- - - - -

23 DECEMBER 2003 04:29:57

HATE IT WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP. HATE IT EVEN MORE WHEN I CAN'T THINK. BUT WORST OF ALL...WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP, AND CAN'T THINK! Aggh...been struggling to sleep since 2 am.and after 2 and a half hours..here i am..in front of the computer. thought that i could get away with doing my dissertation, but hey, the otak is not functioning (or refuse to) isk..degil sungguh! maybe the processor akan lebih laju when due date tinggal 2 hari kot? huwaa..no...pls don't! and i got no one to talk to- ym and msn..sumer org dah tido..ade org tu plak gi keje..(plus tadi before tido dah kacau dah pong...taleh la kacau selalu..) and mama plak busy. jahat ke if i ask mama to ask those aunties to go back home--and do whatever they suppose to do rather than datang rumah aku and chitchat or ngomel2? ---so that i could have some comfortable, uninterrupted conversation with her? mmm...cruel atau tidak...maybe i should do that one day, aight? hihi :p

Yale'S Craps©

wowww...

22 DECEMBER 2003 02:00:01

Was browsing at the Past Time Collection jewelry- i was trying to find some vintage or any kind of unique bags. I kinda like the Mackintosh Style Collections (design by Charles Rennie Mackintosh, an architect-- see http://www.ortakshop.com/mackintosh.html?source=overture for some of the designs)

.........But somehow i fell in love with this watch.......

 

This isn't the Mackintosh Style but the Art Nouveau style (well...the Mackintosh is one of the art nouveau style as well...also known as the 'Glasgow' Art Nouveau) This is sooooo gorgeous! ah, and it costs me a fifth of my monthly allowance. :p and worse...it has a matching ring as well! huwaaaa...

It is not as nice as the watch though, but somehow unique! owh...i'm falling in luurrvvee...

Yale'S Craps©

Uninvited

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate                  >>Alanis Morrisette<<

 

something triggered me..and my painful memories..

21 DECEMBER 2003 03:46:26

ALOHAA... came back from Glasgow - feeling refresh, rejuvenated, and happy. And last night I was happy too, chatting with a nice guy i knew from KYPM Bangi- terjumpe balik dalam friendsters. well..somehow the most sensitive issue was mentioned [probably most of u know what it is] and deep down inside..i was terribly shattered.

sometimes i feel bad when i looked at my own surveys..or quiz when i expressed my hatred for these 2 people from my past. somehow tonight i could identify the 'categories' they belong to. one of them, cracked my patience and trust- the person i loathe the most, the most  deceiving person i've ever met ; the spark-plug of my anger. i've never felt such hatred all my life till i met her, after i realised how she used my trust, respect, friendship to her expense. Backstaber. Filthy backstaber.

And the other is someone i used to adore so much, caused me so much pain. I could do anything to make that person see that he's so meaningful to me. That kind of feeling was somehow self destructive; made me more of a loser than anything else in this world. Mentioning that name is like digging into the core of my sorrow; the purest pain. I'd really hoped that he could tell the truth from the very beginning, and kept quiet rather than saying something totally contrasting the real truth. I would never lie about the feelings i had for him. had. The feelings had dissappeared..I'm sure of that, but the pain is still there. I have no ability to withstand deceit, especially by those i cared so much. No names for that particular person..anonymous. no meaning but pure sorrow; the very same sorrow that hit me rock bottom, unlike the first person mentioned.

It is so strange that you can hate two type of people [and refuse to even hear their names] ;  one you can clearly express and define what they really are...but the other, no words could describe them, nor your feelings towards them.

To those who had stand beside me through the rough times..i thank you all with every fibre of my soul. Maybe to those who don't know will feel like--- this is just something utk lepas geram, or ape2lah..but believe me..it is more than that; more than ordinary anger or sadness. But i don't need you to understand it anyway- and i hope no one will feel the feeling i'm having now- and hope no one will put any comment on this. I just want to spill every load that has been bothering my mind and heart tonight. Thank You.

Yale'S Craps©

Quotable Quotes

18 DECEMBER 2003 06:49:53

huhu..actually dah berkurun nak tulis nih-- tetibe teringat nak tulis. sumer nih ayat2 yg aku ingat-maybe sampai bebila..muhahhaha

somewhere in 2003:-

Papa: kakak! aaa...dah kurus! tak lawa!! [huh!! 'bestnye' pujian!]

someone: ina..u lawa [tetibe aku terrrpercaya ape yg diye cakap tuh betul..muhhaha--and tak dpt carik mana kaki aku- legless!]

somewhere in 2001:-     

Elly: u know-- i got a circle of ppl in my life- only my family, and Huda  in it. [and aku masetuh terbayang-- hulla hoop-- dalam tuh ade Huda, elly and family elly..muhehe]

Amad: eii..ko nih pompuan tak malu betul--ngaku tak reti masak [and right after that- he got a good jkafgvbbvjawebv from me!serves him well!]

somewhere in 2002:-

ninie: for your information Ellina, I AM RICH! [ and i was like...huh?? so???like i give a goddam care]

ninie again: ey..ko ade keturunan indon ek? aku gi jakarta kan...gile org indo tak lawa! [damn you gurl!]

somewhere in the eternity:-

mama: kakak, i think u are a spoil brat! [and aku serik gila dah nak spoilkan diri aku guna duit parents--well..the good thing is,  aku blaja jd independant :D]

dinna: I'm just trying to be nice.. [after i thanked her for comforting me]

ijat: owh! F**k!!! [ ha-ha- that was the most horrifying moment in Sunway Coll-- Ijat ngamok dalam kete!but seriously, it was terrifying]

Nette: aa...dah dua hari paish tak call....if paish tak call jugak..aku nak tejun longkang! [and the longkang in Sunway was like--paras buku lali?muhahahaha]

somegurl in Sunway piramid: ey, are u guys twins? [looking at me and Ella--huh?? ape buta kah?]

anonymous: your voice is so soothing [huh?? what a big fat lie!]

anonymous again: eii..ingatkan Steve Tyler tuh dah tua je buruk--rupanye dr muda lagi dah buruk! [and you are? so hensem ek?? LOL!]

Wira: eiii...macam bohsia dok kat tepi corridor [and i screamed at his face immediately!' tak nampak ke aku tgh tunggu kelas abis tuh ,bodoh?plus i'm doing soalan objective PMR!'--and now diye bestfren aku..hehe]

Intan: ko baru breakfast?oo...okay! (2 saat kemdian) haaaaa!! ko baru break?? (gelabah gile) [actually aku gi umah Nette awal pagi sbb aku taleh tido-sedey sgt sbb baru pas break-so cakap la kat intan- and diye ingat aku baru pas breakfast-- toye!hahaha]

okay..itu je aku nak tulis...nnt aku surely akan sambung lagi..heheheh la la la...mintak maap ye korang...aku gunakan nama korang..hihihih

Yale'S Craps©

Drugged!

18 DECEMBER 2003 06:06:51

yeah....lalok..lalok...tgh minum coffee..baru je beli nescafe nih- yg baru punye-- Nescafe Aromatic Cap Colombia---perrghh..ngiler besh. aku dah lama tak minum nescafe- sbb stuck ngan Mark and Spenc's cafe Gold..huwaa...aku suke coffee...and some tips..sbb kat mesia selalu org pakai gula putih-- try le guna demerara sugar (brownish in color) seriously besh!!

aku nih tgh develop allegic kat mende ape ntah! sbb byk kali..after makan, kulit kepala aku gatal..as well as belakang badan aku. first time aku jadi camtuh, mase kat mesia....kat restoren nelayan tgh makan seafood. tensen gile..terpaksa garu2...sian ade org tuh kene gosok-gosokkan kepala aku sbb aku bising gatal sgt..iye iye..aku tau-- mmg nampak terencat giler-- memalukan betul. seriously, scene a gurl yg kunon ayu dgn baju kurung..kene gosok-gosok  kepala dek bf diye, and dok menggaru2 kepala bila dah tak tahan gatal sgt is not a pretty sight! ape agaknye yg aku allergic nih ek? memula ingat seafood-- but kat sini aku tak makan seafood..kacang ke? gula ke? santan ke? ayam ke(huh..jangan la ayam!)..ke coffeee (huwaa...allergic nih yg paling aku tak mauuu) isk..and now nih muka aku cam kene cakar kuceng-- merah2 sbb allergic ngan ape nih ha?dah la nak travel gi glasgow nih!! burok siot ah! huhwaaa

lagi bape jam lagi..less than 6- aku akan dok atas train..gi glasgow!! yeay!!happy..nak shopping!pls nak jaket/coat baru..pls pls pls...tuhlooong la jumpe jaket. org 'tinggi' cam  aku nih susah betul nak carik jaket! owh--and harinih godzilla appetite aku dah ilang!bagus betul pose nih. dah tade crave nak makan sumer benda dalam dunia nih dah! hihi..and another good news. waniey and ade org tuh mention nak dtg UK march nih--huwaa...happynyehhh!!i got final presentation early may-but hey- i need some moral support too (or maybe TLC?)..and ade org tuh leh tulung buatkan sketches utk orang kan??kan?kan?:p --uuhh...better stop- gediks alert! dinna-sure ko dah start rase getiks baca blog aku--so i shd stop- now now!okay..see you ppl after the 20th. This is Yale signing out.....

Yale'S Craps©

Too lost--

17 december 2003 05:05:08

Nearly a year ago, 2nd Jan 2003 to be precise, i was lepaking with Dinna in MARA hostel and she recommended me to listen to Sugarbabes songs. Ironically, Dinna- who came all the way from the USA recommended me to listen to a UK group. I was skeptical at first, but after hearing a few songs-- to be honest, they are good, eventho' they look a bit bitchy at times- but hey-- i'd very much prefer Sugarbabes to Atomic kitties [they ruined the tide is high , remember?] ...And i think they're gettin better- just love their new songs-- esp. for the Love Actually soundtrack. Too Lost in You.. And thanks Dinna, for opening my eyes- at least there are UK songs that are worth listening. owh, but the unbearable garage and techno songs and cover songs are still flooding the UK music scene [fyi, the pathetic Mandy song by Westlife was awarded as the song of the year!!]

takkan dpt lupe camne aku tahan nak muntah sbb pening gile dengar music kat studio selama 15 JAM(!) sebab terpaksa stay back utk buat model. huwaaa...horrorr sioott!! owh..and last week kat cdUK ade poll-- derang tunjuk 2 (not one..but two!) vclip victoria beckham. ho-ho-ho... one of them is the most scary vclip ever--bukan sbb ade hantu2 ke ape--but vic seriously serupa hantu!haha..and another one gave me the impression of -- aler macik nih-- ko buat la camne pon-- u will never, ever look sexy. lyrics gile punye seductive and suggesting. hahhaa..sian aku vic nih-- she's so damn lucky to get someone like beckam (eventho' aku x penah suke beck kay..)--- apepon..sesape yg dpt tgk vclip diye--hope u'll  'enjoy'  the clip-- either one. =P

Yale'S Craps©

"GGrrrr..." what's that sound? owh! it's my tummy! =(

16 DECEMBER 2003 23:50:03

I don't know why am i so bloody hungry today. i had my dinner around 6 and yet, i felt nothing- not sure where all the food go. tried my best to find any leakage - but hey! tipulah kalau ade bocor kat memane...hihihi..

Well.. just borrowed kak jua's Sweet November cd {yes ppl..i know..but i haven't watched it} And guess what? i only watch it  for less than 15 mins when i started to get all impatient and keep on clicking the forward button until the cd stops running; fed up of me, i suppose. :p but seriously--- I HATE KEANU REEVES! i think i shd swap the letter N to Y-- so that it would sounds like keeeaaaYu reeves (kayu)...he's soo...kayu? buhsan betul- i thot someone told me the movie's good-sweetlah, ape2lah... but this is worse than matrix revolution! at least in matrix he's required to be as 'kayu' as possible.

owh..who says that u can watch a drop dead gorgeous actor with tiny weenie talent-- and enjoy the movie? ugh, I can't!

Yale'S Craps©

apology..

15 DECEMBER 2003 19:25:25

My apologies-- I'll try my best to start writing frequently as soon as possible...why?? because I'm designing a new layout! :D owh-- it seems that the monochrome concept has to go..-- why [no. 2]? because i'm getting all moody over the past month- and i'm tryin my best to blame everything else around me...thihihi...no...not really.. the monochrome concept will be back- i'm just a little bit bored, and need to play with colors.

owh.. and i'm all good now. why [no. 3]?? because i have enuff sleep..i have enuff time to contemplate (yeah rite..hihi) and enuff time to properly enjoy my meal. yeah..to all the gurls out there-- got a weight prob? or life's too happy that you want to taste a lil' misery? then come and join school of archi! okay..okay..i know..i'm exaggerating..probably after reading this, Elly would come to my room and strangle me..but yeah-- i did lose some weight for this project-- but i'm gaining it back fast since i got all the time in the world to eat...mm..and sleep...mm...probably it is time for me to do some exercise ...hmm..okay peeps..see ya around..hope that i can finish up designing the new page soon enuff!

Yale'S Craps©

holidays!!

13 DECEMBER 2003 01:52:07

YEH YEH!! dah cuti!!! sorry lama menghilangkan diri..lotsa stuff to do--penat to the core..well..aku rase sumer org pon camtuh. sekor2 muka budak2 kat studio mcm tak cukup napas. this morn aku pilih option final project. it's between designing a primary skool, or designing a Finnish institute. at first masa kat mesia ingatkan nak buat skolah..so dah beli la a few books...but then..later on camne ntah..i realise that i'm interested in people's culture la plak. not really sure whether this is temporary or not, but i kinda made up my mind to do the Finnish institute. you guys...wish me luck kay? this is the final project for my part one, and i hope that i could pursue my degree for part 2. sian JPA...diye bayar...aku tak leh sambung plak. last project didn't go very well..i don't know what to say-- but i know i've worked hard ...but maybe not hard enuff kot--  i'm so slow-- so apart from dapat sarah yg kejam...aku mmg tak deserve a good mark pon-- disheartening, yes... but the only thing i can do now is to upgrade my work, nak grief2 pon tak guna. i don't have anything nak nyesal pon, sbb aku dah try sehabis mungkin, but sampai takat itu aje. sometimes aku wonder gak mane aku 'hilang'...sbb dah lama jugak aku tak meleka2..main2.. that day aku baca satu artikel pasal satu penyakit nih- seriously byk gile symptom diye aku ade...but i hope aku tak kene la benda tuh. the only way to know is to see a doc.. oh, tak kot...really hope aku sihat, mmg bebetul sihat. tanak la sakit, tak sempat nak keje..nak la at least do something for my parents..i don't want to get sick!

mm..better get some rest..holidays mmg holidays...dissertation kene buat jugak..huwaaa...

Yale'S Craps©

c.o.r.r.e.c.t.i.o.n.

7 DECEMBER 2003  22:00:15

deleted today's entry. come to think about it, i don't have to explain myself for who i am. dunno. i'm sooooo screwed up!©

Yale'S Craps©

:|

5 DECEMBER 2003

I'm such a lazy ass..but not this week lah! I've been working like a dog-- a very unlikely, unusual state. mood tade la baik sgt; since aku tak rase secure duduk dalam umah sendiri. apsal? sbb ade kucing!! ape aku nih ade keturunan mummy [or in bahasa melayu, mumia] ke? takut sgt ngan kucing. dah dua kali bangun tido..nak gi cuci muka, menjerit and melompat masuk balik dalam bilik sbb kuceng tuh dok depan bilik. DAMMIIITTTTT!!! this might sound absurd to you, but i'm scared of cats-- to death! sampai menggeletar aku sbb takut sgt. but ade org paham ke? fear is something that u can't compromise. aku penah dengar org fear ngan butang. BUTANG! but then..dah diye takut; tak usahla ridiculed org tuh! aku takut nnt sbb aku takut sgt sgt, nnt aku gi sepak kucing tuh, which i dont want to- but iyelah..u can do the unexpected bila ko dah takut sgt. just hope ppl know that i DO NOT HATE cats, but plain scared of them- don't question me, EVER! -- but if u do, or even try to consult aku on - how to like cats-- just make sure diri anda ready utk disembur- i'm serious..owh yes i am...

owh and another thing; if sesape ade something against me-- pls do tell. sometimes ppl change, but maybe benda tuh unacceptable kat org lain..so  if i offended you, i beg for your forgiveness, but i hope u can say it nicely, maybe i have my own reasons, or maybe this is something temporal. dunno. In terms of defining your needs/preference, i really admire Elly. I hope one day i will learn how to clearly define my boundaries and just tell them straight to the face-- saves ppl frm burnt down dek lazer beam aku, or pekak sbb aku pasang speaker suara aku full blast and save my energy-- sbb before aku sembur org, biasenyeh aku dah simpan benda tuh lama dah...hmm... dunno,again.

Yale'S Craps©

Critique update!

2 DECEMBER 2003

Just got a super duper 'fantastic' information from the school's blackboard (a.k.a online notice board)... the critique list's finally out! huwaaa... rase cam nak pensan bila tgk I'm one of those 'lucky' people that got this one tutor named 'toottt'. well.. honestly i used to like her during my second year-- she was my Modern Architectural History lecturer-- a terrific, perhaps one of my favourite subject (yeah..I always, always love history) BUT now she's the Stage 3 Architectural Design module leader and-- a terrible one! not bad; just goddam terrible! antara benda2 yg kejam diye buat kat student diye:

 i was hoping to get Stephen Kite, coz i think he's okay- or at least honest. ---owh let it be anybody but her-- but iyelah..yg kite tanak tuh le yg selalu dapat! and yg bestnye dah la dpt kul 1.40 petang...sure macik yg mengidap pre-menopause syndrome tuh akan grumpy gile! huhwaaa... i need all the luck in the world! seriously...she freaks me out!!

jargon buster>> critique: final presentation of a design project.

Yale'S Craps©