JOKES


JOKE OF THE WEEK

ek baar ek sardar ke ghar uska bahut purana friend aata hai Sardarji usko bahut jagah ghumate hai aur bahut khilate hai aur raat ko jab sone ke baari aati hai to sardar ji pareshan ho jate hai kyoki unke paas ek hi bed hota hai wo apne friend se bolte hai tu to mera bahut acha friend hai tu to bed par hi soja aur phir apni wife ko bolte hai tu to royal family ki hai tu bhi bed par soja mai niche so jata hu Aur phir morning mai sab udthe hai to sardarji apne friend se puchte hai raat ko koi problem to nahi hui to unka freind bolta hai nahi sardar ji phir puchte hai to woh bolta hai waise to sab dikh tha par tumhari wife ki aadat kuch dikh nahi hai to sardarji puchte hai kyu to unka friend bolta hai ki sardarji tumhari wife saari raat mera dick pakad kar soi thi to sardarji bolte hai ab sale wo meri wife nahi mai thaaaaaaaaaa

joke send by ssss


In heaven each time someone came, the GOD stood up to give the person a warm welcome.So everyone were standing in the line and so were Lee Kuan Yew(x-pm of singapore).But when his turn came, GOD just shoke his hand and said welcome.This made him wonder y GOD did not stand up to welcome him, so he asked GOD about it ,and GOD answered :"if i would have stood up , u would have taken my seat as well!!"
joke send by kuldip kaur sekhon



A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer cannot be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story : If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

LITTLE OLD LADY A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. In fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and were silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent, stink terribly." "Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
joke send by Neha



India was playing cricket match against Pakistan when sardar bet on this. He bet $500 for India. Pakistan won the match and Sardar lost $800. His friend asked him how did he loss $800 when the bet was for $500. Sardar Gee replied, I bet $300 more on the highlights the same evening.

joke send by javed



Once there was a guy who went to a bar and needed to use the bathroom. So he asked the bartender if he could go, the bar tender said "someone is in the boys bathroom, so use the girls but don't toush the 3 buttons" the guy said "ok" so he went in there and did what ever he needed to do and saw the 3 buttons. The 1st one said CA and he pressed it and the cold air come out. 2nd one said WA and pressed it and warm air came out. 3rd one said ATR, he pressed it and woke up in the hospital and he asked the nurse "what am I doing here" the nurse said "remember the 3 buttons well the 1st one said CA= cold air 2nd one said WA= warm air and the 3rd one said ATR= automatic tampon remover now if your looking for your dick it's under the pillow!"
joke send by Poonam



a pregnant girl wearing a skirt with no underwear climbed up a tree...her father passing the tree,looked up and said.."dear..you are going to have a male child this time"..when the girl asked him how he knew...he said.."I can see his beard"

Q:what is the height of patriotism?
A:A man wearing tri-coloured condom
joke send by Vinay



What a sardarji will do after taking out a photocopy of a page?
Ans. He will match it with the original one to check whether there are any spellings mistake or not.
joke send by Gaurav



Height of Constipation
Sanjay Kapoor sitting in the toilet and singing "aati nahin, yeh aatii nahinnn"
joke send by Praveen



Heights of -
1)lazyness - A man shitting & waiting for the wave to wash his ASS!!
2)foolishness - 4 sardar's playing chess !!
3)inocence - a Pregnent women traveling in a bus & buying 2 Tickets !!

joke send by Tinku



Q Why are blonds and turtles the same
A when there both on there back there fucked

joke send by brandon snyder



Who are the 6 important man in a woman's life?
1. The Doctor- because he says, "Take your clothes off."
2. The Dentist- because he says, "Open wide."
3. The Milkman- because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in the back?"
4. The Hairdresser- because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
5. The Interior Decorator- because he says, "Once its' in, you'll love it."
6. The Banker- because he says, "If you take it too soon you'll lose interest."

joke send by G.Humphrey



Two friends were talking during lunch break. Hindu asked Sardar,
"Why do you have so long beard?"
Sardar answered, " You don't know anything, It is very expensive."
Hindu: If I want one hair, How much would it be?
Sardar: It will cost $500
Hindu: Okay, I will buy one hair.
and then Sardar opened his pants Zip and plucked one hair out and gave it to the
Hindu gentleman.
Hindu: Why did you gave me one of your pubic hair insted of beard hair.
Sardar:My beard is a Showroom and I gave you from my Gudoown.

joke send by Jai sonnajai



Monica Lewinsky went to a dry cleaners shop and asked if she could have her blue
dress cleaned.
She said to a slightly deaf man, "Could you please wash this dress for me?"
The man did not understand her and said, "Come again"
Monica replied, " No this time its mustard."

joke send by Bhavin Shah



It was Friday afternoon.A teacher would not let her class be dismiss until each
student answered one of her questions about the test she was going to give the Monday.
The teacher asked who was the first president a boy who was sitting in the back
raised his hand and sayed George Washington.The teacher said that he may leave
since he answered the question correctly.Then the teacher asked who was the 16th
president a kid up front said Abraham Lincoln,correct Jonny said the teacher. As
Jonny was leaving the room he stuck out his tounge at his friend Sam,cause he
got to leave early.Sam had to say something so he said,suck my d***.Suddenly the
teacher said who said that,the kid in the corner said, Bill Clinton see yall
Monday.

joke send by Roshni Amin



Why do women rub their eyes?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

joke send by Tank



On the flight to India, the pilot noticed that there was
something wrong with the plane. He realized that there was too much luggage.
He asked the stewardess' to tell the passengers
to each throw out one piece of luggage.
One guy threw out a chicken, one guy threw out a kettle and another
guy threw out a bomb. Threre were four guys standing on the ground where they threw out there
items. There was this kid and he was running down the road,
crying. The guys asked him what happened and he said a chicken fell on his head.
Another kid came and he was crying too so the guys asked him what his problem was and he said that a kettle came out of the sky and hit him on the head.
The last kid that ran past the guys was laughing hysterically and they asked him why the kids before him were crying and he was laughing.
He said "I farted and the house behind me blew up!"

JOKE SEND BY ALEXIS TOOR



A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented beautiful office
and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer
office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked
up the phone and started to pretend he had big deal working. He threw huge
figures around and ade giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor,
"Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."




A man walks into a bar and demands ashot of whiskey. The bartender complies
and the man takes the shot, puts it down and looks into his shirt pocket.
"Another", he says. Once again the bartender gives him a shot, he downs it and
then looks into his pocket. "Another" and so on. This goes on for awhile until
the bartender whose curiosity is peaked asks the man "Sir, why is it that after every
drink you look into your pocket". The man (quite drunk) slurrs in response,
"In my pocket I have a picture of my wife and when she starts looking good I'll go Home!"




A man dies and goes to hell. Upon his arrival the devil greets him and says,
"There are three rooms here from which you may pick one to spend eternity in."
So the guy looks in the first room, and it is filled with people standing on thier heads on a concrete floor. The second room has everyone standing on thier
heads on a wooden floor. In the third room he finds a peculiar sight ...
everyone is up to thier neck in crap, but thier all drinking coffee. He looks at the
devil and says "I'll take this one." After ten minutes of drinking coffee in the
third room, the P.A. system blurts out "Alright you guys, coffee break's over ... back on your
heads."
joke send by SAILESH HIRANI



why are men 99% smarter while having sex????????

because there pluged into a women!!!!!!!!

joke send by cutie-simi



In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries,
I.K.Gujral and Nawaz Sharif decided to visit each other's country
regularly.

The first visit was by Gujral to Pakistan. There Sharif showed
him
Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that
Gujral made a call to Rajiv Gandhi in hell
and talked to him for 5 minutes! And the bill for the call came up to only Re.1.
When Gujral came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at
the best when Nawaz Sharif visited India. Suitable arrangements were made.
Sharif came to India, visited the telecom department
and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill came up
to Rs. 500!
Sharif asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India ?"

A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is only
a local call, Sir, while from
India it is a long distance call!".


joke send by SALMAN AMIR KHAN



A TEACHER ON ENTERING THE CLASS ASKED BILL TO GUESS HIS AGE,
BILL STOOD UP AND REPLIED 40 YEARS SIR
THE TEACHER WAS SURPRISED TO KNOW THAT BILL KNEW HIS AGE AND ENQUIRED HOW HE KNEW HIS AGE .
BILL REPLIED THAT HIS BROTHER IS 20 YEARS OF AGE AND IS HALF MAD

joke send by SACHIN D



There were ten morons & there were five biscuits
inspite of that each one gets one biscuit?

ans :each biscuit was a cream biscuit

joke send by ROHIT MEHTA



It is ok to kiss a fool
It is ok to let a fool kiss you
But never let a kiss fool you


joke send by Sonia Patel



A Sardar goes to a FutureShop
Sardar : what's the price on this TV
SalesRep: Go away yaar, we don't sell to sardars.
The next day, sardar takes off his turban and dresses a Bangali Babu
and goes to the FutureShop
Sardar : what's the price on this TV
SalesRep: Go away yaar, we don't do business with sardars.

Third day, sardar goes again as a Gujarati.
Sardar : what's the price on this TV
SalesRep: Go away yaar, we don't sell to sardars.
On the forth day, sardar decides to be a south Indian. He shaves his
head and takes off his beard.
Sardar : what's the price on this TV
SalesRep: Go away yaar, we don't sell to sardars.
Sardar gets really mad and takes off. Comes back the next day....
Sardar : Oye, how come you recognize me everyday that I am a Sardar.
SalesRep: Abe saale, it's not a TV, it's a washing Machine.

***************************************************************
>Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
>The ground control issues commands
>"Rubi!"
>"Woof!"
>"Press the red button."
>"Woof! Woof!"
>"Moti!"
>"Woof!"
>"Press the white button."
>"Woof! Woof!"
>"Sardarji!"
>"Woof."
>"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"


joke send by Bhavesh Vedawala



Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to design.

First was a butcher smart with wit, by using a knife he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter strong and bold, by using a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor tall and thin, by using a piece of red velvet he lined it within.

Fourth was a hunter short and stout, by us a piece of fox fur he lined it without.

Fifth was a was a fisherman nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.

Sixth was a preacher whose name was Mc Gee, touched it and blessed it and said

it could pee.

Last came a sailor dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it cunt.



joke send by kapchi



Bill Clinton walking into white house on a heavy snowfall day saw
something writen on the snow, he went close only to read "Go back Clinton"
geting angry at this he ordered for an inquiry.
People said somebody had peed on the snow.
Urine test was conducted and investigation was carried on.
A scientist came with the news and said the
cluprit was found but there were two bad news
Clinton agreed to here the better on first
So the scientist replied "The urine was found to
be of of the Al Gore the vice president"
Clinton was sad at this and asked for the worst news
the scientist said the writing was that of Monica"


joke send by Wilfred Paul Lazarus



What is a blond doing in a supermarket with a telescope?
She's looking for "Milky Way"...


joke send by Marija&Ana



Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing saxophone?
A Because he start playing with Hormonica.


joke send by Deepak Malhotra



Once in a hot afternoon at a bus stop people were waiting for the bus
and getting so hot to wait anymore.A begger also happened there,he thought for
a while and then began to collect money from people standing there,after a while
he had enough money,so he hired a taxi and went away.


joke send by akmalsafi



Q- What is common between Moniaca Lewinsky and a pepsi machine?
A- They both say insert "Bill" here.


joke send by Sonia Patel



Before you go in the bathroom your an American,
When you come out of the bathroom you are an American.
What are you in the bathroom?
Eurpeon.
Get it?
Yor a pee-in?


joke send by ?



Once a lady who lived alone appointed a servant.
She told him that if he made 3 mistakes she would complain to the police.
One day she fell down.
She told her servant to lift her and put her on the chair.
Since she was heavy he put her on the bed which was nearer.
She got angry and told him that it was his first mistake.
Next day she told him to clean some glasses.
He didn't have a cloth so he tore one of her blouses and cleaned them.
She got angry and that was his second mistake.
Then he drank some milk accidentally which was for the lady.
The lady got angry and went to the police.
She told them this "My servant put me on the bed,
tore my blouse and drank all the milk.


joke send by Caroline



Q:Some months have 31 days How many have 28?
A:All 12 of them.


joke send by Reema Batheja



A girl named Sheela had a dog whost name was "Kuch Kuch". Once she was taking shower and she left her clothes outside the bathroom. She came out and didn't see her clothes and then she relaized that the dog may have taken them. So without realizing that she is not wearing anything she went outside her house and started yelling "Kuch Kuch". On the way, she ran into a man and asked him,"Did u see my 'Kuch Kuch'?". The man, gladly and staring at her, replied,"I saw your 'subkuch Subkuch'(everything.)" . :-)

joke send by Nish



Jack and Jill went up the hill
With each a buck and a quarter.
Jack came down with $2.50
Do you still think they went up for water?

joke send by Amy Jarvis



Q : why do men have big nostrils?

A : look at the size of there fingers


joke send by Blake Ducote



Q : why did the man put lipstick on his forehead?

a : because he wanted to makeup his mind.


joke send by lakshmi


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