I’m suffering again from another severe OUTFOXED writer’s block . . . plus I just ate like half of a box of those little marshmallow sugar coated peeps I got for Easter . . . so I’m doing the most logical thing there is to do . . . continuing with this highly insane piece of writing. Muahahahahaha you know you love it! If you haven’t read The Wizard Of X (shame on you!!!) I suggest you read it first, though I can’t promise that it’ll make this story make any more sense.
The Wizard Of X Returns
By: Kelly
“I’m off to see the wizard,
The wonderful wizard of x,
I can’t remember what happens in the movie plot next,
I’m the hottest x-man ‘cause I have the nicest pecks,
Oh, It’s really hard to finds rhymes with the wonderful wizard of x.”
Evan walked down Kurt (the road) singing very loudly and off-key. {Bad pun alert - 3 . . .2 . . .1 . . .}As a response to Evan’s “high-quality” vocal stylings, the road had split into a crossroads in an attempt to ward off the singing a la vampire style - with a cross (did I not try to warn you???). Fortunately, (or unfortunately for poor Kurt) our hero was undaunted in his quest to find the wizard of x and get back to Bayville. So he thought of the most logical plan to figure out which way he should go, then totally ignored it and began to belt out “SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW, WAY UP HIGH . . .”
“Geez, Daniels, have you never seen the Wizard of Oz? That’s not where that song goes. What, are you new or something?”
“Well actually, as Spyke, the made for T.V. X-man, I am new.” Evan babbled, as though reading from a statement released by Marvel, “I was created in 2001 and introduced into the Marvel universe. I have powers similar to Marrow, though most of the artists claim that is not what they had in mind when they created me, and my . . . Hey, wait a minute, who said that?”
“Over here, on the pole.”
Evan turned to where the voice was coming and found himself facing a toad-like scare-fly. Instead, though, it seemed the poor scare-fly was attracting more flies than he was repelling. Evan shot a spike through the rope that held him to the pole and he dropped to the ground. The scare-fly sighed and Evan couldn’t help but feel sorry.
“Hi, my name’s Evan. I’m off to see the wizard of X. What’s the matter?”
“I’m Todd. Every time I try scare flies away, they just come closer to me because of the smell. I wish I had etiquette and proper cleaning habits . . .” *Kelly ducks rotten fruit thrown by various readers and continues to type madly muhahahahahahaha!*
“Well, I’m going to see the omnipotent not impotent (oh yes, a running gag, goody) wizard of X. Maybe he could give you etiquette.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Wow, do you know what would happen if I had etiquette?” Todd said with obvious mock-enthusiasm. All of a sudden, music started playing.
*Todd looks at Kelly*
Todd: Do I really have to sing?
Kelly: If you want to stay in the fic
Todd: I get paid for this, right?
Kelly: Sure . . . ugh . . . we’ll discuss the details later . . .
Todd: Alright.
“My tongue wouldn’t be hanging,
And my words wouldn’t be slangin’
If I only had manners
I’d learn some pers’nal hygiene
And then Scott’s Jean would be my Jean
If I only had manners”
“And then Scott’s Jean would be my Jean?” asked Evan, laughing hysterically, “That has to be the weakest rhyme I have ever heard.”
“Don’t even talk about weak rhymes peck-boy.”
“Oh, I’d like to see you come up with something better to rhyme with the wonderful wizard of x . . .”
“I’d be glad to.” More random music starts to play from the gigantic stereo in the sky.
“We’re off to see the wizard,
The wonderful wizard of x,
I can’t remember what happens in the movie plot next,
I’m really hungry, I wonder if he can make tex-mex
Oh, It’s really hard to finds rhymes with the wonderful wizard of x.”
“Weak.”
“Shut up peck-boy.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Our two heros ventured further down the road and, realizing that they actually were pretty hungry, stopped to pick apples off a roadside tree. This tree looked very strange to Evan, all the leaves had turned a brilliant fall red except for two branches where the leaves were a winter-white. All of a sudden, the tree began to speak, “Don’t ya’ll go thinkin’ that you can pick my apples just because ah’m a tree. Where’re your manners?”
Evan’s eyes widened, “Uh . . . sorry.”
“If ya’ll know what’s good fer ya, you won’t touch my branches either. It ain’t safe.”
“Alright, thanks.” They began to continue their way down the road, when suddenly Evan had an idea, “Hey, you don’t happen to remember what happen’s in the wizard of oz after Dorothy and the Scarecrow talk to the tree, do you?”
“Sorry, ah can’t help ya. If it ain’t even remotely Goth related I’ve never seen it.”
“Oh well, thanks anyway.”
“Good idea, Daniels, ask a tree. Care to grace us with anymore of your genius?”asked Todd sarcastically.
“Do you have any better ideas?”
“Why don’t we ask Captain chuckles over there?”
Evan’s eyes followed in the direction Todd was pointing. There was a boy, maybe a year or two older than him, sitting at a table studying what looked like battle scenarios with an incredibly intense look on his face and sighing.
“Hi, I’m Evan, and this is Todd, the scare-fly.”
“Hello, my name’s Scott.” He continued to pour over his papers. Even through the dark sunglasses, Evan could tell he looked like he was stretched to his limit.
“Hey,” said Evan, peering over his shoulder, “What’s wrong? You look more stressed out than Don King’s hair stylist.” Todd started snickering.
Scott looked up at him, obviously not amused. “I really don’t have time for this. I have to study these battle strategies because the team depends on me to be responsible and serious at all times. NO MATTER WHAT!”
“Whoa, bummer,” replied Evan (though he sounded very similar to Keanu Reeves in . . . what was that movie called . . . oh yeah, never mind, I forgot, he sounds like that no matter what movie he’s in)
The boy leaned in closer to him, “You know what I’d really like to do?”
“What?”
“I wish I could just leave these papers and pursue my secret life long dream of becoming a comedian. But I have no sense of humor.”
“Well, we’re going to see the omnipotent not impotent wizard of X. Maybe he could give you a sense of humor.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“Wow, do you know what would happen if I had a sense of humor?” (Hmm . . . this doesn’t sound vaguely familiar, does it? Yep, the cut and paste buttons are working just fine.)
“Maybe I could just smile-
Even laugh once in a while
If I only had humor
I wouldn’t be so serious
And they’d think I was hilarious
If I only had humor.”
“Hold on, did you just rhyme ‘serious’ and ‘hilarious’?” asked Todd incredulously.
Scott nodded.
“Yep, he belongs with us. He’s in need of some serious help. Come on shades, lets go.”
Scott seemed to have been slightly angered by these words, “Not like you can rhyme any better. Tex-mex?”
“I would love . . .”started Todd but Evan interrupted him.
“Some tex-mex?”
“No.” he said dryly, “I was going to say that I’d love to see Scott here do any better.”
“So you don’t want tex-mex?” said Evan, looking crestfallen.
“Hey look over there!” Todd shouted, pointing. Evan immediately turned in the direction Todd pointed, distracted by the pretty colors, “Alright Shades, let’s see what you can do.”
“We’re off to see the wizard,
The wonderful wizard of x,
I can’t remember what happens in the movie plot next,
If you are away from home, you can call collect,
Oh, It’s really hard to finds rhymes with the wonderful wizard of x.”
~*~*~*~
The boys soon found themselves in a valley that was full of giant cell phones and plastic surgery clinics.
Scott looked around in fear, “Do you know what this means?”
“Not . . . *dun dun dun* valley girls?” Evan gulped.
They looked around in fear, preparing to be jumped by cosmetologists.
“Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.
Like’s and hello’s and whatever’s, oh my.”
“Is anyone else getting annoyed by this?” asked Todd.
“Yeah,” replied Scott, “a lot.”
“Not me!” exclaimed Evan joyfully, “Like’sandhello’sandwhatever’sohmylike’sandhellos . . .”
“LOOK! Your shoes are sequenced!” exclaimed Scott.
“OooooOOOoooooo sparkles.”
All of a sudden, a girl with a brown pony tail walked onto the path in front of them, “Hellooooo, what are you doing walking in like, my path. Whatever. Ew,” she said looking at Todd, “a scare-fly, totally icksome.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” screamed the boys (possibly at the lack of proper use of grammar). All of their deepest fears were of valley-ness rubbing off on them and talking like that.
They all used their highly developed skill of natural defense, and stuck their fingers in their ears, humming loudly.
“Like, please stop. I totally need your help. My name’s Kitty and I like soooo want to stop talking like this. Can you please help me?”
“Well, we’re going to see the omnipotent not impotent wizard of X. Maybe he could get rid of your valley girl accent.”
“Wow, do you know what would happen if I, like, didn’t have this accent?”
“I wouldn’t sound like this -
A reject from that show “Clueless” -
If I wasn’t such a ditz,
I’m actually from Chicago,
Why I talk like this, I don’t know,
I wish I weren’t such a ditz.”
While both Evan and Scott broke into thunderous applause at the actual rhyming ability of this girl, Todd pondered for a second.
*Looks at Kelly, again*
T: Um, is ditz even a grammaticallifically correct word?
K: Is grammaticallifically?
T: Good point. Now about that pay . . .
K: Just sing.
“Hey, can you think of anything that rhymes with wizard of x?” asked Scott, looking at Kitty.
“Um . . . like what about . . . Fed-ex?”
“Perfect!”
They walked down the road, toward there next adventure, singing:
“We’re off to see the wizard,
The wonderful wizard of x,
I can’t remember what happens in the movie plot next,
Next time be sure to send your package with Fed-ex!
Oh, It’s really hard to finds rhymes with the wonderful wizard of x.”
To be continued . . . (whenever I have another writers block or get my hand on a two month old box of sugar coated marshmallows . . . .*drools* . . . Peeps . . . .)
Please review! I know this is insane, forgive me. And the songs don’t entirely fit with the original Wizard of Oz songs (you have to rush a lot of words) but meh . . . what did you expect?