Plymouth Festival is just over a month away and we at Plymouth Gigs are beginning to get excited (…also a bit nervous because we appear to have lost our dictaphone and need to get hold of a new one asap!)

Anyhow, I suspect most of Plymouth will be there, and since you’ll probably need a few tips on how to survive the weekend, unless you’re a regular-festival-doer (and if you are, I don’t like you ‘cos I’m jealous!) we thought it was all we could do to help you out…

Tip One – Take loo roll and eat lots of eggs…

A few Portaloos are the best luxury you’re gonna get for the weekend – not exactly what you’d call pissing bliss, especially once they’ve been used a couple hundred times by drunkards and men with a bad shot. The loo roll provided by the organisers is not likely to last more than the first hour, which is why you should take your own…and the eggs are because you don’t want to have to shit in a toilet that’s already overflowing, and eggs are notorious for…uh…blocking you up…

Tip Two – Invest in a Mobile Brick

However sad it may seem, there will be some people there not necessarily intent on listening to the music – but more likely on search for easy prey to steal stuff off. Therefore, I don’t suggest taking your incredibly expensive, hi-tech, camera/video player phone….it’s just asking for it. Instead, invest in a Brick!! No one will want to steal it, yet at the same time you can keep a track of your mates and also look incredibly old-skool cool! Also, I’d suggest a disposable camera or two so you don’t break your £500 digital technological nightmare, and keep money on you at all times.

Tip Three – Don’t Wear Flip-Flops….

First of all, whatever you’ve heard, they are really not cool, especially with socks…and how do you expect to mosh with stupid shoes that are gonna fall off every two seconds and crowd surf by themselves? Plus, you never know what’s on the floor (needles, broken glass, shit where a toilet has overflowed…) and flip-flops just really aren’t sensible. Instead buy a great pair of Converses! Guaranteed not to fall off in the pit, comfortable as anything…and go with the retro Brick image!

Tip Three – Make Friends With Your Neighbours

While you’re not in your tent, do not leave anything valuable in there…I shouldn’t have to say this how stupid are you? But even at night, you should keep a watch out…make sure you know your neighbours so if a stranger appears in your camping area, you’ll know to be on guard and have a face if something goes missing. Keep your fags on you at all times…the last thing you want is someone nicking them and to have to make a mad dash into Plymouth City Centre to pick up some more…However, if someone breaks in and holds you at gunpoint, hand them over; you don’t want blood on your sleeping bag.

Tip Four – Take Sun Tan Lotion

I know that taking some will tempt fate and make it rain, but if Mother nature gets mixed up a minute or gets laid and decides to relieve of us the usual British holiday weather, you’re probably not gonna want to get burnt and look like a tomato, so take some sun block…

Tip Five – Don’t Take Drugs

Or rather, take them…but don’t get caught.

Tip Six – Drink Lots Of Water

I know you’re thinking vodka or JD is something you’d much rather fill your bottles up with, but take water else you’ll keel over and die…or get sunstroke at the very least. Not a nice way to spend your festival.

Tip Seven – Have Fun

I suggest you ignore all I’ve said, get your arse to the festival and have hell of a time. Just don’t shit in the toilets!!

Written by Luce