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What did the deaf,dumb and blind kid get for his birthday ?
Cancer
Why do blondes insist on guys wearing condoms ?
So they'll have a doggy bag for later
Why don't old men eat thier wives out ?
Have you ever pulled apart grilled cheese ?
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a tree ?
Ripping it off
Milk, milk, lemonade
Around the corner fudge is made
Stick your finger up the hole
Pull it out, a tootsie roll
What does 80 year old pussy taste like ?
Depends
What did the leper say to the prostitute ?
Keep the tip
What goes "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha klunk" ?
A leper laughing his head off
What's the worst part of sex with a 12 year old girl ?
When she tells you she's had better
What did Cinderealla say when she got to the ball ?
Cough, gag, choke
Why wasn't JFK a good boxer?
He couldn't take a shot to the head
How do you make a cat go Woof ?
Douse it in gasoline and throw a lit match at it
What is small, pink and crawls up a ladies leg ?
A homesick abortion
What do vegetarian maggots eat ?
Linda McCartney
Whats the difference between a pie and a woman ?
Crust on a pie is good !
Whats green and smells like pig ?
Kermit's fingers
Whats grosser than two vampires fighting over a tampon ?
One of them winning
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count ?
Your girlfriend has to chew
Whats black and white and black and white and black and white and red ?
A nun rolling down a hill into heavy traffic
What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
An epileptic
What do you call a dog with no legs ?
It doesn't matter, it isn't going to come anyways
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection ?
A quarter- pounder with cheese
Whats black and taps on glass ?
A baby in a microwave
Harry answers the phone and its an emergency room doctor.
The doctor says, " Your wife has been in a very serious car accident and i have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that she's lost all use of both her arms and her legs and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God, whats the good news ?"
The doctor says, " I'm kidding she's dead."
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few moments he turns to her and says " Can I smell your pussy ?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, " Certainly not!"
"Hmmm", he replies. "It must be your feet then."
A couple had just returned from a date. They were at her place making out on the sofa.
Nibbling her ear, he whispers to her, " You know, i'd like a little pussy."
She said, " Me to, mines as big as a house."
The other day i was having sex with my girlfriend when she said to me, " Darling, could you put it in the other hole for a change ? I really like it there."
To which i replied, " Fuck that! I'm not risking getting you pregnant!"