Possession
 By Hoggle Bard

DISCLAIMER 1: The characters of Xena: Warrior Princess remain the property of MCA/Renaissance Pictures and Studios USA. No copyright infringement is intended and this is a non-profit story.

DISCLAIMER 2: These song words (in italics) are from a beautiful song by Sarah McLachlan called Possession which just reminded me of Xena and Gab the first time I heard it and I wanted everyone else to see it like that too, so here’s my effort at that.

SUBTEXT: this story does depict to women in-love if this offends you....read no further.

If you’d like to write to Hoggle Bard....and she’d love you to!!...write to: hoggle_bard@hotmail.com

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UNCHAINED HEART

Listen as the wind blows,
From across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?

As I wander through the night, I hardly know what to do with myself. It’s so strange, I’ve given up my life as I knew it, my dark side, and now I’m not sure how much of me is left. I’m not the wild, angry girl that left Amphipolis to find revenge, and I don’t want to be the bloodthirsty destroyer of nations I became…so who am I now? Everywhere I look I see visions of my crimes, my victims, I hear them scream when I close my eyes. Their voices carried on the wind, condemning me. Can I really become good? I thought so…but all alone? Hercules helped me, showed me what I should do, but I could not stay with him. I need to be alone to battle my demons, to try to make up for all the evil I have caused…but can it be done in only one lifetime? And what if I fail? What if in my quest for redemption I find the rewards of power to great? What if all I am meant to be is this? What if the evil that polluted my soul is too thick to wash away with good deeds? Maybe I should give up the sword, then at least the temptation is less. If I don’t spill blood then perhaps I won’t lust for it. So I will bury my weapons and armor, and go home. Maybe my mother will forgive me…maybe not, but I have to try. I have too show her, and myself, that I have changed.

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DEATH IN CHAINS

And I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I wipe away your tears,
Just close your eyes dear.

Awkwardly I put an arm around her and comfort her as her most recent beau follows death, and leaves her. And as she cries on my armor, I can’t help but wonder, would she cry like this if I were to leave her? Cry as though losing a love? She is so young, so naive. I wonder if she could ever imagine the nights when I have struggled with my dark side so as not to take that innocence, as she slept peacefully beside me. But we are friends, and she looks up to me. I’m her guardian it seems, and although I wanted to spend this time making up for my mistakes alone, I’m sure that without her presence I would have failed many times over. She is so calming, so good. She just seems to radiate warmth, love, and hope. And now she as cries on me, though I hate myself for thinking it, I wonder what it would be like it I gave in? If I lifted her face to mine and kissed away her tears, and just sunk into her warmth. And if it was me she wanted, not Talus, and I could be the one…

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THE BITTER SUITE

Through this world I stumble,
So many times betrayed.
Trying to find an honest word to find the truth enslaved.
You speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhyme.
My body aches to breathe your breath,
Your words keep me alive.

She stands on the other side of the waterfall, that barrier between her good and my evil, waiting for an explanation for my lies. And some part of my mind, angry at being cornered wants to fight again, to say ‘You lied to me about Hope, you betrayed me, and my son is dead’, but that argument is dead also. I have forgiven her, it was not her fault, and it is me who has explaining to do. Me who is in the wrong, and me who has failed her more than once. I can blame my dark side; I can blame Caesar for making me evil, but it’s not true. I must be held accountable for my actions, and she above all deserves an explanation, the truth, and I should beg for her forgiveness. And I watch her standing across the water and I wonder, did she mean as I did as she sang about love guiding us? Did she mean she loved me, wanted me as much as I need her? I wonder if she realizes that she owns my soul, that she has my heart, and that I would die without her. So now I must explain the truth about why I lied, and I must tell her I’ll love her and her alone, if she’ll have me.

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WHEN IN ROME

And I would be the one to hold you down
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear.

The boat rocks gently beneath us, and I just don’t want to let go of her hands. The silence between us is not awkward, but reassuring, as we each think about what we have said. I told her how important she is too me, and she said she loved me. But this time it was different. Every time she says she loves me, my pulse races, but this time, seemed so… heartfelt. Like it was just something that was always there. Something we both knew about and hoped for, but just never realized was always there for the taking. And now I don’t know what to do. Do I have my answer? All I know is that I don’t want to hurt her, and it seems that’s all I do. And even if the answer is yes, do I want to act? Gods know I do. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how no one has ever possessed me, except her. I want to kiss her with all the passion of 3 years of fire, and the gentleness of a timid lover. I want to make her gasp, and answer both our questions, and I want her too sleep in my arms. But most of all I want her to be happy, and can I offer that? I can’t promise her that anymore than I can promise myself peace. And I am so afraid that our love will cause her pain or death, and so I fear to take the next step. I squeeze her hand gently and stare back out across the ocean.

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SACRIFICE (PART II)

Into this night I wander
Its morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread
Into the sea of waking dreams I follow without pride
Cause nothing stands between us here and I won’t be denied

And I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I wipe away your tears
Just close your eyes dear.

Her screams of my name echo in my ears and I stare down the pit after my love. I am alone now, with my misery. Joxer and Seraphin stayed for a few candlemarks staring in disbelief and horror before Joxer had the surprising good sense to take Seraphin and leave me. It is night now, and my eyes have not left the place where Gabrielle and Hope fell. And the irony of it all is that I got my answer. I saw in her eyes as she sacrificed herself for me, I saw a mirror of my own eyes and my heart, and then she was gone. But I won’t let her be gone. With one final look into the pit I get up and leave the temple, stepping over Callisto’s now cold body. Into the night I wander, with a plan. I will go to the lake that leads to the underworld, and I will get my Gabrielle and nothing will stop me. I don’t care if Hades damns me for eternity, or if he already has, I need to find her, to get her back, and if nothing else then to give her the kiss I have waited too late to give. And then I’ll bring her back up to this world, if I have to plead to every God, I will stop at nothing to find her, and when I do there will be no more waiting, I will be the one.

The End

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