RETARDED DINOSAUR
Brooke: Oh shit guys.
Brooke: I just had a spasm that made me tip my head back kind of sideways and I was like "NYAARRRRR" like a retarded tyranasaurus rex
Brooke: All invouluntary.
Jess: Sorry I'm picturing this.
Me: LMAO.

CUM AND COKE
Tiegan: Hey, Meg.. what's in here?
Me: Cum and coke.

HALLUCINATIONS
Justin: Well atleast you know he won't be staring at your tits... he'll be staring at the alien creature out to get him hovering infront of your tits.

SO SWEET
Me: there's sugar stuck under my nail.
Chad: see...that's how sweet you are...lol. even your cuticles produce sugar!!

MEG MAKES BAD TYPOS
Coo: online i saw a video of a monkey fist another monkey
Me: LMAO.
Me: EW.
Coo: :D
Me: Ah dude. A friend of mine loved to be fished.

ABSTINENT CLOWN
Me: this is officially the longest period of time i've gone without sex.
Me: LOL.
Me: its amazing.
Justin: Yay I have a buddy.
Justin: You're my happy and abstinent clown
Justin: haha
Justin: "Hey kids, you know why I'm happy?? Because I am free of S T D's!!"

SEX WITH JESUS
Tof: Jesus would be so hot... I mean, like...
Tof: He just would be.
Tof: It would be fucking great to go to school and go "I fucked Jesus last night."
Me: It'd be like. LOL.
Me: He'd orgasm.
Me: And then blow his load.
Me: and I'd go flying across the room.
Me: LMAO.
Tof: LMFAO!
Me: I'm cracking up so bad right now.
Tof: 'The power of religion!'

FIGHTING OVER SLIPKNOT
Me: Nine days, dude.
Me: NINE DAYS.
Tiegan: I KNOWS HAHAA YAY
Me: holy fuck man I can't wait to orgasm in my pants.
Tiegan: hahah yes me too...
Tiegan: joey...*drool*
Me: hey back off he's mine.
Me: LOL
Tiegan: i'll probly start bawling then crying
Me: and corey too
Tiegan: YOU CANT HAVE BOTH
Tiegan: I WANT COREY
Me: YES I CAN.
Me: NO!!
Tiegan: YOU HAVE JOEY SURRENDER COREY WOMAN
Me: MAKE ME!!
Tiegan: THATS IT I'LL POOP IN YOUR BATHTUB.
Me: GASP.. NOT MY BATHTUB!
Tiegan: YES... YOUR BATHTUB
Me: I DON'T EVEN HAVE A BATHTUB.. BUT... GASP!!!
Tiegan: hahahah
Tiegan: damn it. you got me there

PIES
Ashman: pies can have babies
Me: SAYS YOU.
Ashman: when a human and a pie love eachother, they get together... often the human does all the work
Me: You're a damn liar, Fulton.
Ashman: yeah
Me: The PIES do all the work.
Me: See. When a human and a pie fall madly in love, the human eats the pie but then the pie battles the human's digestive system.
Me: And comes out of the ass.
Me: But.. by then it's not a baby.
Me: Used tampons are babies.
Me: Not pies.
Ashman: ahhh
Ashman: yes

SEX TALK
Shibby: brian usually does but i guess that's what happens when i suck his dock. :(
Shibby: COCK.

HOMOSEXUAL?
Tim: im so not gay it hurts.
Tim: ehhh.
Me: oh you got me there.
Tim: I'm so straight, I cant get it to go down.
Tim: its realy awkward in job interviews.
Me: LMAO.
Me: Oh.. that.. LOL. that was good.
Tim: I share my problems with you.. and you laugh.
Tim: you're not a good friend.
Tim: AND you eat my limbs.
Tim: you're hurtful.

ADVICE FROM TIM
Tim: Have you ever had sex with more than one household pet at once?
Tim: you shouldn't.
Me: ...
Me: LOL.
Me: Thanks for the advice.
Tim: im just trying to help

GAS
Mary: I just farted oh god.
Me: *GAS MASK*
Mary: our farts are spreading like a rash.
Mary: I just realized my fart smells like garlic.
Me: ....................O___O
Me: that... that's not normal.
Mary: :-)
Mary: I have special garlic asshole!
Me: You should be in the Guiness Book of World Records or something.
Mary: or in some gross circus sideshow.
Me: BIG TOP PEEWEE!!
Mary: people pay a dollar to get locked in a closet with me for five minutes while I fart.
Mary: then they leave hungry for garlic.
Me: So people pay a dollar to die?
Mary: yeah, the weak ones, it will be like natural selection. my farts will kill off the weak humans then one day the world will have a race of people who can stand toxic ass farts.
Me: So you'll be like.. the opposite of Jesus.
Me: Instead of healing the sick, you'll kill them.
Me: You can be Susej!
Mary: LOL.

PUBES
Me: It was me and Frodo's 13 month anniversary yesterday and I haven't seen him or heard from him.
Me: LOL.
Shibby: o.o
Me: He went to his dad's and I went out with Chad and Trent.
Shibby: why not?!
Shibby: what'd you do that for? >:o
Me: Cause he went to his dad's.
Me: And then the weather was really bad and he had to stay out there.
Me: and he hasn't called me back.
Shibby: aw ;(
Shibby: :-(
Me: Yeah it's sad.
Me: I shaved my pussy for nothing.
Shibby: lmao
Shibby: i just keep mine trimmed into a little bitty v now.
Me: I can't handle that.
Me: LOL.
Shibby: brian likes that vest.
Shibby: best*
Me: Frodo always wants me to leave like, a little line above my clit.
Shibby: for some reason.
Me: But I just can't.
Me: LOL.
Shibby: HE LIKES A VEST, MEG.
Me: YAY!!!
Me: VESTS ARE COOL.
Me: It's like, Pussy Fashion.
Me: Make your pussy as popular as you and your friends!
Shibby: lmao.
Shibby: that would be funny to shave a vest design into my pubes.
Me: LOL
Shibby: i always wanted to shave it into a star.
Me: OMG ME TOO!

BLOW UP PANTIES
Stark: She has sort of a butt now, I noticed...haha.
Stark: Good thing to notice, huh.
Me: I KNOW. I saw that and it's like, where the fuck does that come from?
Stark: I'm thinking butt implants.. or maybe blow up panties.

SEXUAL SECRETS
Michael: cant go wrong with cereal though. unless its that health crap they make out of cats and old shoes
Me: ....That's.. really scary.
Me: I'm eating cereal.
Me: ..
Me: And you're talking about it.
Me: ...You're stalking me
Michael: id be more interested in stalking your cereal
Michael: did you hear that? I SAID IM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOUR CEREAL
Me: LMAO.
Michael: yeah. think about that while you're munching on your precious cereal!

AMERICA VS CANADA
Jess: I talk about you sometimes in school. Like when we make fun of Canadians.
Me: LOL.
Jess: Do Canadians make fun of Americans like Americans make fun of Canadians.
Me: Yeah.
Jess: K that makes me feel good.
Jess: What kind of things do you say.
Jess: Making fun of Bush doesnt count.
Me: We think America is like. One big business thing. Everyone just conforms with everyone else and follows the rules and shit. And then they have the president.. i know it doesn't count. But. LOL. Sorry. Your country is ruled by Dick and Bush. LOL. Anyway! I dunno. We get mad that our currency is worth.. more.. than yours. I think. Or less? I dunno. But everything.. like if you wanna buy it from America. you gotta put your Canadian dollar into American and it's more and it sucks LOL.
Me: oh and you guys rely on us for like. water and wood. i think.
Me: And we're mad about that.
Me: LOL.
Jess: We don't like you cause you're stupid and let us do it.
Me: We don't like having to be like. followers.
Me: LOL.
Me: You guys have the armies, the guns, the weapons.
Me: We have the bandaids and the rubbing alcohol.
Me: So when you go to war.
Me: We just follow.
Me: And put a bandaid on everyone's wound.
Me: Cause we have like. No good army things.
Jess: Well we hate you cause you have no army thing.
Jess: LOL.
Jess: When we talk about war and such.
Jess: We always talk about how you guys just sit there.
Jess: And then we said.
Jess: How we want to move to canada.
Me: LOL.
Jess: so no one would goto war with us.
Jess: Because we'd all be such lazy bastards that no one would want to goto war with us.
Jess: we could just sit there and be happy and all that eh?
Me: We have free healthcare. We don't like your healthcare system. LOL.
Jess: We don't like our healthcare system either.
Me: LOL.
Me: We hate how Americans think all we do is drink beer and watch hockey.
Me: Which is like. 65% true.
Me: LOL.

COCKE --- I MEAN COKE
Me: Brb I need a cocke.
Me: COKE.
Me: I MEAN COKE.
Justin: LMAO

DIRTY, DIRTY GIRLS
Shibby: lol thanks.
Me: eh?
Shibby: for last night.

GAY PORN
Me: I'll show you something real great.
Me: LOL.
Mary: gay porn?
Me: ...THATS NOT GREAT.
Me: LOL.
Me: k lemme get some pics of this.
Mary: MALE GAY PORN IS THE FUNNIEST THING SINCE JESUS.

PETE'S OPINION ON AVRIL LAVIGNE
Pete: mean streets my ass
Pete: missing the dicky dee ice cream cart isnt considered the hard life you know

-----

Me: Shania is her rock influence.
Me: LOL.
Pete: i smell poser
Pete: haha
Pete: shania is a ten year olds wet dream
Pete: not a rock icon

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LOSER WHEN...
Jorie: im going to pretend im pregnant
Jorie: im wearing maternity pants
Me: LMAO.
Jorie: which are really just sweatpants pulled up to my boobs
Me: You fucking loser.
Me: LOL!!

NAKED PARTY
Pete: when where
Pete: what is this party you speak of
Pete: i must know
Me: LOL.
Me: Bender said that too.
Pete: yes we must know
Me: here. haha.
Pete: wooooo hoooooo
Pete: ill be right there....lol
Me: you don't know where i live, you goof!
Pete: hmmmm
Pete: yes i forgot about that
Me: but.. justin does.
Pete: id be driving around naked looking for a house and asking for directions
Pete: lol
Me: LOL.
Me: and get arrested.
Pete: mmmm hand cuffs
Pete: is this a real party cuz i dont beleive you
Me: You can't come! Jenn will eat me.
Pete: are your parents gonna be there serving punch and pie
Me: LOL.
Pete: naked
Me: My parents arent here.
Me: Hence the nakedness.
Pete: lol
Pete: ohhhhhhh
Pete: do they know about this
Me: No! I'm a rebel!
Pete: hahahaha
Pete: viva la rebelion

TIM'S CONFUSED
Tim: what a nice day out.
Tim: lets kill some black people
Tim: im sorry that didn't come out right
Tim: I meant, lets go fill some yak stables.
Tim: ..yes.
Tim: im not racist, i'm just confused.

HIGGINS AND EDNA
Me: "YOU.. HAVE AN 80 YEAR OLD HOOKER WHO DIGS OUT FOOD FROM YOUR ROLLS OMFG THATS FUCKING GREAT YOURE SO FUCKING FUNNY"
Brooke: HEY. THAT'S HOW I FEED! HOW I SURVIVE. DON'T YOU LAUGH AT ME!
Me: that's how I masturbate.
Brooke: *digs through Meg's rolls.*
Me: MMM BABY.
Brooke: MMM PASTRAMI SANDWICH!!!
Me: That's from last week!
Brooke: STILL GOOD.
Me: EAT IT BABY.. EAT IT.
Me: EAT IT RIGHT INFRONT OF ME.
Brooke: *swallows the sandwich whole*
Me: *spurts*
Brooke: SALAD DRESSING!
Me: YAY!!!

POOR PAUL AND HIS DETACHABLE PENIS
Paul: Man, she wanted me to jack off to them... My cock detatched itself and ran away..
Me: LOL!!!!!
Brooke: LMAO!!!!
Brooke: DETACHABLE PENIS!!!
Brooke: DONT LEAVE IT IN THE MEDICINE CABINET AGAIN PAUL
Paul: LMAO!
Brooke: SHE MIGHT FIND IT AND MISTAKE IT FOR A LARGE BREADSTICK
Me: OH MY GOD.
Paul: LOL!!!

CHICKEN AND COCKS
Me: I could really go for some cock right about now..
Erin: mmm chicken

HORNY
Me: I'm horny. :/
Coty: Touch yourself. That's how I solve my problems
Me: But.. I'm all.. bloody.
Me: It's that time.
Coty: oh shitty. ok. haha
Coty: Touch yourself with a glove on?
Coty: I dunno. beats me.

Popcorn
Me: Popcorn solves everything
Michael: It doesn't solve world hunger
Michael: Maybe AIDS though.

"Uber"
Josh: Uber?..YOUR MOM'S AN UBER

Bad Typo
Me: Yeah, he died from Diabetes
Jorie: ass
Me: ...
Jorie: OOPS I MEANT 'AWH'
Jorie: That was a bad typo

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