Amarantos

"To discover to the world something which deeply concerns it, and of which it was previously ignorant; to prove to it that it had been mistaken on some vital point of temporal or spiritual interest is as important a service as a human being can render to his fellow creatures." - John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859

LOVE! Not just another four letter word - 3/1

If there's one thing Americans, from the initial conception of this country, have always cherished blindly above all else, it is our personal and collective independence. Sacrificing that independence in any way-a social taboo whose grip on our psyches has tightened over the course of this century-implies weakness. However, so eager are we to consistently hail our autonomy, that aspiring towards intimacy and love-which necessitates co-dependence rather than independence-is considered a mediocre goal.

Typically, we aim to have college degrees, and cars, condos and careers; but who aspires to fall in love? Hence, we live in an increasingly aloof society during an age when ambiton, wedded to egotism, breeds self-absorbed and lonely individuals.

In modern America, few make time for the long, tortured romances described by writers and poets of previous centuries. Rapid technological advances have taught us that quick and simple solutions are always possible and preferable. Love, always a cliche, will never be fast and new. In our materialistic, modern society, poets-and people in general-rarely allow themselves to be moved by love with the intense passion of Shakespeare and Dickinson, Keats and Byron, and countless others before us.

As we have become increasingly preoccupied with the self, we are naturally more afraid of rejection. Obsessed with proving that we are distinc and special in our own right, we are less than capable of opening ourselves up or trying to reach a point where we feel confident enough to confess such deep feelings.

Neither women nor men can comfortably establish intimacy in a society where the vulnerability and expressiveness needed for such relationships are looked down upon with disdain. During the course of this century, as women have striven for the independence enjoyed by their maile counterparts, they have also acquired many typically masculine qualities. In becoming equals with men, women have found themselves more and more embodying the cool rationale, detached calm, and inhibited expression of emotions typical of men. Certainly, our austere society has made the development and confession of true love truly difficult. As stereotypical gender roles evolve, why not allow ourselves our humanity-why not allow both men and women the right to love without inhibition?

Increasingly narcissistic and obsessed with our precious and unique selves, few of us even know, at this point, what it means to give freely of ourselves to another person. Elizabeth Browning was not only unafraid to confess her love, but to "count the ways" in which she loved her partner. Howmany of us are willing to give up some of our individualily in order to make space for another person? In hailing independence as our most valuable attribute, we shout EUREKA! over fool's gold, depriving ourselves of a whole array of vital emotions and experiences. It is precisely this attachment to independence that hinders our ability to place faith in one another.

Love. Often dismissed as juvenile, if not impossible. It refuses to fit conveniently into your day planner. It requires unheard of honesty: sharing your most personal and private self with another person. And it is certainly one of the defining experiences of our human existence. By Dina Leytes, Stanford University

				But When a soul, by choice and conscience, doth
				Throw out her full force on another soul,
				The conscience and the concentration both
				Make mere life, Love. For Life in perfect whole
				And aim consummated, is Love in sooth...

						-Elizabeth Barret Browning

My two cents:
I have to say that this is one of the best articles I've ever read concerning the state of romance in today's society. Unfortunately today, the majority of people are too concerned about their own independence that they won't allow themselves to feel compassion towards another person... it's too much of a hassle for them to sacrifice a small part of themselves. That's sad. I would hope that we as a people haven't become so selfish and self absorbed that we can't share intimacy with a member of the opposite sex. What I mean by intimacy is not just pleasuring ourselves sexually, but actually having feelings for the person we're with. Over the last couple years, I've met more than a few women who are unwilling to commit to a relationship because they don't want to give up their independence and actually have to sacrifice their time and feelings for another. Too afraid of shifting their comfort level, they miss out on alot of what life has to offer. Life is more than just satisfying and gratifying your own personal needs and agendas. It's being able to take risks, falling down, and also rising up from painful experiences and going for it again. For it is better to have loved, than to not have loved at all. Keep trying, don't be afraid to attempt something new, open up that stubborn heart, don't take life for granted... live it to the fullest.