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My hero is none other than the infamous and super kick-ass zombie slayer Ash from the Evil Dead series. Armed with a double barrel shot gun and a chain saw for a hand, Ash makes for hours of wholesome family fun! Getting tormented by demons, being blown into the past, taking on a legion of skeletons (as well as being touched where no man would ever want to be touched by skeleton hands), there is no one who kicks more ass than Ash does. I mean, Ash cut off his own hand after it got possessed, now that's crazy (His possessed hand reminds me of my own left hand, always disobeying me and being a jerk, I hate him so freakin much...)! At one point, Ash even had to go up against mini versions of himself, at which point he got his foot impaled by a nail and unwillingly had one of the mini versions of himself jumped into his mouth, thus spawning Ash's evil twin, whom, with a mighty shotgun blast to the face, was defeated (and as a precaution, Ash chopped up his body parts).
Ash is the very person all of us aspire to be, which is, of course, a ticked off shot gun wielding chain saw handed guy that runs into a boat load of trouble as he tries to return home. Hell, what am I talking about? It's more like the Titanic coming back from it's watery grave (all pissed of skeletons still intact), coming to your front door, knocks, waits for you to say, "Who's there?" at which point they will say, "Pizza delivery!", and as you open the door, muttering to yourself, "Hey, but I ordered cabbage..." BAM! Skeleton army all up in your face tearin the place down and leaving nothing but a spoon and a dish rag. Ash has been put through so much, more than enough to make any man go insane, yet he still continues to work at the Housewares section of S-Mart. This man is an inspiration to us all! |
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