if you believe any job where you can drive to
work in green pajamas is a cool job!
if you wash your hands before you go to the
bathroom!
if when asked, "what color is the patients
diarrhea?" you show them your shoes!
if you know what a 3-H enema is ....High, Hot and
Hell of a lot!
if you have ever been in a death grip!
if you have ever told a confused patient your
name was that of a co-worker and to HOLLER if
they need help!
if eating popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
perfectly natural!
if you can identify the kidney stone squirm at
20 feet!
if you've ever had a patient with a nose ring,
brow ring and 12 earrings say, "I'm afraid of
needles!
if you have to leave the patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably!
if you believe a roll of tape can fix any problem!
if you say to yourself (great veins) when looking
at a complete stranger in a grocery store!
if you know beauty is not only skin deep....
great trabeculation, nice odontoid!
if the question of the day is to B.E. or not to B.E.!
if you know that a hard beam + tight collimation
equals adequate penetration!
if you know the acronym: Never Lower Tillie's
Pants Grandma Might Come Home!
if you know what "pop the film" means!
if you have more white cardboard than you need!
if you have xrays of yourself at home that have
never been read by a doctor!
if you have copy xrays of strange things, that
you get out at partys!
if you can tell if someone is faking or really
hurt!
if you have ever been sent to sterile supply to
get fallopian tubes!
More to come......OR What if you were a High-Tech Redneck........
- Your e-mail address ends in "@over.yonder.com."
- You connect to the World Wide Web via a
"Down Home Page."
- If the bumper sticker on your truck
says "My other computer is a laptop."
- Your laptop has a sticker that says,
"Protected by Smith and Wesson."
- You've ever doubled the value of your
truck by installing a cellular phone.
- Your computer is worth more than all
your cars combined.
- You wire your network with jumper
cables.
- Your wife said either she or the
computer had to go, and you still don't miss
her.
- You've ever used a CD-ROM as a
coaster to set your beer on.
- You ever refer to your computer as
"Ole Bessy."
- Three Words: Daisy Duke Screensaver
- You start all your e-mails with the
words, "Howdy y'all."
- Your spell checker knows words like,
"Y'all", "Yonder",and "Reckon".
- Your cars sit in the yard because
your garage is full of dead CPUs, printers,
modems and monitors.
- Your belt buckle is made from a dead
3.5" disk drive.
- You ever felt you had to move your
computer desk so it didn't block the velvet
picture of Elvis.
- Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer
spitcan.
- Smith & Wesson...the original
Point-N-Click interface.
- When you're friends comment on your
"nice boots" and you say, "Yea, thanks. Its my
spiffy, new Phoenix BIOS."
- When your wife catches you again
with your "Farm Animals of the Orient" CD-ROM.
- When you order your new pick-up truck
with a gun rack and PCMCIA sockets.
- Your PC Games collection consists of
nothing but Bass Fishing tournament and Deer
Hunting games.
- You only buy from GateWay, 'cause
the cow-colored boxes are a hoot.
Redneck HMO
You know you've joined a redneck HMO if:
-The annual breast exam is conducted at
Hooter's -Directions to the Dr's office include
"Take a left when you enter the trailer park"
-The tongue depressors taste faintly of
Fudgesicles -The only proctologist lists his
address as Rotorooter -The Lone Star Bar and
Grill is an approved pharmacy -Your primary care
physician is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month
-Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple
a day" -Your Prozac comes in colors and has
little "m"s on each pill -The only 100% covered
expense is embalming
And the best one:
Your Viagra prescription includes a popsicle
stick and some duct tape