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Erection (MATURE)
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Doctor, the embarrassed
man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't
get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Thomas,
bring her back with you tomorrow and let me
see what I can do." So, the worried fellow returned
with his wife the following pad. The doctor
greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove
your clothes, Mrs. Thomas." The woman obliged
and removed her clothing. "Okay, now turn all
the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh,
I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back
on." While the woman was busy dressing herself
again, the doctor took the husband aside. "You're
in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your
wife didn't give me an erection either."
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| Two
Blonde Man (NORMAL) |
| Two
Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked
at the other and said, "I've got to take a shit."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big
trees, and shit." The first one said, "But I don't
have any paper to wipe my ass." The other blonde
replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?" The first
one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great
idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with
shit all over his hands and clothes. His friend
looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened
to you?" The first one replied, "Have you ever
tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes,
and a nickel?" |
| Apples
And Oranges (MATURE) |
| A
young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for
obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested
a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in
a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should
be walking in the neighborhood, but little old
Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough,
Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked
curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?"
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret,
the young girl told her that some people were
passing out free oranges and that she was lining
up for some. "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma.
"I think I'll have some myself," she continued
as she made her way to the back of the line. A
police officer made his way down the line, questioning
all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma,
at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But
you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied,
"Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my
dentures and suck 'em dry!" |
| New
Math (Medium) |
| A
professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.
Dear Wife, You must realize that you are 54 years
old, and I have certain needs that you are no
longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with
you as a wife and sincerely hope that you will
not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time
you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant.
I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband When
he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter
waiting for him that read as follows: Dear Husband,
You too are 54 years old, and by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater
Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since you
are the mathematician, you will appreciate the
fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes
into 18. Therefore, don't wait up. |
| The
Bartender |
| A
man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to
the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir,
that'll be 1 cent." "ONE PENNY!" exclaimed the
guy, the barman replied "Yes." So the guy glances
over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a
nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and
a fried egg?" "Certainly sir, "replies the bartender,
"but all that comes to real money." "How much
money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy
who owns this place?" The barman replies "Upstairs
with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing
with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same
as what I'm doing to his business." |
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