So, this is Don Cody's Children of Pain crime fighting team. It consists of Tim and I, and some minions! Yes! Ok, so it's a longass conversation that seems to keep growing with our new ideas, so keep yourself posted and read it when you're bored or something... FUCK YEAH.
Tim:
hey when I come to town, you should come fight crime with me. Here's what you need.. a pillowcase... some doorknobs, and a black cape. We meet a Holy cross school at midnight, and then work our way down to the penetentary on the west flat by foot, attacking all criminals we meet on the way. Have you ever killed a man?
Me:
No but I'd like to.
Tim:
hmmm .. your a newbie... but thats ok, you're small, I can throw you as a weapon.
Me:
Yes!!
Tim:
can you curl up into the fetal positon in mid air? how do you feel about killing someone via ass in the face while being thrown out of a moving vehicle?
Tim:
I'm just throwing ideas out there.. if you don't like them, don't worry.. just gettin them out there
Me:
I'm willing to try new things.
Tim:
GREAT.. so you can ride on TOP of the car.. we'll have to paint it.. we need a logo... ok and a car... but we can get that later.. you'll be on top, and we can do drive by's. If I throw you into a house through a window, will you be able to climb back out, and more importantly, stab someone in the face if your ass didn't kill them?
Me:
yes. yes.
Me:
i have a car.
Me:
oh a logo. hmmm...
Me:
But yes! sounds like a plan.
Tim:
How about Don Cody's head? people will be like ... "what the fuck, I thought it was Stiglets now..." and before they can comprehend our political switcheroo, BAM, your ass will crush them. DEAD. If left to live, they would probably be looking at child porn, or stealing satilite tv signals.
Tim:
WE CANT LET THAT HAPPEN
Tim:
WE WONT LET THAT HAPPEN
Tim:
and...
Tim:
WE .. CANT LET THAT HAPPEN
Me:
WE WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
Tim:
WE WONT LET THAT HAPPEN
Tim:
.. you're right
Tim:
I agree with you meh.
Tim:
er.. meg
Me:
Meh. That could be like a secret code name.
Me:
And you could me....T....in?
Tim:
TOTALLY
Me:
Nah sounds too much like Tim.
Me:
How about... T...i..p.
Me:
Tip and Meh.
Tim:
no wait... thats what they would expect.. somthing like tip that DOESNT sound like Tim... but TIN.. thats so close, its dangerous... we'd be stupid to use it... reverse psychology.. IT WILL WORK.
Tim:
Tin and Meh.
Tim:
Ok so you'll ride on top of the car and I'll be on the inside underneath right?
Me:
Fuck yeah!
Tim:
ok.. so its agreed... when we do it, you'll be on top, and I'll take bottom.
Me:
We need a logo! and... a crime fighting name. Yes. I think we should do the name first, then logo. or... yes... reverse psychology....
Me:
Fuck yeah.
Me:
and we'll rock.
Tim:
ok yeah a name first
Tim:
how about something related to don cody... and then a big don cody head as a logo?
Me:
"Fuck Don Cody."
Tim:
how about "Don Cody's Children of Pain!!!!!!"
Me:
LOL.
Me:
And then underneath it'll be like.. our motto... "PAIN IS PLEASURE" or something really gay and morbidly gothic like that.
Tim:
heeeeell yah. I like the way you think meh
Tim:
mEH!
Me:
TIN!
Tim:
good use of the code name
Me:
Totally. No one is suspecting a THING.
Tim:
I KNOW.. which is really really good because we can fight crime... AND live our normal lives on the side.
Me:
Like in the movies!!!
Me:
Except their lives get interrupted...
Me:
By crime fighting.
Tim:
hell yeah like in the movies.. I bet we'll get a movie deal if we kick enough ass. maybe only made for tv on fox or something... but the sequel will be in theaters for christmas 2008!!!!!!!!!
Tim:
yeah.. like I have this really important meeting with my district manager... and I'm on my way with time to spare, when suddenly I see an old man getting curb stomped... so I grab my radio and I 'm like *MEeeeehhh!.... mEEeeeeeehhh!!!!*
Tim:
and you're like... "WHAT.?!??! what the fuck I was in the shower"
Tim:
and I'm like get the fuck over here
Tim:
and then I throw you at those punk kids.
Tim:
fucking punk kids... DIE
Tim:
and then they do
Tim:
they die a horrible horrible children of pain type death
Tim:
yeaaaaaah.
Tim:
dead.
Tim:
and then I'm kind of late for my meeting
Tim:
and he's like "TIM, this is the THIRD TIME YOUVE BEEN LATE THIS MONTH"
Tim:
and I'm all like..
Tim:
"oops.. I guess it was bad traffic"
Tim:
then I wink
Me:
OOOHHH.
Me:
GOOD CALL.
Me:
Nicely saved.
Tim:
and my manager is like "WHY DID YOU JUST WINK AT ME?"
Tim:
and then.. I wink again
Tim:
and he's like "no seriously you're scaring me please stop"
Me:
AND I COME FLYING INTO THE ROOM.
Me:
AND KEEL HIM.
Tim:
man that would be so awesome. like.. every day life but superhero
Tim:
YEAH!!!!
Tim:
KILL HIM FUCKIN DEAD MEH!
Tim:
MEEEEEEH
Me:
Oh man we gotta.... YEAH. we have to. And when you say "MEEEEEEEH".. do it really high pitched and squeaky.
Me:
Like when Cheech does his "OWWWYYYEAH"
Me:
And its like UUUH. at the end.
Me:
you catch my drift.
Tim:
yeah, and then everytime I say it, my voice cracks a little bit
Tim:
MeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEhhhhhhh.
Me:
fuck yeha.
Tim:
fuck yah
Tim:
fuckin fuck yah
Tim:
kill them dead
Me:
man we're gunna be so cool all the uncool kids are gunna wanna hang with us.
Me:
but we'll be WAY too cool to even like, breathe their oxygen.
Me:
so we'll have minions.
Me:
but we'll have to wear masks or something cause yeah.. we dont wanna breathe in their uncool oxygen.
Tim:
WAY too cool.. WAY
Me:
but they can be like... our bitches or something.
Tim:
yeah fuck that I don't want all the other fuckers to breath my air fuck that
Tim:
yeah. bow down bitches.
Tim:
bow down to TIN.
Tim:
BOWWWW....
Tim:
...further...
Tim:
keep bowing...
Tim:
ok thats good.
Tim:
bitcheezzzzz.
Me:
hellz yeah mother fucker.
Tim:
ok so... we still need a villain. we have codenames, a team name, a logo, bitches, methods of attack. but now we need somebody to fuck up.
Me:
Hmm..
Me:
Well, I mean.. there's always Bush. But.. I guess that won't work.
Tim:
hmmm... no that wouldn't work, because he has secret agents. and they have guns. all we have is doornobs in pillowcases, and your ass.
Tim:
we would die.
Tim:
and we want the other people to die, so lets not get crazy now.
Me:
Omg you know what I just realized.
Tim:
yeah.. but maybe thats awesome... superheroes always win.. and they never have any fun... we could be the kind that get drunk all the time, have crazy sex with our hot minions, and kick villain ass, but then die.
Tim:
FUCK YEAAAAAH
Me:
If you do that whole.. uh. abbreviate thing or whatever the fuck it is.. with our team name, it's Don Cody's C.O.P.
Tim:
HAHAHAAH it IS COP
Tim:
hahahaha
Tim:
we're cops
Tim:
hahaha
Me:
FUCK YEAH.
Tim:
FUCK YAH!
Tim:
fantastic four can have a fantastic fucking foursome and then die, because we're the new crimefighters, and we don't have any lame powers, we can just stay up really late and get unusually drunk without passing out. Then we vomit all over the dead criminal's bodies.. and leave them to rot.. ROT IN FUCKNG HELL YOU BASTARDS
Tim:
then Don Cody comes and rapes their dead bodies covered in puke
Tim:
and I video tape it so cheech can watch later
Tim:
AND we put it on childrenofpain.com and charge people 10.99 a month to watch our awesome videos of kick ass crimefighting and Don Cody fucking dead people
Me:
You are on a fucking ROLL, Tin!
Tim:
YEAH!!!
Tim:
........
Tim:
FUCK YEAH
Me:
Much better.
Tim:
I'm an entrepaneur too. I'll make us all rich.. rich... famous... and we can kill people and not go to jail... what the fuck are they fucking going to do, fuck.. be all like... "yeah arrest Tin and MEh right now... DO IT.. " and then the other guy would be like "well detective johnson, it appears that we dont have any listed information at all for a Tin, or a MEH" and then the other guy is like
Tim:
"BLAST THOSE C.O.P. bastards!!! we'll find them someday..
Tim:
but fuck no they won't
Tim:
.....................
Tim:
FUCK YEAH!
Me:
We need like a super hiding out place. Not to hide out.. but just for fun. To get drunk in!
Tim:
FUCKIN FUCK YEAH!!!! every crime fighting unit needs a good party spot/headquarters
Tim:
hmmm... marquis billiards?
Me:
I like your style.
Me:
There's so many criminals in there, dude. That could be our first mission!
Me:
Kill them all and take over!
Tim:
oh my fucking allah, you're so right... MISSION ONE... priority mission supreme.. destroy all villains and obtain party spot
Tim:
allright get your fucking doorknobs, I don't wanna see anyone laying on the ground without a pile of blood around them and a caved in face
Tim:
...FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Tim:
...fuck
Me:
FUCK! YEAH!
Tim:
oh lordy fuck yah
Tim:
Allright so what do we do once we kill everyone and take control of Pain headquarters
Me:
Party like there's no fucking tomorrow?
Me:
OH OH. We'll get tanked to shit, right.
Me:
And then we'll get a super duper mission to accomplish.
Me:
so we'll do it DRUNK.
Me:
It'll be even BETTER.
Me:
We need to hire a camera man. I feel a high speed chase coming up.
Tim:
hahahah FUCK YEAH.. we need to be totally pissed for the next mission
Tim:
I want the last smell anyone smells to be BOOOZe right before they die. HEavy vodka flavor.
Tim:
yeah, I could see a major high speed chase all the way to saskatoon happening... very high speed
Me:
Like.. 20 clicks over the limit.. high speed. OMGWOW.
Tim:
no no....
Tim:
meg...
Tim:
21 clicks
Tim:
...over the limit
Me:
Ooooh you're dangerous.
Tim:
I live on the edge baby. I don't live by anyone's rules but my own. not even my own.
Tim:
Oh man, I have a request
Tim:
can we call the base... "the sex cauldron"?
Tim:
please???
Me:
Anything for you, Tin.
Tim:
FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Tim:
Now I can leave a room full of my bitches and they'll be like "where ya goin tim.." and I'll be like... *sexy glare* "I'm goin to the sex caulron"
Me:
LMAO.
Tim:
Allright we need to buy a team vehicle
Tim:
I've allways wanted a honda civic.
Me:
No.. no.. We're not going to buy one, Tin.
Tim:
4 doors.. nice trunk space...
Me:
We're going to STEAL one.
Me:
We need to be dangerous!
Tim:
FUCK YEAH WERE GUNNA STEEL ONE!!!!!!!
Tim:
wait wait...
Tim:
I have the greatest idea
Tim:
... EVER
Me:
Spill!
Tim:
LETS STEEL A POLICE CAR FROM THE POLICE STATION, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
Tim:
FUCK YAH!
Tim:
it'll be the official "c.o.p. CAR"!
Me:
OOH I LIKE IT.
Me:
FUCK YEAH!
Tim:
fuckin right fuck yeah!
Me:
No one's ever going to expect that!
Tim:
they'll be to busy solving mysteries and watching days of our lives. fat cops bastards
Me:
Exactly.
Me:
...fuck yeah.
Me:
hey! we could use my horses as like, backup transportation.
Me:
if our car is in the shop or something.
Me:
they won't suspect anything from two people on horses with pillow cases and door knobs.
Tim:
Totallllllllly.. and we wouldn't ride in the streets, we'd jump rooftop to rooftop and take back alleys... like who checks the sky for falling horses with riders that are swinging pillowcases full of doorknobs. Fucking no one, thats who. This is FOOLPROOF, wicked idea
Tim:
fuck YES!
Tim:
er...
Tim:
YEAH!
Me:
God damnit we're awesome.
Tim:
Fucking Rita McNiel's lesbian sister bending over a two tonne crate of tropical lobster fish on their way to mexico about 2 weeks out of season fuckin A RIGHT FUCK YEAH!
Tim:
so when I get to PA, we're going to have to lease a building downtown, get some graphics done up.. like a big sign, so we can have a command station. We'll call it "COP Command Operation Core Konnection."
Tim:
the COP C.O.C.K.
Me:
LMAO.
Tim:
having an official central command will strike fear and demand authority over all criminals.
Me:
FUCK YEAH!!!
Tim:
FUCK RIGHT FICK YEAH!
Tim:
but really it will just be where we stockpile all our booze, and in the corner we'll have the sex couch, and the sex bed, and the sex floor.... and the sex counter.. and the sex desk, and the sex washing machine... and ........ the sex shower.
Tim:
but we have to have an official front
Tim:
and we'll drag all the hot female criminals back to "interogate" them.
Tim:
and you can drag some hot guys back if you want... but I dunno, the hot chick criminals are pretty hot sometimes. You'll probably have your hands full.
Tim:
but we can't forget our oath... to drunkenly defend justice, wherever it isn't being justified, and get laid.
Me:
I like your thinking, Tim. FUCK YEAH!!
Tim:
fuckity fuckin FUCK .. fuck YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!