you, even though
you are the one asking me when I get off work.
bag in one hand, pushing the door open with the other,
the door chimes again.
an acquaintance I will never meet again, but
who will hang off my every tiny grin in memory.
we play to win

Nov. 9
another good day.
digging up the past
no more guilt.
i loved the way you spoke french to strangers

Nov. 7
good day! fucking wicked day!
3 smokes in my lungs and
2 pounds less the scale.
fuckin right

Nov. 5
if the exit were a stairwell I would be
free falling down it, limbs connecting to wood
connecting to concrete.
I was the only one who felt it. all day Ive been
reviewing this like a home video.
and did you ever really smell that good?
or has this absence construed you, in my mind,
as a spartan?
your memory is going to be my epitaph.
and if there were a way to make mine a scar on yours,
I would act. but
you've got all my limbs tied -
you just keep proving it, day after day,
I was the only one who felt it.
the only thing I want now
is for you to look me in the eyes and
PROMISE
that you'll stop breathing soon

Nov. 4
repeated phrases that i am better, they are lies.
hands raking through hair eyes bleeding,
i am reverted to a child crying out in nightmares
in my sleeping, in my waking.
you are a spectre. you are a shadow of the past,
you are a violation of the future you ruined, you stole from me.
dangling before my eyes like something I want, something I need
and all I can do is tune every organ to the fm wave and scream
no
this is not what i need, this is not what i need.
how do you sleep at night, knowing I cant?
exhaustion, coupled with regret, and misery
that this is what you chose.
we'll never go back, and
i'll always be sorry for that
(your mistake)

Nov. 3
green tea. vitamins and toxins.
dancefest! glad to be alive!

Nov. 2
shame. so much shame hidden in these articles of clothing.
there is nothing left to draw on.
inspiration, motivation, reason,
bullshit.
end of this rope

Nov. 1
there can only be passion here