Let me loose and an hour later i'll come back with lotsa... -13/04/06
yeah, you guess it right. shopping bags. but i'm thinking of returning a few of them. It's hard being fat, nothing look good on you. No thanks to people who're blessed with good body to mention your bum is big right to your face or people who're constantly giving destructive comments which makes your life harder each day.
My self esteem is rock bottom low, geddit?
Today's been a good day though. I'm trying to fix things bit by bit. trying harder to forgive and really pushing myself to forget. Hope no one screws it up. Hope I won't screw it up by screaming at anybody's face nor saying things i don't want to say.
Owh come on Ellina, let it go. let it go.
Can you handle it? -12/04/06
T.Cruise: Tell me the truth!?!
T.L Jones: You can't handle the truth!
-A few good men.
Ice Age : the meltdown -->couldn't melt my heart -12/04/06
Ice Age was a disappointment. It was the exact feeling when i watched Miss Congeniality 2 last yr. terpaksa gelak. if not it would beat the purpose of watching a comedy. (read: terpaksa) but it's a tad better than Robots. So Ice age is my third least favourite cartoon movie. nothing is worse than Lilo & Stitch tho'.
I had a craving just now. ice cream with my coffee. went downstairs to get the ice cream, alang2 i brought the bread sekalilah for tomorrow morning. (yes i love having everything in my room) pastuh termakan la roti ngan ice cream. haha even better. roti and ice cream with my latte. yum!
i miss those days when the ice cream man datang jual bun ice cream. apek tu pon kenal muka aku, budak tak suka ice cream cekelat. budak lain sumer nak beli ice cream cekelat except for me. takpelah, laku lah jugak vanilla apek tu. hehe.
si gumuk Mashimaro -11/04/06
Is he cute or what? In 2 months time i got to sleep with this cute little thingy! *grin* Think i have to ditch Nana or Lily from the bed though. Maybe Lily. coz Mashimaro is definitely waaaay fatter than nana. hehehehehehe
*evil kakak*
Come to think about it again, maybe I'm the one who'll be sleeping on the floor. Lupa bilik dah tukar nama. ceh.
Soalan bodoh -08/04/06
Aku ade satu soalan bodoh. kenapa mailing list, mcm Balai Malaysia tiap2 kali ade org pass Phd nnt ade sejuta email from each of the members ckp congrats? mmg caring ke tunjuk2 caring aku pon tak tahu. why not email je personally kat org tuh or kasi one email from Balai Malaysia from all the members ckp tahniah. save space email aku, buat semak aje. tapi penah nampak tak any 'tahniah' utk undergrads yg dpt degree or bebudak lain yg dpt masters? jangan harap.
pastuh sorry to say, aku sangat boring ngan email 'kasih ibu' 'april fool' etc nih. okay, every year dpt email 'april fool' and betapa haramnye sambut april fool nih. or maybe sajak2 yg menyentuh jiwa pasal kasih ibu blablablablbalbala. bukan balai malaysia ade website ke dulu? masih ade lagi ke idak aku pon tatau. letak jelah those stuff kat situ. pastuh yg kasi email yg sama every year nih pehal? muak tau muak!!
pastuh plak stengah tuh kasi email guna nama 'mr perfect' 'ekin cheng' 'Naxario Velaquez Enrique' . Perasan nak mampos. idop la kat dunia nyata weh. meluat gila aku tgk. dah la ko mmg tatau tuh sapa yg kasi. nak kasi email2 utk muhasabah diri, tapi from:'ekin cheng'. ikin cheng tuh kapiaq boleh plak hang nak bangga2. mende ntah.
sebab2 utama aku menyampah ngan email2 derang ni 1. aku dah try nak blah from balaimalaysia punye mailing list, tp tak tahu apsal takboleh. 2. sebab ade email penting yg kait ngan school aku x dpt sbb spaces aku penuh dgn benda2 nih. at the end aku yg tak dpt info from skool. fedap fedap fedap!
Suffocated -07/04/06
I'm feeling suffocated! I want to go someplace else. i hate PMT, i hate hurtful words people said to me, i hate everything! every little thing bugs me lately. they've been accumulating for so long now i don't know how i can put these things away!
Job -05/04/06
I didn't get the job for last week's interview. So this is the second one. The first one was successful, but the manager change his mind. instead of recruiting more people, he dismissed a few of his staff. therefore, no luck for me. And today i receive a phonecall frm the jobcentre saying tht i didn't get the second one either. i was surprise considering it was really an easy task and i know i did well. the manager said he was impressed when i tried to 'sell' a product during the interview. duh, an mp3 player, i know that stuff. the only reason was, my time isn't flexible enough. they need people mostly on fridays and mondays. and i can't work both days. i feel stupid because this stuff is supposed to be EASY for me. i just want to make extra money and pay my credit card. that's it. i did look in the mirror a few times to check if i'm blond. the hair is still black, so i cannot be a bimbo then.
nak dptkan keje bodoh mcm ni pon susah. pathetic gila.
But the girl from Jobcentre is really nice, she got me another interview for tomorrow. pleaselah, aku nak keje. dok rumah ni pon bosan gila. i need to take my mind off things.
Motivation=0 -05/04/06
i've been trying to do my homework but i can't. or maybe the brain just refuses to. there're lots of stuff in my mind, but i don't think i'd like to share it with anyone, as always. especially something that make me sad. nad did say something which has been bothering me for days, but i guess i'll try to handle it as best as i could.
On another topic, saw a wedding photos of izan's friend today. lawa gila!! like, seriously lawa! i wish i could look that pretty on my wedding, without the make up artist tukar muka aku jadi muka org lain. but like nette said, susah tu...kene carik mekap artist yg terer gila. hmm..yeah, true also. ape bole buat.
Ijat introduced me to Face Heritage just now. haha that was funny, most of my photos were linked to Stephen Chow! do i have a comical face? some weird ones including pope john paul. one photo of me and him both have some resemblances of mother theresa!
Right, i feel a lot better now...
Last Weekend -04/04/06
Had a busy weekend with guests in the house. Yusra came all the way from London, Hakam and Friends drove down frm aberdeen on the same weekend. Nad's here as usual, balek kampung!hehe.For the first time i had a bunch of people to entertain. and somehow i know that i'm not a good host since the equation always works like this::
good host=pandai masak. me=tak pandai masak.
so using that 'penaakulan mantik' from form4 it's clear to see that i cannot be a good host. *sigh...Nasib baik Elly tulung part masak nasik claypot! thehehe, i lap nasik claypot!
Went to York with Elly, Muazzah and her fiance to shop on Sunday. Nothing much. pretty pissed off with most shops- not many stuff up to my liking! but i bought 3 pair of shoes anyways. a pair of mules, court shoes and loafers to be exact. love them all and yeah, they are dead cheap. i saw some really cheap ones (5 quid for a carvela IS cheap) but wasting 5 quid for a pair of shoes which you won't wear is just a waste of money. so i wasted MORE money for shoes which i can lanjan all the time. okay, except for the mules. i have to buy them since mom always complain that i don't have girly shoes for functions.
No regrets, i love them all. equally! ehehehe.
So Ellina, you better stay put at home after this.
Masih unsatisfied. i've been searching for a top for so long. i got turned off easily when things i really like is IN the season. i get annoyed sometimes when i wear something similar with others, rase cam nak bakar je baju aku. paling annoyed when people kutuk/gelak to something i wear and suddenly suka gila gila punye over when the style/colour is in the season. blergh. rase nak sepak je. But nothing compared to my annoyance when people giving 'free' advice when i know what i want. Unless i am asking for one.
there are other things that i want to recap:
Malaysian nite (15/03/06): not too bad. Not so much 'Malaysian' though. the LOTR sketch was quite funny but cultural-wise, the non malaysians may get a little confuse (and maybe disappointed?). then again maybe i misunderstood their aims. maybe the target audience were malaysians, not other nations. The information board, i hate to say this but was rather pathetic. I'm not getting all presentation crazy here, it's just that it should be tidy and easy for people to read - the papers glued to the board were pretty crumpled. my hands were so gatal to peel them off and lekat balik. huhu.
Trip to Glasgow (17/03/06): best gila. makan makan and makan. then sat in front of the tele. play uno. then makan makan makan. bless!
Owh yes, i bought a tix to Florence end of may. Will be spending a few days there and one and a half days in Rome with Oja. Dikla might tag along too. ade sape nak ikut lagi? Too bad that i couldn't get the same hotel in rome since it's fully booked. yeay...i'm soo happy!
 |
Taurus |
This could be one of those days in which you feel like you just can't get anything right, dear Taurus. In an effort to appease the people around you, you may feel you have to make some adjustments that make you feel uneasy. This uncomfortable feeling could easily convert into nervousness, restlessness, and eventually anger. Don't feel like you need to be the one to make any sacrifices at this time.
**I hate to admit it. But I am an angry bull right now.
Idleness...reallly? 30/03/06
I'm bored. dead bored. Travel scholarship application has been passed to the uni. so i don't have any reason to go to school. Easter vacation has started but 1001 workloads are waiting for me but guess what, i haven't started any of them yet.
Yeah, that's student life alright.
Been contemplating to go to Rome again with Oja this summer before going to Indo(and home). It's not feasible i know, but I'll see how things go with the interview tomorrow. maybe if i get the job then i can opt for a vacation before heading to indo. no guys, Indo is work. (ha ha who am i kidding?) Really hoping that we'll get the travel scholarship, 170 quid per week for 8 week. not bad, huh? dpt sikit pon jadilah!
But i have been to Rome. really, really want to go to Barcelona! ade org nak pegi ngan aku?
I wish he's here with me - and ikut gi barcelona. maybe i'll freaked out a little like what i did when he's in Glasgow last year. pegi mana2 sumer diye ade. hihi. still unsure abt having a 'roommate' one day, the idea of losing my 'sanctuary' and share it with another person is a big issue for me. a word from a friend "ala, anggap je cam ade big fluffy teddy bear berjalan dlm rumah, musti best!" sounds kinda funny, it might help tho. maybe. big, 178cm fluffy moving teddy bear with a pair of lesung pipit? hihi.haahahahahahahahahah. but i guess i won't be funny if the bear starts saying things that you don't want to hear...huhu.
hmm..i wonder what he thinks of me?
Yang mana satu? 27/03/06
so i decided to divert my thoughts to a subject which is more visually interesting.
So which one would it be?
play safe with the good ol' Canon Ixus 55? Or the stylish, clean cut Fuji Finepix Z2? or the funky Olympus Mju 700? I'm quite keen on black Z2 with its non protruding lens, but Olympus have it with 7mp with that funky colours i can't resist! orange or blue? maybe blue. But i know i won't go wrong with Ixus, the best is of course ixus750, but since you're buying the brand and with my budget, i might have to settle with ixus 55.
What i want: - a pocket size digicam - looks good -good indoor shots -5 to 7mp.
Any thoughts?
Disappointed 27/03/06
I hate my life right now. i want to make it right, but more than often it turned out to be a disappointment. sorry for being such a whino. i kept so many things to myself and if i'm not careful, it's going to erupt soon. andmore than often i've been confiding things to the wrong person/people. no, it's not you elly.
sometimes you just want to share your excitement to the people close to you. but you end up feeling blue by their cold reception. they asked you to share your secrets, thoughts and dreams but when you do, they did nothing but to disappoint you. and when u start to drift away, they start to question why you're keeping things from them. and you start to wonder, is it worth it?
As for now, i really really i want to be alone.
hihi 24/03/06
Ahh..it feels so good to have a heat pack on your shoulder after long hours of work in front of the pc. i think architects have a really good chance in getting RSI compared to other professions.
Going to Sheffield tomorrow for a field trip! not that i'm all excited about it though. it's work, not pleasure. what pleasure you can find in sheffield anyway ?(it might be different if u have frens there-parg sure tak setuju ngan aku hehe). Things are crazy these few days, i'm occupied with multiple topics of research and totally neglected my design. bad, bad move! my uni email is getting crazy too- i've discovered tht i missed some emails sent by my design tutor and as a result, i missed my tutorials. damn. that is seriously dangerous!
Ellina, you're going to be 6th year next year. Don't do anything stupid.
owh, i'm loving this heat pack!
Pathetic ke? 21/03/06
Today i went to an Indian restaurant straight from school. because i was so damn hungry and i was craving for chapatti and chicken kurma for weeks. So i had my meal peacefully until the waiter came by and start to make his small talk.
waiter: are you sad?
me: no I am not.
waiter: then why are you alone?
me: because i want to be alone, i had a hectic day.
waiter: it must be hard and bored to eat in a restaurant alone.
me: huh? to be honest, i was enjoying myself until just now...(haven't finished
my sentences)
waiter: awww... don't you have a bf or friends?
me: (annoyed) maybe not.. (hoping that the conversation ends there)
then he laughed coz he saw my ring
waiter: owh, do you eat alone because he's not handsome?
me: who says that its a he? (really annoyed now, but mamat waiter nih sgt tak
reti bahasa)
paused for 10 sec. i was starting to enjoy my food again, until..
waiter: owh are you from china?
me: huh?? no!
waiter: tokyo?
me: no!! i'm a malaysian
waiter: owh i know, it's near taiwan!!
me: u know what, i'm not going to waste my time explaining.
Sakit hati! ape pathetic sgt ke makan sorang2 kat restoren? aku bayar ape, bukannye makan free!
pain revisited.
one painful memory came across my mind today. a really painful one by someone i'm close to. no, it's not who u expected. it's nothing to do with forgiving nor forgetting. sometimes they came by as unwanted visitors every now and then. At times like this i wished i could erase my memory like a computer.
Fear Factor -03/03/06
I was trying to remember the scientific name for 'fear of blood' but i couldn't. so i googled and somehow found a website on 'weird phobias'. so i typed in 'wrist' and was really surprised that there are actually loads of human beings are afraid of 'wrists'. and i'm one of them.
come to think of it (after reading a few stories on ppl having the same phobia), my fear of someone touching/showing my/their wrists came from my fear of blood. i think it went waaay back when i saw an actress slitted her wrist and darah like memancut2 keluar. Lagi satu sbb tgk nightmare of elm street yg ada budak2 jd puppet, hanged only by their veins from their wrists. Takot siyot! mama paksa tgk jugak2 and as a result, i sleepwalked and almost jumped off the balcony that night. satu kaki dah angkat tinggal nak terjun je ok? so takde dah paksa2 tgk cite seram dah pastu. and i'm scarred for life because of that.
i really wanted to write more about this, but i guess it must wait. back to work ellina, coffee break dah abis! Ta'
:D -03/03/06
Baru lepas tgk House MD. Cameron slept with Chase. Both are good looking but they look like siblings, so i found it a bit disturbing. Rory in Gilmore girls broke off with Logan (aww..he's so cute, don't get me started with the dimple)..oh man..I'm so loving that guy!
Okeh, abis gossip pasal tv series. Sorry i can't miss those tv series. i know, i know i kept on blabbing on my work stuff, but mind me, this is my only therapy. (hah ellina, carik lagi alasan..carik lagi) :D
I got my goodie box from the fianc� today. got my maggis, campbell soup, asam kulit limau, a card, pens...all of the stuff i've been begging him to send me. and I got a Hamtaro keychain as well! it's not in my nature to love plushes, but this cute lil chubby mouse (is it a mouse?) makes me smile all day. i love the cheekiness on its face. mcm pikachu. he bought an edible pikachu before, but those 2 rascals (namely nana and lily) found it in the fridge, cut it into half, showed what they've done to me and ate it! i have to admit i was quite horrified looking at that poor thing (pikachu cut in half vertically, man..these kids are monsters!)
hehe just kidding. they are my adorable sisters who happens to have such big sweet teeth!
okay, back to work Ellina. Ta'
So, why wait? -02/03/06
Sorry for the hiatus. There's nothing much going on in my life lately except for work work and work (and gilmore girls or the O.C in the background). no i don't have a life, i would like to have it back as soon as possible, thank you very much.
So as promised by the school of architecture, planning and landscape, i shall have my life back after saturday next week! Yeayyy
It also means that for the next 8 days, i have to work my ass off! Good Luck to myself then.
The Bangkok trip. So looking forward to it! come to think of it, tapenah la pulak aku gi holiday ngan bebudak sunway dulu except dinna. derang buat trip kat us last2 year lagilah aku tak ikot. as for easter, jenjalan dlm uk kot. plan for barcelona is out of the window, i think. quite sure mama takkan kasi gi sana sengsorang. so i need to switch to Plan B. travel alone in places yg mana boleh la, unless ade org nak ikot. i've only got one and a half year to go (insyaAllah..) and i might not get much chances to travel once i started working (and maybe, married). So, why wait?
Coffee break -22/02/06
Ahh...i sure love my coffee break.
I think i did scare Elly with my indecent vocab today. truthfully i hate saying those words but in the midst of rage like what happen this afternoon, they really came out out of nowhere. I am seriously ashamed of myself.
I think it is just part of my nature to screw things up at the very last minute. I've encountered these 'unfortunate events' so many times i lost count. Today the A0 board got cranky and as a result, one of the bolt was stuck and i could not tilt the board. in other words, there's no way i can draw on a vertical plane. in this kind of pressure and my high level of enthusiasm (today), i can't afford to lose more time on things like this. so i became so angry I could burn down the board!
Astaghfirullah Ellina, tolongglah banyak2 la bersabar.
really, I'm devastated when these unfortunate events happen. I just want to do my work, this is the reason I am here, living away from loved ones and friends. I just want to study/do my work peacefully.. Please God help me with this.
... -21/02/06
Things have cooled down somehow (up here in my brain). So i've got Interim crit this Friday. scary sial! it's good that things are going smoothly (i hope) despite my absence on last week's tutorial (for undisclosed reason). The most disturbing thing that i have to look into is the model. the physical model-making which i can't emphasize more on how i hate it.
I used to write long entries in the yesteryears but i can't seem to have the will (or effort) to do so anymore. is it because my life is less dramatic? or is it because i'm becoming more and more distant with others? truthfully, i don't know the answers and i don't think it matters. i've become increasingly impressed by people who could write thousands of words on their daily stuff (eventho they call it rambling/nonsense/rubbish/whatever). This blogging thing really brings out the writer in many people.
I was annoyed with my room layout today. I know, and all my housemates know that I have tons of stuff. but guess what? i need them all. I've assembled my A0 drawing board last weekend and to be honest, i don't really have the perfect space for it. Elly always voluntarily gives her opinion on how to arrange my stuff and i thank her for that. but of course no one knows everybody else's 'system'. i tried to chunk out things that i might not use so often but it seems that i need most of them. Maybe I'll see what i can do during Easter break. As long as i can move around in this room and do my work, i think i'll be fine for the next 4 weeks (even though i'll be annoyed every hour of my day)
alrighty, back to work.
All time.. -19/02/06
Your winter :: Sister Hazel
Quizzical :: Juliet the Orange
Ava adore :: Smashing Pumpkins
I can say those are my favourite songs of all time. but of course there's more. Toploader's dancing in the moonlight can make me smile and dancing happily (u don't wanna see the latter tho'). Toni Braxton's How could an angel breaks my heart can actually breaks my heart. John Mayer's your body is a wonderland can make me cair big time. Same goes to Joe's I wanna know and Craig David's Rendezvous. Smashing Pumpkin's Zero surely is energising. ape lagi ek? Lenny Kravitz's Again brings me some good memory of him. Crazy Town's Butterfly surely reminds me of Nette's Birthday outing (hehe).owh yes...Eagle eye cherry! I wonder where he is now. I love his songs esp. Save tonight. Cake's Love you madly. owh, i lurrve this crazy song. And finally, can someone spot this song?
" ...Cause I'm feeling nervous, Tryin' to be so perfect, Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it..yeah... "
This one surely reminds me of my feelings when I was on my flight home 3 summers ago, until the day he arrived at my doorstep. Smiling, only then I knew that I can actually be my true self in a relationship. Eventhough I never liked our quirky storyline, I'm thankful on how fate brought us together. Only i wished i wasn't being so blur on the day we met (or, he saw me) so that the whole storyline would sound much better, more to my liking. hehe. Happy Anniversary, dear.
Forgetful me -17/02/06
I'm becoming more and more forgetful lately. This is not good. The week has been everything but productive. My enthusiasm goes down the drain and my mood swings were horrible (and guess who's the victim? poor him). can't add more to that. Please God, i hope i've hit rock bottom. at least for this year. I want to bounce back and land on some cloud. or on top of a tall building (with a flat roof of course). No, i'm not aiming for the stars yet.
I hate feeling blue for no apparent reason. :(
Huh? -16/02/06
I was puzzled when i read a testimonial frm my ex-schoolmate in soksek. "macam a bigger version of Paris Hilton". I really don't mind about the 'bigger version' part since the girl is surely a skinny one (and i'm not). but Paris Hilton? what is that supposed to mean? (she has an XXX movie starring ..urm..herself, ok?) But i'm sure (or i hope, since this long lost friend of mine ni mmg baik) she meant nothing. but... Paris Hilton?
Metamorphosis -16/02/06
"Mak ai lawanye ko (Avril lavigne)!" i was seriously ternganga, ok? i like her songs and always think that she's pretty, but man..her recent photos..huhu cun gila! blond hair, but nothing like jessica simpson, britney nor christina. she looks more sophisticated, nothing slutty and simply gorgeous!
okay, okay, that's enough for today. and fyi, no! I'm not a lesbian. :P
15 FEBRUARY 2006
A very merry HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of my best-est friend, DINNA GERALDINE RAMLAN (haha nama penuh tuh).
May all your wishes come true..
The day when roses are more expensive than...(fill in the blanks) -14/02/06
Is it possible to wish Happy Valentine's Day without any 'christian' meaning to it? i don't know. I am stupid enough to ask this question. okay, just ignore me.
So, Happy Valentine's day! (whatever it means to you) to me, it's just a day to.. sort of ..'celebrate' love. (again, whatever it means)
It does somehow relive the day when someone asked me, "will you be my valentine?" It sure was one of my sweetest memory.
hmph! whatever Ellina, whatever..
Weddings and acar buah - 09/02/06
More and more people are getting married this year..hmm...too bad i can't attend most of them. As far as i know i'll be missing Yunie's, Waniey's and another Wani's wedding. To my good friends out there, *ngaa..kawen la time aku balik summer, or after july07* (coz insyAllah i'll be back for good by then). Am missing acar buah so badly and kenduri kawen is the only place to get them. huhu. acar buah..
N*tt*, kawen nnt jangan lupa buat acar buah. nih aku paksa nih. :p
huh, i'm so hooked up with these endless medical series..ER (not so much nowadays) then House, Grey's Anatomy, Medical Investigation, Scrubs.. padahal tgk darah pon boleh pengsan. of course i blame my med student housemates (kidding...i love ER waaay before living with you guys). Seb baik ade desperate housewives, the o.c and gilmore girls to balance up my life. Omigod! now i realised that i've watched too much tv! I'm officially a couchless couch potato.
called mama 3 mins before midnight. and she already assumed that i forgot her birthday. huh?? i thought i was the first one to ask about her presents...
Alrighty, time to continue work. ta'.
miss_ellina�
:D - 07/02/06
Workload has been crazy for me. the 'sakit' part is, 3 of the subjects involve a lot of research and reading. a lot as in, A LOT! design bit is still the same, gila byk keje cam tu gak. i can only have a few hours sleep and its 4 weeks into crit!
*tak dapat bayangkan aku amek law or medic. i might have died while reading a book*
Okay, one of those reading subjects is called Linked Research. and i chose that particular module. so dah expect lah kan mmg satu gunung la buku nak keje baca. had the first meeting yesterday, and i could confirm that i'm going to indonesia this summer for 6 - 8 weeks! surabaya, yogyakarta and semarang and we'll be looking at disabled (OKU, in mesia) access in rural areas. pretty interesting really. Hope we get the funding! :D jimat duit balek mesia tak yah bayor. heheheeh.
Owh, tomorrow's mama's birthday! wished i could send her something soon enough. but the 'present' she pointed out in the website hasn't arrived in Newcastle yet. i miss her and my whole family. and i miss him too. terribly.
miss_ellina�
So this is my new page. tadaaa! - 05/02/2006
Nothing fancy la tapi. I need a change.
Life's getting busier these days. nothing interesting really. my sleep cycle haven't improved since i got back nearly 2 weeks ago. did sleep for 15 hours a few times. gosh i'm a monster!
Urghh.. I'm sleepy again. time for coffee...and tv? maybe not. huhu.
miss_ellina�