Y&R ADVICE

Welcome to Baby Know-it-all's Y&R Advice Column

Hi! My name is Baby Know-it-all and I give advice to the residents of Genoa City.  They write in to me about their many problems.  Of course, they don't listen to me but I always give them my opinion about what I think they should do.  Well read on!   

Featured Dilemmas for July 9, 2000:

How do I snag the man I love?
My girlfriend and best friend keep disappearing!

Dear Baby Know-it-all,

I am living with my ex-husband who I'm still in love with.  He calls me when he will be late for dinner!  He doesn't yell at me anymore!  He says my name!!!  I know he loves me, he's just playing hard to get.  I definately know he doesn't love that idiot Nikki.  Can you believe she called me a parasite?  But don't worry, I'll get her back!  Anyway, his daughter has just moved in with us and she really hates me.  She wants to get rid of me!  Plus, I am pregnant with his baby.  Only he doesn't know since I stole his sperm sample.  Well, how do I get him to marry me, love the baby, and get rid of his daughter and Nikki? 

Sincerely,
Diane Jenkins,
in Genoa City.

Dear  Baby-Know-it-all,

My girlfriend and best friend are acting very weird and they keep disappearing on me.  Are they mad at me?  I just want us all to be friends.  Why can't they just get along?  Well I told my girlfriend that I love her and she said nothing.  What does that mean?  She can't possibly love anyone else.  What should I do?  How can I get everything back to the way it used to be?   

Sincerely,
Raul (no last name),
in Genoa City.

Dear No last name,

Let's walk through this slowly.  Mac is missing the same time Billy is missing. Mac and Billy are always looking at each other.  They have dreams about each other!  Now since you're so blind, I'm going to put 2 and 2 together for you.  Mac and Billy are in LOVE.  Mac doesn't love you. Now I know this hurts you terribly but does it look like I care?  Sorry but you deserve it for being so clueless.  I can't stand to watch Mac and Billy play you like a fool anymore. Please just get a last name and get over your compulsive need to have you, Mac, and Billy be friends.  Wake up and smell the coffee, sooner or later Mac will kick you to the curb and she and Billy will be romantically involved.  My advice: Get another girlfriend and best friend because it's only gonna be heartache from here.

Lots of attitude,
Baby Know-it-all.

Dear Parasite,

You fool! Victor doesn't love you and never did!  You will never get rid of Victoria (my darling) and Nikki.  Victor will never love your baby.  He doesn't even know where Victor Jr. is!  You are pathetic!  Let's face it.  Your in BIG trouble once Victor finds out you stole his sperm sample.  Now stop rubbing your belly because it's not gonna make Victor love you and the baby any more!  Now I suggest you move on with your life and forget about Victor.  But you never will, so just try not to be too stupid.

Lots of attitude,
Baby Know-it-all.