SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID AND SOMETHINGS ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE. AND LATELY, TO BE HONEST, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS MEANT TO BE OF ME. I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS CHANGING. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S ME WHO'S CHANGING OR IF IT'S THE PEOPLE AROUND ME. WHAT I HAVE REALIZED IS THAT, THROUGH THE YEARS AS I'VE GOTTEN OLDER, I'VE CHANGED MAYBE FOR THE BETTER AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF MY PARENTS... BUT NOT FOR MY FRIENDS. AS I'VE GOTTEN OLDER, LIFE HAS GOTTEN HARDER. ONE MINUTE I CAN BE IN COMPLETE HAPPINESS AND ALL OF THAT CAN BE TAKEN AWAY BY SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WITHIN SECONDS. IT'S FUNNY HOW THINGS WORK THEMSELVES OUT AND CAN MAKE THEMSELVES FOR THE WORST IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. PEOPLE CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST BUT THEY CAN BE PREPARED FOR THE FUTURE. I THINK I'VE DONE THAT BUT IT HAS ALSO BROUGHT ME TO THE POINT WHERE PEOPLE HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS OF ME AND IT'S JUST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE. I'M WEAK WHEN IT COMES TO CERTAIN THINGS AND STRONG AT OTHERS. WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE CAN DEPEND SO MUCH ON SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN DEPEND ON HIMSELF?
TO START OFF, THESE PAST 3 YEARS HAVE BEEN THE HARDEST OF ALL. MY PARENTS GETTING DIVORCED TURNED MY LIFE AROUND FOR THE BETTER MAYBE... I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO GET BETTER. IT SEEMS LIKE IT HAS ONLY GOTTEN WORSE OVER THESE YEARS. HOW CAN A KID GO FROM BEING SO DAMN HAPPY WITH HIS LIFE TO BEING SO DEPRESSED WITH THE FACT THAT HE CAN'T TRUST HIS PARENTS WITH HIS LIFE?! MY LIFE IS SHITTY. THE SMALLEST BULLSHIT ALWAYS GETS TO ME AND EVEN WHEN I SAY THAT, PEOPLE STILL DON'T GET THE FUCKING CLUE. IT'S A TOUGH WORLD AND I CAN SEE THAT NOW. NOBODY EVER CARES ABOUT U AND NOBODY PROBABLY EVER WILL. NOT AS MUCH AS U THINK AT LEAST. MAYBE AT SOME POINT THEY WILL... BUT NEVER ENOUGH. SOMETHING ALWAYS DRIVES THE PEOPLE U HOLD SO CLOSE TO YOUR HEART AWAY. AND IT'S ALWAYS SOMEONE NOT EVEN WORTH YOUR TIME. THE ONLY REVENGE IN THAT IS, SOONER OR LATER THAT PERSON WILL COME BACK TO U... AND IT'S UP TO U ON WHETHER U WANT THEM IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN OR NOT. I ALWAYS SEEM TO GIVE PEOPLE MORE THAN ONE CHANCE AND THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT. MORE POWER TO U SELFISH/HEARTLESS BASTARDS.
ANYWHO, I'M CURRENTLY CONFUSED (STILL). AT TIMES THINGS CAN GO ALRIGHT BUT THEN THEY JUST SHATTER OR SOMETHING. EVERYTHING FALLS APART. I'M PRETTY DAMN NICE AND PATIENT BUT SOMETIMES U PEOPLE TAKE THAT TO A LIMIT. IF U KNOW SOMETHING WILL PISS ME OFF THEN U KNOW WHAT U CAN DO ABOUT IT? NOT DO IT AGAIN MAYBE... THAT SEEMS PRETTY SMART. BUT NOPE! U LIKE TO CAUSE DRAMA SO THAT PEOPLE CAN FEEL SORRY FOR U OR MAYBE BECAUSE U LIKE TO FEEL SOME GLORY OVER THE FACT THAT U PISSED ME OFF ONCE AGAIN. THEN SOME OF U SEEM TO LIKE GETTING ME JEALOUS FOR SOME FUCKED UP REASON... NOT SURE WHY. BUT WHATEVER, THAT'S ON U. I'M TIRED OF BEING NICE AND I'M TIRED OF FEELING SORRY FOR SOME OF U. CUZ I SAY ONE THING AND U GUYS START CRYING OVER IT. GET A FUCKING LIFE AND A BRAIN! IF U CAN'T BACK THE SHIT U STARTED, DON'T FUCKING FUCK WITH ME THEN! ANOTHER THING, DON'T EXPECT ME TO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR U. IF U FUCK UP, THAT'S ON U. DON'T COME TO ME AND EXPECT ME TO SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS. THEY'RE YOUR PROBLEMS, NOT MINE. AND DON'T ALWAYS EXPECT ME TO BE OK WITHS OMETHING WHEN U KNOW FOR DAMN WELL I'M NOT GOING TO. IT'S FUCKING STUPID HOW SOME OF U CAN ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO BE COOL WITH SOMETHINGS. REAL STUPID.
I'M PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW FOR OBVIOUS FUCKING REASONS. THE SAME PEOPLE PISS ME OFF DAY BY DAY AND DO U THINK THEY'VE BOTHERED TO CHANGE FOR ME? HELL FUCKING NO! BUT THEY SURE AS FUCK EXPECT ME TO CHANGE FOR THEM CUZ THEN IT'S ON ME. SO FUCK ME TWICE! BETTER YET, FUCK U! FUCKING WHORES. I FUCKING HATE FEELING LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. I DEFINATELY NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
TO HELL WITH YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS
(ART)
P.S. I GOT THE MATTER BABY!!
P.P.S. TO THAT TRUE FRIEND, THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME.