Well anyways, the story I'm going to tell you all is of how Jeffrey died. It's a sad story. He was just 11 years old at the time of his death. He got his astronaut costume on and set out his front door. After getting a stick of Starburst candy at the Williamses' house, he turned around the corner and saw a peculiar-looking house. He was sure this house wasn't there the last time he went trick or treating. Curious as to what kinds of candy would be inside, he ventured forth and walked up the front steps. It seemed to take hours to finally make it up to the front door. The only decoration on the house was a single jackolantern used as a doorstop to hold the front door open. He rang the doorbell, and no one answered. He rang it again and again, and yet still no answer. Every time the doorbell rang, he heard a shrill noise that sounded like something alive that was tearing open. Jeffrey imagined a poor young man having his limbs torn off by a howling werewolf, as blood splattered out onto nearby people as they helplessly watched the young man meet his impending death. It gave him a stomach ache. It gave him heartburn. It made his penis limp. But yet, he smelled something. It was the smell of candy. Lots and lots of candy. Driven by his intense hunger, he charged forth into the living room, which was littered with various bestial pr0n tapes and Avril Lavigne CDs. His head told him to go back, but his heart told him to go forward to where there was candy. He charged forward and tripped on a banana peel. All of his candy spilled out and fell into a furnace. He started to cry, but reminded himself that there was probably a whole bunch of candy inside the house that would more than make up for it. Once he stepped into the basement, he heard the front door slam close and a mysterious person humming. "Oh shit!" he thought, for whoever lived here was home! Where would he hide? He searched the basement and found a computer and a closet full of beer bottles. He went inside the closet and closed the door ever so softly so as not to make a noise. But unfortunately, the door creaked. The humming stopped, and footsteps were heard as the resident of the house stepped toward the basement. He walked down the steps and looked around. He saw nothing unusual, but heard a breathing sound coming from the closet. Jeffrey peeked out from the closet and saw that this person looked pretty much normal, except he was naked. He squirmed at seeing another guy naked, and stopped looking. The naked man walked to the closet and opened it, revealing Jeffrey. He said to Jeffrey "What the hell are you doing in my house? I just want to relax, and I have some snot-nosed brat scrambling around my home! I know what to do with you." He went up to the top of the stairs and locked the basement door. Jeffrey came out of the closet as the naked man came down from the staircase. He snapped his fingers, and Jeffrey's costume dissapeared, revealing Jeffrey's normal clothing. He then turned around, and bent over, pulling open his anus.
