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Toashes Roxxx
This is the start of my new page. The other one is getting destroyed. Sorry not that much
up yet, deal with it. I'm going to start my journal on this page and then move it later.
Journal:
July 18, 2001-So I'm offically moved into my apartment in Huntington Beach. I just got back from hellfest 2 days ago. It was pretty sweet. I hung out with Nickree the day before in NYC which was way awesome cause I hadn't seen him in over a year. Then Jockrock and I drove to Syracuse. The first two days were so/so, but it was cool to see a lot of the TO kids and meet some other kids. I got my offsets done with Brandy, but I already took mine out. Sorry Brandy, we still bonded though. Oh my, the last day of hellfest was oh-so-insane. I was drenched in sweat from head to toe and I wasn't even in the pit. It was quite possibly the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
After the fest Jockrock drove me and two other kids to NYC on his way to Long Island. We stayed at this way dope hotel called "Chelsea Hotel" or something. Its where Nancy of Sid & Nancy got killed. . .woah. We just chilled downtown that day and did all the tourist stuff. Central Park in a horse drawn carriage, well thats about all the touristy stuff we did actually. Oh wait, we did MTV too. YAY! The next day those bros went back to syracuse and I hung out with Jason. I haven't seen that kid since I lived with him. It was definetly rad to see him, especially on good terms, which is a rarity in our friendship.
I flew to hellfest with a buddy pass, the shitty thing was that I lost them so i couldn't fly home. Pat's band was on tour and they were in NJ the day I was supposed to leave to go home. So, i called them and asked for a ride back with them. They decided too many shitty things were happening and that they were going to cancel the rest of tour and go straight home. I've never encountered so many foul smells until I stepped foot into that van. Oh my. We did a hotel stop in Chicago and then drove the rest of the way. The tire blew up at the salt flats so we were stuck there for awhile. Pat and I decided we wanted to go eat so we started walking into the town. Within about five minutes a Semi pulls over and offers us a ride. Stoked? for sure. I really think embrace the end should start working on a movie deal about their tour, cause its definetly worthy of the screen. It was a fun time, and I bonded with the kids who thought I hated them, which is always nice. After we got home, I chilled with Lauryn, Pat, and Ann for a little. We went to the cafe and I gave Kevin a present and he gave me a hug and yeah I'm basically his hero now haha jk. Then I had to drive Lauryns car down south and pick my car up at LAX. I stopped off at my friends house on the way and had a way good hang out sezch. We saw Legally Blonde, such a great flick and just bro'd out for awhile. So now, i'm basically settled in this stupid county and I'm way sick and it sucks, but I'll get over it.
I've been rethinking my theories a lot lately. I think I'm sick of being "friends" with everyone. I've always been against relationships but I think i might want one now. Hopefully thats just the sickness talking and I'll go back to my original thoughts as soon as I'm better.
June 21, 2001-myHateDiesWithU: he just said...yeah uhhh...shannon and he looked around...uhhh i guess the set goes out to you...
I went to a show in Chico tonight. It was American Nightmare, Over my Dead Body, Carry On, and Breaker/Breaker. The show was a total bust except that Posi Dane was there. If he hadn't have been there, I would've walked out in the first 15 minutes. More kids who've only met me once talked to me than kids I've actually hung out with outside of shows. I think I got a "hi" from a few of my friends and thats about it. No clue what I did, but I guess I'll deal, I always do. Plus, I always have T.O. kids. I love them and they love me, so thats really all the friends I need.
Then I get home and my friend tells me that the biggest turncoat I know played a show about a week ago and dedicated the set to me. So to the Raven, this entry goes out to you and so does this: FUCK OFF! Its over, its done, move on. Its been a year, you didn't mean anything to me then and you don't now. I used you because i didn't care what you thought about me, but I would never take it to the level you suggested. I have too much class for that. You were never good enough for me and you never will be. . .
Wow, this day is getting better and better. Friends ignoring me and assholes trying to bring up old drama to ruin me. I'm about due for a break from all this.
June 18, 2001-Yesterdays entry was weak, so I'm doing another one today. Better? possibly, but knowing me probably not. I got a cell phone today Score! Now I'm offically ready to move back to LA.
Have you ever had a day or week that is just way to complicated for no good reason. Today I woke up, went into town and did all these "errands", no problem. Then I get home and my roomate and friend are at my house and I go check my email. I had a pretty shitty email and I yell out that I was pissed. The only problem is the email stated something that I was keeping a secret from my roomate, so she found out. Then in my roomates rant about me keeping a secret, she blurts out something that my friend didn't know. So I had it from all sorts of sides. Then, my friend and I went to hang out with our friend in the city. On the way there I was thinking about passed relationships and currents ones and decided: Its not fair for me to fall in love, or to even like a guy, cause I WILL get over it within 2 days of hooking up or making out or anything like that. Don't get me wrong, I'm into making out, its just I have these really messed up standards as far as falling in love, therefore if someone doesn't live up to those 100% in the first week, I'm over it and I move on. I still love everyone I've been with, I'm just not in love with any of them and I'm not entirely sure if I ever was. Basically, don't fall in love with me, cause it won't be returned.
June 17, 2001-Well today is Father's Day and for the first time in a long while I have a real father. Not just a father that satisfies the superfical. I actually have a father that cares about me and communicates with me.
I have exactly 2 weeks left of work. WOO HOO! Then its one whole summer to just chill! I can't wait, I went to the apartment last week and chilled with J-Ro, Billy, Chris, Jennifer, Troy, and Dick. SOOO much fun!
June 5, 2001-XXbloodbathX: slapshots better than hitler
so Valentine decided shes not going to hellfest. So out of Bane crew now only 2 of us are going, well Chris might go too, but thats different. To Valentine, Jesse, and Dane: YOU'RE ALL PUSSIES! (but I still love you). I went to Champion on the 2nd. It was one of my fav shows ever, not the show so much as the atmosphere and the kids and the after show hangout sesh. I'm offically in love with every kid there that night. Hmph, less than one month until I'm in so cal *homesweethome*
May 30, 2001-xBARRELASSx: scrotums are so ugly
Could someone please tell Toashes that she doesn't do enough in order to post a journal everyday, please? All I did today was work, oh bah! Lauryn took off to Boston to take care of her bro and I have no clue where she put the rent check, if she put it anywhere. But thats all right, I'll deal. Ashe, Dean and Jeff might go to hellfest this year, which would rock the house. I miss those kids. And Jasons band might play too, sooo stoked. I talked to Kristin and shes coming out to visit towards the end of June, plus shes going to hellfest. Which is way killer. We also talked about getting an apartment together in a year or so. I miss that girl. Oh and Nickree is coming out next week, SOOOO STOKED!! I miss him like crazy! Good times, road trips, getting drunk and sleazy. haha. This next month is going to be "killer".
May 29, 2001-Last night Lauryn and Pat set me up with Pat's friend Brewster, a double date. We went bowling and to the movies, it was a pretty swell time. I beat Brewster both times in bowling, so I was pretty stoked. He's a way rad kid, but the no sparks was mutual. And I guess I knew that before I went, but I'm glad I did go, cause I haven't been bowling in forever and plus I don't know that many kids up here still so its good to meet new friends. Plus, he has the same witt as I do so it works (although I am better at it, jk)
Oh, I saw Champion this weekend, I took my friend Ann. It was so rad to see Jim, Chris and Timm. They're seriously the best kids. Wasn't exactly my scene, so I did leave after Champion, but I was stoked to see them and I get to see them next saturday too. YAY!
Nickree comes home in about 2 weeks. I hope I get to see him, I've missed that kid so much. Another kid MIA, rusty bridges. He got a girlfriend, which I'm stoked for. It just seems whenever anyone gets a girlfriend/boyfriend they loose touch with their friends. I'll never be "that guy". I love you rusty.
May 26, 2001-Jockrock, Valentine and I offically moved all of our stuff into the apartment. Valentine and I still aren't living there, but we wanted to get our stuff in so that our apts ready when we are. I wasn't that stoked to move before, I just though it would be awesome to be back in so cal. But after setting up my room and all that, I was finally so stoked. I didn't want to leave, but hey I have a job, gotta make some money. Okay, so our moving in adventure. Lauryn rented a Uhaul and we had to drive the uhaul and the jetta from sacramento to huntington beach. Some how I got stuck driving the Uhaul the whole way. I don't even have a license, oh my. So I worked that day until 9 pm and we left at midnight and arrived in OC at around 11 am. Then we got right to unpacking. So, basically we all lost a full nights rest and we were all either getting pissed or getting way to giddy for our own good. I seriously can't even remember what we did down there, I just know our apartment is cool.
May 12, 2001-I haven't written on here for a while, because I forgot my password, whoops. Stupid Shannon. Okay, last weekend I went to OC. The original plan was to hang out with boy, so our most recent memory of hanging out wasn't a shitty one. Well, that fell through, as I knew it would. Plans changed to Apartemnt hunting with Jockrock. We found a way cool apartment and it was rad to hang out with him the whole day. After, we went to Billy's house and I got to hang out with Billy all night. Which was awesome, cause we used to hang out all the time and now I barely see him or if we do hang out there are a million kids with us. Then the next day, I went to thousand oaks and hung out with Dick. We did the usual mall thing and then I went home. I was so stoked to be back in so cal, it made my week.
Now, seeing as how I just got an apartment 7 hours from where I live now, I have to quit my job. I work at a super small grocery store and we used to have 7 checkers and slowly its deteriorated to 3 checkers. One of the 3 gave her notice two days ago and I'm giving my notice today. That leaves one checker, how bad do I feel? yeah, way bad. But its not like I can just pay rent in OC and live in sacramento for a year. Plus, I am giving them a month to a month and a half notice. Just as long as I'm outta there by hellfest. hehe.
In high school I took 5 years of Spanish. I only made it to Spanish II, but it took me 5 years to get there. I never use the language, unless its to say "chinga tu madre" to my boss. I get customers all the time who only speak spanish and I don't care, I speak english to them, knowing full well they have no clue what I'm saying. I don't see why I should make the effort. So yesterday, it came to a shock to me that I started speaking spanish to customers. I didn't even think I knew that much, but I was speaking it without even thought. And I understood it back. I hope they don't get used to this, cause it might've been a once in a lifetime thing. Then, later in the day a customer that ONLY speaks english started a conversation with one of our customers that ONLY speaks spanish. They were both talking about completely different things, but neither of them cared, they both pretended they knew what the other was talking about. Its funny that when you don't understand someone you feel the need to pretend and then to laugh nervously. Another wierd thing that seemed to happen yesterday was that about half my customers felt the need to ask me how I was, not once but twice. They would walk up and say "hi, how are you?" and I'd say "well, I"m pretty good, and how are you today?" and they'd say "fine, how are you". Now the question is, do I answer them a second time and ask them a second time, or do I just answer a second time and move on, or do I just ignore. And if I do ignore will they think I'm being impoliet? oh my, the pressures of working with the public.
Last night I went to borders with Ann. I got 5 new cds. I think it was the most random I've ever purchased at one time. Everyone knows I have a random cd collection, but most of them I've picked up at different times. Yesterday I bought: Elliot Smith, Pete Yorn, Nick Drake, Oingo Boingo, and Phish. Oh well, someone kill me now or at least force me to fit into a genre, I'm tired of being so open minded. hah. I also got some things for Joe's package, I worked on that for a couple hours after I got home tonight, he'll definetly be stoked.
One more thing, cause today's entry is way to long. I have decided that in the true sense of being punk rock (and I mean old punk rock, not part of the "new punk rock"), there's one thing that a lot of people, if not all over look. Time Zones. Times Zones were created and people just followed them, why? Time doesn't exsist. How is it that world leaders convinced everyone to go along with this? hmm.
May 4, 2001-I found out today I'm manic depressant. Which definetly explains a lot. It explains why I cry at things that don't matter and why I'm mean to lauyrn and it explains why I buy $700 on ebay within one week. I always knew I was clinically depressed, but no one ever even explored the manic side until now. I guess cause only depression is visable in my family background. So I'm kinda stoked I know whats going on now. I'm going to LA on sunday to look for apartments with Jockrock and to hang out with the TO kids. Originally I was going to go to "win back" boy. Then I realized, I don't want to do that. Boy is the perfect person to bro with, but I think thats it for me. Its a known fact that I'm not into relationships, I shouldn't even attempt them, just not me. I think I was just upset at the fact that I couldn't have him . . .not so much that I wanted him. Don't get me wrong, if I had to choose a guy, boy would definetly be on the top 5. I just need to go back to hanging out with boys and making out. Its less drama, less stress. I'm stoked on that too. And its not sleazy, well at least not how I do it. Its just making out and not with every boy I hang out with, just certain ones. I'm also stoked that boy and I are still friends, well we're not there yet, but I know he'll come around. I'm sure just a few more massages and maybe some laffy taffy and I'll win him over and he'll be able to bro out with me. He's a fun guy for sure. I also like how he's the only person I've written about in my webpage that I didn't use his real name. It adds mystery, don't you think? haha, then again I do know who he is so I guess it doesn't add that much mystery. Well, this is the first entry in my new budge page. I decided this page is going to be happy as opposed to the other one that was kinda emo. I'm also going to try to be nicer to people and not to hurt people I care about anymore. . .to those who know me, wish me luck. . .we all know how much I like being a bitch. haha jk.