Jons 'Who's been a NaughtyBoy'  section:

This is my section dedicated to the sacred institution we lovingly call "The Local Magistrates Court". Due to the increase in police numbers dedicated to traffic operations (because it'd be too hard for them to walk-the-beat like proper police) I suspect this section will grow very popular.

Here is my own personal legal timeline - e-mail me if you can do better!

1st offence: IN14 + LC12 Aiding and abetting someone to drive a car without Insurance and Licence.
Total Fine: £250 Total Points: 6

After intense nagging I let a friend of mine drive my Fiesta 1.4s around a local car park.
BIG mistake - Mr. traffic plod was nearby (as always) and nabbed us on the off chance that we must be up to something.
Unluckily he was right.

2nd offence: Not displaying numberplate/ Not displaying numberplate properly.
This is a really pointless one and one that nobody else on the planetwould have been had up for!

Total Fine: £90!!! Total Points: None

Whilst on my way home (in rush hour traffic, might I add) my numberplate fell off. The sticky pads gave up!
I safely pulled over, picked up the plate and stuck it in my front window.
300 yards down the road - on go the flashing blue lights and siren(like I'm OJ Simpson!).
I get pulled over and told that my numberplate isn't properly displayed and incidentally can I produce all my documents and sign here.
At the same time they procede to go over my XR2 as though wishing it to have dodgy lights or bald tires.
I cannot believe this one myself. What was I supposed to do, call the fucking AA out?
How many cars do you see with a plate in the window?

3rd Offence: Failing to produce my documents within 7 days

Total Fine: None Total Points: None

I went to court, explained that I had a rather bad accident at the time and I had forgotten.
I never got into court - they said it was busy and let me off clean.

4th Offence: Stealing from a (scrapped) car

Total Fine: None Total Points: None - Cautioned and set free after 6hours in an "Interview Room" (box)

I was arrested at the roadside for (you'll never believe this) stealing light bulbs from a wrecked car that had been sat there for two months.I argued that the owner had relinquished responsibilty for the vehicle- thrown it away; would I get arrested for picking something out of a bin?
I had to admit that I was wrong and that the evil empire that is our local traffic police force was right etc...

5th Offence: Driving a vehicle in dangerous condition

Total Fine: None Total Points:3

I was pulled over in a crash damaged Honda, it had been checked out by the desk bod at the local police station who said it should be OK.
Soon after I was pulled over by a guy with a really bad attitude. He said that they should not have said it was OK and proceded to give me three points on the spot.
Am I the one in the wrong here?

6th Offence: Failing to produce my documents within 7 days

Total Fine: £70 Total Points: None

Given the fact that I get pulled over more times than most people have hot dinners this was no surprise.
I was pulled over three times in two weeks (honestly, I can prove it).
I lost my first form but when I got my other two I went to the police station and explained that my insurance company hadn't sent me my covernote yet.
Anyhow, I forgot all about it and went back about a week after my time had expired and showed them a wad of insurance certificates for the past year. They accepted them but reported me for being late.

7th Offence: Failing to produce my documents within 7 days

Total Fine: £None Total Points: None

See above offence, this was late production aswell. Court adjourned for another month.... eventually letting me off !

When are they going to stop picking on us poorly paid, hard-working people who NEED a car for transport from and to work?
The above problems are the price you've got to pay for living in a low (non-existant) crime area. They'd arrest the sheep around here if they thought they could catch one !